I did wrong and am very sorry but boyfriend wont speak to me :(

[lozzy1980]

i have been together with my boyfriend for 6 months now and its been mostly wonderful. was really not even expecting to get into a relationship ever again after the last break up i went through just over a yr ago so.. this was a very nice surprise and felt so lucky to have met him. totally swept me off my feet.

 

but now things have taken a turn for the worse and i am very worried its over

 

we have only had 2 previous arguments,...and dealt with them quite quickly , but now last night i did something very stupid, selfish and inconsiderate. basically not wanting to sound a drama queen but something quite traumatic happened to me yesterday, its a serious environmental health issue basically n not something i want to explain here it is too disgusting n made me sick to the core but thank god i do have a good landlord he came out straight away, n trying to get the problem solved... so anyway.. i was so messed up by what happened (have a phobia of the culprits), i was extremely anxious n so asked my boyfriend to stay over at mine after he finished his shift... he works long hours n been extremely stressed for the last week , so he came round mine after his shift, and had the flat to himself as i was going out with friends, which he was totally fine with as he was going straight to bed anyway as he exhausted -

 

so i went out, due to my nerves from what happened that day at the flat i stupidly drank too much... then on way home in the taxi at 3am, i invited my 2 friends back... i didnt think we'd make too much noise as bedroom is not right next to the living room, i had the tv on whihc i thought was quiet... but me n my mates being drunk were quite loud in our talking. they left just before 5am,,,

 

my boyfriend is very angry now as we did wake him up... he's slept all day... n he's off work for two weeks now .. i think thats also a factor that meant i invited my friends back, if he had work today i wouldnt hve even asked him to stay. he says he is too angry still n its now gone 10pm.. he told me to calm down (i was being an emotional wreck... n kept apologising) he said for me to go work tomorrow and we will see where we are at in our relationship after that! tomorrow is my dads birthday so going to see him in the evening., so we are now going to discuss it tuesday.. but i dont think i can wait til then. i cannot rest until an argument is resolved.

 

i know what i did was out of order. but this treatment now is killing me. i really thought he loved me, and maybe he does but i cant help thinking if he did truly love me , even when ive done something wrong, that he could at least talk to me now, n at least console me a bit i know i probably dont deserve any affection right now, but i begged him to at least give me a hug n he wont this relationship unhealthy? i have been so happy with him these past 6 months cant believe i may have now ruined it over one stupid drunken night

 

any advice appreciated... no matter how brutal.. thanks.

[Natasha24]

A guy that would end a relationship over something like this isn't worth being with anyway.

I'm not sure what else to say. What you did was silly, but not that bad AT ALL. All you did was wake him up because your friends were over. That's nothing to end a relationship for.

[rosephase]

Look, you annoyed him. You asked him for a favor that caused him (when he also wasn't having a easy time) to go out of his way for you then you didn't respect his needs. Then you freaked out at him and demanded that he takes care of you because you are so freaked out that you upset him. Just stop. Try to relax. Listen to him and give him space. He might be over reacting but you defiantly are and you are demanding that he take care of you when it's his feelings that are hurt that probably makes him feel not listened to and that there is no room for you to take care of him.

 

Try to imagine getting your feelings hurt by someone you love doing something that is disrespectful or inconsiderate of your feelings after you've done them a favor, then when you are explaining to them that you are hurt they freak out at you and demand that you take care of them because they are so scared and hurt that you are hurt.

[Tranquillo]

Was it rats or coackroaches in the flat?

[Captain Obvious]

And he couldnt have just asked your friends to leave because he was tired? Not sure why hes so angry and being cold with you, you dont need him.

[lozzy1980]

You are so right Rosephase, i am over reacting i wouldnt normally be this bad or demanding. just guess yesterdays incident really threw me n didnt help that i drank too much , so i guess i am hungover and starving as i cant eat or sleep after what happened with the issue at the flat. We have now talked, he does forgive me and ive promised this will never happen again, believe me it wont! i know my boundaries now on that one. i honestly didnt think he would hear us from the bedroom but obviously thats not true!!! now still got to try and sleep. i just cant get what happened at the flat out my head., i am a cleaning freak with slight OCD but this now means i cant stop cleaning all the time. i was 2 hours late meeting my mates because of it. i hope in a few days I will be calm but i am so scared the problem will return, and probably will.

[lozzy1980]

@ captain obvious, he was annoyed yes very much so, not seen him this angry about anything before. but he said he's way of dealing with it is to have space, calm down and then talk. which we've now done. i think the stress over his work doesnt help things - he explained he was very tired and had only managed to drop off to sleep 1am due to stressing over work, and then we came bowling in at 3.30am. he's much better now had his sleep . i was out of order and only got myself to blame. i think its him that dont need me to be honest

[Seraphim]

Let him calm down and you calm down too. He is over tired and stressed and you are freaked out and acting a little irrational at this point. Everything will most likely be ok if you calm down.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not sure why you asked him to stay overnight, and from there you decided to go out with your friends?

[lozzy1980]

I'm not sure why you asked him to stay overnight, and from there you decided to go out with your friends?

 

i was going on a night out that had been planned for ages and paid money for my ticket. i didnt want to go to it after what happened during the day. But he told me still go, he would stay at the flat and he wanted to as he likes it usually when i come home to him afterwards and then we would have had all of sunday together. he stays every weekend,. sometimes i go out sometimes i dont and sometimes we go out together, sorry if that is weird or looks selfish to others but we were fine with that. just not with bringing mates back in middle of the night obviouslyu.

 

He KNEW i was going out, he WANTED to stay and insisted i still went out with my mates. it was his choice to stay i did not force him whatsover.

[journeynow]

Does a "night out' usually mean for the whole night? Do you think he expected to spend some time together? You wanted him to go out of his way and come over for the night, but you didn't spend the night with him. It could have been anyone, in that case, who could have slept (or not slept) at your apartment. In fact, you had several friends there to fit the bill, so he was unneeded. He came over for nothing, plus didn't get needed sleep. It wasn't just that you kept him from sleeping, but it sounds like you used him, even if it was unintentionally.

 

i was going on a night out that had been planned for ages and paid money for my ticket. i didnt want to go to it after what happened during the day. But he told me still go, he would stay at the flat and he wanted to as he likes it usually when i come home to him afterwards and then we would have had all of sunday together. he stays every weekend,. sometimes i go out sometimes i dont and sometimes we go out together, sorry if that is weird or looks selfish to others but we were fine with that. just not with bringing mates back in middle of the night obviouslyu.

 

He KNEW i was going out, he WANTED to stay and insisted i still went out with my mates. it was his choice to stay i did not force him whatsover.

[ManOhMan]

Stop going out and getting drunk. ITs not going to lead to anything good in your relationship.