I am so disapointed with men...

[priudias]

I am so sorry if I might offend some, but it is just how a feel. Lately I've been looking at men like "animals". Like if they are always trying to find their mates everywhere. I've heard that biologically it is a fact that men tend to look for mates, since they are born to spread their "seeds" and all, but can't some men be more civilized? Note: I am not trying to generalize that to ALL males out there, but let's be honest, most of them.

 

I have a bf and we've been together for around 3 years. We are both pretty jelous people (both scorpions - for those like me who believe in astrology), but we get along just fine. We've grown together this time that we've been in a relationship, and we really, really learned how to communicate. I always thought that we had a pretty honest and opened relationship actually.

 

But anyways, about a month ago I found something that I really didn't like. You see, my bf is a musician, which requires a lot of travelling around in tours for months at time. I got pretty used to it by now, and respect his love and devotion for his music. But last year he was on a tour in south america (I'm from south america, and I can say that women are hot down there ), and everything went well. We missed each other, talked when we could and, of course, being a jelous person, I'd always repeat to him: "stay away from girls"... In his band, he had a friend who's single and was looking forward to have a little fun, which I knew to begin with and always joked around about it. When he came back he showed me all pics (as I thought) and everything was fine.

 

Last month though, I was at his place while he was at a gig and went to his computer. You see, I have this problem, that I am really, really trying to get better at, but sometimes it's hard. I am too curious + jelous, which equals to insicurity. So, I found some pictures in his comp of some girls dancing and what not in their hotel room, and in the car giving them tours of the city they were at and etc... The problem is not that I think he cheated on me with the girls, but it's because he never showed me those pics. He hid them from me and it bothered me a lot... actually still does.

 

I, of course, confronted him and he said that the reason he didn't show them to me was because he wanted to avoid that fight we were having. I see his point, and he understood that I was upset, I was mad at him for several days, and then we made up... but I still have questions in my mind that we talked about 100 times, but I can't get over. What if he cheats (or cheated) on me and reather not tell me to avoid a fight and a break up? Even if it was only once?? He sweares he never cheated on me... how to believe it now though?

 

So anyways, my point for this topic is, why do men do things like that? Obviously I am very upset (my bf knows that by the way)... He is away now in another tour, and I am super insecure.

 

Before anyone says that, I know that girls also lie and cheat, but don't you think that the majority of the cases are from guys? What I've found is that when girls cheat is usually because they are emotionally confused, or for revenge, or for other reasons other than just because they cannot control themselves when they see a hot body. Does it happen too? Of course, but not as much as guys.

 

Please, if there is a nice guy out there that can change my point of view in how men act, and to let me know that there are guys who believe in fideliy above all, give me some light. I really need to build my trust in men again.

 

Thanks for reading. And once again, I appologize for offending anyone... I just needed to let it out.

 

P.

[drahcir]

Why Do Some Men Cheat? Here are some reasons I can think of:

 

1. They have opportunities many women don't have. Men can travel to places like South America and Thailand because thier businesses require them too. Fewer trips are given to women.

2. They think they can get away with it.

3. They don't consider the potential consequences seriously.

4. They want excitement (which is good) but naively think they will find it in things other than what they are doing now.

5. They don't appreciate what they have now (most humans don't)

[drahcir]

But as a guy who had never dated or had a girlfriend, i can't ever imagine myself doing that. Knowing what its like to be hurt, i woud never hurt someone. I think some people, regardless of thier sex, as just incapable of empathy

[Prezkot]

^^Agreed.

 

I have a hard enough time trying to be flirty with one girl, I'd be nuts to try and backstab her like that with another.

 

But watch, as soon as I get a girlfriend, they'll all come running. Life is funny like that...

[Vert]

Men cheat because they are constantly assaulted in the senses by provacative dress of women, porn (which, honestly, targets men of course), and the aforementioned "seed spreading". While I am not one of those men who would cheat as I view it as the worst possible thing you could do to a mate, I still think it happens as equally for women as it does for me. It takes two to tango, right? I guess because I'm a guy, I would view a woman cheating on a man as a worse thing. Why? I guess mainly because the guy might leave his "calling card" with the woman (spreading his seed, right?) and she'll come back to her partner and sleep with him too. A man leaves his imprint on a woman's body after cheating, and for me that mental barrier -- that my girl has another man's seed in her -- would be way too much to bare.

[priudias]

That is an interesting point Vert. Thanks for showing me a different perspective...

 

Please, keep them coming.

[Mun]

I think women have just as much opportunity to cheat as men do if not more. ( and we don't have to leave the country to do it)Come on... guys are always after us and you know most of them have one thing on their mind.

 

If men are animals ---I want a tiger.

[Vert]

Well said, Muneca.

 

Like I said, it takes two to tango.

[moleculo]

Forget the lists...men and women cheat for the same reasons...because they want to and because they can.

 

Somehow an opportunity presents itself and they find things within the situation to act as an excuse...location, emotional distance, alcohol...any number of reasons...but basically, they hit an opportunity to fulfill a need or fantasy and take it. Crappiness doesn't have a gender.

[mscolly]

I don't think men and women are really that different in how often or even why they cheat. Perhaps, men tend to cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional kicks. But it's only a tendency, and perhaps men also use sexual excuses more readily ("she was so sexy and I was so excited...").

 

In the end, there's a need, it doesn't seem to get satisfied within the couple, and an opportunity arises. Strong enough need, perceived consequences small: result, cheating. Nobody excluded.

[Scout]

Crappiness doesn't have a gender.

 

Ha! You're not kidding.

[Shinobie]

All i have to say is gj on your assumption and thanks for looking over all the good guys.I know there are a lot of awful guys that u women despise but there are also a lot of guys u overlook and dont pay any attention too! ur fricken blind a lot of us might be ugly we r are actually very and never would want to hurt a girl in any way at all.I have been told by girls that i am very nice and whoever ends up with me is lucky because of the fact that i am so nice and have a such a great mind although im not totally into that and its makes me .U just see right through the great guys and go for the handsome jerks for a lot of women thats all the same argg!!!!!Id treat a girl so well but i havent had one chance with one like i have stated many times before ill just be girlfriend less for awhile ill just have my lonely old self too keep me company

[7CardStud]

This can all go back to the topic of why Women go for 'jerks' or maybe not nec. a jerk but a cheater... After my parents cheated on each other, I got rly sad/depressed, I don't think I could ever hurt someone like that...

[Scout]

Well, Shinobie, the original poster did indicate several times through out her first post that she was afraid she might be generalizing and apologized in advance to anyone who didn't fit that criteria.

 

I've noticed that many of your posts express frustration with the fact that you think girls like jerks, and not the "good guys". This is a generalization, too, my friend - and it's a false one. Perhaps you should do some thinking about the kind of girls you are attracted to. Are you liking the "good ones"?

[Shinobie]

Iono im usually attracted to the more shy type of girls that seem much nicer for some reason.I am very attracted to the girls that dont boast their feelings and stuff the ones that r not so loud and like to be quiet sometimes like me.Now that i think of it im more attracted to these more shy nice girls then the other girls.

[Zipp]

I have cheated and been cheated on. When I cheated I did it because I could, I was 19 at the time. It definitely wasn't a mature move, but I learned from it.

 

I think it seems like more men cheat because they get caught more often. Women are strategists by nature, men sometimes seem to stumble into things and don't necessarily cover their tracks (though not all men or women fall into these categories). It takes a certain amount of finesse to cheat and not get caught, and a person must be selfish enough to consider their needs above anyone else's. I (thank God) grew out of thinking I should do things simply because I could do them.

 

Opportunity presents itself on a regular basis and I think as you grow and mature it becomes habit to bypass most of it. As for the opportunities we hesitate to pass up, that speaks to your commitment to your partner and your level of repsect for yourself.

[moleculo]

I think also the stereotype of women going for jerks is more prominent in High School, where you're coming from, shinobi.

 

I agree about men being easier to catch for cheating than women...women have it planned from the moment they enter the relationship...not because they want to, but let's face it, women know that they are the commodity here. I mean, men.. come on, we're a dime a dozen. We're like blue jeans. You can get us anywhere. But women are like fine tailored pants by the finest pant maker in all the land...okay, this metaphor is deteriorating fast.

 

Point is women seem to always have the option so I imagine deep down in their heads, many have contingency plans. My girlfriend's the most loyal person you'd meet. She defends her friends to the end, supports htme in their endeavors. She gives me the most amazing love I've ever felt. And she still cheated on me and has used every excuse in the book...won't even call it cheating.

[Outlaw2747]

I agree with moleculo about the stereotype. This usually applies to girls let's say between the ages of 13 and 24.....yea that's about right. They go for these hot shots and whatnot but I will get back to the matter at hand.

 

I am sorry you feel that way about men and believe me I don't blame you! Alot of guys are just a walking bag of horomones. But men are weird in one way. I witness alot of guys who talk nothing more about banging girls and how big a butt they got and whanot and I turn around and see these guys get a girl and actually stay true to her AND it is with a female you would not call a supermodel. Most men are all talk due to their ego but do not get me wrong, the scumbags are out there, ESPECIALLY the ones who are nice guys in disguise, and usually the only people who can see through that are...you guessed it, other men. I try not to think badly of all girls because I have been through alot, and still going through some things, but just knowing that a good girl is out there somewhere is what keeps me going. And I can truly say the same for the guys.....we must retain our faith and that is what I am working hard on right now.