To the people who want to contact their ex/say nasty things/glare at them etc.

[purbit]

I just dont want her to ever forget about me despite of everything because we did have a really good relationship despite it being LDR, i screwed it up by breaking up with her when i shouldnt have an i know that, and did alot of things after the break up to make it worse which was only out of anger. I just wanted to at least try one more time to clear the air and write her an email but i dont even know if that will do any good

 

It won't and you'll regret it.

 

You can write her an email if you are genuinely sorry, but note it will only make you look weak and reduce her chances of ever being with you again. But it may allow her to know that you do regret your actions. But think about the purpose of why you really want to write it first.

 

There is nothing wrong with apologizing if you feel you are truly at fault, but appologies rarely get someone back.

[purbit]

If you are wondering,...she has contacted me at the 4th month point. And the 6th month point. Each message progressively increasing in warmth. But, here's the thing...]

 

I find this is usually the case, because after 6 months (or even a year) they kind of forget the bad and if you have really worked on yourself they kind of mix their feelings towards the current you, with the positive feelings and it inspires hope.

 

That hope is usually quashed when they remember the negatives when you get back together, most relationship 'get back togethers' fail pretty fast.

[scorpion666]

i am truly sorry but at this point in time i know it'll only make things worse because she "hates me so much". Will she ever come around? will we ever be civil? or are things to far gone?

[seoulmate]

I just dont want her to ever forget about me...

 

But, do you want her to remember the caring and loving you? or, the person who won't stop contacting her when she asking to be left alone?

 

Trust me, she will never "forget" about you. But right now she doesn't want to be with you. Let her figure out her own life. You should stop and work on making each and every day of your life better, as well.

 

You will do yourself and her a lot of good by stepping away right now. You will only push her further away if you persist.

[purbit]

i am truly sorry but at this point in time i know it'll only make things worse because she "hates me so much". Will she ever come around? will we ever be civil? or are things to far gone?

 

Who knows really. It's all pretty meaningless drama at the end of the day, its not like you tried to screw up her life so I doubt she'll hate you for too long.

 

But if its long distance relationship theres almost a certainty that you'll never run into her, so you'll never know. If you want to apologize do it now and move on. But don't expect any future contact from her.

[purbit]

But, do you want her to remember the caring and loving you? or, the person who won't stop contacting her when she asking to be left alone?

 

Trust me, she will never "forget" about you. But right now she doesn't want to be with you. Let her figure out her own life. You should stop and work on making each and every day of your life better, as well.

 

You will do yourself and her a lot of good by stepping away right now. You will only push her further away if you persist.

 

I agree with this. Respect her wishes.

 

And whatever you do don't respect her wishes by TELLING HER that you are respecting her wishes.

 

If she says leave her alone then do it.

[seoulmate]

i am truly sorry but at this point in time i know it'll only make things worse because she "hates me so much". Will she ever come around? will we ever be civil? or are things to far gone?

 

Can I ask you....

 

What will attract her back to wanting to be with you again? Step back and be honest with yourself. What attracted her to you in the first place? And what has changed since then and now?

[purbit]

Emotions make guys do pretty stupid things. I think everyone recognizes this. I've had friends write chicks 2 page long letters after the girl became uninterested trying to make themselves feel better. I have no idea why its the native impulse of humans to self destruct.

[purbit]

Can I ask you....

 

What will attract her back to wanting to be with you again? Step back and be honest with yourself. What attracted her to you in the first place? And what has changed since then and now?

 

I think its probably best for him to move on to other chicks, learn from it and grow. I'm not even sure its all his fault. Don't necessarily make it about her, most men are bred by their mothers to admit fault in any situation, chances are she's equally at blame and he should just leave her alone and move on.

[scorpion666]

seoul i know what you mean, its just easier said then done, she was my first love and we went through heaps together so i cant just forget about her. is she acting out of anger and hurt or is she really meaning what she says when she says things like "shes hates me, im psycho, doesnt care about me anymore" she is a hard ass, stubborn girl but really?

 

And purbit i really want to but im scared she either wont read it or she'll be like "oh my god just leave me alone, i dont care"

[purbit]

seoul i know what you mean, its just easier said then done, she was my first love and we went through heaps together so i cant just forget about her. is she acting out of anger and hurt or is she really meaning what she says when she says things like "shes hates me, im psycho, doesnt care about me anymore" she is a hard ass, stubborn girl but really?

 

And purbit i really want to but im scared she either wont read it or she'll be like "oh my god just leave me alone, i dont care"

 

Then don't. I think its a bad idea anyway.

 

If she was your first love then you 100% need to move on. The ultimate irony is that most first love's end in disaster.

[seoulmate]

seoul i know what you mean, its just easier said then done, she was my first love and we went through heaps together so i cant just forget about her. is she acting out of anger and hurt or is she really meaning what she says when she says things like "shes hates me, im psycho, doesnt care about me anymore" she is a hard ass, stubborn girl but really?

 

And purbit i really want to but im scared she either wont read it or she'll be like "oh my god just leave me alone, i dont care"

 

I don't believe that anger is the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite of love. I'd be more depressed if she simply ignored me. That is not to give you any false hope. But for some reason, she is expending energy on telling you how much she does not like you. If I don't want to be with someone and don't care about them then I won't contact them whatsoever. I definitely won't tell them their a "psycho". I'll just walk away. I'll avoid contact. They can try to tell me how much they hate me, but I'll ignore it. After all, I probably feel very relieved I'm out of that relationship.

 

I'd take her lashing out at you as as sign that she loved and cared about you a lot. But, she doesn't want to be in the relationship right now.

 

Step away. Take a deep breath. Understand you may have not done anything wrong whatsoever. But, you are never going to change free will. She has made a decision. Respect it.

 

...but don't go sit on the sidelines and wait.

[scorpion666]

and seoul- because i want her to realize that being apart from her has made my love grow for her more and that i truly cant live with out her and i feel like shes the one its only day 2 of NC and im trying so hard to refrain from contacting her. And yes she didnt make things easy. I tried hard to get her back, i begged and pleaded and she mostly ignored me and when she did reply she was nasty to me...i dont understand how she didnt even want to work on things considering she "truly loved me"

[purbit]

I agree with this. I'm not sure if you'll agree with me here, but I find anger is typically connected to some type of emotion which humans usually regard as positive. Ie if someone you care about lets you down you get mad at them. If someone you couldn't care less about lets you down then you usually really don't care.

 

I find for this very reason that when you show anger towards someone, it usually shows that you care about them to some extent. If you didn't care at all you'd be polite and just get out of that situation.

[seoulmate]

and seoul- because i want her to realize that being apart from her has made my love grow for her more and that i truly cant live with out her and i feel like shes the one its only day 2 of NC and im trying so hard to refrain from contacting her. And yes she didnt make things easy. I tried hard to get her back, i begged and pleaded and she mostly ignored me and when she did reply she was nasty to me...i dont understand how she didnt even want to work on things considering she "truly loved me"

 

If you truly love her...then showing that love is to truly listen to what she is saying to you right now. She is saying "leave me alone". Show her you love her and do it. She's not stupid, she'll figure out what she wants and doesn't want in life. If it is yu that she wants to be with then let HER come to that conclusion. You can't make her come to that conclusion.

 

You've already said everything you need to. She has heard it. Now let her go think about it. Give her that time. And that time may end up with her realizing that she doesn't want to be with you. That is hard to accept but you have to start accepting that now.

[seoulmate]

I agree with this. I'm not sure if you'll agree with me here, but I find anger is typically connected to some type of emotion which humans usually regard as positive. Ie if someone you care about lets you down you get mad at them. If someone you couldn't care less about lets you down then you usually really don't care.

 

I find for this very reason that when you show anger towards someone, it usually shows that you care about them to some extent. If you didn't care at all you'd be polite and just get out of that situation.

 

Yes, I agree with everything you wrote here.

[scorpion666]

i know but i just feel like if i let her go, i'll be losing her even more to her "new guy" and also when she found out that i was crushing on someone else she went mad at me and was all like "ew" "yuck" and she and my family dont get on an they have both said things that were out of line to each other which has made her even more hostile towards me

[EgoJoe]

i know but i just feel like if i let her go, i'll be losing her even more to her "new guy" and also when she found out that i was crushing on someone else she went mad at me and was all like "ew" "yuck" and she and my family dont get on an they have both said things that were out of line to each other which has made her even more hostile towards me

 

This chick is demonizing you to justify her actions. Heal and move on. She will crash and burn.

[seoulmate]

i know but i just feel like if i let her go, i'll be losing her even more to her "new guy" and also when she found out that i was crushing on someone else she went mad at me and was all like "ew" "yuck" and she and my family dont get on an they have both said things that were out of line to each other which has made her even more hostile towards me

 

Step back and read what you just wrote...

 

She is with someone else. That person is not you. Do you really want to spend your energy and your time fighting for someone that is: (1) telling you to leave her along; (2) jumped into a 'relationship' (if that's what you can even call it) with someone else?

 

Let's be honest here...anyone who jumps into dating someone almost immediately after being with you is sending some really big red flags.

 

There is never a way to 'get her back'. But, I can tell you this with 100% certainty...your current strategy will never ever work. And, it result in you experiencing more undeserving pain.

 

Be strong, and confident. Walk away. It's funny what happens when we respect ourselves - others seem to be attracted to that, as well.

[scorpion666]

well i am trying to, i just didnt want to end as enemies i would of atleast preferred if we were civil but yes i am walking away now and i hope she realizes that shes making a mistake and i hope she comes around in the future

[EgoJoe]

She is the one losing out on a guy like you who loves her unconditionally. She is the one demonizing you to justify her actions. Believe me when I say this, she will go through her own hell and eventually it will dawn on her.....or worse she will never realize it and will perpetuate a cycle of relationship hopping and demonizing and end up as a man hater when the problem was her and the people she chose.

[scorpion666]

i know and it just feels like she is punishing me, when some of it was her fault too. The funny thing is one of her exs put her in hospital and she still had the courage to take him back, i make one stupid mistake and i get punished, even when ive tried to millions of times to get her back and have apologized so many times, its unbelievable really

[seoulmate]

well i am trying to, i just didnt want to end as enemies i would of atleast preferred if we were civil but yes i am walking away now and i hope she realizes that shes making a mistake and i hope she comes around in the future

 

She is human. She won't be angry forever. If you leave her alone and let her figure out her own life she'll make the choices to make her happy.

 

I don't think you should contact her whatsoever. Don't even contact her to tell her you are not going to bother her. Just walk away right now. I know it hurts. I know you want to fight and "show her" how much you care and love her but it won't work.

 

She will not be your enemy.

 

But, I don't like your last sentence..."she's making a mistake". Don't you wish her to be happy in her life? If she is happy and it is not beside you, isn't that 'okay'? If you really loved her you would realize that love is not conditional. Like, you don't "love" someone because they choose you. If you cannot be happy for her for her own choices and you are already wishing she realizes she 'made a mistake' then I don't think you are being fair to her.

 

If you want to work on changing yourself ... I'd start with that point above right away. Love people for who they are not who they choose.

[marconi68]

Be kind to yourself now Scorp. And take the good advice from people like seoul, egojoe and purbit even if sometimes you don't wanna hear it. They're there to help and have plenty of experience and tips. Wish you well

[seoulmate]

Be kind to yourself now Scorp.

 

Perfectly said