How do women view a man in his mid 30's that has not married yet?

[radiohead20]

Curious here

 

I'm speaking out of generalities here but would like an opinion still

 

How would a women view a man in his mid 30's that has the following characteristics:

 

Physically Attractive

Decently High Paying Job/Stable Job that he is passionate about for the past decade or so (100,000+)

Socially Confident and Connected

Good With Kids/Children

Single with No previous marriages or Long Term Relationship in the past decade.

 

 

 

Now throw in this:

The Guy has a child from a previous long term relationship that is around 10-11 years old. He does not have him all the time, but has partial custody.

 

How Does that change things?

 

thanks

[mhowe]

Sounds all good to me.

 

The only question would be: how does he get along w/ childs mother....

[Madison12]

Throw in Radiohead and we're golden. Wanna go out? ;-)

[Seraphim]

I think it is ok. You see a lot of people now not married by their 30's.

[Ms Darcy]

I think the yellow flag for me would be that he had never had a long-term relationship. But I would be curious and ask. It doesn't mean much if he's attractive with a good job if he has fundamental traits that make him unattractive for a relationship (jerkiness, cockiness, cheater/player etc). I think the bigger issue is why.

 

Now I should say that I am my bf's first gf and he is 28 ... He's the best bf I have ever had. I don't judge why but I am curious about the why. For my bf it was about overcoming shyness. It was also important for me to know that he's interested in a long-term relationship and not interested in "sewing his oats" or getting relationship experience. So for me, it's about asking questions and trying to understand the other person.

 

But you should always do that in trying to determine compatibility.

[lanaa]

i would say a player who could not stay with one woman?!

[radiohead20]

i would say a player who could not stay with one woman?!

 

 

Really? Even if the Man Had a Child? I would think that alot of women may understand that a man being there for his kid and balancing his personal life leaves little time to date, and that maybe during his late 20's women passed him over because he had a child?

[mhowe]

Really? Even if the Man Had a Child? I would think that alot of women may understand that a man being there for his kid and balancing his personal life leaves little time to date, and that maybe during his late 20's women passed him over because he had a child?

 

Sounds about right to me....don't worry, you didn't want those 20 yr old partiers anyway. You didn't miss anything important!!!

[pl3asehelp]

Not a single long term relationship or marriage between the ages of 20-30? I would run for the hills. That's essentially saying you have the relationships skills and maturity of a 20 year old. Those are very important years where you transition from being in kid relationships to adult relationships and learn all the skills involved, things about yourself, etc.

[annie24]

Not a single long term relationship or marriage between the ages of 20-30? I would run for the hills. That's essentially saying you have the relationships skills and maturity of a 20 year old. Those are very important years where you transition from being in kid relationships to adult relationships and learn all the skills involved, things about yourself, etc.

 

I dunno - I'd disagree with that. From 20-30, my longest relationship was about 4 months. Granted, I was also working on a PhD so dating wasn't my top priority. I did date lots of men during that time, but didn't find the right match. I don't think that makes me a better or worse catch than someone who rushed into marriage and was divorced a few years later.

 

To answer the question, i would be interested in dating the mid-30 something guy, with or without the child.

[Adge]

I'm 38, never been married, been in a long-term relationship though for 8 years from the age of 22. I seem to get quite a bit of attention from younger girls. No idea why...but I am far from complaining. Not being promiscuous btw!!

[Huntress0527]

My husband was in his mid 30s when we met. No children, never married previously. Best relationship I've ever had.

[pl3asehelp]

My husband was in his mid 30s when we met. No children, never married previously. Best relationship I've ever had.

 

But did he have at least one long term relationship between the ages of 20-30?

[Huntress0527]

But did he have at least one long term relationship between the ages of 20-30?

 

Yes he's had a few girlfriends. I wouldn't have felt differently. Now if he would have had a child then I wouldn't have pursued the relationship but that is just my personal preference.

[Day_Walker]

I think that an assumption would be made that this guy wasnt looking to get married or at least it wasnt a priority for him.

[pl3asehelp]

Yes he's had a few girlfriends. I wouldn't have felt differently. Now if he would have had a child then I wouldn't have pursued the relationship but that is just my personal preference.

 

Aren't you partially basing your statement that you wouldn't have felt differently on the fact that your relationship is still going and it's the best you've ever had? The relationships he had in that decade made him into that guy and made your relationship possible.

[lanaa]

Really? Even if the Man Had a Child? I would think that alot of women may understand that a man being there for his kid and balancing his personal life leaves little time to date, and that maybe during his late 20's women passed him over because he had a child?

 

But many guys still manage to find a partner and take care about the child ,i might be wrong though,most guys i know that are over 30 and never were married /long term are former players/Casanovas who were just not into marriage until they passed long into 30s

 

I remember a guy,around 37 saying he broke up with his gf because she wanted to get married and he felt "he wasn't there yet" hahaha

[Huntress0527]

Aren't you partially basing your statement that you wouldn't have felt differently on the fact that your relationship is still going and it's the best you've ever had? The relationships he had in that decade made him into that guy and made your relationship possible.

 

I don't think the women he was with shaped him into the man he is today just like I don't feel like the men I've been shaped me into who I am.

[pl3asehelp]

I don't think the women he was with shaped him into the man he is today just like I don't feel like the men I've been shaped me into who I am.

 

So where did you two learn your relationship skills if not from previous relationships?

[Huntress0527]

So where did you two learn your relationship skills if not from previous relationships?

 

I do not want to derail this thread so if you'd like to PM me feel free.

[radiohead20]

But many guys still manage to find a partner and take care about the child ,i might be wrong though,most guys i know that are over 30 and never were married /long term are former players/Casanovas who were just not into marriage until they passed long into 30s

 

I remember a guy,around 37 saying he broke up with his gf because she wanted to get married and he felt "he wasn't there yet" hahaha

 

really? I feel like from what I hear that most guys over 30 that have a child find it very tough to find a suitable partner due to time restraints/women being picky about it. Maybe it is a difference in the people you hang around and I hang around. I dont know. I guess most girls I know that are in their late 20's or early 30's that are single run like hell when they find out a guy has a child. When they turn a little older (mid 30's or late 30's) things start changing.

[LDRohnos]

People who don't have much experience at the age of 30+ have one major thing going for them. They have very little baggage. You see too many men and women aged 30+ who have been through the ringer and have dealt out and dealt with so much pain from failed relationships that they can almost be considered "damaged goods" as a result. Being in relationships gives you experience, yes...on the same token it makes a lot of people cynical as a result. Too much intrigue.

 

On the flip side, he may have less experience and will need to be broken in much more but to have someone who's ready to be completely open in a relationship as opposed to someone who has developed so many walls of to prevent more "pain" is something I would take in a woman any day. I don't want to have to fight to get through to someone who's lost all trust in men and in themselves.

 

With a child in the mix, I have to admit myself that I'd be cautious if I started dating someone with a child. It's a huge commitment and I can see why women might run from guys with a kid at 30. If they're not ready for that level of commitment (essentially you're not only committing to a guy, you're also committing to the welfare of his child if it gets serious) then obviously they're going to run. I think it mostly comes down to maturity, as you get older you can handle more and obviously most 25 year olds aren't going to have the capacity to comprehend and handle such a responsibility.

[buddha55]

I tend to think guys who have decent careers and looks who aren't married in their mid 30s really enjoyed being single, eventually kind of panic and then settle down. Having a kid thrown in that mix changes a lot though. Many people don't want to date someone with a child.... Tht could explain the ltr gap

[Jim Wormold]

Not a single long term relationship or marriage between the ages of 20-30? I would run for the hills. That's essentially saying you have the relationships skills and maturity of a 20 year old. Those are very important years where you transition from being in kid relationships to adult relationships and learn all the skills involved, things about yourself, etc.

 

Oh boy, these kinds of threads such as the original opener and the comment above always amuse me.

 

If you dont mind me say so, this particular post above comes accross as terribly conventional.

 

I am a very well-educated man of 42; an artist; occasionally told I am good looking; women often think I look 35; am interesting and I would like to think funny and intelligent. Never married, though I would like to. No kids.

 

I have spent many years studying and working on different projects. The timing was perhaps just off

for finding the right woman. The one I actually wanted slipped away 12 years ago. Funnily enough

she chose a similar lifestyle but as an academic teaching at two universities on two different continents.

 

I don't earn a lot. That used to be a complex until I realised I am able to offer other qualities.

 

I went on a date recently with a 28 year-old woman who had been showing an interest

with "how are you?" emails for a while now (I hadn't felt up to dating as I was still recovering

from a break up in August). The subject of age came up and she was shocked.

She made such an issue over it that I didnt bother keeping contact. She emailed me to ask why

so quiet. I made up some excuse, but frankly, I am not interested in such boring attitudes. If you

can't see me for who I am then there is nothing much more to talk about.

 

Tick all the right boxes. Just not with me.

 

I am with annie 24 on this one. People with intellectual pursuits or who those who know what they want

from life regardless of how that flies in the face of average ideas, excite me far more.

[pl3asehelp]

My post only mentions a decade long gap in long term relationship experience, which is the only issue I see with the OP. You didn't address that here at all unless you are implying that knowing what you want out of life and having intellectual pursuits can't co-exist with a long term relationship, which I don't agree with. I think being in a mutually fulfilling relationship requires skills which you can only learn by being in relationships. I haven't made any claims about anything else you mentioned in your post regarding things like your age, how you look, your earning power, your intellectual interests, or knowing what you want from life.

 

I agree with you that it is conventional to believe that people are better equipped to do something they have recent experience with as opposed something they have not done in a decade.