Rangafro Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Deal breaker. If they are too fussy even for that I can't imagine they'd be interested in anything other than missionary with the lights off. Link to comment
BlueEagle Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I don't know if it'd be a deal breaker necessarily per se. I'd try to communicate with her about it and see if we could reach some middle ground. In my last relationship my ex didn't seem to want to give and even when she did, she didn't do it for very long or often (she never initiated it either), yet I reciprocated for her and did so willingly and didn't mind at all. That's another case where communication could have been helpful to candidly discuss needs and what we like. Link to comment
mxpx182 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 My gf is waiting until marriage (she's had sex before, but that was long in the past). And although I support her decision and think it's for the best it also drives me crazy. She's the only girl I've dated that I have never given an orgasm to and it really weighs heavy on me. Especially because she was ok with it for a little while but didn't have one when we did. I love oral. Giving and recieving. Link to comment
skippy10 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 The girl that I was with and gave great head was impossible to be with. The one I truly loved was not, shall we say nearly as adapt or gifted, but I wish she was with me now. Probably depends are where you are in your life. Link to comment
quirky Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 Huge deal breaker. Both receiving and giving. I don't understand why it wouldn't happen if 2 people are inlove. Link to comment
skippy10 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 I'll go down on you site unseen!! Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Yes a deal breaker. Sex in a relationship is about being open to each other, trust, and exploring sexuality, for me anyway. So taking anything off plate is a big thing. Openness and trust is important. Link to comment
Leya Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Deal breaker. If they are too fussy even for that I can't imagine they'd be interested in anything other than missionary with the lights off. Oh, I respectfully disagree My guy and I do kinky stuff, have sex a LOT, all sorts of ways, positions, rooms, etc (lights always on, lol)...we are a very sexual couple. Just oral sex just doesn't seem to work for us so we don't bother. So don't strike a girl off so early! You never know what she could be into I had a guy in the past who LOVED receiving it...but he was very large and he a took a while and so my jaw would start to get really really painful. So, I started to get an aversion to it. I started to associate oral sex = crippling jaw pain. So there can be many circumstances why it just doesn't really work for a couple (oh the other issue I have had is the well endowed guy who insisted on "deep throating" aka GAGGING me...sorry, I dont' like the feeling of not being able to breathe, almost vomiting..and I was turned off on the fact that the guy was okay with depriving me of oxygen and making me SO physically uncomfortable. He had clearly watched a lot of porn...) Anyways, just my 2 cents. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I like giving more than receiving. If they're happy, I'm happy. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I like giving, but tell you the truth BJ's don't really work on me. I've never been able to get off of one. Link to comment
scklbad Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Yes a deal breaker. Sex in a relationship is about being open to each other, trust, and exploring sexuality, for me anyway. So taking anything off plate is a big thing. Openness and trust is important. i don;t think that's fair...some things just make people uncomfortable...what if your partner asked you to let them poop on you? If you said no you would be a hypocrite. OP I am a 22 yr old kisslss virgin..but eating a girl out is what i most want to try if i ever find a girlfriend lol. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 ^ That's completely different. BJS and things like that is like the basics. It's vanilla um foreplay for god sakes lol. If somebody wanted a threesome every 3 months or sth, that would be a deal breaker. It's just on a different scale to basic things like BJS etc. I mean that's part of sex and it's not like deviating from the norm or extremely kinky. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I enjoy giving BJs but I could be with a man who didn't want them. My last ex did not like going down on women - at all. It would make him gag. We were together for a very long time so it obviously wasn't a deal-breaker for me. There were other things to do. I would go down on him too. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 It completely depends on the the people involved. As several people have pointed out, some just don't get off on oral sex (give, receiving or both). I like getting and giving personally. But as long as the sex over-all was good and we varied what we did so it didn't get boring I don't see if as being a deal breaker. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 i just feel it is so weird to call something like this a deal breaker....when you love someone....i mean it isn't so easy to find someone you really love, can be yourself with and who loves and respects you, accepts you the way you are makes you feel safe and all that..... i mean drugs, or lying or cheating or criminal behavior would be deal breakers but this shouldn't be one imo.....if i love someone this would never be a dealbreaker.....my BF and i do it, i love giving and receiving but it is not the main thing in our lovemaking, i for one love it way more when he is inside me, on top and we look into each other's eyes and he stops moving and just lays there, in me, all over me, me legs wrapped around him, holding him, that makes us feel so close, closer than when he is busy way down there...... yes it feels good, but other things do too, and i find it weird to call something like this a dealbreaker, when there are so much worse things..... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 There are so much worse things, but when this is one of the things you want in life, and it's literally 3 feet away from you, but your partner wants nothing to do with it and flatly refuses to ever let you give, it's an impasse unlike any other...becasue the fact of the matter is, the only way to get what you want is throguh your aprtner - or you go outside of the relaitonship, which means cheating, which then means end of relaitonship. There are many who are of the attitude that "it's just sex" [looking at the whole picture, not jsut oral] and then they are shocked when they discover that their partner what has been otherwise in a mutual agreement to being "uninterested in sex" all these years, has been subsisting on an affair or multiple affairs to get that release. If it can't be obtained at home, it will be obtained on the road... Link to comment
Fantanos Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I am a sexual person. I like to please, I like to see my partner pleased and I feel guilty being satisfied if they were not. This means I would do things for a partner that they liked even if it wasn't my favorite. This is because I like the look on her face when she is pleased or being pleased, I like it when the girl craves it... its a nice feeling. I understand not being forceful or making someone do something they don't want but my last ex's response to oral for me was "I don't like that" eventually she did it... but this was a long term relationship and to me... she could have been a little more open. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 But that's just YOU. If you are a woman who doesn't feel much stimulation through intercourse, or if you have pain with intercourse, or a man has erectile problems or premature ejaculation, or any of a host of other reasons why penetrative sex may not be as enjoyable, satisfying or central as it is for you, "outercourse" can be the MAIN thing in a couple's sex life. Oral foreplay is often the main way women can orgasm, if not the only way. So it shouldn't seem weird at all to you that for a woman who does find this quite critical to her enjoyment and climaxing during lovemaking, it should be important to her partner to help her achieve this. And this goes both ways, of course (though I'd have to look far and wide for a man who can only get off with a BJ and not intercourse, so men have an advantage that way). Just because what you describe is your favorite part of lovemaking doesn't make it weird for others to need other ways of connecting and having an orgasm, which may not be the goal every time, but if that's the only way it can happen for you, I think it's something pretty important to include in the menu. If two people are that well matched and love eachother so much, I believe it's a natural extension to want to please them, even if it's not your favorite thing. Oral sex is, as another poster pointed out, a pretty basic sex act -- it's not some wild, out-there fetish. To me, if someone takes that off the table, for me that's about 90% of what I'm into and the whole sensuality of the experience (both giving and receiving). So that's a pretty huge piece of my sex life to have to kiss goodbye, even for my "soulmate". So, yeah, dealbreaker. If he's my "soulmate," he'll certainly be in tune with this aspect of sexuality -- giving and receiving this intimate exchange. I don't think that's weird at all. Link to comment
Double J Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 It isn't a dealbreaker, but I sure wish my g/f liked giving it as much as she does receiving. She says she doesn't like doing it that much because she has a small mouth, which begins to hurt after some 2 minutes -- sometimes even fewer -- of oral sex. I find giving it to her to be a turn-on, but she doesn't seem to become stimulated in the same way when she goes down on me. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 i still feel that if you love someone and found your soulmate it isn't a dealbreaker, i would never sleep with a man unless i really, really love and trust him and by that time i am not dumping him cause he won't give me oral, love is about more than that to me, in a fwb or fb or casual sex, yes of course it is about satisfaction, but if you really love someone and every aspect of them, want to grow old with them it would not be a dealbreaker to me, i love receiving, love the feeling but it is not a necessity to me, and the same with giving, i enjoy it, love to see how it pleases him, but that is about him, if he didn't like the feeling, didn't get off on it, doesn't do much for him well then that is his choice, i wouldn't leave my man if he didn't want a bj, as i red someone here say, giving is about making the other person feel good, if they don't care for it that is their choice.... but then i am very old fashioned and maybe so are my beliefs.....but a lot would be dealbreakers to me, but not about this.....i have a hard time letting a man in, trusting, opening up and showing myself, and i finally got that at a very late age with my boyfriend, and i love him, trust him and feel so very much for him, i would never leave him just because he wouldn't give me oral or wouldn't like receiving it.....but that is just MY opinion.... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 But this is easy for you; you like both giving and recieving. And you are ok if you don't have it. Look at it this way: if you didn't like giving, but you had a guy who was absolutely adamant that he receive, then in order to satisfy him, you'd have to go against your personal integrity and comfort to do something you don't want to do. If you were with a guy who likes giving, and you HATE recieiving, then in order to satisfy him, you would have to go against your personal comfort to allow him that opportunity. You guy may very well know you don't like to give and recieive, and he may even simply agree to your demands and never request either. However, this does not mean his desires go away; they simply become stronger because they are not being satisfied. He does not ahve everything in this relaitonship that he wants to have - so that means, by default, you can expect him to cheat. I would expect no differently if it was a woman in place of a man. if she's not being satisfied, she'll go elsewhere too. The thing about oral is, it's an aquired taste that is blocked by a cultural stigma. As long as both people are behind the stigma, everything is fine between the couple. Once the taste is acquired, it's absolutely impossible to remove the desire; it can only be quenched. To develop the taste, one must acquire it on their own freewill and in their own time. It can indeed be very challenging. Link to comment
3DR Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I'm pretty okay with not recieving even if I'm giving. I'm weird like that though You sound just like my gf! haha. Link to comment
Jinxi Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Seems like there will always be more GIRLS who are fine with not receiving but ok with giving. Ive never heard of a situation where the guy gave but didn't like receiving honestly..... But to answer the thread. i dont think i'd have a problem having an oral-free relationship. So. no deal breaker. Link to comment
SwollenHeart Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 It depends upon the people involved I do love giving than receiving though. I can stand it for hours without hurting my neck. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Well just for the record, I've never had casual sex. And I'm the same way about needing a tremendous amount of trust, both emotionally and physically to expose myself sexually to a man (particularly because I have some health issues that affect me in intimate ways). But I still feel non-penetrative sex is quite vital (and partly because of my particular issues). It has nothing to do with me treating sexuality frivolously. If a guy was so squeamish that he couldn't give, he and I probably wouldn't match in other ways. And if he didn't want to receive -- well, then he'd just be a crazy damn fool. Btw, sara, if your bf never wanted to have intercourse and just stick to foreplay, would that be a dealbreaker? Link to comment
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