How do women view a man in his mid 30's that has not married yet?

[Jim Wormold]

My post only mentions a decade long gap in long term relationship experience, which is the only issue I see with the OP. You didn't address that here at all unless you are implying that knowing what you want out of life and having intellectual pursuits can't co-exist with a long term relationship.

 

Granted, I didnt address that entirely. Or at least, only on a peripheral level. The problem I admittedly rather

hastily through together was that life is not always as controlled and predictable as that. Fortunately.

 

I didnt have a long-term relationship "between the ages of 20-30". If a date decides, as you think she should,

to "run for the hills" because I dont fit in with such notions then please, by all means. I still find such ideas

standard though and ridiculously self-defeating for anyone taking them it seriously. If you were my date (erm, and a woman of course) I think I might find you a good laugh, but not much more. Sorry

[Ms Darcy]

I think there is a big difference between saying I was looking for a long-term relationship and it just never worked out versus I never really cared enough or I was focused on intellectual pursuits. I want someone who is looking and is able to look while simultaneously pursuing other dreams. Granted long breaks from dating are normal but not 1-2 decades long.

 

Relationships take commitment and I want someone who is at the very least commited to the idea of it. I feel like there are a lot of guys who are not as interested in commitment as I am and I would want to weed them out sooner rather than later.

[pl3asehelp]

Granted, I didnt address that entirely. Or at least, only on a peripheral level. The problem I admittedly rather

hastily through together was that life is not always as controlled and predictable as that. Fortunately.

 

I didnt have a long-term relationship "between the ages of 20-30". If a date decides, as you think she should,

to "run for the hills" because I dont fit in with such notions then please, by all means. I still find such ideas

standard though and ridiculously self-defeating for anyone taking them it seriously. If you were my date (erm, and a woman of course) I think I might find you a good laugh, but not much more. Sorry

 

It's just one notion. Experience giving someone an edge. I agree that is a pretty standard concept, though I think it is actually very true and beneficial rather than being self-defeating. If I'm hiring a band to play at my party, I hire experienced musicians, not people who haven't played since high school marching band. On and on, experience usually helps someone be better at something.

[Jim Wormold]

I think there is a big difference between saying I was looking for a long-term relationship and it just never worked out versus I never really cared enough or I was focused on intellectual pursuits. I want someone who is looking and is able to look while simultaneously pursuing other dreams. Granted long breaks from dating are normal but not 1-2 decades long.

 

Relationships take commitment and I want someone who is at the very least commited to the idea of it. I feel like there are a lot of guys who are not as interested in commitment as I am and I would want to weed them out sooner rather than later.

 

I absolutely agree with you Ms Darcy. As I usually do. But I was not necessarily putting one before

the other. Things worked out that way. I also know that I have grown a lot with time. I happen to really want

commitment, marriage and so forth.

 

If a date who hardly knows me decides I am not such a candidate, because I dont fit in with standard box ticking,

then so be it. But I still wont give up.

[Jim Wormold]

It's just one notion. Experience giving someone an edge. I agree that is a pretty standard concept, though I think it is actually very true and beneficial rather than being self-defeating. If I'm hiring a band to play at my party, I hire experienced musicians, not people who haven't played since high school marching band. On and on, experience usually helps someone be better at something.

 

Oh come on. We all know there are relationships and marriages out there who have been going

through the motions for years on end. Or quite simply "complicated". Such people (eg. divorcees) cannot simply be candidate enough because

they are experienced. Experienced yes - necessarily viable, no.

[The_Seeker]

Curious here

 

;] Ok Dr. Frankenstein.

 

I'm speaking out of generalities here but would like an opinion still

 

Here's my opinion.

 

How would a women view a man in his mid 30's that has the following characteristics:

 

My boyfriend is in his mid-30's. I'm in my early 20's.

 

Physically Attractive

 

I don't care much about that. I care about how much energy you have.

 

Decently High Paying Job/Stable Job that he is passionate about for the past decade or so (100,000+)

 

Don't care about that. As long you are not doing anything ILLEGAL.

 

Socially Confident and Connected

 

Don't care about that. I care how you treat me as an individual and a person.

 

Good With Kids/Children

 

I don't care much about that. Anyone could be good with kids/children IF they wanted to. But they choose not to.

 

Single with No previous marriages or Long Term Relationship in the past decade.

 

Sorry, I don't care about your past. Nor do I care about your future. I care about the present.

 

I probably say that because I'm still young and I'm career driven. Also, because I know what I want and need. ;] I'm very professional at NC.

 

Now throw in this:

The Guy has a child from a previous long term relationship that is around 10-11 years old. He does not have him all the time, but has partial custody.

 

So he is in his mid-30s? That means he got the girl pregnant when he was my age.

 

As long he is good to his son and is there for him. Or else I give him a piece of my mind about child abuse.

 

How Does that change things?

 

I wouldn't be interested in a relationship because the last thing I want is baby momma drama. Also, a father complaining about his child's momma constantly or how the kid is stupid or don't know how to do this. Blah blah blah. Also, I know I would HATE if he hits his kid in front of me when his son/daughter didn't anything wrong besides saying "No, I don't want to eat my vegetables" or whatever else. I have enough high stress on my plate but I don't show my stress in person. It would majorly piss me off if he hits his kid without any explaining to the kid why he did that or whatever.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm good with kids/children as well since I volunteer in the hospital or tutor at school.

 

Even if he treats me well and wants to pursue me further and promises me so many things, I would decline. And it's his call whether or not he wants to keep me as his friend. Once he starts acting like a jerky friend to get an interest from me or play that stupid game, I would decline the friendship and go straight to NC.

 

thanks

 

You're welcome.

[pl3asehelp]

Oh come on. We all know there are relationships and marriages out there who have been going

through the motions for years on end. Such people (eg. divorcees) cannot simply be candidate enough because

they are experienced. Experienced yes - necessarily viable, no.

 

I didn't say, nor do I think, that people who do have relationship experience during that phase of their life are all viable candidates. The quality of the experience does matter, as other posters have pointed out with 'baggage' concerns. What I said is that I see it as a red flag that someone has zero long term relationships from age 20-30 and the reason is that by age 30 I would be concerned that this person would not have the necessary adult relationship skills as a result of that gap. To me how a 20 year old participates in a committed relationship bears almost no resemblance to how a 30 year old does it so I see some really big potential issues there that I personally would not risk my time with someone with what to me is such an obvious disadvantage when they are others out there without this problem. That's my advice to the OP.

[The_Seeker]

I'm confused what you mean by that statement that I bolded?

 

No resemblance? How so?

 

Reason I'm asking because I'm in my early 20's and boyfriend is in his early 30's.

[itsallgrand]

I'll be honest.

 

The part about not being married wouldn't bother me at all, in fact it is important to me. I much rather would date and get involved with a man who was not married and divorced yet. Early thirties, this is still quite young. I don't see it as a sign of being able to commit to get married very young (twenties, usually) and then divorce quickly. I see it as a form of impulsiveness or going along with crowd - it's the thing to do and a lot of people do not necessarily get married for what I would consider "good" reasons.

 

The part about not being in a long term relationship in this time would raise some questions, but, when you revealed you have a child, that adds another layer to it. I would still want to know more about it. Whether or not there was a child involved, like Ms Darcy said, it's the kind of question you would ask anyways in trying to determine compatibility.

 

But yes, the fact you have a child, and a child that age, would be a possible reason I may not date you. There are so many reasons for this, but to you they would be basically irrelevant because there is nothing you can do to change it and you probably would never want to anyways. It becomes an issue of compatibility.

[kuteknish]

I shouldn't be skeptical of a man in his 30s who hasn't had a long term relationship, but after my last ex, I am... He was in his late 30s, never married, no kids, no real baggage, but he never had a relationship that lasted past 1 year and his relationships were always LTR. He got "bored" and "felt suffocated" towards the 1 year mark in the past, but with me it just "felt different" I sensed it as a flag at the beginning, but the flag didn't feel high enough... til 1 year later...

 

Now I am a skeptic..