Naked Pictures of Woman Bothering Me

[vix8]

Not sure if this is the right thread to be posting in.. but me and my boyfriend have had discussions about how it bothers me that he looks at naked pictures of woman on the internet, like glamour models. He also promised me that he wouldn't look anymore. I don't mind porn, because it's different, it's just something to get off to and then forget about.. but naked pictures of woman is like gawking and drooling over them and it makes me feel sooooo uncomfortable and I feel very betrayed every time I catch him I feel like I'm being reasonable and he is disrespecting me. I just caught him again just now on his stumble upon account, and it's not just a few pictures, it's like a bunch, looks like the amount viewed of them would be browsing for 20 minutes or so. And I also have proof of the time when he was looking at these. He posted a stumble upon photo of a cute kitty on my facebook wall, 11:30pm last night, and that's when he texted me saying he misses me, and in his stumble upon history, it says that he viewed all these pictures right after looking at the kitty. That insults me even more!!! He's texting me saying how he misses me, sends me hearts, then says what are you doing? (like he's guilty of what he is doing). And we see eachother a lot! like 5 times a week, and we have lots of sex.. so what is the problem? Also I'm fit and have an attractive face and I'm not insecure about myself, and he always says I'm beautiful.. so I don't know what his deal is. I just feel hurt.

[guynextdoor]

So whats the difference between naked pics and porn? Dudes look at porn, its all visual, it doesn't mean they want to be with them. Yes he shouldn't of lied but I really don't think you should put this in the infidelity category..

[bulletproof]

I don't mind porn, because it's different, it's just something to get off to and then forget about.. but naked pictures of woman is like gawking and drooling over them and it makes me feel sooooo uncomfortable and I feel very betrayed every time I catch him

 

I think you have to ask yourself why you feel this way, because what you've written here isn't really a reason. They're just pictures. I'm not sure why it matters to you that he enjoys looking at them. Naked bodies are nice.

[meoww]

hey...I'm on your side or at least I can understand where you are coming from.

 

If my partner asked me to never look at a naked picture of a guy ever again, and I really loved him, I could do it with no problem. This is coming from someone who views porn everyday and likes looking at all kinds of naked people lol. I am loyal to the point that it's pretty easy for me not to even fantasize about other guys. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything by abstaining.

 

If you ask me, I think it's kind of like a compulsion or addiction on his part. He'll probably never stop. It's like one of his weaknesses and pretty much our whole society is structured around feeding this kind of behavior. I'd have an easier time being totally faithful to my partner than not eating chocolate for the rest of my life--so I wonder if that makes me the weird one! lol We have our flaws. I'm pretty sure this kind of behavior qualifies as a flaw, but I am a romantic at heart.

 

anyway, sorry for rambling a bit, but I don't think you can stop him. It really isn't as personal as it feels. When I let my mind wander, I have sexual thoughts about all kinds of people I meet every day, sometimes about people I don't even like or are even attracted to. Sexuality is weird like that! I've had situations where my sexual fantasies could have become reality, but then something kicks in and I realize it's not actually what I want. Fantasizing is a healthy way to deal with the desires we don't necessarily always understand.

[Tilter]

Have him show you how stumble upon works because last I knew you can't exactly control what stumble upon chooses to show you. If you choose to thumb up one picture similar to those, it will show you more of those sorts of pictures even if it barely relates. It's a service that gives you random pages to keep you entertained.

 

Give the guy some slack. He obviously thinks about you when he sees someone good looking. I'd be flattered if I saw evidence that my partner had been looking at pictures of good looking women but chose to chat me up instead of just sitting there and looking.

[TearsofFate]

Well, thing is..who doesn't look at porn, or think about porn? Almost everyone is guilty of it, if you really think about it. However, when you have a gf/bf it can be a bit insulting to some, if they are looking at tons of porn (I know how you feel, believe me..) but you need to also remember that we all do look for porn..even if it's just mentally, and not visually.

 

With girls it tends to be alright more so mentally, and with guys visually (or so I've heard). It's up to you though, if you don't like it, I doubt he'd ever change. Perhaps you two are not compatible.

[MikNomis]

I would argue that if one should bother you more, it should be the porn haha. Honestly though, neither are something to be bothered by IMO.

 

Both give the same reaction: whoo damn, that's hot.

 

I don't see a good reason to be bothered by one but not the other. I think you forget about this.

[maria1983]

My rule for guys and porn is simple: what he does alone on a computer doesn't matter. I don't care. If he goes and starts doing s&m with a prostitute he picked up off the street, that's a different story. But video, online, whatever... men are men, let him get it out safely in a computer, and don't stress about it.

[Huntress0527]

If you're not insecure about yourself then this shouldn't be a problem. Porn and naked pictures are the same thing. It's obvious you are insecure otherwise you wouldn't have a sense of betrayal when he views them.

[FathomFear]

In this thread you also said you were very jealous of the fact that he looks at Jessica Alba:

 

I think it's important to focus on the fact that this is your problem, not his. I think you should be far more curious why you react this way.

[JonasWaingaro]

...every time I catch him I just caught him again...

 

These feelings/actions will not serve you well. He's an adult, he can look at whomever he chooses. You are not his mother. Making him promise to not do something he wants to do won't work, especially using the interwebz for naked women. All you will do with this attitude is build resentment and make him hide it more and more. You will lose all trust in this relationship. Over what? Is it worth it? Be open about your feelings but also be open about what's important at the end of the day. If you make him feel guilty about looking at naked women he will start to resent you and do it more. He will hide it from you.

 

I agree this is about you not him. You need to work on your self esteem and not worry about images on a computer screen. Those aren't real. They are just photos. He is with you not them. Try to take a laissez-faire attitude about the pics. Life will be much easier if you do.

[Fudgie]

I am really struggling how you seem to be okay with porn, but are freaking out over the naked pictures. Aren't they the same thing?

 

As long as he cares for you, has sex with you (and not others), doesn't cheat on you physically or emotionally, and finds you attractive, that is what matters. It's just eye candy. Lots of women do the same thing with celeb crushes. As long as it's only once in a while and not consuming his life, what's the big deal?

[RedDress]

MichaelAngelo did it. Picasso did it. I bet cavemen did it. In fact... people have been looking at (and painting, drawing, capturing) pictures of naked people for hundreds and hundreds of years.

 

I don't think your bf is any different than any of these other people. It's not a new "internet" issue.

 

You can fight it if you want... but I agree that you will have less frustration and more peace if you let the issue go. It's like fighting the tide...