A troubled friend

[ForwardOn]

I know it always sounds suspect whenever someone is "asking for a friend," but believe me, my situations past were not as bad as this:

 

My friend had a near decade long relationship with his ex-gf since college. They had their own issues, a lot of it with him not being totally caring, taking her for granted, and being more focused on his art, which actually wasn't all that great, and I think after realizing after all that time that he wasn't going to change or perhaps his value as real bf material wasn't all that, his ex-gf dumped him last year and is now with a new guy (who is actually stable, sociable and successful in his work). The problem was that she never really cut my friend off in some misguided (and likely selfish) effort to be nice, and my friend stalked her. He showed up at her place randomly, threatened her new guy, even broke in to her place once. Basically, everything he shouldn't be doing. Eventually, the cops were involved, and she put a restraining order on him.

 

Even after that it was hard for him to accept this reality. After something of an intervention from some friends and relatives, he is now living with his parents in a different state, so that he could recalibrate. We thought he finally would be restarting his life, but it is now apparent that he is still obsessed with this girl. I received a msg out of the blue from him saying that he wished he could be with her. This, despite all of the awful things that has happened. He doesn't seem to be able to acknowledge that things are over and the more he does, it will get worse, a lose-lose situation for everyone.

 

I have not responded yet because I don't know what to respond with or whether I should respond at all. My feeling is that I'm probably not the only one who got the msg from him. What does anyone think I should do, if I can do anything? I figured some here might have had the experience of maybe going a bit too far. Did anyone hear something from a friend or relative that snapped them out of this insanity?

[EgoJoe]

Do not coddle your friend. If you truly value his future it is time to be a little harsh with him to give him a wake up call.

 

"She doesn't wish the same bro and I think that you need to check your feelings because you have lost your objectivity." will work and while you'd be risking his ire it will help him in the long run.

[ForwardOn]

Thanks, EgoJoe. I was thinking of something along those lines.

 

I guess my question is also on whether I should respond at all. I know people have told him these same things in the past, and am wondering what would be the effects of responding. Is this simply attention seeking in order to perpetuate more insanity? Or is this one of the cases where it's good to give someone attention by responding bc they'd need a reminder of how things really are?

[EgoJoe]

This is your chance to be a good friend. Take it or leave it. Using the word "Should" belies expectations and is a terrible way to think and talk.