Gf meets new guy in class

[BlueVelvet1990]

So she met this guy in the same class as her in her university and they have the same major. Apparently this guy likes her a lot and what I'm concerned about is she gave her number to him. It makes me mad cause she gave her number out. She let me read her texts from this guy and this guy is coming on to her too strong even when they just met last week.

 

They only have one class together and it's a night class but he's tried to invite her our several times already. My gf is going to las Vegas next week with her sisters and this guy is insisting them to meet up there so I already know what he's trying to do. What makes me even more mad is she met up with him on Monday at some fast food place before class just to get a soda.

 

My gf finally added him in Facebook and I'm glad she did so he can see pictures of how much of a couple we are and she told me it backed him off and not to worry about anything cause she loves me and won't cheat on me.

 

Sorry for this long thread you guys, I'm just cautious cause it happened with my ex a few years ago and I was a guy in her class and turned out to spend more time with each other and they turned out liking each other. I don't want to overreact over this and Ill just let nature take on its course so I'm not going to question her but I kept looking through her phone nonstop yesterday.

 

Any suggestions guys?

[guynextdoor]

Blue your past is the past so can't compare the two. Now did your gf let this guy know she is taken? Has she been firm to letting him know she is not interested? As of right now I don't see she is doing anything wrong and its more of your insecurity issues.

[BrianH46]

Tell her that you are fine with her having male friends but you don't appreciate her being friends with a guy that is openly chasing her. It's just disrespectful to your relationship and honestly it doesn't matter if he knows she's in a relationship or not he'll pursue her none the less. If she insists that she stay friends with him, go out on an outing with you three and just go crazy PDA on your girl.

[endy]

How old are both of you and how long have you been together? If it bothers you that much then you need to set boundaries, but asking a million questions, showing her it bothers you over and over shows a lack of confidence. Either let it go all together, try and explain to her calmly that this is not ok with you, ask her if she thinks it would be ok if you gave your phone number out to women, and went out with them etc. set a boundary, and if it's breached again let her go.

 

Personally, I would let it go, not worry about it, because in a relationship with any woman I have confidence. What that does is really let her know that you know you're the best thing for her, and that things like this don't effect you because one... you value yourself enough not to worry about that, and two... if you have to you can end the relationship and not need her. The worst thing you can do in this situation is to overreact or become needy. That's going to cause her to lose attraction for you. The point comes to where if this guy keeps pursuing her you are going to have to set a boundary with it. If she's not being up front with him about your relationship etc, then that's a problem, but you need to set a boundary with that. You need to tell her once, if it continues you end the relationship and walk away.

 

Answer the two questions that gnd asked. I'm currently dating a girl that goes out with all sorts of guys at work. Guys hit on her, and it does not bother me at all. Why? Because I don't need her to be happy, and I don't attach myself to someone like they are all that I need in life. I never will in a relationship. I'm going to tell you something that you may have to learn on your own. Fear, kills relationships, but fear kills love even more. Fear strengthens the addiction you have to a person, but it kills love. So stop fearing anything. Try to work on building enough confidence in yourself to if the worst does happen in this situation you can walk away fine. You can't really act confident, you either have it or you don't.

 

Let us know how long the relationship has been going on for because this thread may very well save it before it's too late. If a man gets needy, jealous, or very emotional consistently a woman will lose attraction for him. This applies to probably about 80 percent of relationships. Don't let your emotions overtake you in other words. There's books that can help with this.

[eskimobobseal]

My girlfriend was friends with a guy in her school that clearly had a crush on her, he openly admitted it too, yet she still talked to him everyday and they are just "friends" to this day. I trust my girlfriend, as should you, and although it is only natural to feel jealous you need to control your feelings as best you can. Not caring about something like this shows confidence in not just yourself, but the relationship.

 

Basically, all I'd do is remind her not to lead the guy on, but if they want to be friends you have no problem with it. Exude confidence my friend, it'll help make your girl attracted to you even more and it'll keep yourself from being jealous, which is an awful feeling. She's hanging with some guy...so what? That should be your thought process. She is YOUR girlfriend, and that's all that matters.

[duke nukem]

Set boundaries man. Talk things through in a calm and respectful manner. Hell my ex was friends with a guy and 2 months after us and like 2 weeks after that guy and his ex broke up, they're together. Just be careful and play it cool.

[BlueVelvet1990]

Set boundaries man. Talk things through in a calm and respectful manner. Hell my ex was friends with a guy and 2 months after us and like 2 weeks after that guy and his ex broke up, they're together. Just be careful and play it cool.

That's exactly what happened with my last ex. She broke up with me and got with the guy in her clAss who liked her a lot.

[pl3asehelp]

I don't think it shows confidence at all if your gf is allowing men to hit on her and giving out her number without telling them she's taken. Basically, I think you're afraid that if you stood up for yourself and told her that you won't allow her to treat you like trash you're afraid she'd leave you - so the opposite of confidence.

[pl3asehelp]

This isn't confidence - it's just a lack of boundaries and allowing yourself to be treated like a fool.

[endy]

I don't think it shows confidence at all if your gf is allowing men to hit on her and giving out her number without telling them she's taken. Basically, I think you're afraid that if you stood up for yourself and told her that you won't allow her to treat you like trash you're afraid she'd leave you - so the opposite of confidence.

 

That's assuming that's what happened. In that case then yes I would have to agree. But you have to do it in a calm manner, not to instill a fear of abandonment. What does his confidence have to do with her actions? It's how he reacts to, and handles those actions that displays confidence or not IMO.

[greywolf]

Just because you two are together doesn't mean that your girlfriend will automatically stop having male friends in her life. I don't think she's done anything inappropriate with him.

[BlueVelvet1990]

That's assuming that's what happened. In that case then yes I would have to agree. But you have to do it in a calm manner, not to instill a fear of abandonment. What does his confidence have to do with her actions? It's how he reacts to, and handles those actions that displays confidence or not IMO.

 

Im so tempted to tell her off but I should just hold it in and see what happens later on. This guy is a total scumbag and wished he would just get lost and hit on other chicks.

[BlueVelvet1990]

Just because you two are together doesn't mean that your girlfriend will automatically stop having male friends in her life. I don't think she's done anything inappropriate with him.

Yeah I'm positive she hasn't but it bothers me cause this guy is so open to her and I've read his texts to her and one of them are like "we should grab dinner, just me and you

[DN]

I think it is highly inappropriate for someone in a relationship to encourage someone who they know is interested in them. This guy isn't interested in being her friend, he wants to be her boyfriend and she knows it. Going for a soda with him, giving him her number and adding him on Facebook, knowing what he wants, is totally disrespectful of your relationship.

[Mephisto13]

Why didn't she tell him she was in a relationship? Like, right off the bat, when he started flirting heavily with her?

 

I'd be more worried about that, than the guy hitting on her. Simply because, if she were happy in the relationship, why would she not stop the guy (it's only flattering the first couple of times...after that, it gets creepy...unless you return the sentiment), and more to the point, why go out with him "just as friends" when she KNOWS he wants more?

[pl3asehelp]

I think it is highly inappropriate for someone in a relationship to encourage someone who they know is interested in them. This guy isn't interested in being her friend, he wants to be her boyfriend and she knows it. Going for a soda with him, giving him her number and adding him on Facebook, knowing what he wants, is totally disrespectful of your relationship.

 

Agreed. And you're not 'confident' to sit by and watch your girlfriend disrespect you like this. To believe so basically means you're afraid and have been manipulated without understanding how.

[pl3asehelp]

That's assuming that's what happened. In that case then yes I would have to agree. But you have to do it in a calm manner, not to instill a fear of abandonment. What does his confidence have to do with her actions? It's how he reacts to, and handles those actions that displays confidence or not IMO.

 

It's in the OP - she gave him her number, he's coming on strong, he wants to take her to dinner just the two of them. His intentions are crystal clear. Confidence means when your gf starts disrespecting you, you have the balls to tell her you're not putting up with it. Not be afraid she'll leave you if you stand up for yourself and tell her she can't date around while she's in a relationship with you.

[BlueVelvet1990]

Ok those last 3 posts have me torn. I dont know what to do now guys. When we were out yesterday, she told me about this guy but she me him last week in class.

 

She had a soda with him during her break cause she has a long gap in between until her next class.

 

I asked her if she knew she was taken and she said she didn't tell him off cause she thought I would've been awkward since he was being "friendly"

she tells me that he's ugly but who knows.

What should I do guys?

[DN]

Tell her that she acted in an inappropriate way and if she wants to remain your girlfriend she needs to make it clear to this guy and any other guys that hit on her that she is in a relationship. Being platonic friends is a different issue but one way to make sure it remains platonic is to make it known at the outset that she is in a relationship and unavailable.

 

If she won't accept that then dump her.

[pl3asehelp]

Ok those last 3 posts have me torn. I dont know what to do now guys. When we were out yesterday, she told me about this guy but she me him last week in class.

 

She had a soda with him during her break cause she has a long gap in between until her next class.

 

I asked her if she knew she was taken and she said she didn't tell him off cause she thought I would've been awkward since he was being "friendly"

she tells me that he's ugly but who knows.

What should I do guys?

 

If she bought her own soda and that's the extent I think that's a different situation than the OP. Soda guy hasn't made his intentions clear, unless maybe he paid for it. However in the OP the suitor is being very clear about what he wants.

[BlueVelvet1990]

Tell her that she acted in an inappropriate way and if she wants to remain your girlfriend she needs to make it clear to this guy and any other guys that hit on her that she is in a relationship. Being platonic friends is a different issue but one way to make sure it remains platonic is to make it known at the outset that she is in a relationship and unavailable.

 

If she won't accept that then dump her.

 

Ok obviously he knows shes taken since he accepted he request on fb Monday night. He backed off yesterday cause I'm pretty sure he found out she was taken. How would I know if they do anything? She has a class with him every Monday night and it's they're last class.

[BlueVelvet1990]

If she bought her own soda and that's the extent I think that's a different situation than the OP. Soda guy hasn't made his intentions clear, unless maybe he paid for it. However in the OP the suitor is being very clear about what he wants.

She met him up at the fast food place and bought a soda while he had his lunch.

[pl3asehelp]

She met him up at the fast food place and bought a soda while he had his lunch.

 

That sounds completely innocent to me. I don't think he's made any indication he's romantically interested at all. You should have platonic opposite sex friends and this is what those types of friendships look like. This is WAY different from the OP though. In the OP case, this suitor has made it very clear what he's after and it's not friendship.

[BlueVelvet1990]

Yes I know he's after her but there's not much I can do without being immature by messaging him or something.

[Glowguy]

Yeah these situations suck and they are really difficult to deal with. Unfortunately I just don't think there is much you can do. They are in a class together and they will continue to interact. You just have to trust that your gf will handle things the right way but be alert and if they start spending too much time together or you catch her in a lie then she probably has boundary issues and it might be best to end things. You shouldn't have to explain these things to your gf and she should know how to put a guy in his place when he crosses the line. He did cross a line I think by asking your gf out to dinner but it sounds like she did not accept the invitation so that is a good sign.

 

The guy will probably continue to worm his way between you if she doesn't shut him down more aggressively but I think the best approach is to act like you don't care. If things start to look suspicious and your gut is telling you that things are off that's when you have to take action. So far this seems relatively tame and I think you'll notice if things take a turn for the worse. My advice is to leave it be. Speaking up about it will only make her resent you for not trusting her. If she is the type to succumb to his advances she will do it whether you discuss it or not.