What a struggle life is sometimes...

[Never2Late]

What a struggle life is sometimes.

 

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger – what if you are still alive but feel nothing inside?

 

So, it now seems to be true that we need to fall first in order to rise again, and learn how to live the hard way.

 

Can’t life be easier? Why do we over complicate it instead of treating it like a treasure? Every day is a miracle, there must be a way to just “take it easy”, no matter what…

 

I just don't think I'll ever get over her. It’s been 4 months of struggles, sadness, soul searching, confusion. I am tormenting myself with a million unanswered questions, the “why’s”, the “if only’s”, the day dreaming, the wanting to travel back in time, the “I wish I got another chance”, the painful dwelling, the memories that have permanently been implanted in the brain, the living hell, looking for an exit...

 

Someone on ENA said that you will end up losing someone whom you can’t live without, it’s the law of nature. What happens next?! Can anyone please explain?! What happens when “the one that got away” was everything you ever wanted, and now that she is gone, you don’t know what you want anymore?!

 

Life is too short, why not spending it together then?! What’s the point of hoping again, if every journey has and end…and you find yourself, again, re-building from zero? Starting from nothing, reaching the top, losing everything, falling again. And here we are, rising every time we fall.

 

Thanks to “secondchance67”, I am listening to Colin Hay "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" – it’s almost unbelievable how a song can touch you so deeply.

 

Is everything going to be alright at the end? Even when you think you lost “the one”? Please, I hope so…

[markie6]

We will all see the dawn , the Phoenix will rise from the ashes. 20 years + of relationships and heartache combined have taught me we will survive. In time.

 

On a lighter note I remembered a joke because of another thread but you can have it. Whats the difference between markies ex and a terrorist ?

 

You can negotiate with terrorists

[theface71]

I'm hoping everything will eventually be alright in the end too since I am right with you with the feeling I lost 'the one'. The way I look at it, I may have lost her in the physical sense but so as long as I am still alive she is with me in my heart. Corny I know but it is a consolation I can live with...

[FreeFallFeelin]

The good news is that what you're feeling is totally normal. That means, all the people posting about how they healed and moved on, also went through these incredibly difficult months at the beginning. We know that these cycles are normal. You feel like you're doing well, getting on your way to healing, and then suddenly you find yourself wallowing in pain as if it were the first week of the BU. I'm in one of those down cycles right now myself. It's incredibly frustrating and gives you the feeling that it will never end. But like I said, because many have traveled this rocky road before and lived to tell their tales of successful healing, we know we will too. This is where we have no option other than having faith in time. We can stop trying to fix it, or find a secret technique for making it vanish, because at this point we know that ain't gonna' happen. So here's where we really need to be patient, and do the time.

 

Colin Hay "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" IS an amazingly heart breaking song.

[secondchance67]

N2L,

 

Now is the time.

 

Now is the time to make the choice to accept that this is what it is, and the work that needs to get done to heal wont get done by itself...YOU, and only YOU, can do the "time" in order to get past this.

 

I know all too well that you can just stay "stuck" ; wallowing in the pain, because, at least for me, it kept me "connected" to her, to the relationship...it was all I had left, so I hung on for dear life....for if I let it go, that last little piece, then I would be alone, and have to face the harsh reality of the situation: it was OVER...she was GONE...and I had to figure out what to do with what was left of my life.....it acted like a "buffer" for me - a buffer of time between accepting it was over and holding on for dear life to the husk of what we had, what she was to me, all of it....

 

That, in hindsight, was my biggest mistake post-BU....I held onto something that was gone, a ghost of days gone by, what "was".

 

Time to break the chains that are holding you back from moving on.....time to free yourself from your self imposed prison of pain and rumination.....time to step away from the pain, towards the freedom of a clear head and healing heart.

 

You CAN do this....but it will take effort and one simple action on your behalf:

 

The decision that enough is enough...that you accept the pain, the time you need to put in, and start to walk the hard road, one step at a time.

Life is a hard road.....the people we chose to walk it with us are supposed to soften that road, not make it even harder than it is already.

 

You are a strong, capable, bright man, and you know that the end result here is inevitable - you stay stuck where you are, heartbroken, or you face the realization that you , and only YOU, are holding yourself back from letting go...moving on...and starting to live again.

 

Life will always be a precious commodity.....how much of it do you want to spend looking backwards? as the wording on the rearview mirror of cars says:

 

"Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear"

 

So if you are looking backwards, thru those mirrors pointing to your past, its easy to see why the pain seems so great, so overwhelming and all encompassing...the pain and heartache seem closer than it is, because we keep it there, close enough to keep the pain, close enough to keep us "safe" in our sadness.....because if we are safe in the sadness...we don't have to face the unknown...the future alone, without the person who broke us, left us, moved on in their lives.

 

Start looking forward.

 

I know it hurts...the pain is a weight only those who have experienced it can explain...you can see "the weight" of it in others; on their faces, in their eyes...and without a word spoken, you know right where they are.

 

Now is the time.

 

Now is YOUR TIME...seize it!

 

 

Please feel the pain, the sadness, go thru the necessary stages, because you will be healthier in the long run if you do....but just don't stay "stuck" there.....the world is out there...your LIFE is out there,...take it off "hold" and live it...lie it thru the pain right now, then live it thru the indifference, then live it to the fullest as the the rest of it falls into place.....live it N2L...live it!!!

[90_hour_sleep]

What a struggle life is sometimes.

 

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger – what if you are still alive but feel nothing inside?

 

So, it now seems to be true that we need to fall first in order to rise again, and learn how to live the hard way.

 

Can’t life be easier? Why do we over complicate it instead of treating it like a treasure? Every day is a miracle, there must be a way to just “take it easy”, no matter what…

 

there's a way to take it easy...but most of us would rather not put forth the necessary energy to get to that place...because it is only appealing from a distance. a world without drama, without excessive pleasure, without the complacency of constant comfort. it's a world that holds little excitement but for the simplest joy in just being. it's a place without ground...without handholds...without the security of removing as much uncertainty from your life as you can.

 

Someone on ENA said that you will end up losing someone whom you can’t live without, it’s the law of nature. What happens next?! Can anyone please explain?! What happens when “the one that got away” was everything you ever wanted, and now that she is gone, you don’t know what you want anymore?!

 

i say...welcome it. welcome it all. act as though you chose this. and live it. live with the fullest intention to experience this as it is. be curious. be the observer.

 

welcome it. invite it in. make friends with your pain. far too often we're told to run from it. we're coddled into oblivion...expecting it to just go away. it doesn't just go away. it's there until you feel it. all of it.

 

you might not be like me, but what changed when i was in these shoes was my release of the resistance to feel my pain. pain comes and goes pretty quickly when we let it just happen. there's no time to analyze it...to attach labels to it...to make it into something it's not. it comes...and it goes. pain doesn't hurt us...it LIBERATES us. and in my experience, the only thing that is truly PAINFUL about pain is our resistance to feeling it. it hurts more to resist than it does to just let it happen.

 

some people call it surrender. it's not giving up...it's dropping the resistance to what IS so you can liberate yourself from the obsession of what ISN'T.

 

the story lingers...it really does. that won't go away for a long time. but what happens (well...my experience at least) is that the emotional charge behind the story begins to dissolve as you experience your pain.

 

i dunno. we all find our own path. and most of us are faced with a period of immense sorrow. but with sorrow comes the opportunity for growth. and that to me, is encouraging.

[journeynow]

I am tormenting myself with a million unanswered questions, the “why’s”, the “if only’s”, the day dreaming, the wanting to travel back in time, the “I wish I got another chance”, the painful dwelling, the memories that have permanently been implanted in the brain, the living hell, looking for an exit...

 

This is normal. I remember going through it, and while there it is hard to see that it is a phase you will move through. When you are in the midst of it tell yourself "Oh, right. This is the part when I torment myself with million unanswered questions, the “why’s”, the “if only’s”, .... I'm right on track for healing!" Step back, in a sense, and observe yourself going through this.

 

It's a way of observing your thoughts. The more you step back and notice your thoughts, the easier it becomes to not get attached to any one thought, to let it go, and to choose another that gives better internal results.

 

Healing is not linear, but cyclical, and every time you feel you're covering the same ground you are really at a new level.

[Hiker12]

This is great. I'm printing this out and using it to help me get to where I need to be and know I can be, even though I know this was intended for the OP. My setbacks are fewer and farther between these days, but I still haven't fully let go. I need motivation to push myself over that last hump and cut off all contact with the ex.

[doyathink]

There are those who come into our life, and when they leave...it stings a lot. Then there are those, usually only one...who's become apart of your soul. The one that never seems to leave your mind, your heart, your every thought. When we lose that one....Im not sure you ever do forget them. Ive seen ppl live in pain for the better part of their life, and wondered WHY they seem to 'choose' that. Now I know. They didnt choose to keep dying inside everyday...but they lost that ONE person who became a part of their very soul.

 

Im going on 13 months. Every single day is a battle within myself to continually push my thoughts away from him. Now...you know why ppl commit suicide. They get to a point where theyre just tired of the endless battle and being left alone with their thoughts.

 

I think for most ppl in this situation, you just learn to live with it.

[Never2Late]

Thank you, all, for your words of support. I appreciate it.

 

It seems to be really difficult to overcome these feelings. I have never found myself in this situation before in my life. And the “funny” part is that I chose to end things. Was I brave?! I don’t know. What I knew was that “enough is enough”...

 

It’s unbelievable to see how another human being can manage to bring you down to your knees, even if they are not around anymore.

 

Yes, I know it’s up to me now. I know I allowed her to do such a damage to me, to us, to the relationship, to my mental health.

 

BPD and co-dependency, could it be any worse?!

 

I have learned a lot after my breakup – I only wish I knew about this “during” the relationship, perhaps things would have been different now.

 

I was coupled with the most selfish, unreliable, fake, stubborn woman I have ever met in my life. She was not worth my attentions, she is not worth my time now. Yet, I terribly miss her.

 

It’s hard to accept that these individuals manage to move on so quickly. This just proves that my decision was the right one – why are right decisions so difficult at times?!

 

If “it was meant to be”, then I should expect some positive things in life. Some strength to help me cope with how I feel now. Some light, some hope for a better future, a kind love, a new and improved me. Me, the one on his knees.

 

Emotions keep running high, after 4 months. I ride the waves...trying not to fall from the board. Still, it hurts a lot. It hurts knowing that love was not enough, it hurts knowing that the romance and the good memories didn’t contribute to keep us “connected”. It hurts knowing that she will “create” a family with someone else, while I am still deeply in love with her.

 

You love someone, you want to share the rest of your life with them. You imagine them being next to you, in good and bad circumstances. You want them to raise your children, you want them to be your soul and rock, your friend, your support system. Then, they go. You push them away because you know, deep down in your heart, that they need to go. You push them away because they pushed you too far away. You know it is the right thing to do. Yes, the right thing to do.

 

I wonder when it is not going to hurt anymore. I wonder when this “obsession” is going to terminate, when the over-thinking will stop, when the sun will shine again in my heart.

 

Ah, what a mess.

 

You have no idea how much I appreciate your help, your knowledge, your words of wisdom.

Sharing is caring. So, thank you so much.

 

It is going to be another sleepless night, another night of doubts, fears, tears and loneliness.

It is also going to be a new day tomorrow, a new start, another step towards happiness.

It is going to be the first day of the rest of my life.

 

Carpe Diem.

[markie6]

Keep smiling n2l

 

You mentioned "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

 

I have always added another part after than "but it will still really hurt"

 

Keep posting your thoughts and remember your posts are helping others

[marconi68]

THE PRESENT

Authour Unknown

 

Imagine there was there was bank that credited your very own account

each morning with a large sum of money. But it carried no balance from

day to day.Every evening it deleted what balance you failed to use.

What would you do? Draw it all out of course.

 

Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME. Every morning it credits

you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes it off, as lost.

It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

 

The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no one.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift. That's why it's called the Present.

[Never2Late]

Thanks, marconi68.

 

The 'present' doesn't seem to be appreciated a lot, recently.

I'm living in the past, still - and it does no good to me.

 

I must have re-played in my head every single event from my last 'failure' about a trillion times, as if something would change.

 

Today I'm having the 'I don't think I'm going to love again' feeling, and it's really scary.

 

I struggle to keep a positive perspective for my future 'cause I'm still very much invested with my heart. And I know she won't be back...

 

I lost so much sleep over someone who doesn't deserve me that I now wish I could sleep forever...

 

I know she's not good for me, I just don't know how to let her go from my mind.

 

And I struggle.

[marconi68]

I still struggle my friend, not as much, but there is no logic to my thoughts. She didn't give a monkeys. She took but never gave.

 

This place keeps me safe. Away from her and temptation. I had a lucky escape. My head knows it, my heart needs catching up.

 

I believe good things come from bad. Finding this place is one. There are so many decent people here with real feelings.

 

Stay strong.

[doyathink]

Ive wondered if hypnosis would help. No joke. Im going through the same thing, as Ive said b4. Where your mind is on them the entire day, unless something big is distracting your thoughts momentarily. There has to be a way to make it stop. Ive gone through break ups before....but this sort of thing makes you question your sanity after awhile.

[TheEndComplete]

And the “funny” part is that I chose to end things. Was I brave?! I don’t know. What I knew was that “enough is enough”...

 

I know how you feel. Technically, I was the dumper, though I never wanted to end the relationship. I always hoped she'd "come back to me" emotionally, physically, whatever, though I knew better. There just comes a point at which you realize that nothing's going to change. The relationship is dead and one person is left dragging its empty shell. I honestly feel that there are people who will stay in a relationship long after they have checked out, which explains how quickly they move on once the end is declared. They lacked the fortitude to put effort into the relationship when it was alive, and they lack the courage to bring it to a merciful end when it's dead. They leave that work to their partner. I think many "dumpers" are the more emotionally invested ones.

 

I was coupled with the most selfish, unreliable, fake, stubborn woman I have ever met in my life. She was not worth my attentions, she is not worth my time now. Yet, I terribly miss her.

 

It’s hard to accept that these individuals manage to move on so quickly. This just proves that my decision was the right one – why are right decisions so difficult at times?!

 

I could have written the above quote...

[BlueRose66]

This is a great thread and I can relate to almost everything written. For me its been now 9 months since my last in person contact, and I am still struggling. There has been some limited contact, but I returned my ex's things in October so I am really now counting from that point- 6 months. I often wonder if I am making any progress at all. There have been times I feel over it and moved on, only to have the pain and grief come back.

 

I finally started some therapy, and just yesterday told my therapist that I feel despair that I am ever going to be happy and at peace again. She said that it usually takes about a year, to move through the dates- Bdays, anniversaries and such.

 

I am so tired of crying, I cry almost every day. I too was the one that ended it, because there were unhealthy aspects to an otherwise wonderful relationship. I dont think anything has ever hurt me so much.

 

I am hanging on too and am happy to read some of these wise posts. I have no choice but to walk through the pain and try to believe that I WILL come out the other side one day. And that I WILL be happy again one day, or at least not in this terrible pain.

 

I am trusting in others now, that recovery is possible and that is why I am still coming to this board.

[markie6]

You will Blue Rose If life has taught me anything it's that I will survive the BU 's always have . Just like you and everybody else , I wish we didn't have to put it to the test

 

keep smiling

[Never2Late]

I am so tired of crying, I cry almost every day. I too was the one that ended it, because there were unhealthy aspects to an otherwise wonderful relationship. I dont think anything has ever hurt me so much.

 

Welcome to the club, BlueRose66!

 

My question for today is: why do they always try to ruin what could have been a marvelous relationship? Are these monsters "afraid" to be happy?! Are they "jumpers" (i.e. my ex), "over-lappers" (i.e. maybe my ex) or just so empty inside and so so selfish that they only need some company and an ego boost from time to time?!

 

I noticed that people with personality disorders have had a miserable life. Perhaps, they were not taught the art of compromising, dealing with problems when they occur and, most of all, respecting the “partner for life”.

 

I guess they have no idea how we are feeling, considering the fact that we were the "forced dumpers"...and I believe (I know for a fact) that they were waiting for that moment...

 

This helps me cope: I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't fight for me when the sh*t hits the fan. I couldn't even imagine having children with her, dealing with family issues and all the stress that comes with it... If she didn't force me to leave her now, she would have done it later anyway...

 

So, better now than later?! Why does it hurt so much then?! And why does it always rain on me?! Is it because...

[markie6]

You lied when you were 17 ?

[marconi68]

Even when the sun is shining

You can't avoid the lightning?

[Never2Late]

I can't stand myself, I'm being held up by invisible men. Still life on a shelf when I got my mind on something else.

Sunny days, where have you gone? I get the strangest feeling you'll be long... Oh, where did the blue skies go?