thekoreandream Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Hey all, Posting a new thread because I need a quick answer to this question within the next day or two. My ex of 4 months has been contacting me (see my other thread) through both text and email about receiving her stuff back and being adamant every time (at least I believe so) about coming up to my house to pick up (instead of me coming to drop it off). Her latest message came tonight in which again inquired saying "Hey is anytime next week good for u for me to swing by and drop/pick up stuff since i got school vacay and such?" This time it was addressed only to me (see previous thread). Not really sure what to respond back in a message right now. Any advice? Should I just agree and let things happen at this point? Please help. TKD Link to comment
chitown9 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I would just go with the flow and return her things the way she wants it done...chi Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Don't respond, box her stuff up and mail it. If there is stuff too big for the mail have a third party drop it off. She probably has a few good reasons for you to not stop by and for your own healing that is for the best. Just send her the stuff and don't respond to her. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Yeah, whatever it takes. Get it over with. Link to comment
thekoreandream Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 @chitown9 - That is what I was leaning on to do. As a female, and you were in her shoes is that what she would want? @EgoJoe - I don't want to be the a**hole in this type of situation either and make myself look immature. I mean she has insisted on coming here which I guess should tell me why would she go away from her comfort zone and why would she waste her time to travel to me. Maybe I am looking to much into it, but I don't want to make this any worse. @Scottman2020 - Yeah been so busy, it has been long overdue. Just not sure how exactly I should word or tell her that. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Dude, send her the stuff. That is not a jerk move, she wants her stuff? Give it to her. No need to respond or drag it out. She doesn't want you coming over and that is not just because she wants to see you. Send her the stuff, do not respond and focus on healing. If she wants you back it won't be contact about getting her stuff back with her setting terms etc. Box it up and mail it (if not too big) and when she gets it she'll realize that it was unecessary for you to respond. Link to comment
thekoreandream Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 @EgoJoe - She has stuff she has said she wanted to give back to me. I am just curious as to why she wants to come here instead of being in her own backyard territory. The stuff is to big to box off and mail I think (also costs too much). I am just not sure anymore what the hell her friends are feeding her but it has seemed as ignoring has been backfiring. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Nothing can backfire if you ignore. Have a third party drop the stuff off and have them pick your stuff up for you. Link to comment
thekoreandream Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 @EgoJoe - See idk how I really feel about that logic of nothing can backfire if you ignore. I see the point that nothing can go wrong if you don't respond, because technically you aren't making any move. But if we follow that logic all the time then we will never make any move. Just wanted other opinions before I do or don't do anything and keep in mind I have been in NC for 4 months (except for 1 phone call which she returned). Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Your presence, conversation and attention are a gift which she has shunned. Has she earned it back? Link to comment
thekoreandream Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 How do you balance the line between retaining self-dignity and not acting a coward. Not that it matters now but I was only needy in the end really and was never jealous or insecure. So I didn't know if she wanted more attention toward the end or she felt I was pushing away from her. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 She is saying she wants to get it at your house because it will be easier to drop by and run. If you come to her house and start up an emotional scene or sit down on her couch and want to talk, it makes it more awkward to hurry you out of her house and she would have to throw you out if you made a scene or try to hang around when she wanted you to leave. If she's at your house, she can just grab her stuff and run, so it gives her more control if she picks it up vs. you coming to her house and her being forced to hurry you out if try to talk about getting back together or anything she doesn't want to discuss She also could well have an new BF by now and have pictures of the two of them or his stuff could be there because he could even be living there and she doesn't want a scene if you see it, so please don't read too much into this... 4 months post breakup is a long time later to get stuff, so her life could have really moved on while you're hanging onto the past. i think she just wants her stuff and the quickest/easiest way to do the exchange. The fact that she has called many times and you still refuse to just give up her stuff is probably annoying her and telling her you haven't let go yet. You need to just give her her stuff as quickly as possible and not hold it hostage to trying to hang onto her. Link to comment
chickydoodle Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Could you have a friend ( preferrably a girlfriend) present when she comes around? Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I remember from your earlier posts. You have roomates, right? Just tell her what a good time would be for her to drop by your place when your roomates are there...and you aren't. You dont' have to be present for her to drop/pick up stuff do you? This would be the best course of action for you in regards to your healing. As I recall from your other posts, this girl wasn't very nice to you during the break up was she? Don't patronize her by seeing her in person, and don't risk falling back to square one emotionally. Just tell her to swing by and do the exchange and let your roomates deal with her. It really is that simple so stop reading so much into it and worrying about it so much. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 If her coming over is the way its going to be... Give her a date and time to come.. Have all her stuff ready, meet her at the door give her the stuff take back your stuff. Thank you very much goodbye! done! don't drag it out, don't ask her in for coffee. Hold yourself together with every onuce of dignity that you can muster and try to have plans with friends/family for afterward so that a) you don't get (as easily) tempted into trying to get her to hang around and b) you have less time to sit and dwell after! Link to comment
Aswin Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Fun Boater's suggestion of letting the roommates handle it, is definitely what I would go for! Doing the exchange yourself is risky. Seeing her in person will allways have an impact to some degree, and I personally wouldn't want to take the risk of the confrontation affecting me. Link to comment
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