How to approach women when you are ALONE??

[Dougie_D]

What's the best approach to do this?

 

I've gone up to groups of women before but it's usually when the bar is kind of empty and I have been already sitting next to them or something.

 

It's probably BETTER to have a friend on your side, but 9/10 times, I'm going out solo.

 

Can anyone give me examples on how to "not seem creepy".??

 

Majority of girls are always in some type of group. 2 girls, 3 girls, 2 girls and 1 guy, etc...

 

Thanks!

[whes]

Hate to say it, but most of the time if I'm with a group of people I do not like being approached. I don't mind so much when I'm alone, but it's kind of embarrassing when I'm out with a group. It's harder to facilitate a conversation with a stranger when your friends are watching you. And usually you are in the middle of a conversation with your group and I know I don't really like my time with my friends to be interrupted.

[Alezia]

I wouldn't personally go towards a group of more than 2 women if you were alone at the bar. If you get a big group of girls, odds are that the majority of them are probably not single, and are just looking for a good night away from the men in the life or other responsibilities. A large number of my get together with friends involve leaving the boyfriend at home. Usually women who are looking to pick up on that night, and are available will be in smaller groups, but that's just from personal experience. They are the ones who will also purposely get away from the group at times- ex: go dance on the floor while the others are left drinking. If the girl you spot holds tightly to the group all night, and doesn't really scan the room, odds are she doesn't want to be approached.

 

It's more at getting good at reading the signals that women give, rather than specific locations that are better suited to approach women. Of course natural interactions are preferred to staged ones ex: someone you are sitting next to, shared interest in something etc.... I always get really awkward if I know the guy has bumped into me with no 'purpose'.

[galaxy71]

It's interesting how whes and Alezia seem to think that they reperesent all women. I think that women who post on internet message boards are different than women who like to party. I wonder if these women compare notes with their friends about the many ways guys approach them. I mean why would guys go to bars and nightclubs if women never wanted to be approached when they are with their friends no matter how good looking and charming the guys are. I can see Brad Pitt approaching a group of women at a nightclub. One of the women will speak up and say "I don't care that you're Brad Pitt. I don't care that you're good looking, rich, and famous. We're having a girls night out". Look at a bar and nightclub and you will see women laughing and smiling and giving out their phone numbers. Most of those women who are flirting with guys came with their friends. I hardly ever see women go to bars and nightclubs by themselves. Yet bars and nightclubs have the reputation as places where people go looking for a hookup. Sure, there are plenty of women who will blow you off no matter how charming you are. However, there are plenty of women there who will give you a chance if you approach them correctly. I think what Alexia misses is the fact that there are different types of bars. Some bars are neighborhood bars where people go to hang out with their friends. Then there are singles bars where people go looking for sex. My friend's uncle had a kid through a one-night stand.

 

I can see where whes and Alexa got their information. I can imagine the two girls approaching a group of guys at a bars. The leader of the group who has a lot of muscles will say in his Austrian accent "We're having a guys night out".

 

I just go up to groups of women and ask them how their night is going. Most of time, one of the women will respond while the other women in the group will stand by and watch the interaction precede. I then talk about whenever is on mind whether it be my day or the weather or drinks. Whatever you do, you will have to do most of the talking at the beginning of the conversation because you're a stranger who approached them. Once they think you're cool, you can let them talk about themselves. If a group of women blow me off, I walk away. It's no big deal.

[CMS]

quite simple actually, Dougie. First of all you need an opener, something that is interesting and designed to engage the entire group. So ask the group an debatable question while leaving a time constraint so that they think you are going to leave soon. So ask them something like "hey, my buddy and I are talking and we need quick female perspectives on this, do girls find guys that are taken more attractive?" (it does not matter what it is, you have to get the group of girls talking, and girls love to give you their opinion on controversial topics), so engage them to talk, make the group accept you while you do not focus just solely on your target only, then try to isolate her one on one later on by moving her to a different section of the bar.

 

But dude, everything I said depends on the ability to carry out a normal conversation with a girl, let along a group of girls, can you do that without invoking the gross bucket stories?

[Dougie_D]

So ask them something like "hey, my buddy and I are talking and we need quick female perspectives on this, do girls find guys that are taken more attractive?"

 

Do you have a better opener? That I can use when I'm ALONE?

 

But dude, everything I said depends on the ability to carry out a normal conversation with a girl, let along a group of girls, can you do that without invoking the gross bucket stories?

 

Haha! Yes, I think so. Most of the time when I tell gross bucket stories is when I know these people for awhile. Could be the 3rd time or so meeting them. That was mostly in college when I was at parties anyways. Usually when I tell the story, my "friends" are there too.

 

I just go up to groups of women and ask them how their night is going. Most of time, one of the women will respond while the other women in the group will stand by and watch the interaction precede. I then talk about whenever is on mind whether it be my day or the weather or drinks. Whatever you do, you will have to do most of the talking at the beginning of the conversation because you're a stranger who approached them. Once they think you're cool, you can let them talk about themselves. If a group of women blow me off, I walk away. It's no big deal.

 

How often have you done this ALONE? What's your success rate?

 

I wouldn't personally go towards a group of more than 2 women if you were alone at the bar.

 

I might as well not go out then! haha! Honestly, I think I have a better shot of getting a number if I am alone. 9/10 times, my buddy ends up hooking up with one of the girls and her friend hooks up with some other random dude. It's like I'm used as the wingman, and I initiate the conversation, but my friend somehow attracts more than I do. I feel like I'm the fat girl and he's the skinny one.

[CMS]

Dude I used some variation of "my buddy and I are talking and we need a quick female perspective on this..." alone all the time, it does not matter when you are with friends or alone, they dont know you, for all they know your friends are at the other side of the bar.

 

Dont approach groups of 2, always go for groups of 3 or more, trust me, a group of 3 or more can entertain themselves when you isolate a girl.

 

Make sure you engage ALL of them in conversation while maintaining the appearance that you are going to leave them anytime (you can do that by position your body such that you are appearing to leave anytime).

 

Lastly, always match and exceed their energy, never bring down their energy or you will fail.

 

If you have problem approaching people to have a normal conversation, then I advice you to go to mall during off hours and approach girls that work there (does not matter if they are hot or not, you need the practice), practice talking to them so you are comfortable, ask them for opinion about cloths and engage them in conversation. Dont worry about hitting on them, just talk and dude, they are paid to be nice and helpful to you so feel free to explore conversation topics after you ask them to help you out with some clothing.

[Alezia]

I'm not saying that I represent 100% of the female population. I just want Dougie to know that often times, when it's a large girl only group - chances are that they aren't always looking to hook up. If it's a mixed group, usually that's fair game - though they may also be boyfriends.

 

I'm also slightly biased in the fact, that I know that they are the hardest of situations to penetrate. So I think for Dougie, two or three single girls is probably where he should start. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's easier to get one to make a bad judgment on his looks and for the rest to just accept it.

[Dougie_D]

I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's easier to get one to make a bad judgment on his looks and for the rest to just accept it.

 

Ouch...

[Alezia]

It's the cold reality for anyone doing this cold approach at the bar, it doesn't specifically apply you to Dougie. All people really have to judge initially on is looks, so they do it. The more people you have judging you, the more chances there are that someone doesn't specifically like your looks. This is not about type, since usually someone will not be negative towards another person if they are still attractive, but not their type. Some women will ignore the comments from their friends, but I find that the most part is quite easily influenced.

 

It sucks, but this is all a rational point of view, even though it might not be the better good-feeling answer.

[capuccino83]

Whatever you do, do not do this. When a guy comes up to me to ask for a "female perspective" or any kind of opinion I know that he 1a)watched the Pick Up artist and learned his tricks from that or 1b) read the book and learned his tricks from that and 1c) read it on some internet forum and 2) is so bad in dating/meeting girls/social situations that he not only had to look up help but couldn't even bother to come up with something more creative then.. "let me ask you for an opinion on something.. but I only had 2 min before I have to go back to my friends".

 

I mean, come on man, you're 27. Does this actually work on any girl over the age of 22 with half a brain?

[Alezia]

Yeah, most people do see through it. Some of the more desperate ones will simply play along even if they realize it though.

[CMS]

so anytime a guy ask you for a quick opinion and you would equate that to try to pick you up?

 

wow, just wow (I will reserve my other comments to myself)

[Nightshade]

so anytime a guy ask you for a quick opinion and you would equate that to try to pick you up?

 

 

It would depend on the context of the environment and the conversation. If you are in a store buying bedding, and the guy next to you asks for an opinion on the pattern or size, it is doubtful he is trying to pick you up. He very well could be, but chances are that he is genuinely confused and just needs assistance. On the other hand, if that same guy comes up to you, says he must dash in a couple of minutes but wants your opinion on whether two girls making out is considered cheating on their boyfriends, he is definitely trying to pick you up.

[capuccino83]

^ what she said. And to add on to it, quick opinions don't happen at bars, unless its to ask where the bathroom is, and don't lead to dates. There's a big difference from a guy asking me if I know how to pick out a ripe pineapple at the grocery store when I am in fact, at the moment, picking out pineapples and a guy who comes up to me at a bar asking me for "female" advice on what do because his boss added him as a friend on facebook and now he feels awkward because he thinks she's hitting on him and then tells me I look like fun but have a slight attitude problem when I roll my eyes.

 

Honestly, if you go to a bar to pick up women - be prepared to be judged on your looks not ability to banter. Going to the gym is a much better investment, IMO.

[Dougie_D]

Even if a girl "thinks" I'm trying to pick them up, wouldn't that be BETTER for me? I would appreciate them telling me to WALK elsewhere if they already knew what my intentions were, and they weren't interested in me.

[Dougie_D]

If the only way to pick up women is by LOOKS than how do guys not as attractive hook up with women? Now, it seems like saying I need CONFIDENCE is a lie?

 

What's the truth? Being good LOOKING or having the CONFIDENCE to talk to women?

[agent1607307371]

Both.

 

And not everyone has the same standards or likes when it comes to looks. You just have to hope that you pick a mark who likes your looks.

[memento]

Hello Dougie_D,

 

Have you tried a different venue? Different types of people go to different club/bars. I know where I live different ethnic groups frequent particular clubs. I'm sure it's like that everywhere. You may be going to places and interacting with women that you really have no chance with. Also, if you're only going for the "hot" ones, you're in an uphill battle. You may want to try a different mindset then just trying to pick someone up, girls can sense it a mile away. You could go to network and meet someone that way, friend of a friend type thing.

[HalJordan]

Agree with memento, your desperation is smelly and picking random girls at clubs won't help your confidence at all.

Sorry if I'm talking nonsense Dougie, but about your looks, have you ever consider a new haircut?

Honestly your haircut seems unappealing (I'm straight BTW).

[capuccino83]

Even if a girl "thinks" I'm trying to pick them up, wouldn't that be BETTER for me? I would appreciate them telling me to WALK elsewhere if they already knew what my intentions were, and they weren't interested in me.

 

It's not that you're trying to pick them up.. it's that you're trying to pick them up in a very sleazy and unoriginal way (if you follow the advice that I commented against the first time).

 

I agree with whoever said that you smell of desperation, and no technique, approach or banter is going to cover that up. You need to get some self confidence.

 

Do you go to the gym? Do you dress nice? Do you know what's going on in the world at least enough to have a conversation about something.. anything.. so you're not standing there with a helpless look on your face saying "....umm.. you look pretty". I mean, anything.

[capuccino83]

If the only way to pick up women is by LOOKS than how do guys not as attractive hook up with women? Now, it seems like saying I need CONFIDENCE is a lie?

 

What's the truth? Being good LOOKING or having the CONFIDENCE to talk to women?

 

I think this works in several ways: 1) the those less attractive men are WAY confident and have something going on in their lives, 2) they usually have something to make up for lack in one area (for example, my ex bf was super short - which I don't like - but he was super fit - which I like.. so they kind of cancel out) 3) they probably don't go around meeting girls in bars/clubs as much.

 

I do think that confidence is number one. However, if you insist on picking up women in bars/clubs, expect that in that situation, looks come very close to number one. It's just human nature.. I mean, when you go out to a bar, had a few drinks and see someone you're not attracted to, do you really think "gosh, I don't like her that much but she seems like she'd be really nice and great to talk to.. let me give her a chance and learn more about her personality". I would think that if I met a guy in another situation, not a night out with my friends that I spent about two hours priming myself for.

[Alezia]

I personally hate cold-called romantic approach. There are many men who will just try a certain number of women in the bar in hopes that one will say 'yes'. It really depends on what they are looking for ultimately, but personally it doesn't interest me as it's easy to see what they are doing. I prefer when it starts slowly at least, than having someone jump you from behind while you dance. So yes, the few overtly aggressive ones have sort of ruined it for me.

 

I'm not saying that if I was single, it would never happen. But I'd rather it start by me eying him intensively from the back of the bar or something. I'm not usually comfortable with a guy approaching me to converse (with the clear intentions already made), if I haven't sort of spotted and analyzed him from a distance first.

 

Of course, we can't control what other people do, but yes, I usually send them off walking right away in a club or bar situation (not single). I know obviously that they are looking for something either romantic or sexual, so I save them the trouble.

 

I agree I'm also choosier in terms of physical appearance in clubs. Many of the guys I have dated and been in a relationship with, I would not have given a second look in a club. It's about the glamour, fashion and pure looks; not the intelligence.

 

Confidence is key, most definetly - but it doesn't negate the fact that you need to physically appeal to the girl. It doesn't include that cocky, "I'm so good act" that many guys put on - you know, the whole whistling when you are trying to go pee, or the grabbing you by the arm when you walk by etc... Just a sense of ease with yourself is fine, and being able to carry on a conversation comfortably.

[Dougie_D]

Confidence is key, most definetly - but it doesn't negate the fact that you need to physically appeal to the girl.

 

That's my big problem. I don't think I am physically attractive to girls. I DO go to the gym. The weight problem will have to take time.

 

Now, I don't have any FASHION SENSE. I need to hire someone who will give me a makeover. And I can't ask my friends opinions. Someone that knows my body height, body shape, hair, etc..

 

I've gotten haircuts before and some say "Too short" or "That looks great" ...but nothing else about it. I don't know how to "shape my hair" or anything.

 

When girls say CONFIDENCE..you are being to broad. Confidence in WHAT? A certain topic? I keep bringing this up. If I was next to guy that doesn't know how to play guitar, do you think he's confident in playing guitar?

 

What makes people decide someone doesn't have confidence? I don't get it. I have friends that are too scared to even go up and talk to random girls. How can you say I have a lack of confidence? But it's stupid..because most girls will go up to them, just because they are cute. The guys don't SAY or DO anything!

 

Can you break down CONFIDENCE? Because if it's about the confidence of being Fashionable, then YES.. I don't have much confidence in that department.

 

Too me, girls are getting this CONFIDENCE thing wrong. What women really want is a man to have SUCCESS.

 

That seems logical. A goodlooking guy will have an assumption of having SUCCESS with women, sex, relationships, etc...

 

When girls see men hanging out with other guys, they think he has a SUCCESSFUL social network.

 

Guys that continue to have SUCCESS in their lives will have CONFIDENT that they will be successful in other aspects. So they come off like they already know they are going to win.

 

I believe women want to have someone that they could attach themselves to. Women treat men like trophies. Not the other way around.

[capuccino83]

Unless you are trying to lose ginormous amounts of weight, getting in shape with proper diet and exercise shouldn't take that long. Do you work out every day? Do your count your calories daily and eat a healthy diet? Honestly, most people I've seen who have been serious about getting in shape have been able to make visible progress in several months.

 

Confidence is hard to define because its one of those things you just see and know. You know how they say that a person know if they want to hire you within 5 seconds of meeting you? That's confidence.. I like to think of it almost as confident/positive energy. You can portray more confidence by learning proper body language and confident speak, but if you have crappy energy, it'll give you away whatever you do. I think it comes down to really small things.. developing a positive outlook on life, stepping outside your comfort zone, learning to love yourself, and so on - all the things people have been telling you all along that you ignore in search of a quicker and sexier sounding solution. BTW, I don't think that going up and talking to a girl when you think you might be rejected is confidence. Confidence isn't an action, it's a feeling.

 

And I wouldn't separate confidence and success. I've yet to meet a successful person who thought he was a complete loser overall. And yes, women do want successful/confident men.. it's human nature. Would you want a girl who was constantly doubting herself, asking you if she is fat/ugly, looking for validation from you or other people to feel good about herself?