Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I'm about to turn 31. Majority of the people I know are in a relationship. I've been focusing on losing my weight to attract girls, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to date them or anything. If you are out of college and you don't have a huge social group, how do CAN you even start dating? I've done ONLINE, but I've ZERO success Link to comment
Jerrzoow Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Expand your social group. Plain and simple. Meet up with people who have the same interests as you and are in the same age group. Easier said than done, I know. Why do you have a small social group? Or what do you like to do? (Hobby-wise or interest-wise) Link to comment
Shudder Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 join a social club or volunteer somewhere. Heard of link removed? try attend some events that spark your interest Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Well, I moved from TN to LA almost 2 years ago. 29 years of my entire life in TN. I only knew about 3 people (in CA) from the get go, but they were more acquaintances than anything, even from the start. I am part of a meetup group. We meet only ONCE a month though. I've done some dance classes with my ex-roommate at the gym. They are free so, it's whoever. Yeah, finding something in my age bracket would be nice!!! Link to comment
Shudder Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Well, I moved from TN to LA almost 2 years ago. 29 years of my entire life in TN. I only knew about 3 people (in CA) from the get go, but they were more acquaintances than anything, even from the start. I am part of a meetup group. We meet only ONCE a month though. I've done some dance classes with my ex-roommate at the gym. They are free so, it's whoever. Yeah, finding something in my age bracket would be nice!!! the thing with meeting new people, whether they are business related or just friends is that you have to actively seek them out, especially if you are the new one in town. nobody is going to come to you. even your acquaintances in cali are a start. get to know them better and from there maybe you'll get to know their friends etc. Link to comment
Jerrzoow Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 My friend, you live in LOS ANGELES. Wish I had noticed that earlier. Sorry, but you have no excuse. I have friends in LA. Whenever I visit them I come back home with at least 5 new contacts. There is so much going on in socal, just go out there and do it. Honestly, there are millions of people in the area. I'm sure there are some your age with the same interests. Do you find it hard to meet new people? That is also something to consider. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Meet new people? --- No, not that hard. Guys are easy. I can MEET people all day long. Making friends? -- Sort of... LA is very career driven AND it's spread out. That's a biggie. I got people in Santa Monica, West Hollywood, Burbank, etc... I got to stick in my own area. Also, the people I know, don't even know that many people either. Getting Dates? --- Absolutely freaking hard! Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Whenever I visit them I come back home with at least 5 new contacts. But have you HUNG out with these people? Link to comment
Jerrzoow Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I see your point. Meeting people and making friends aren't exactly the same thing. But the first leads to the second, which can lead to the third, getting a date. What is your schedule like? Do you work a 9-5 and don't have much time to mingle? Link to comment
Jerrzoow Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 But have you HUNG out with these people? I live about 5 hours from LA, but I do take trips there quite frequently. And yes, I do hang out with these people every time I go down there. I wouldn't consider them to be my best friends, but I have no problem calling them up if I'm in town. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 I have plenty time to mingle. I am a night owl. Are you, Jerrzoow, even 25 and up?? Link to comment
Jerrzoow Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 No, I'm not. I'm a 23 college graduate with a career. But honestly, I don't see how that makes a difference. Is it easier for me to date or make friends because I'm 2 years younger? No. I'm sorry, just don't know what sort of answer you're looking for. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Where did you meet your last DATE? How old were you? I'm about to turn 30...I probably needed to post 30 and up. That's my fault. I'm not asking how to meet new people or become friends with girls. Link to comment
Jerrzoow Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 My last date was this past Saturday. Recently got out of a long term relationship, so I wasn't looking for anything serious. I met a girl (who was 26) at a car show in the bay area two weeks ago. Started chatting, found out she lived in a city 30 minutes from me, and we exchanged numbers. Met up with her in her city, took her to dinner and we got to talk. I'm still in contact with her, but I'm not pursuing anything more after the first date. I was 23. This just proves my point further. Find people with the same interests as you because, most likely they'll be like you and like you because of that. I wish you the best of luck Doug. Someone once told me "don't look for the right person, be the right person for someone else." Link to comment
superfan Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Did you say you know SOME people in the area?? Cause if you have at least one or two people you can get in touch with, I would try having a party. But make it a party where the people you invite (say you know three people in the area) have to BRING at least 3 people of their own. All of a sudden, your three people turns into 18 (I think - math was never my strong suit). Will they all be single? No, probably not. They may not necessarily even be in your exact age bracket, but the majority of people in their late 20s and 30s statistically meet their partners through friends or introductions - not bars or dating sights. The important thing is to expand your social circle, so if you have a gathering that encourages meeting new people, you increase the chances of one of those new people either being a potential partner, or knowing someone they could set you up with. And be honest about it. Say "Look, I'm new in town and interested in meeting someone my age who I can connect with do you know anybody that you could introduce me to?" It's worth a shot. Link to comment
Polis Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I think you should focus on yourself and making friends, not finding a g/f. A g/f can come later when you are more socially stable, plus you will be much more confident in yourself and actually be able to date with success. You obviously have some glaring insecurities and are searching for an answer that doesn't exist on these forums. Maybe you can make a plan of action for yourself, post it up here and then go do it. I'm sure some posters would love to follow how you are doing and comment on your plan. No decent person deserves to be alone forever, but I think a plan of action would be a better choice than random threads. Maybe write a short bio, what you want to do with your life and what are your immediate and future goals. Then list some steps to take or ideas on how to achieve your goals and let people comment. This might create some accountability and encouragement at least. I think you post a thread with your bio and goals. Then respond to your thread to reserve some space for things like career, fitness, and social/dating stuff. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 I met a girl (who was 26) at a car show in the bay area two weeks ago. Started chatting, found out she lived in a city 30 minutes from me, and we exchanged numbers. Met up with her in her city, took her to dinner and we got to talk Damn! You must be a smooth talker or a very good looking guy. I don't get many "looks" at all. knowing someone they could set you up with I ask ALL the time and most of them don't know any girl. Even my really, really good friends back in TN. They hooked up other friends but NEVER me. It confuses me. The meeting and talking to girls is NOT the problem. Getting a DATE or making the situation more into a relationship is the hard part! Most girls IGNORE me after I've already hinted that I wanted to hang out later or they straight up tell me "we are just friends." SUCKS! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I'm about to turn 31. Majority of the people I know are in a relationship. I've been focusing on losing my weight to attract girls, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to date them or anything. If you are out of college and you don't have a huge social group, how do CAN you even start dating? I've done ONLINE, but I've ZERO success When I was 25 there were personal ads but no internet/on line yet. I was in a serious relationship until I was 27 (met him through a friend) -after that I met serious boyfriends and shorter term dating situations through work, set ups by friends (including work friends,former classmates, others), personal ads, (later in my 30s through on line), at singles events, and at a religious retreat. I worked extremely hard at my career at that time and equally hard at expanding my social network and doing activities and pursuing interests where I could meet eligible single men or women who could introduce me to single men. Worked for me. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Becoming self-sufficient would help, Dougie. I mean, not taking any help from your parents and really making your own living. That is pretty much what any lady your age expects if they will take you seriously. Nine-to-five or 4 days on 12-hour shifts, just a real job of any sort with insurance and a plan for the future. I know it doesn't sound like fun. But I don't think anything will work unless you get this taken care of. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Ugh... I'm always looking for something! I'm going to be WORST off though. When I did have a job I was seriously wanted to step off the bridge everyday. It was the WORST feeling ever. Why WOULD a girl want to be with a guy that HATES a job that he doesn't want? Ugh!!!! Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I'm about to turn 31. Majority of the people I know are in a relationship. I've been focusing on losing my weight to attract girls, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to date them or anything. If you are out of college and you don't have a huge social group, how do CAN you even start dating? I've done ONLINE, but I've ZERO success By the way..you dont have to loose weight..unless you are flabby and jiggly. Many many women love muscular men..as long as its packed and firm. Like a lightweight sumo wrestler or John Belushi.. firm but muscular. Go lift weights.. I have a girlfriend that literally shivers down her spine when she comes accross a guy like that. and try meetup groups. Seriously..no one is looking for a date (they claim) but in the end everybody is looking to connect and make friends. This is an excellent venue to get to meet new people without it being a meatmarket edit: sorry didnt see the updates on the groups.. start your own then...invite people..think of things to do. Dont go just for the 'lets have a drink together meetup'.. Join..hiking groups or whatever.. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Becoming self-sufficient would help, Dougie. I mean, not taking any help from your parents and really making your own living. That is pretty much what any lady your age expects if they will take you seriously. Nine-to-five or 4 days on 12-hour shifts, just a real job of any sort with insurance and a plan for the future. I know it doesn't sound like fun. But I don't think anything will work unless you get this taken care of. Dougie, you never want to hear this, but it's the answer. I don't care how much weight you lose, what makeover you get, or how many meetups you attend. Until you can financially support yourself, you are unlikely to find any woman 25+ who will be interested. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Why WOULD a girl want to be with a guy that HATES a job that he doesn't want? Ugh!!!! Why would a girl want to be with a guy who is 30+ but can't afford to buy his own food without his parents giving him $? Women on here have repeatedly told you how women think / what they are looking for. You will have to address this issue at some point, unless you want to be in the same position 10 years from now. Link to comment
superfan Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Most women will not want to be with a man who doesn't have a job and isn't willing to try to get one. Being laid off or temporarily out of work is one thing - my husband was unemployed for 8 months when he moved to Canada because he had difficulty finding work without "Canadian experience", and that was fine because I knew he was looking EVERY DAY. You need to be able to show somebody that you are financially responsible, can support yourself, and can take responsibility for your life...in short a grown up. You have said it's difficult to meet women because at your age (and mine too - I am 29) most people are married or settled....this is true and should tell you something - women are looking for a mature man who has his together...especially at the age of 31. Physically you shouldn't have any problems. You aren't ugly or unattractive. I think your main problem is your lack of self confidence and the job situation. Get yourself sorted and the rest will fall into place. Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Just want to offer some sympathy for the LA situation - I used to live there, and it was TERRIBLE for dating or even maintaining friendships outside of work. If I didn't go out with co-workers straight after work, that was it - otherwise, I was driving over an hour to see people who lived maybe 10 miles away. I did online dating for a while, but it's a lot easier to stick with that when each date doesn't have to be an hours-long endeavour just to get to and from the chosen spot. Plus, it is not a myth that many people in LA are shallow - I've never felt so ugly in my entire life than I did while living there, and was shocked when I moved to another city and started getting hit on again. Just ugh. But I will agree with the other posters that say you HAVE to get the finances sorted out. You don't have to be rich or anything, but you do need to have a job and be able to support yourself. I dated a few guys who made minimum wage; I could handle the low income, but what I couldn't have handled was unemployment. (Again, this only applies to new relationships - presumably we make more allowances for hard times once we love someone). Link to comment
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