I sure know how to pick em.

[JerkBrokeMe]

For those of you that remember me, you probably all thought I was hopeless and would be pining for my ex for the rest of my life (may be true). However, I began to move on.

 

It may not have been the healthiest way, but I was moving on. I started going to shows all the time. Never left without a few numbers and some new friends. This wasn't the point of going to the shows, it was secondary but it always happened..I'm good at making friends. Anyway, I kept all these people at arms length and never let it go further than hooking up and if I saw any of these people again it was only a couple of times hanging out before I lost interest. Until..

 

About a month ago I was at a show by myself because my friend backed out at the last minute. I was black out drunk and let someone take me home (stupid, I know). But we formed a connection. We spent a couple hours in a park on the way home and I came out of my drunken stupor.

 

Apparently this guy became completely in love with me. From what his friends tell me he never stopped talking about me from the moment he met me. He got a cell phone 2 days after meeting me just so we could talk. The day he got his phone we went to a show together and I went home with him. I stayed the whole weekend and we became inseparable. We spent a good portion of Christmas eve & Christmas together. He even wanted me to spend Christmas day with his family, but I wasn't feeling well.

 

He took me to his "boys nights" and I got along great with all his friends. When he would go out without me he'd text me within an hour or two saying he missed me and he'd come over. We formed a pretty strong bond in the little less than a month that we've known eachother and he was so sweet to me but there were warning signs.

 

He gets drunk everyday (so does the ex), he's a bike messenger and the week after I met him he got fired for getting angry and throwing his bike at the dispatcher which also broke their computer. He ended up in jail one night on his way to see me..which apparently is a regular occurrence. Last time was over the summer, he was still on parole. He did heroin for the first time in 7 years on NYE after getting upset with me for something that is long enough to be an entirely different thread.

 

I looked past all this and tried to make it work until all of a sudden on Tuesday he started ignoring me and went away for 4 days (I knew about this trip) for a boys thing. He had promised to pay me back some money and say goodbye to me before he left - he didn't and said nothing to me. I texted him probably once a day in these last four days pretty angrily asking for an answer. I finally got a text back from his friend saying he took the phone away from him because I was making him depressed. Please note I never text him when he's out - I was just hurt that he left without saying goodbye (He's the one who insisted he wanted to) and that he didn't pay me back my money before he left when I told him it was all I had until I got paid at the end of the week.

 

So obviously its too early for all this crap to be going on and I have to end it (if I ever get ahold of him - he's supposed to return tomorrow and I want my money and a few things I lent him back.) But I feel really upset about it. We spent almost every night together since we met, were already in the "we have no names we're just 'babe/baby' phase" and real feelings were genuinely growing.

 

I assumed when I finally moved on from my ex (which I'm not btw) the next person would replace him. I thought I was smarter and wouldn't end up getting hurt again. Not right away at least. Next month makes exactly one year since the bu and after spending the entire year heartbroken I expected some reprieve. I feel heartbroken again, granted on a much smaller scale.

 

Yes, I'm whining. But this sucks and it hurts and I feel heartbroken AGAIN and so stupid for jumping into this headfirst.

 

Someone tell me it gets better.

[pippy longstocking]

Don't be too hard on yourself ...you just trying to get on with life ...

[Autumnleaves]

I'm nearly a year into my break up & believe me it's true time does work wonders....it does get better, mind you i went NC & apart from the times he contacted me ( which did set me back ) I would strongly say NC is really the best way forward for you to heal & create that distance between you & him. It's blinking hard & hurtful but you have to look out for YOU.

[chickydoodle]

Well yes you are obviously attracted to a certain type and need to look at what you do not want to attract the next time.

This new guy doing H on NYE for first time in 7yrs will prob re-enter your life and you must be careful and strong here as you seem aware of.

At least it happened sooner rather than later before you got too involved - hurtful tho' it is right now.

And yet it is another lesson for you to try and alter a recurring pattern.

As Star said - dont be too hard on yourself ,and embrace this time to heal and grow.-

Everything happens for a reason to teach us in some way and most personal growth is borne out of suffering.

Have Faith you will attract something nice and have the power to do so - just keep on .

Maybe next time - be wary - go slow .......

All the best

[JerkBrokeMe]

You're completely right. And the horrible part is the week before I met this new boyfriend I had met someone else who I scheduled a date with for the following week. This was the first guy I'd met with a real career, a car, his own apartment in a nice neighborhood. As soon as I met the guy I ended up dating I broke off the date with the "nice dependable" guy.

[Lukkien]

This was the first guy I'd met with a real career, a car, his own apartment in a nice neighborhood. As soon as I met the guy I ended up dating I broke off the date with the "nice dependable" guy.

 

I know you're coming her for advice, but I really have to interject here. On behalf of 'nice guys' everywhere.

 

Don't date him if you haven't fully gotten over your ex yet and you're using him as a rebound. That's not nice. Don't string this guy along. Or date him just because he's dependable. Relationships like that don't last, and you will end up breaking his heart.

 

As for your current heroin taking boyfriend: break it off, analyze why you fell so hard for him and why you were able to overlook his glaring deficiencies.

[JerkBrokeMe]

I know you're coming her for advice, but I really have to interject here. On behalf of 'nice guys' everywhere.

 

Don't date him if you haven't fully gotten over your ex yet and you're using him as a rebound. That's not nice. Don't string this guy along. Or date him just because he's dependable. Relationships like that don't last, and you will end up breaking his heart.

 

As for your current heroin taking boyfriend: break it off, analyze why you fell so hard for him and why you were able to overlook his glaring deficiencies.

 

I would never do that. Maybe I didn't write that correctly above. I was just pointing out how right chickydoodle was about my "type" by how I broke the date with the nice guy as soon as a met the new boyfriend. I wasn't saying I was going to turn back to him for comfort or anything. I don't think I should be dating anyone now. Even if I do meet another dreamy alcoholic, heroin using, irrationally angry sweetheart with a parole officer.

[JerkBrokeMe]

As for your current heroin taking boyfriend: break it off, analyze why you fell so hard for him and why you were able to overlook his glaring deficiencies.

 

I thought about this and I figured it out. Besides the common interests, his sweetness towards me and the fact that he makes me laugh Its because I look at him as some kind of wounded puppy. Father died when he was a kid, mom completely neglected him. He's been doing drugs and getting kicked out of his house since very early teens. When he would tell me about him living in squatting houses only a few years ago all I wanted to do was take care of him.

 

Combine that with the fact that up until a few days ago he was SO sweet to me and seemed to want to do anything to be with me it created this dynamic of a sweetheart with a rough exterior that I just felt so drawn to.

 

For example when he got arrested instead of being upset with his stupid behavior all I did was feel sorry for him that he spent the night hungry and cold. I literally almost cried when he told me they took his jacket and he was cold all night. When he got fired he told me what happened (throwing the bike) and followed it by "and now I'm sitting in the park crying" and my heart broke, all I wanted to do was leave work and hold him.

 

The heroin...i felt completely responsible. He did it because he was, in his words, "so heartbroken" by how I hurt him. I know I didn't make him do it but I felt responsible and a teeny tiny part of me felt like he hasn't done this in 7 years and being upset over me is enough to make him do it, his feelings for me must be so strong. So yeah I guess i'm one of those girls. I'm surprised I haven't dated anyone who beats me up yet.

[Lukkien]

Its because I look at him as some kind of wounded puppy.

 

Reminds me of an episode of House where Dr. Cameron wants to 'heal' House.

 

I think, judging from your post (and I'm not an expert, just calling it out as I see it), you have some underlying issues that can't be addressed via a forum when it comes to picking men.

 

What I do know is this. You're not responsible for his actions. He is. The fact he let himself relapse shows he's a weak minded person. You got too caught up in his persona and you're now paying the price. I think someone in your life should say "I told you so", so let me be that someone: I told you so.

 

To be honest. You sound like someone I used to have an insane crush on in my teens. I was too much of an insecure guy to do anything about it back then, though. So I was a typical 'nice guy'. I saw her get treated like dirt by scumbags and I'd comfort her, all the while thinking 'Why doesn't she want to go out with me?'. At a certain point I couldn't be bothered anymore with her. I radically changed my life and became a bit of an ass to women, and all of a sudden they flocked to me (getting beefier because of working out helped, too). I had more female attention in a quarter of a year than I did in previous years combined. Mind boggling.

 

I actually saw her a couple of months ago. We briefly chatted. She's working as some assistant manager in a retail store. I have a great part-time job and I'll be graduating with my Master's from a top university. She's single now, broke up with her useless bum boyfriend a couple of months ago. She actually tried to show some interest in me. I was pursuing my now ex at the time, but even if I hadn't I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with her anyway. At the risk of sounding misogynistic and generalizing, I think she (and possibly you) has a certain trait that gravitates her to useless bums. As they get older, they realize they want a 'nice, dependable' guy instead. This actually makes me angry in a way. If only they could see that in their younger years they shunned these 'nice, dependable' guys and laughed at them behind their backs because they were 'too nice'. Ugh.

 

I'm not sure if this constitutes as advice, but just something I felt like sharing. Hope it makes sense.

[Lukkien]

^I couldn't edit anymore.

 

I realized I unleashed some hidden bitterness there. Sorry. It wasn't meant as a jab at you. I apologize.

[JerkBrokeMe]

No need to apologize and it sounds like you're better off without her. Though I don't really see similarities to myself in that story. The people I pick treat me like gold but are wounded souls that I guess I feel the need to take care of. They are also extremely self destructive. The reason this relationship is ending is because he's not being sweet anymore.

 

Guys that behave like jerks are a complete turn off to me. Also I never shun or laugh at the nice dependable guys. I'm a nice girl, really.

[Chandra]

No need to apologize and it sounds like you're better off without her. Though I don't really see similarities to myself in that story. The people I pick treat me like gold but are wounded souls that I guess I feel the need to take care of. They are also extremely self destructive. The reason this relationship is ending is because he's not being sweet anymore.

 

Guys that behave like jerks are a complete turn off to me. Also I never shun or laugh at the nice dependable guys. I'm a nice girl, really.

 

I think I am the male version of you when it comes to picking partners! I am determined to buck this trend... let's make a pact to date some stable people.

[JerkBrokeMe]

I think I am the male version of you when it comes to picking partners! I am determined to buck this trend... let's make a pact to date some stable people.

 

Deal, Chandra. Too bad its hard to tell until feelings already form. I don't know why I'm still taking this so hard. Its probably tying into my feelings about my real ex (the ex that brought me to ena in the first place) and bringing back all the feelings of loneliness.