zmanks Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Hi all, So I just went out last night with this girl for the second time this month; we're both 28 but I don't really know her dating history it seem like she's not dated hardly at all. Our first date went great but at the end of the night I asked her if I could kiss her and she seemed to be into it but never opened her mouth or anything and said that "she's not very good at kissing" so that was that. I called her on my way home and told her that I liked her and she said she liked me so that was good. Last night we went to the movies and during the movie i put my hand on top of hers and I held it like that for a while and that seemed ok to her then brought my hand back. Then later on I put my hand back to interlock my fingers with hers and she ended up not recipricating so I just brought my hand back to me for the rest of the night. When I took her to her car I brought her close to me and she turned her head so I wouldn't kiss her and we ended up hugging. I told her that I liked her and she can be comfortable with me, she said she was comfortable. We have a great time together and I get good non-verbal language from her. She doesn't pull away or anything when I put my touch her with my hand when we're walking or standing. I do feel inside that she really does like me. She texts me and answers my calls. I understand that she is really shy and I'm ok with that but how do I confront her with the affection issue or at least be open about her feelings? I just don't know how long that it should last before I move on. I want to give her an opportunity to be affectionate and not just end it right away. She's coming to see me Saturday I was thinking about seeing how that went then go from there. I don't want to push her away but I don't see us continuing forward if there is no affection from her. Any thoughts? Thanks Link to comment
Citlali Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Dude. You've been on two dates. Take it easy. Not all girls want to kiss or interlock fingers on the second date, particularly shy ones. That she's comfortable enough to go out on dates with you doesn't mean she is ready to show the kind of affection you're looking for. Be patient and give this time before you try to "confront" her about anything. You yourself said you don't know her dating history. Maybe she's dated douches who move too fast and leave when they got what they want. Get to know her better and giver time and space or you might come off as pushy. I can't see why you would "move on" so quickly without giving any of this time! Link to comment
charity Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 i am very affectionate but only once i really know the guy and feel ready to be that way with him. i remember having a second date with a guy and when he met me he tried to walk with his arm around me. i felt so weird when he did that, like hey i don't know you like that yet! so i pulled away and told him why. he thought i was strange for that. we got into a relationship as it turned out, and low and behold i was the one begging for more affection all the way through. typical lol. take your time.locking hands on date number 2 is not a given and her choosing not to do it is in no way strange. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I'm not sure what you're expecting after only two dates. Why not give her a chance, and get to know her? Link to comment
alwaysmoving Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I personally need to feel like affection such as holding hands and interlocking fingers is "justified." Meaning, I'm doing that with a guy who I know well and really like. I wouldn't really do that on a second date because it just feels fake. Kinda like "you don't even know me that well, how do you feel the desire to hold my hand?" Link to comment
lila... Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Yeah, two dates is too soon for most people. You have to give it more time so she can become comfortable with it, especially if she's shy. Lol this thread reminds me of a date I went on with a guy some time ago. We met at the mall and at one point, he reached out to hold my hand. I was uncomfortable with this, as I don't really hold hands with someone who isn't my boyfriend. He told me near the end of the date that he liked me but it more than likely wouldn't work out because I didn't feel comfortable enough to hold his hand. Oddly enough, we still went on a few more dates but his rythym was just way too fast for me. When I told him it wouldn't work out because I like to take it slower, he told me off, telling me I was a very cold person who didn't know how to act in a "relationship", and he basically told me I could rot in you know where. Crazy! He managed to leave me feeling somewhat insecure and thinking that he may be right, lol. This is one extreme though, I'm sure you're not acting this way. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 My GF (of 3 months) showed me pretty much 0 physical attraction until the end of our third date. I was pretty sure I was getting friendzoned. I got a hug at the end of the first, a text kiss at the end of the 2nd and a kiss at the end of the third. Now she's all over me. You've had 2 dates and you've kissed.. be happy Link to comment
zmanks Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 You guys are right and I totally agree. We do know each other pretty well we talked for about a solid month before we went on a date. The conversations with her on the phone can be dry although it has been getting better. I forgot to add that she told me a while back that "she's not an affectionate person" so it just made me nervous that she's never going to come around. I'm just really into her if you haven't noticed and don't want to get caught in a relationship where i'm unhappy. But I will give her some more time. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Give it a few more dates... don't give up just yet. Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 if she is anything like me, she won't be too touchy until a few more dates in, i get really turned off when a man gets touchy early on, especially when i have stated that i don't like it and he still does it anyway. Maybe talk to her and let her initiate things when she feels comfortable, because if she is into you, it really is just a matter of her feeling comfortable. Link to comment
sunnyclouds Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Give her more time. I am shy when I first meet somebody. I have been talking to a guy for a few months and we got to know each other quite a bit. We met for the first time last week and it was nice but since it was our first face to face meeting I still didn't want him to be all over me. At one point he asked me to move closer to him on the couch but I didn't. Not because I didn't want to but because it just felt too soon to be hugging all over him. She seems nice and you like her so ease up just a little. Link to comment
zmanks Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Do you think going in for a kiss when we say goodbye too much? I don't want to keep my feelings locked up. Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Give it 3 months. Not 2 dates... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 If you get one date, shoot for two... If you get two, shoot for three... If you get three, shoot for a month... If you get a month, then you'll know where it'll go...Right now, it's still the first quarter. Link to comment
sidehop Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Don't confront her ever. That could trigger something from the past including the childhood that may end up cutting all communication. Date her few more times and how it goes. If not, you probably just need to let her go if she's not affectionate. Link to comment
jillianjayde Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 If she's told you she is not an affectionate person and you're still trying to put your lips all over her, and getting worried that you should maybe move on even though you guys have good conversation and she's said she likes you, you're probably coming off a bit like you don't respect her and like you need her to be physical with you to "prove" she actually likes you, which comes off as needy and weird. I'd say just relax with the PDA, continue to develop a foundation based on good conversation and getting to know each other, and when she's ready to have your lips all over her, she'll put them on you first. Link to comment
AGuy Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 i am very affectionate but only once i really know the guy and feel ready to be that way with him. i remember having a second date with a guy and when he met me he tried to walk with his arm around me. i felt so weird when he did that, like hey i don't know you like that yet! so i pulled away and told him why. he thought i was strange for that. we got into a relationship as it turned out, and low and behold i was the one begging for more affection all the way through. typical lol. take your time.locking hands on date number 2 is not a given and her choosing not to do it is in no way strange. I think your wrong. To the original poster, if it's a big deal to you she isn't holding your hand it either means she isn't that into you or she's not as into affection as you are. Either way it's a waste of time. Most women in general are a waste of time as you'll come to find if you haven't already which is why you need to ignore them immediately at the first hint of anything weird like this. Like charity just said here "and then I didn't get enough affection", well it sounds like it's all about her and what she wants, when she wants it. This is why I don't like dating most women these days. Women these days have all the cards usually, especially to start with, so it's a rigged game with all the online dating and bs to begin with. I will only date a women if I know for sure she's really into me with zero games to begin with. That way you're playing on equal ground where she feels like she has something to lose if things go wrong versus "you're just another guy in her list of 10 million guys from Pof". Most women have loads of guys they find online and in person these days for backup etc. So you have all that against you from the start. Because women know this, they have not problems playing games with you unless THEY ARE SUPER INTO YOU. As soon as they play their game ignore and worried they might lose you. If they aren't super into you 100% then move on at the first sign they don't absolutely think you're a 9 or 10 out of 10 no matter how much they texted or bug you. That's the only way to have a chance these days. Sun Tzu The Art Of War every battle is won before it's ever fought. I don't play or engage unless I know they're into more than I'm into them. I only try to engage or play games ibln life when I'm almost sure I'll win, otherwise I try not to play at all, but that's me. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.