To the people who want to contact their ex/say nasty things/glare at them etc.

[scorpion666]

yes you all have provided very good advice and i thank you all so much. Im sorry i guess im just hurting so much because i really loved her and i just feel like she is punishing me instead of trying to sort stuff out, afterall we shared a lot together and even planned to get married....that hurts to

[seoulmate]

yes you all have provided very good advice and i thank you all so much. Im sorry i guess im just hurting so much because i really loved her and i just feel like she is punishing me instead of trying to sort stuff out, afterall we shared a lot together and even planned to get married....that hurts to

 

Yes, it hurts. And we all understand and have been there. The only way for it to begin not hurting is to do as you say you are going to do. She is not punishing you - she is making a decision. Whether you think that decision is not fair, immature, whatever...it is her decision.

 

If you've seen the movie 'Crazy. Stupid. Love' you'll remember the line from the move.. "Be better than the Gap".

 

It's time for you to be better than the Gap. Respect yourself.

[purbit]

yes you all have provided very good advice and i thank you all so much. Im sorry i guess im just hurting so much because i really loved her and i just feel like she is punishing me instead of trying to sort stuff out, afterall we shared a lot together and even planned to get married....that hurts to

 

You'll be ok mate. We've all hurt before. As they have said its time to think about yourself now. Stop blaming yourself, she's probably just as much in the wrong, her abuse just makes you want to appologise. You are far better off now trust me. You will see it in the near future.

[scorpion666]

i know i know im trying! she also told me the other day that she doesnt love me anymore which killed the most...do you think she meant it or was that just out of anger?

[purbit]

i know i know im trying! she also told me the other day that she doesnt love me anymore which killed the most...do you think she meant it or was that just out of anger?

 

Who cares. Love is a difficult emotion and IMO People group several emotions under the category "love".

 

She's not in control of herself dude, ignore what she says, her opinion no longer matters.

[seoulmate]

i know i know im trying! she also told me the other day that she doesnt love me anymore which killed the most...do you think she meant it or was that just out of anger?

 

I think you already know that none of us know the answer. I can tell you with certainty that she isn't saying it for nothing...she either does not love you and wants you to know it. Or, she is trying to hurt you. Either way, do those sound like good options? No. So don't analyze it anymore. Ignore it and walk away. Because I want you to remember this...if she says to you "I don't love you.." and you won't believe it. Then what about when she said "I love you..."? You believed it then but you won't believe this.

 

I don't like to use the word "love" until I know I can't "take it back" at will. It shouldn't be a moment...and it shouldn't so easily be something I can discard at will.

 

Don't let her do this to you. Be strong...

 

And...here's something for you to occupy yourself...instead of spending time on this. Why don't you make a list of things you want to accomplish this year? (And not things that you think will get her back!) I mean stuff you really want to do. And then start doing them... life is too damn short to let today get wasted.

[scorpion666]

i know it just hurt to hear it, she also has bipolar which makes things even harder on what to believe and what not to...

 

and yes i defs will seoul!!!

[purbit]

How old are you scorp?

[scorpion666]

im 23 and shes 19....

 

the more i think about things i more i hope she crashes and burns and i dont mean that in a vindictive way but ive come to realize and even going through my recent messages with her just how much (even though i tried to be civil) she's treated me like dirt....rubbishing our sex life to everyone, when i tried to remind her of us all she could do was say "yuck" its like i never even meant anything to her

[dizzyme]

Totally agree with EgoJoe here. If someone has treated you badly and you want to call them out on it and tell them off? Damn right you do it. You have a voice and a right to retain ur self respect and state the fact that what they did it not acceptable. Doesn't matter if they care/agree/apologise you just need to make ur point and have a voice so you don't crawl away feeling a victim. If someone doesn't like to hear it? They should treat ppl better

[secondchance67]

She is the one losing out on a guy like you who loves her unconditionally. She is the one demonizing you to justify her actions. Believe me when I say this, she will go through her own hell and eventually it will dawn on her.....or worse she will never realize it and will perpetuate a cycle of relationship hopping and demonizing and end up as a man hater when the problem was her and the people she chose.

 

Ego,

you are right on point here.

i cant wait for my ex to crash and burn...when it happens I will be long gone and over her.

She is a relationship jumper, buries her feelings and lives in denial that she is never wrong, and has convinced herself that the new guy is better than the 6 years with me.

 

Patience my friend...sit back and watch it all unfold...the trainwreck that is her life is still barreling down the tracks...it's only a matter of time.

 

They never change - NEVER - the cycles will repeat in one way, shape or form....and they will be the ones lonely in the end.

[im_the_undead]

indeed. i've lost friends due to my patheticness need to strap on my balls and be a man.

[scorpion666]

dizzyme- i know what you are saying, im just scared if let it rip with her then it will make things worse, like she will turn around and get even more nasty and make things even worse for myself

 

second chance- your ex sounds exactly like mine. She thinks she is perfect and can't do no wrong. she thinks her new lover is way better then our 3 months and everything we had. and yes she does relationship hop big time.

 

Im feeling like * * * * this morning, so much anger running through me that i just want to let out on her but i know i shouldn't because she will hate me even more. Im also feeling depressed and lonely and cant eat

[purbit]

dizzyme- i know what you are saying, im just scared if let it rip with her then it will make things worse, like she will turn around and get even more nasty and make things even worse for myself

 

second chance- your ex sounds exactly like mine. She thinks she is perfect and can't do no wrong. she thinks her new lover is way better then our 3 months and everything we had. and yes she does relationship hop big time.

 

Im feeling like * * * * this morning, so much anger running through me that i just want to let out on her but i know i shouldn't because she will hate me even more. Im also feeling depressed and lonely and cant eat

 

You were only with this girl for 3 months? Mate move on, thats nothing. You were obviously clearly not suited. Stop feeling angry and stop wishing bad things on her. Just drop it, leave her in peace, don't talk to her and don't say mean things to her. Get on with your life, forget about her.

[marconi68]

purbit, i know you said yourself that your writing style in here can come accross preachy, and the last advice ^ ^ ^ to scorpion is the right one, but the lad is hurtin' bad. It was his first love, knew the girl longer, so it was not so much the amount of time but depth of feeling, and it was a bad break up, for which he feels guilty and blaming himself for.

We all need to be told straight sometimes. Gawd i need to be shaken by the neck at times. And your posts and advice in here has been priceless to me and many others. But the scorp is hurting and yep he needs to be told straight, but he's a bit stuck too cos its so raw for him at the moment and trying to find his feet. Probably needs sympathy and empathy together with advice.

Thanks for the original post, i know myself and others got so much out of it.

Wish you well.

[Sparkie84]

I have a distinct feeling this post was made with my most recent post in mind. Everything you say is true but when the dumper leads the dumpee on a merry dance, playing with their feelings, giving them breadcrumbs, making them believe that there is a chance to get back together - it is very difficult to remain indifferent and unresponsive. Particulary when you are still madly in love with them. Following the 'breadcrumbs' stage from my ex I do feel angry and he knows this, I actually don't care if he thinks i'm pathetic - I really don't. He insists on contacting me for no reason and it is harbouring my healing. If being angry and mean to him keeps him off my back then so be it!

[purbit]

I have a distinct feeling this post was made with my most recent post in mind. Everything you say is true but when the dumper leads the dumpee on a merry dance, playing with their feelings, giving them breadcrumbs, making them believe that there is a chance to get back together - it is very difficult to remain indifferent and unresponsive. Particulary when you are still madly in love with them. Following the 'breadcrumbs' stage from my ex I do feel angry and he knows this, I actually don't care if he thinks i'm pathetic - I really don't. He insists on contacting me for no reason and it is harbouring my healing. If being angry and mean to him keeps him off my back then so be it!

 

I havn't read your story sorry. Its just most breakups follow the same route. I've been dumped and the one who was dumped before. Numerous times on both sides actually i'm just aware of the patterns they follow. I'm pretty sure what you just said above could be applied to 80% of breakups and for this reason I feel my original post was pretty universal.

 

All I can say to you is don't for a second think you won't get through this, you will and you'll be fine. No other person has control over you. People seem to feel that "MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME". It will be, after breaking up with someone you often learn and improve yourself (well, thats what you should do anyway).

 

I understand what you mean in that its sometimes easier for them to view you as pathetic so that they will leave you alone. Pathetic by avoiding contact from them and pathetic by contacting them are too very different things.