military adultry, not only married women

[Tara]

I am researching military support and adultry in the armed forces, especially the deployed. The reason I am seeking information is because my fiance is coming home from Iraq for the second time, a total of 22 months, and at the family support group meeting, the Chaplin told us wives not to even ask our amtes of his/her fedality to us, he said everyone wants to be trusted. I can respect that, however, the incidences of adultry and cheating when service members are deployed and anyone for that matter when separated, is very high. I think this was wrong of the military to make us women who have been waiting for our men back home feel that it is none of our business to want to know and work out our fears of oour significant other's actions overseas.

 

I would ask the women over here, but they are all brainwashed and have been taught to look the other way in this regard and I don't think they would want to ripple any feathers when their men are coming home in 10 days. If anyone has information for me. I would love to include it in my report to the higher ups.

 

Thank you, Tara

[PfcPotts]

Trust me, he did nothing in Iraq, he sat in a fighting hole 12 hours a day probably. Its usually the wife at home cheating on their husband, i have a friend with that problem right now. Trust him, and apreciate that he will be away from the woman he loves to make the our country a safer place for you and everyone else he loves. Well thats my 2 cents. ok...

[Tara]

I believe what you say about the last time they were there, when the war started and they did sleep in holes they dug. This time they are stationed on an Army base in Ramadi. I know the atmosphere is totally different.

 

Nither here nor there. What do you think of the military sending the only man that has a chance to connect with the woman, the Chaplin to tell us not to discuss our feelings about this with our significant other?

 

Thank you for your posting, Tara

[Empathy]

You're lucky your fiance still wants to be with you. My bf was in the military and it turned him into a *insert insult here*. But, anyways, just so you know. I understand your fear. I used to worry about that kind of thing all the time. I even went online looking for statistics. I didn't find any.

[Tara]

I have been searching for statics all day to respond to the orde from the military not to talk to my significant other. I have found that the only way you are goint to come close to finding how many have cheated is to see the STD statistics. I have also noticed that the CDC has no authority to the military records and the std records are locked up tightly in the military health records and there is no way of finding the real numbers.

 

My concern isn't with the actual cheating, it's with the dehumanization of women. I, as a mother of a son of a deployed member, have been ignored of the mental health needs of a "real" support network, not the "I'll pray for you" network, and the importance of my child and the stresses the return will have upon my man's return. There was only one seminar about children adn only 5 families of the 72 local deployed families showed up, including myself!

 

I am outraged and I am torn because I don't want to ruffel any feathers here on the homefront because the guys are coming home in 10 days, so I am trying to gain my own statistics about infidelity and report them to the chaplin so he can resend his message to change to "yes, this is a valid concern, not only to your health, but to you as a person in deserving of truth and respect"

 

That is why I am here to gather stories to show that the question isn't out of the question.

 

Thanks to anyone who can help.

 

Tara

[moleculo]

It's a low move...you should surpress feelings, even if they're unfounded. Y'all should discuss these fears. More likely than not, Pfc is right...the guy isn't up to anything most likely, but you'll never be one hundred percent sure. And if other men and women staying at home have these problems you should get them out amongst peers.

 

Sending a chaplain to say "keep these feelings quiet" is total bs...seems to me like he's trying to cover something up if he said this out of nowhere...but then again, I'm the suspicious type.

[ayekasong]

I would be pretty suspicious of someone telling me to keep feelings supressed too, especially someone who is supposed to be so caring about the human person

 

Sure, it shouldn't be the first thing brought up when he comes home, but I think at some point you have a right to know, especially because of the STD concern. I understand in some sense that being far away and under such circumstances might cause one to have relations with someone they didn't know, but if I were in your shoes I'd definitely have the fear of STDs. definitely protect yourself for those first few days.

[Scout]

I too, would be outraged by this person's audacity to suggest what I do and don't discuss with my spouse, especially something so personal. I wonder if it's the military's actual policy to do this, or if this nitwit just took it upon himself to suggest this? No respectable minister would suggest that we ignore the issue of infidelity.

[Day_Walker]

Obviously you are going to have to make up your own mind as to what you are going to do with your situation. You also have to realize that some people dont mind living a lie. While it may not seem right to you, some people believe that crazy stuff happens during war and they are just happy to get their solider back home. Each person needs to decide what is best for themself what is the appropriate action to take.

[Cecelius]

Do you have any reason to think that your particular loved one has acted against you, or is it the principle that the military seemingly indicated that you should keep quiet?

 

I wouldn't bother being upset about what they said -- why waste your energy on them? All they care about is that the returnees get rested and relaxed so they can be used again.

 

But frankly, if I were one of these folks and came home to be assailed by assertions of infidelity after worrying about painful death and/or hideous injury, plus the discomfort of Iraq, I'd be a little ticked off.