Has anyone ever heard of or did this to someone before??????

[dinopq]

I keep this short as possible being the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. My question to you for help is stated at the end....

 

My girlfriend and I broke up (she left me) this past July after being/living together for nearly 3 years.

We both are now 30 years old, never married, no children and both have great careers.

We were best friends, did everything together, loved each other and had both planned to spend the rest of our lives together.

 

I think the problem was that she couldn't trust me, however I never cheated on her.

That morning she left she called me and asked me if I wanted to continue the relationship as we were arguing about something insignificant. She said that she was going to get her things and leave and she would not be coming back.

I was in the middle of a meeting and asked if we could talk later.

She said fine and we hung up. I e-mailed her then next evening to let things cool off but no reply.

I called her on cell phone and got her voice mail and left a message that I was sorry and wanted to talk with her. Several days passed and I wrote another e-mail receiving no reply after finding out that she changed her cell #.

 

I then wrote several letters and sent them to her parents house where she I assumed she was living. Still no reply.

I then contacted her brother and mother to see if she was okay and that I wanted to talk with her.

Again no reply.

Several weeks past as I left her alone to work her feelings out. I again wrote another letter to her stating how sorry I was and how much I loved her. Still no reply.

 

To compound all of this we both work at the same company but at different locations however I have to attend meetings where she works. One morning several weeks later in a chance encounter, she is driving next to me in her new truck pretending to notice me. When I return to where I work a co-worker informs me that she called him "freaking out" that she saw me. I asked him that next time that he was at her location if he would talk with her.

He did and she told him that she didn't leave me for someone else but that she couldn't trust me and if I wanted to talk with her why didn't I go up to her desk and do it. He also said that she picked up the phone to call then put it down.

 

Now here is where things get complicated.

1. I know that she was "stalked" by her ex-boyfriend.

2. The company we work for is very high profile and I could possibly face harassment by doing so.

 

December comes and we are moving into the holidays and I have plans to marry her on New Years Eve. My aunt that is close to me passes away, my mom is in the hospital and I am working long hours.

Again, I write another heart felt letter to her expressing all that we shared together, how much it meant to me, how I never could or would cheat on her. Nothing in reply.

I gathered up all of the things that she left and brought them over to her friend's house. I was nervous when her friend answered the door as I began to express all that she meant to me. Her friend told me that she has not heard from her and that she sold her vehicle, bought all new clothes and won't even come back to her to get her nails done because it in the same town where we used to live. Daily I was asked by co-workers and family/friends if we were able to discuss. Embarrassed, I told them that I have heard nothing, not even a message from to let it go!

Christmas came as I brought out the decorations that we packed together a year earlier. I couldn't get myself to put them up as I fought to even leave the house. Several days after Christmas with new years quickly approaching I found what I thought was the perfect card and wrote yet another letter. Again nothing.

I then sent flowers to where she was living with her parents with yet another letter outlining my feelings. This time I really expected something, possibly final closure or a new beginning. Yet again, I received nothing.

New Years Eve passed as I spent it alone with the ring I had planned to give to her in my hand. I went into the New Year with initial feelings of a new beginning and hope, but with every evening and weekend without her I felt lost. January past as I sunk into deep depression and again removed myself from family and friends.

And yes, I did seek help, medication, etc. The advice I received from the "professionals" I saw was to; "get over it", "move on", "it wasn't meant to be", "...in the next relationship", etc. Medication?????? I was never depressed before...chemical imbalance???? Come on. I lost my best friend, future wife and she won't even talk with me after 6 months?

I then wrote the final letter to her in early February. Asking why she hated me so much and that I did still mean everything that I wrote in expressing all that she meant to me. Once again nothing in reply.

 

At this point I have not slept or eaten on a regular basis in 9 months. After yet another trip to the location where she works at, I run into a mutual friend that asks the weekly question, if I heard from her. After giving him an update he asks if I would mind if he went to see her. I said no and he left. Several hours later he calls me and says we need to talk. I meet him that evening and he relays the conversation that took place. He explains that she is not dating anyone else and that if I want to talk that I should stop by her and see her. Prior to knowing that she would say this I have told him that work is work and that a relationship and would should be kept separate. She told him that she agrees. She continues by telling him that by calling me would be giving into to me. After about 45 min. they concluded by him saying that there should be some closure and that she would like to talk but that it too difficult.

 

I have been absolutely devastated and paralyzed for 9+ months of my life by not hearing from someone that I loved and spent nearly 3 years of my life with. Writting another would be, I feel, a waste of time and would probably send the wrong message. I did try calling her at work 2 months back and will not do so again. Yes, I know I need to move on, it must not have meant to be and let it go, etc.. much easier than said even after 9 months!

 

The question:

Has anyone ever done this to someone, had this done to them or heard of someone doing this to someone?????

If so why? She claims that it is still too difficult to talk, but I really think that is an excuse. I have no closure to this and I guess I am somehow keeping some level of hope alive , as strange as that may sound after all this time.

Any help????

Thanks!!

[tiliquagirl]

There were times when I just didn't feel like I wanted my ex-boyfriend/best friend in my life because it was just too hard. The fear of getting hurt for some people is just too hard to handle and sometimes it seems easier to not have the person you love in your life at all because then there is no chance you could get betrayed or hurt. I've tried to explain why she done it but I'm sorry, I don't have the answer that will get her back. All I can say is my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me last week and I'm depressed and devastated but I'm trying to keep hope by knowing that there are 6 billion people in the world so the chances that there is someone out there that I will love more than my ex and that will love me more than my ex are very high!

[Ellee1]

dinopq:

 

I just want to say that this must have been so painful for you and I am so sorry that happened to you. I am assuming she just didn't think it would/want it to work anymore for some reason you don't know, and was too cowardly to face you and confront everything. Probably avoiding feelings of guilt, she was probably feeling enough of her own hurt for giving up the relationship and she didn't want to take yours on, too. I think it is terrible what she did to you. If you feel the need to break up a 3-yr. relationship, I absolutely feel you owe it to that person to at least give them closure.

 

Please try to continue to heal and you will be ok. You have already endured so much- more than a lot of people could take- and I think it's excellent that you have sought help for yourself. Please take care.

[alonegeek]

I have been feeling your pain, friend.

 

I cannot even begin to express the feelings I have had. The pain I have felt, the loss I incurred.

 

The excitement of coming home, seeiing the answering machine blinking and praying that it is her voice saying lets talk.

 

Praying as I open the mailbox, or check my email to see something from her, antying. Tell me I am a Jerk, an A$$hole, whatever - just communicate with me.

 

Stop making me feel that I was soo insignificant in your life for the past couple of years.

 

Give me some closure- after all the time we spent together I feel I deserve it.

 

And the pain, It does not lessen the pain to know that you have suffered the same as I, however it does make it easier to cope.

 

I truly feel for you, and my compassion goes out for you-