The "Blindside" Club-Post HERE if you were dumped suddenly, and without warning!

[sandrawg]

I was dumped out of the blue Jan. 24, 3 wks after my ex told me "I'm falling in love with you." Just a few days before dumping me, my ex did give me a clue of what he had in mind (but, I have to add, this did not prevent him from still having sex with me that night)...prior to that, tho, I had NO clue whatsoever. He was still telling me how awesome I am and seemed happy. We made tons of plans.

 

When he broke up with me, he said he'd been resenting making those plans and couldn't figure out why, cuz he liked being wiht me. He said he figured out that "the feelings weren't there." DESPITE having used the L word 3 wks before...later he told me his "feelings and attention were getting distracted" after NYE.

 

Now, mind you-this guy pursued ME.. I always let him take the lead. He was the one who wanted a rel'ship. He came on heavy for several months, then when I was finally his, he dumped me.

 

I have come to the conclusion, therefore, that he is a commitmentphobe. Everything I've read about commitmentphobes, w/the exception of a few things, fits him to a tee.

 

Anyway, I've noticed that many many people on this forum have experienced the same pain of being dumped out of nowhere, so I thought I'd start this thread so those of us who've experienced this unique pain, can vent.

 

Vent away!

[lanaa]

Out of nowhere in August last year.Day before we wrote as usual,he was on vacation so we did not talk that often.I know many people say out of nowhere,but my experience was REALLY out of nowhere...

[sandrawg]

Sorry to hear that. Just wondering..do you think there may have been another woman involved?

 

Out of nowhere in August last year.Day before we wrote as usual,he was on vacation so we did not talk that often.I know many people say out of nowhere,but my experience was REALLY out of nowhere...

[sonicfan287]

My girlfriend broke up with me on March 7, not even a week ago and now she refuses to talk about anything. this was not our first breakup but it is by far the worst. She "loses feelings" for me somehow, even when im the same person Ive always been. Actually, I cant say that... I suffer from anxiety and depression and general feelings of low self worth. I constantly berated myself with her and made things very uncomfortable but through it all, she said she would stay with me. She said wed been together so long and that she wouldnt just leave me out of the blue... well thats exactly what she did. I was supposed to see her last thursday for a date, and we talked wednesday on the phone, it was just a normal conversation. then she turns things on me and says shes breaking up with me?! I relive it day after day trying to figure out what i said that night to make her go that direction and why she did it. Im in so much pain and made it worse by trying to ask her for reasons and how i could change and help us, but shes determined that it cant work out. just a week ago, she "loved" me and now shes determined she can never love me again... im in a world of hurt.

[Flywest29]

I can relate to you all. My ex left me on Valentines day by text message. The night before she told me she loved me and wanted to be with me. Then the next day texts me and says I don't love you. This is the second time in less than a year she has dumped me like this, I can assure you there won't be a third. I am mad at myself for giving her a second chance after she dumped me for another guy last summer. I let her back in my life and all she did was pick fights with me, give me silent treatment and then dump me by text message. I asked her why she wouldn't even give me a phone call, she said she couldn't afford it (long distance). I am not even worth a few dollars to her, after I spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on phone calls to her. I can't even get 5 minutes of her time to talk to me like a human being, thats what I am worth to her.

[secondchance67]

Right there with you...January 1st, 2012...Happy New Year to me, right?? !!

Not a month before we were making plans for the holidays, My kids coming home, the Christmas party we were hosting, etc.

 

Always remember:

 

Things are not always as they seem to be...people have motives, secrets and great "poker faces"; we missed the clues, the subtle red flags, the signs things weren't as they should be...and by the time we did it was indeed too late, the die had been cast, the decisions had been made, the detachment had begun.....

[SparklyBoots]

I think there are a lot of decent folk out there but also a lot of cowards....my worst breakup we had seen each other a few days before, had sex, still held hands all night and cuddled, kissed me goodbye as normal, said I love you....HE was anxious that if we didn't see each other the next weekend it may be a few weeks before we saw each other again so I rearranged stuff got baby sitter etc...then that afternoon he seemed lukewarm to see me and split up with me via phone saying it just wasn't working and didn't feel right anymore....kinda blindsided, yes! Looking back though I could see some signs I had missed and worked out what I may have done to have caused this - still it was nothing that could not have been solved with better communication...

I think some folk really do distance themselves subtly, or are really good at covering the cracks while they figure out what they are going to do but there are usually some signs when you look back objectively. A month after he told me that splitting up with me was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do, but still gave me little clue as to exactly why....*sighs*

[loulou37]

Yep i'm a member!

 

10th september, it was a saturday, only got back from my holiday on the thursday!!

 

The thursday afternoon i wanted him to call me, as i had missed him and wanted to hear his voice, he couldn't call as he was busy and meeting a few friends after work, well that p'd me off a bit, i only wanted a 10 minute call!! so when he text me on the friday to talk, i told him we'd talk sunday as i had loads on...then silent.

 

saturday i text him to see if we could talk as he was with his kids for the weekend, he called me and within minutes ended things with me!!

 

I couldn't believe it!!

 

and that's it, i been devastated ever since

 

loulou x

[markie6]

If I look back , it did come as a surprise, but I did have my infatuation goggles on backwards or maybe I would have seen it coming

 

Sign me up, Relationship dissolved using FB , Not what I had hoped for when the year started

[HALE85]

2 weeks ago thursday i got dumped out of the blue, Said we loved each other for the 1st time at midnight new years eve. told me she loved me day before she leaves me. that was a nice thursday. actually told me she loved me when she left me.

[sandrawg]

This is a sad club, indeed. I'll never forget the way my ex said, "You're an awesome, amazing person.. BUT"...ugh.

 

He also told me he was walking away from this, happy that a "sane, beautiful woman could love him" - it gave him hope cuz of all the crazies he'd dated. I wanted to smack him. I also wish I'd told him "maybe not so sane...cuz your behavior has MADE me crazy.."

[theface71]

Count me in this club too. Sort of twice actually. September ex asks for a break and 72 hours later calls me says she made a mistake and will never flake out on me again. 3 months later after declaring how handsome I am and how much she loves me she takes off to Montreal for a week without me knowing and breaks up with me by email...and only recently after the break-up does she mention something about some problems (but does not say what they were) and how she was unhappy...really? could not have said anything like that during the relationship? Worst communicator ever...and originally I wasn't going to take her back the first time until we had a serious talk about our future but she convinced me there was no need...which is why I feel blindsided...and yet I still love her...

[sandrawg]

I hear ya. I wonder if these people even have a CLUE as to WHAT they're feeling. My ex tried to claim he was unhappy too..but, no good reason for it. Nothing really he could point to.

 

I wanted to say, you sure seemed happy when you slept with me 4 days ago...jerk.

 

Count me in this club too. Sort of twice actually. September ex asks for a break and 72 hours later calls me says she made a mistake and will never flake out on me again. 3 months later after declaring how handsome I am and how much she loves me she takes off to Montreal for a week without me knowing and breaks up with me by email...and only recently after the break-up does she mention something about some problems (but does not say what they were) and how she was unhappy...really? could not have said anything like that during the relationship? Worst communicator ever...and originally I wasn't going to take her back the first time until we had a serious talk about our future but she convinced me there was no need...which is why I feel blindsided...and yet I still love her...

[Scuza]

I got blindsided too.

Everything was going swimmingly until we went to university, where she proceeded to ignore me for a week, then FINALLY break up with me (that * * * * * lol, kidding (sort of)).

But I've now moved on, turned my life around, meanwhile she's reverted back to her old ways, literally. She left a prestigious university to go back home to the Canadian equivalent of a community college because she 'hated it here', aka she missed her old friends because she couldn't make new ones and refused to do anything about her chronic stress, negative self-image and low self-esteem. With me (the only person who would actually support her, since her family never seems to) out of the picture, she crumbled like a soggy cracker.

Her loss, I know I'm a catch. I have a lot to offer, just gotta find the right person to share it with!

[sandrawg]

Good for you Scuza! You're right on the money.

[learning2relax]

Ran accross a really interesting article that really hit on point with my last serious relationship that ended a few years back. It left me baflled and confused. This helped to put some perspective around how and why it turned so quickly and ended the way it did. I put the first part of the article below to provide perspective on the explanation it provided for me. I have posted the link if you are interested in reading the entire article.

 

link removed

 

True Love or a Fantasy Bond?

 

There is a misconception in our culture concerning the reason why intimate relationships deteriorate and end. The typical relationship cycle is depicted as follows: Two people meet. They fall in love. They enjoy a certain portion of exhilarating time together. Then, reality sets in. The spark fades. Routine takes over. Fights begin. And love ends. A common conclusion surrounding the downfall of relationships is based on the distorted notion that falling in love has more to do with living in fantasy, and falling out of love has more to do with facing reality. The truth, however, is almost always just the opposite.

 

When two people fall in love, they’re very often the most simultaneously open, vulnerable, interested, and independent versions of themselves. They are on their own side, going after what they want, and consequently showing the best aspects of themselves. In this respect, one might say people are the most themselves when falling in love. In the early stages of a relationship, people are interested in getting to know someone for who they are separate from their relationship to them. Thus, when a couple meets, they are typically more independent and respectful of each other than they will be as their relationship develops.

 

In letting down their guard down and getting close to someone else, people let go of long engrained defenses that have held them back throughout their lives. Examples of this can be found in almost every “how we got together” story you’ve ever heard. Whether it’s overcoming a fear of getting involved, breaking a pattern of only dating one’s polar opposite, or finally being willing to open up to someone else, these are the personal tipping points that often send people tumbling into love, and this feeling of love is inarguably real to those who experience it.

 

So what then destroys this unbridled sense of adoration? Once people start to form an illusion of coming together as one, they begin to lose the sense of being together as two. This process soon diminishes the excitement that first drew them together. Over time, people forego the spontaneity and openness they had when they first met and replace the sense of adventure and uncertainty with routine and security. In other words, a couple shifts their reality from being two free people in love to being two dependent people in a “Fantasy Bond.”

[typingbug]

he broke up with me a week ago and before that week we were talking and he was saying how he wants to work it out and that he loved me and didn't want to lose me ,so he ended the relationship of 7 years pff just like that a week ago.

[greta96]

Count me in... this happened years ago, so I'm over it now, but at the time I (and my parents) thought I was going to die!

 

I had been dating a guy for 2 years. Everything was great, we rarely fought, he was my second serious relationship and everybody thought we'd get married. So one summer day we went on a date, and he took me for a romantic walk in my favorite park...held hands, kissed, hugged, as usual...and he proposed!!! That was a Thursday, and he said he wanted his parents to come over that Saturday and talk to mine, so we could all discuss the wedding and everything. I was THRILLED!

He took me back home in the evening, I shared the happy news with my parents...

 

The following day we had another date planned, and I waited, and waited for him to show up...an hour later I decided to call and see what was up. He picked up, and told me he wasn't coming, and that he had decided he didn't love me anymore and he wanted to break up.

Which he did, and I never heard from him again.

 

Turned up he was already seeing someone else, whom he married a year later.

[typingbug]

what a big jerk! greta96 you give me courage and support from what you have been thru since you got over that jerk i will be able eventually with time to be in a better position as well,thank you for sharing.

[Thorshammer]

Good read, I agree. Thats why i always make a point to be yourself always, if the intentions is to keep the same person you were that they were originally attracted to ALIVE, or in an effort to re-attract if they come back. I had to constantly fight my ex about how we are not a movie, so this does fit her mentality to a T.

[sandrawg]

@Thorshammer I think MOVIES have done more damage to people being able to function in realistic, adult relationships than...practically anything.

[Thorshammer]

@Thorshammer I think MOVIES have done more damage to people being able to function in realistic, adult relationships than...practically anything.

 

Yes! My ex brought up Twilight in our break-up. REALLY? Twilight!!!! She avoided romance movies, her depressive mind couldnt give me a chance. I went from the perfect guy that she thought she would never meet, to road-kill.

 

Thats the best thing about healing, you can look back and just laugh at it all.

[PJK]

@Thorshammer I think MOVIES have done more damage to people being able to function in realistic, adult relationships than...practically anything.

 

This is so true...my ex LOVED watching all those movies, The Notebook, Love Actually, The Holiday etc. She told me many times during our relationship that I was her "movie moment" haha. It made me feel good at the time, but if I ever hear this line from anyone again I'm running for the hills...huge red flag haha.

 

Anyone who says is probably only focused on the thrill and doesn't know what takes to make a real relationship work

[jchstar]

January 16,2012. 6 days before my birthday. he said he was going to cook me a birthday dinner and that he could give me a extraordinary life. that he was not using me, was not leaving me, to not worry, he was happy here with me. Then that night i come home...he says he thinks he can't be happy while in a relationship, can't make changes or grow in a realtionship, wasn't as happy etc...So he decides to move out but "doesn't want to break up". I had been supporting him for months and he was so close to being able to finally help pay rent...but apparently got sick of me right before we could have a chance. Called his mom, got his stuff and left. and now i kind of thank him for it now..cuz he is staying with his parents mooching off of them and not me now. It still hurts because i trusted what he said was true. But really he didn't know what he wanted but he knew he didn't want me.

[JonasWaingaro]

I'm a charter member of the club. It was so crazy. I go to bed with 'love you!', wake up to ILUBNILWY, or whatever. Ugh. Took me forever to get past that one. The actually way it happened took longer to get over then her. I felt valueless for a long time. Really took me for a spin around the 'I'm crap and everyone can see it', track. I was so sad for so long. Time did work as usual. A lot of time but still, it worked. Really showed me how not to break up with someone, that's for damned sure. I wouldn't wish the blindside on anyone - well, besides that ex. haha

 

Thor, Twilight?! Really?! lol I hate to laugh but I would have probably laughed in her face if that happened to me. I almost wish it did! Might make it easier to move on from something like that, maybe. lol

 

 

 

Yes! My ex brought up Twilight in our break-up. REALLY? Twilight!!!! She avoided romance movies, her depressive mind couldnt give me a chance. I went from the perfect guy that she thought she would never meet, to road-kill.

 

Thats the best thing about healing, you can look back and just laugh at it all.