Does it seem like I have outgrown my best friend?

[tygerwolf]

Hey you guys, I need your help and advice. I believe I have outgrown my best friend Marie. She blames it on my new relationship. I blame it on her inability to grow and adapt. If anything, I believe my relationship with my boyfriend has just brought to light problems that already existed that I chose not to notice before in our friendship...

 

We started being friends in the summer in my sophomore year of high school. She went to school with me and was my neighbor. She was bored so she came over and asked to hang out. Weve been best friends ever since. We would go to each others houses and watch movies and talk for hours. Or go out to the movies (guess what? I usually always payed for us both. She never had money). Fast forward to my Junior year of college. I am now 21 and she is 19. I feel like since we have been in college we have been growing apart.

 

I go to to art school and have been doing very well. I don't drink or party or smoke (never have). My best friend Marie (who joined college after me) Did the lot. Partied, drank and had a bit of drama. I didn't make a big deal about it. I didnt go out with her to do these thing because she knew I didn't approve. She doesnt drink as much as she used to and has gotten better but I still find that whenever we do hang out, she STILL never has the money to go anywhere or do anything. So we just sit around and I get to listen to her problems. She always have some drama or problem. I never do. So hanging out with her...usually involves some sort of drama discussion these days. Whether its about a fight with her boyfriend, friends or problems at home. Ive come to expect it every time we hang out. We dont just smile and have a good time.

 

Things got worse when I started to date my wonderful boyfriend who is 28. His age would normally be irrelevant (it is to me) but it made my friend Marie uncomfortable I think. Shes told my parents that she fears that he and I are going to run away together and get married or something. My parents LOVE him so they just laughed. Shes also very uncomfortable and edgy when shes hanging out with my boyfriend and I. Its so sad, my boyfriend can sense it so we dont hang out as a group.

 

I hang out with her less because she has become so negative and difficult and filled with drama. I want to be friends with her still but I feel like ive outgrown her. I dont know what to talk about anymore. Talking about my boyfriend upsets her and talking about her boyfriend makes her defensive (even though the conversation is light hearted). Shes always in some sort of predicament and doesnt know what shes doing with her life.

 

What do you think? Has this friendship become pointless or toxic? I want us to have a good time when we are together but we really don't anymore.

[annie24]

I might slowly back away from her. hang out, but maybe one on one, and don't talk about your bf. maybe just go and see a movie together. it does sound like you two are growing apart. that's ok, happens all the time. i know it sucks though.

[tygerwolf]

Thats the thing though, she never wants to go out and have fun. Shes bad with her money so she never has any to hang out with me. Thats why we always end up sitting around and talking or doing nothing at my house.

[annie24]

Did you tell her you didn't appreciate her talking to your parents about your bf? I think that was crossing boundaries.

 

When she starts complaining, do you ever just tell her you'd rather talk about something else?

[tygerwolf]

I actually havent told her that. I need to. Thankfully my mom is awesome and honest with me and tells me everything she says. I do need to talk to her about that though.

 

Well she and I are going to have a talk soon and im going to bring up all of these things. Friendships are supposed to create positive feelings not negative ones. A problem here in there is normal but I stress over her drama, especially when she asks for my help on how to pick up the pieces.