alonegeek

I have been feeling your pain, friend. I cannot even begin to express the feelings I have had. The pain I have felt, the loss I incurred. The excitement of coming home, seeiing the answering machine blinking and praying that it is her voice saying lets talk. Praying as I open the mailbox, or check my email to see something from her, antying. Tell me I am a Jerk, an A$$hole, whatever - just communicate with me. Stop making me feel that I was soo insignificant in your life for the past couple of years. Give me some closure- after all the time we spent together I feel I deserve it. And the pain, It does not lessen the pain to know that you have suffered the same as I, however it does make it easier to cope. I truly feel for you, and my compassion goes out for you-

The night I broke up with my ex, I had the same thoughts. What kept me from doing it ironicaly was her. Well not exactly her, but because of the religious beliefs she introduced me to. Those beliefs became mine, and I often wonder how true to her "faith" she really is... but this is topic for another board - religion saved me from suicide, its waht worked for me- it may work for you too?

thks - I will consider your response-

Okay here i am - its May now- My ex girlfriend and I broke up last August, over various reasons. Heres my problem - I cannot get over her. I want closure , yet I never received it from her. I had suspected her of being unfaithful in the relationship, she had changed, and I explained to her my distrust of her. She responded by becoming defensive, and I took that as a sign of guilt. So I broke up with her. Now please take into consideration that I was (still am?) very much in love with her, and would have done anything for her. part of me thinks I still would. After we broke up I spent the following week trying to talk with her, I wrote her letters, I left her flowers, etc.. she however felt threatened by me. After two years in a relationships with someone I felt that we should at least discuss what was going on. Within a few weeks of our breaking up I discovered she had a new boyfriend, which added to my "suspicions" as previously stated. I am deeply concerned for my own mental health in regards to this woman. My life has gone down the toilet, I've been out of work, I have no drive or energy, and the last thing I want is to get involved with someone else. Thankfully the weather has changed for the better, and I am starting to get out and do stuff, which has been very good for me. My unemployement insurance is almost out and I am seriously looking for work, and trying to get my life back on track. What confuses me is why do I still feel the pain, nearly 9 months later? She has not responded to my letters in the past, and I must honestly say that it hurts. How could someone who spent two years with me, who said she would marry me as recently as 3 months prior to our breakup, who wanted to "grow old" with me, be so cold and uncaring? Granted I do not think she is aware of the suffereing I have been through, I felt that telling her would be some sort of guilt trip for her and I still care too deeply and respect her not to do such a thing. Why can I not just get over her and move on? What can I do to help me in this process? I am really tired of thinking about her all the time, wondering what shes doing, if shes happy, etc.. please help wth any advice you can spare . Thank you- alone and sad