How to approach women when you are ALONE??

[blueidealist24]

Yeah, It doesn't seem soo bad, but women dissect everything. I'm mainly thinking about the age bracket...

 

Online dating is rough for men. We have to use all the info on the psychology of women to succeed!

 

I dunno, I'm 25 and I'm still looking for a guy who can be fun, although I want him to know when he has to be serious (like at work and stuff).. as long as his idea of 'fun' is not having sex with me and not calling me back.

[memento]

I dunno, I'm 25 and I'm still looking for a guy who can be fun, although I want him to know when he has to be serious (like at work and stuff).. as long as his idea of 'fun' is not having sex with me and not calling me back.

 

To me someone that not serious is the type of person to always joke around and to the point that it becomes really annoying. But at 25 would you date someone over 30 that is not serious and fun??

[blueidealist24]

To me someone that not serious is the type of person to always joke around and to the point that it becomes really annoying. But at 25 would you date someone over 30 that is not serious and fun??

 

I don't think I'd date someone over 30 to begin with. It depends on what you mean by 'not serious' though. I'm almost leaning toward saying yes, but I'm kind of a free spirit who doesn't have the same goals as a lot of people (house, car, kids, 9-5 job for the next 20 years, etc.).

[galaxy71]

Online dating is all about looks. It's hard to convey your personality and charm over the internet instead of in person. On the other end, it's easy for a woman to disqualify a guy based on height or race behind a computer screen. Something as simple as having a conversation seems to be easier in person at a bar than online. It's all about looks, looks, and looks online. What you see as quiet people with more depth, I see as socially inept, antisocial people who rely on online dating as a crutch.. It is the height of weakness to rely on online dating because you lack confidence in social settings. I know that online dating is great for older people when most people in their age group are already in relationships. I just see big red flags when someone uses online dating because they are quiet.

[memento]

I don't think I'd date someone over 30 to begin with. It depends on what you mean by 'not serious' though. I'm almost leaning toward saying yes, but I'm kind of a free spirit who doesn't have the same goals as a lot of people (house, car, kids, 9-5 job for the next 20 years, etc.).

 

Your not like most women then. That's good though, for you. But most want someone stable and ambitious.

 

Online dating is all about looks. It's hard to convey your personality and charm over the internet instead of in person. On the other end, it's easy for a woman to disqualify a guy based on height or race behind a computer screen. Something as simple as having a conversation seems to be easier in person at a bar than online. It's all about looks, looks, and looks online. What you see as quiet people with more depth, I see as socially inept, antisocial people who rely on online dating as a crutch.. It is the height of weakness to rely on online dating because you lack confidence in social settings. I know that online dating is great for older people when most people in their age group are already in relationships. I just see big red flags when someone uses online dating because they are quiet.

 

It is about looks to an extent but there are plenty of women that will be interested. Online dating was just a suggestion. It's another tool for meeting people. If you want the best results you have to use everything to your advantage, including the internet. I been contemplating using it lately myself and I'm not weak..

[lalalollipops]

Shave off your goatee/beard, grow out your hair, dye it a darker brown and go to the gym and tone up.

[memento]

Shave off your goatee/beard, grow out your hair, dye it a darker brown and go to the gym and tone up.

 

Haha

 

May I hire you as an image consultant as well?

[bulletproof]

WHY? Because I'm UNATTRACTIVE? If that's the case, then why have people said it's about CONFIDENCE and not looks? If it's because I'm not 6 foot, beautiful smile, toned body with a 6 pack, etc... THEN tell me! And I will NEVER go to a bar looking to meet women.

 

No it has nothing to do with whether you're attractive or not. I'm saying that cold approaches in bars are not usually the best way to meet someone. The primary reason being that you know zero about the person you're approaching (including whether she's single), and the only real thing you have in common at that point is that you both like to go to bars. Which is not a super solid foundation for a relationship. Not to say you might not find that you have more in common, but it's a lot more likely that you would find someone you relate to if you are doing recreational activities in your life that you enjoy.

 

You've heard it all before. But you don't seem to want to hear anything about what you can do differently.

[Dougie_D]

recreational activities in your life that you enjoy.

 

Is POOL or DARTS not recreational activities?

 

I also don't have cable so when I want to watch a sports game, I go to the bar. I have no access at home.

 

I've taken some DANCE class at my local gym. No one has time to "mingle".

 

I'm ALL about going bowling, but I've yet to find a "group" of bowlers on my level. They have leagues but a lot of them are "already created". I haven't found a league where they just let "anyone in".

 

I RARELY go out the dance CLUBS. I don't go LOUNGE bars. I'm the sporty guy.

 

I am a NIGHT owl. What choices do I have? Besides going to a MOVIE or Club/Bar?

[Dougie_D]

Shave off your goatee/beard

 

I thought this WAS the REASON why my last picture doesn't look good. I've heard NUMEROUS people say I don't look good when I shave my beard.

 

I have a smaller chin and a smaller jaw. I used to have a bad overbite. Basically, I can become skinny as * * * * but I will look as if I have a double chin. It's either a beard or surgery...like a chin implant. That was the reason why my parents suggested plastic surgery.

[Thorshammer]

Depends on the environment. Out during the day in a non-social place is really hard compared to a lounge or bar.

 

I would open with a joke and always shoot out the friend vibe at first. If she is in a group, then you need big cajones to add everyone into the conversation, which means you extend the friend vibe to all of them (including guys). You cant single her out, she might be bailed out by one of her friends, plus... its easier to reject someone if they are in a group in which they are participating in.

[lalalollipops]

I thought this WAS the REASON why my last picture doesn't look good. I've heard NUMEROUS people say I don't look good when I shave my beard.

 

I have a smaller chin and a smaller jaw. I used to have a bad overbite. Basically, I can become skinny as * * * * but I will look as if I have a double chin. It's either a beard or surgery...like a chin implant. That was the reason why my parents suggested plastic surgery.

 

 

Believe me, if you lost some weight, your facial definition would come out and your jaw line would be more prominent.

A medium length hair cut would define your face more too. Dye it in a deep chestnut colour, instead of the very dark dirty blond you have right now.

Going to the gym will widen your shoulders, men look good with wide shoulders imo.

[Dougie_D]

I would open with a joke and always shoot out the friend vibe at first. If she is in a group, then you need big cajones to add everyone into the conversation, which means you extend the friend vibe to all of them (including guys). You cant single her out, she might be bailed out by one of her friends, plus... its easier to reject someone if they are in a group in which they are participating in.

 

Wait? Isn't that what I DON'T WANT to do? Send a FRIEND vibe? Apparently I do that anyways! I'm always in the friendzone.

 

I know what you mean.. I call it Va-J-J blocking. I once bought a girl a beer (I rarely do that by the way) and then talked to her at a table. She was with another friend. The friend immediatley said "Why did you NOT buy me a beer?" I thought it was over, but I continued to talk to the girl I liked. After awhile, I SAW her tap her friends (the girl I liked) foot underneath the table (a sign of "lets get out of here" or "I don't like this guy"

 

That SUCKS! Why does a guy have to get an APPROVAL of ALL her girlfriends???! Girls can't make their own decisions?

 

AKA: Women have NO confidence of what they really want.

[agent1607307371]

I know what you mean.. I call it Va-J-J blocking. I once bought a girl a beer (I rarely do that by the way) and then talked to her at a table. She was with another friend. The friend immediatley said "Why did you NOT buy me a beer?" I thought it was over, but I continued to talk to the girl I liked. After awhile, I SAW her tap her friends (the girl I liked) foot underneath the table (a sign of "lets get out of here" or "I don't like this guy"

 

That SUCKS! Why does a guy have to get an APPROVAL of ALL her girlfriends???! Girls can't make their own decisions?

 

AKA: Women have NO confidence of what they really want.

 

Dougie, how do you know she didn't just not like you. Girls get beers all the time, and take beers all the time. Unfortunately, it doesn't always mean anything other than the girl wanted a free beer.

 

Also, you could have bantered with her friend? Why didn't you buy her a beer? You could have joked with her about it.

[Thorshammer]

Wait? Isn't that what I DON'T WANT to do? Send a FRIEND vibe? Apparently I do that anyways! I'm always in the friendzone.

 

I know what you mean.. I call it Va-J-J blocking. I once bought a girl a beer (I rarely do that by the way) and then talked to her at a table. She was with another friend. The friend immediatley said "Why did you NOT buy me a beer?" I thought it was over, but I continued to talk to the girl I liked. After awhile, I SAW her tap her friends (the girl I liked) foot underneath the table (a sign of "lets get out of here" or "I don't like this guy"

 

That SUCKS! Why does a guy have to get an APPROVAL of ALL her girlfriends???! Girls can't make their own decisions?

 

AKA: Women have NO confidence of what they really want.

 

When you approach you should never be too aggressive, especially if you are alone. Your approach might be obvious enough that you are interested. After you break the ice of contact, then you start with attraction (which you asked in another post). So, when i say friend, i dont mean you ask if they like transformers- its just a neutral less-stressful approach, especially if she has a group shes invested in.

[Baily]

You gotta be having fun or it's over...if you are standing there board...they notice.... smile, introduce yourself to some other girl or guy that is close by. If you can't talk to the dude that is near you ...you aren't ready to talk to the ladies.

Having fun is rule #1 - number 2 buy drinks....don't ask ...just buy em......if you can't afford drinks for her....it's time for you to leave the bar.

 

and meeting chicks at the bar is almost impossible if you are trying to hook up...better off joining a hobby group with your same interest.

[bulletproof]

Is POOL or DARTS not recreational activities?

 

I also don't have cable so when I want to watch a sports game, I go to the bar. I have no access at home.

 

I've taken some DANCE class at my local gym. No one has time to "mingle".

 

I'm ALL about going bowling, but I've yet to find a "group" of bowlers on my level. They have leagues but a lot of them are "already created". I haven't found a league where they just let "anyone in".

 

I RARELY go out the dance CLUBS. I don't go LOUNGE bars. I'm the sporty guy.

 

I am a NIGHT owl. What choices do I have? Besides going to a MOVIE or Club/Bar?

 

You have tons of choices and you can probably go back through your other threads and find them all- people have made many suggestions. If you are the sporty guy, then join an actual team. Do you honestly believe that the entire world only goes to a move, club/bar at nighttime? There are a million other things to be involved with. But you always resist and always have a list of reasons why you can only focus on meeting women in bars. More power to you if you want to keep doing the same [failing] thing over and over, but I don't really understand why.

[Dougie_D]

If you are the sporty guy, then join an actual team. Do you honestly believe that the entire world only goes to a move, club/bar at nighttime? There are a million other things to be involved with.

 

Oh...I meant I enjoy watching sports. I'm not that athletic.

 

I really don't know what other things to do during the night time? Most people just said to volunteer somewhere, go on a hike, etc...

 

I am VERY clueless on things to do after the evenings. I would love to go to a Lakers/Clippers game, but that's too much money.

[goodfoot]

Any time there is a mixed group I talk to a guy first. He can tell you which girls are available. If you really befriend him, he may do must of the work for you.

[Alezia]

A few things to say Dougie, first about the dating profile.

I agree with the others saying if you mention 'casual' dating, you would be out of my dating selection right away. I may not be your type of girl either, but most girls try to filter out guys who are simply looking for sex vs. looking for more. Guys which pick every single option look indecisive about what they want out of life.

The second thing that would turn me off is your 'personality' tab. There are some things some women could care less about such as mathematical abilities, adventurous, or purity. You've scored low on those first two - but some women hate maths, and love to stay at home which is no big deal. I just can't imagine many girls who wants a guy that is not trusting,not kind or not compassionate. You are like at -100% on those meters!!!

[Alezia]

Personally, I am a slightly bizarre girl compared to my friends. I am not shy per say, but I have odd quirks when it comes to romantic approaches.

In a professional setting, or a setting where it's clear there is no sexual tension; I can just walk up to people and talk to them. As soon as the situation is less clear (parties, bars etc...), I become more nervous about people's intentions (especially that I am not single). I do not like to be singled out right away as someone who is getting pursued. When you bought a beer to one girl but not the other, you are clearly singling out to the other woman that you don't care about her. She's not worth your time, and you are only putting up with her because she was beside the first girl. The first girl will probably be more conscious, because she knows you are after her right away.

 

My friends will all love being the center of attention, and made better than said girl beside her. On the other hand, I would feel targeted and uncomfortable. In neither cases would the first woman be unhappy if you had both bought them drinks. It gets even worst when the first girl is not single, and the second one is..... you definetly can't try picking up the other one afterwards.

[capuccino83]

Here's a random thought.. if you are a night owl, and the only places you can go out are bars and movies, why not, for two or three days a week, wake up before noon and do a normal person activity? Like volunteer and other such things that people suggest.

 

As for the gym thing, I simply brought that up because you said that getting in shape takes a long time and therefore won't help you. I disagree, I think that with hard and consistent diet and exercise (not sometimes I do, sometimes I don't), you can really get yourself in much better shape in a few months. At which point you took offense, which I don't really understand or see as rude. If you insist on going out and meeting women in bars, you will have better success if you're in better shape and decently dressed. It isn't rude for people to point those things out.

[Dougie_D]

If you insist on going out and meeting women in bars, you will have better success if you're in better shape and decently dressed. It isn't rude for people to point those things out.

 

I agree it's NOT rude when people say it the way you just said it. You explained nicer. Most people just say "why are you wearing that?, you look stupid", "you look like such a mess", "you are overweight dude, hit the gym or something, you look like a slow turtle", etc...

 

Apparently they make a point to kind of make me feel bad instead of telling me in a nicer way. When you CONSTANTLY hear it from random people, it makes you feel like crap. Which makes me what to take offense.

 

wake up before noon and do a normal person activity? Like volunteer and other such things that people suggest.

 

Volunteer is not my thing. It feels like work. I have absolutely NO interest. Also, I have MANY friends who have NEVER volunteered. I don't think it's common. People who volunteer have a passion to do it, not to try meet new people. The last time I "volunteered", was so I was able to sneak in at E3. I handed out a bag of goodies. Most people volunteer at "events". It's like a one time deal. It's like my "meet-up" group. I only get to do it once a month.

 

Are there things I can do that's more on a "daily" basis? I like going to the bars, because I know I can walk in at any time.

 

Also, I do wake up early on the weekends. I live 3 hours behind, so when a game is around 1:00, I'm at the bar at 10:00 a.m!

 

Most people go to work and come home and stay in for the night. What does these people do?? I don't understand it. My roommates never want go out the bars with me or anything. It's almost like I have to wait on "their time".

[agent1607307371]

Dougie - are your roommates your friends?

[Dougie_D]

I'm not sure...but they have asked me to go out with them before. But it's normally on their terms and it's usually because they need company. Also, one is with his girlfriend and is rarely here. I see him once a week. He doesn't sleep here anymore. The other roommate, girl, will come home and yap on the phone or stream * * * * on the internet.

 

I think it varies on people. Some people like to go out and some people stay in.

 

That girl that I liked was a NIGHT owl. and a beer drinker. That's why I was so attached to her.