purbit Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I'm new here, but i've noticed alot of posts and threads about this and would like to express my view on it, purely for your own benefit. When someone has left you, particularly after a long term relationship it has been going through their heads for a long time. This typically isn't something that happens when they meet a new waitress (or waiter) when they are at the shops. The resentment, lack of care, fighting, differences between you have compounded to the point that they think they can do better. At this point they usually start to 'assess their options' it is common, most humans do it. They look around, see what else is out there and how easily available it is. In addition to this how 'well' we have done with our partner is an essential part of our self esteem. Most people have an internal compass to determine if they have a socially acceptable mate, and dating above their 'rating' makes them seem in the eyes of others as having done really well. I'm sure most of you have looked at your partner and thought 'i've done well' or 'they're doing well'. Now onto the third bit, contacting them with sappy or aggressive messages. Being 'onto them', calling them out on their 'lies' etc. Because of the first point the reality of the situation is, they really don't care what you think. If they've left you and have run of with someone else they have shown an absolute disregard for your feelings regardless of how touchy and nice they want to appear when they talk to you. The bottom line is when someone lies and rebounds they really do not care about you, or if they have a sceric of care they put their own happyness first. Now lets not blow this out of proportion, chances are they don't want to burn your house down or shoot your dog, they have just decided that they'd be more happy elsewhere. Most of the time they would probably prefer not to be inflicting this pain on you and that you would 'just get over it', but they're doing it anyway, because right now they want to lie/date this person/whatever. Now when you show anger/bitterness or beg them it shows them a few things. 1. They really don't care, they are over it and want to move on, they've given this serious thought and doing this pushes them further away (that doesn't matter). But 2. It makes you look pathetic. This is the most important thing here, you know the satisfaction you get of 'dating up'? Well imagine the satisfaction they will get if they had already thought they were dating up by dating you, and you turned into a quivering, angry mess in front of them? Congratulations, you have just shot their ego through the roof. They don't care that they lied to you, they love that you are angry at them. Indifference is the most offensive thing in the world. Anger/hate shows that you care, that they are some angel worthy of your passion and feelings. The second you text them showing anger or desperation you are just justifying their decision to break up with you, because these feelings at the end stem from 'i could never find someone like them I love them so much' and that is a state of mind that you will get over very very fast. So if your angry at your ex, keep it to yourself, if they dumped you chances are they have well and truly moved on. Tell your CLOSE friends who are not going to repeat it, go speak to someone about it (a professional) and just keep on moving forward. Remember the grass is rarely greener and there was a reason they were with you. If you can take a breakup on the chin and get on with your life you keep the most important thing, your self respect. Good luck to you all and god bless, I apologize if i sound preachy, its just the tone I seem to write on in here. edit - and if you run into them or they contact you, play it cool. But most importantly DONT SPILL EMOTIONS. They will send you teasers for some time after you break up and you will be tempted to be like "OMG YES I DO MISS U" don't do it. Before you send any message read over it and make sure it conveys a happy tone, impartial and no unnecessary emotion. If it includes the word 'miss, hate, angry, upset, hurt" then you are spilling. If you have the urge to contact them, don't. No good will come of it and when you run into them in person be happy, friendly and always have somewhere to go. Link to comment
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