Ex and facebook...

[links12]

so my ex deactivated his facebook when we broke up, we still have mutual friends (his friends) so idk why but sometimes i would go to their profiles, i feel like thats my only connection to him in some way now, i know it seems dumb because im the one who initiated NC and im glad he took out his facebook for now but i actually went to look at one pic where he was tagged and i had looked at that pic before and his name was not there anymore since he de activated but now its back there again.

 

when i click it takes me to his page but he has the generic no picture thing but he has 4 pictures and 2 of those pictures are of us together and i was like thats weird why would they still be there but it looks like he isnt really ON facebook i think he tried activating and then deactivating again and i heard profiles look like they are active but they arent and it makes sense cause he wouldnt leave the pics of us up if he was actually on fb again.

 

It just kind of feels weird seeing those pics still there cause i dont even have pics of us on MY facebook and im the dumpee.

[seoulmate]

If you deactivate FB then the account is gone. It can no-longer be found. He can "block" you, which would appear that the account is deactivated. He would disappear from every connection you have with him. Now that you can see he has an active account again there is no such thing as a fence-sitting account. If you deactivate then it's gone. If you activate then it comes back again. He may just be updating things.

 

All that aside....you are going to drive yourself cray (you already are) by checking his FB page. Already you are analyzing does he have an account, doesn't he. Why would he have those photos, etc..

 

If you go NC but peer at his FB account then it's not really going NC. NC is to heal. And looking at his FB account is not healing. Go full NC or no NC...there is no such thing as half NC.

[markie6]

Total agree with SM , Facebook during NC is a sure-fire recipe for pain and should be avoided at all costs. You can remove photos from your house, avoid places you might see them in the real world, but you're only 2 clicks away from seeing them in their new life when you are logged into the blue and white devil that is Facebook

[nutbrownhare]

Yep - block him on Facebook, stop trying to find him on there by less direct means, and gradually the urge to keep up with him will fade away.

 

I blocked my ex on FB very shortly after our split, and have gradually (as they have arisen) blocked other pages which have put up group photos that include him, too. It has been a great relief not to have to look at him, or to have the faint anxiety that pics of him might arise unexpectedly. This is someone I don't want in my life on any level whatsoever.

 

NC is there for our own healing, starting it for our own healing and then picking off the scab by circumventing it will ensure that the healing doesn't happen. By 'cheating' on NC, you are doing nothing but prolonging your own pain. In future, when you feel tempted to take a sneaky look at what he's up to, either post on here or look up positive affirmations online.

 

But, for now, don't speculate as to what his activities are on FB. You can't know, but you can drive yourself nuts trying to figure out something which should have been left alone in the first place.

[Snowy]

Agree with the above posters.

 

I've blocked my ex and some of her friends.

[triste0508]

FB...caused me trauma on my break up.... just to see the world facebook I start to shake ... she is over there 24/7....

 

To be honest the time that I went to check her FB, It was more painful than the actual break up day

[links12]

yes you're right even though right now looking at his account is like looking at a blank page because the only thing on there are those photos. i dont think his account is active because he isnt friends with any of our mutual friends even though he pops up on their tags and so his profile is pretty much blank, doesnt show past posts, (only one from me) and it looks like no one pretty much knows this profile is visible . so again i think this page is one of those inactive accounts that show they're active, ive heard about it before so i guess checking his page isnt really breaking NC just because there is nothing really there, but youre right if it WAS an actual fb account he was actually using then yes it would be considered breaking NC.

[links12]

yeah i know what you mean ive done that before with another ex so im really glad my ex deactivated his although like i said the reason i keep looking at it is because i know there is nothing there. i buried my own pics of us and so i guess i go back and look at those two pics, theres no updates theres no anything on that page he isnt friends on fb with our mutual friends and those are HIS best friends so theres no reason for him to be back and not be friends with them. i mean the last post on his page is from ME like a week before the break up, the profile doesnt seem active, so i dont feel like ive damaged myself quite yet... lol

[Sammy6]

Only one word for FB... BLOCK, BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK..

[Thisisnotme]

If you are on FB looking at his page - friends or not - active or not - it is contact. You will never heal if you keep this up. Believe me I know. I could not control my urge to look for him or at other women's profiles I thought he may be hitting on or worse. Even if nothing is going on you will see something innocent and lose sleep over obsessing about it. It is TORTURE!!! Deactivate yourself. I can't risk a picture with him in it rolling over my news feed. It happened in our first break-up and it was not pretty. You can always go back later. I made sure to alert my friends who would wonder what happened to me on there. They know I will be back one day - but not now. Even when I go back one day I will still block him. Please consider it - I promise it is a good move.

[secondchance67]

I have said it countless times here, so here it is ONE MORE TIME:

 

FACEBOOK = PAIN

 

it's that simple

[Guitarguy_82]

Facebook is a tool. How we use it and what we interpret from it is our responsibility. If you are using it as a means to stay "connected" with your ex, you are flat out asking for pain....FB is used to project what people want to project. To generate reactions. 9 times out of 10 an ex will use that to their advantage and throw their superficial happiness in your face, masked as an innocent status update.

 

I deleted my ex and her friends long ago...but only recently mustered up the courage to physically make the clicks and type out her name to block her. Haven't looked back since.

 

Delete + block is the only way to go. FB is a time waste anyway...IMHO

[Zack808]

I'm not going to lie, I've peeked in the beginning, didn't really see anything but I still felt like crap because I felt like all this healing was for nothing. It set me back a few steps but got myself back on track again. Yes, it's a mind game. You start fabricating things in your head about every pic, every post, every "like", every comment. You don't really know what is actually going on. I found myself posting pics of my fun adventures but in the end, I was still sad deep inside. Try and stop, little steps turns into big steps.

[links12]

yeah i mean like i said even though there is nothing in this profile cause its not active theres no reason for me to look at it or look at our mutual friends' pages. i know that nothing will be posted on that profile of his nothing about his new life or anything, its not like he even used fb that much anyways so i know that since those pics are still up that profile is one of those fb mishaps when you try to deactivate your profile and it leaves your info up but its still not good for me to look at it so i will stop. i broke down tonight, nothing related to fb but just sad that we're not together anymore and you know things that HIT you along the way and make you sad and i just know i NEED to just completely get him OUT of my head, he hurt me and i just can't be doing this to myself, i need to forget about him for good, idk why its getting harder than easier... im scared out of my mind to bump into him when he comes up for school next semester and I just want to look happy and I wanna feel nothing.

[italiannmf24]

I would just block him on Facebook. If he asks, just tell him that you need time to heal and seeing his profile isn't making anything better.

 

Don't bother checking mutual friends' profiles, you'll just keep reminding yourself of what you don't have - him.

 

Although it's important to remain positive in your actions, it's even more important to remain positive in your thoughts. Attempt to consciously replace uneeded, disturbing thoughts of your ex with positive, reinforcing thoughts that allow you to see more clearly. Keep on focusing on the positives.

 

Getting rid of the "want" of self-pity really makes a difference. You need to WANT to heal from this relationship. You need to WANT to get your self-happiness back, it doesn't just happen with time - it involves hard work and true understanding.

 

Look at yourself in the mirror. You have self-respect and value and that's hard to find. Remind yourself that you're worth it and if he starts to creep up in your head, mentally tell yourself to push him away.

[22Hurt22]

2 weeks before my ex of 4 years almost broke up with me on the phone. I put "i love you xo" on her wall (she always said i should do stuff like that more on facebook) 6 days go by and she doesn't respond to it, but in the meantime she adds 96 photos of a concert she went too (with 3 guys she never met before btw and was 3 hours away) and also commented and liked on every damn near one of them.....soo i did say "hey did you get my post?" then she freaks out and says "omg i am such a distraction from her studies and i am so needy" then 3 mins after she hung up on me that day she deactivates her account. And says "o facebook is a distraction i need to focus on my schooling as it is more important than you" any ways after she ended things 2 days later she activates her account deletes any and everything to do with me: photos, wall posts, her info section, and even deleted every single member of my family on facebook then of course blocks me.

 

i keep wanting to look at her profile pic to see what guy she is with now (because i know what she told me that having a relationship was a distraction was a lie) but i cant see her and i blocked her brother and 3 mutual friends that hate me now anyways because the took her side....its so rough

[links12]

facebook is pretty damaging, but he glad she blocked you only because then you can't look at all that stuff, i only really go to his "inactive" profile cause i will find nothing there and i know that otherwise i dont think i would. but i already know what he is up to. I know that he might have really left me for another girl and is with her now or he's just flirting with random girls at bars and going out with his friends having fun, i dont need fb to show me. it hurts to think about it but its true and i guess we have to. I have been here on ENA a lot more than usual during this past week and i know its part of life but it makes me sad to see so many broken hearted people but i guess we all go through it at one point and we will only see how good the break up was for us after a very long time of healing. it makes me sad theres nothing we can do, i mean we can try so many things to make ourselves happy but it wont really happen until we are over this person.