husband hates his job

[sjustine]

Almost 2 years ago we moved to a different state so that I could go to school. He was excited about the move, and it wasn't that hard on him because we moved closer to his family. He had just graduated with an undergraduate degree in engineering before we moved and was excited to find a new job. The first job he found wasn't exactly his major and he didn't like it, so he found another one. This new job is for a big, very well known company. The job though is kind of boring and not exactly in his major either, but he could move up in the company to engineering positions that would be what he learned in school. After seeing the job they do though, he doesn't want the stress of an engineer.

 

He is just getting more and more depressed all the time because he just hates it now, he is losing motivation at home too. He is applying for other jobs but of course these things take time. I have listened to many of his rants and given my best advice, although he never takes it. I said he should talk to a career counselor, but he thinks that won't help. I've tried pointing out that things could be worse (he gets paid pretty well, good benefits, etc.) I've tried looking up degree programs for him in a field he said he is interested in, but he said he didn't want to go back to school until he gets a job in that field so he knows if he'll like it. I've tried being happy, go lucky, look at the bright side of life, things will get better, you'll find something, but he doesn't want to hear it. I've suggested getting more exercise during the week (raises endorphins and makes you feel better) but he is allergic to the idea of exercise under normal circumstances.

 

Sometimes talking it out will help him for a little while, but every monday when he has to go back to work he turns into a depressed, pessimistic child. I don't know what to say to help him, because any advice I give he turns down. I want to be a shoulder he can cry on, but its stressing me out too on top of all the other stress I already have. I wish he could just quit, but we are not doing well financially because I'm in school.

 

Really, I just can't stand his whining anymore!!!!!! I'm thinking about avoiding him each week when he has to go back to work, I can't take the negative energy, it makes me too anxious. I know this sounds totally selfish, but I feel like i've done all I can do. He is not willing to be happy. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.

 

Does anyone have any ideas? Would I be putting my marriage in jeopardy if I tell him I just can't be around him when he's like that? Thanks for reading this!

[rosephase]

Have you told him it's hard for you to be around him when he is negative like this? Have you talked about it getting you down?

 

I know it's scary and you don't want to add to his problems but he needs to know how it's effecting you. That when you are asking him to look for ways to make himself happier it isn't just for him it's for you and for both of you as a couple.

[Ms Darcy]

Why not be honest with him and ask him how you can help him (listening, feedback whatever) because you feel as if nothing you are doing is making a long-term impact. See what he says.

[Awoken]

Great advice. You should ask him what he 'thinks' he should do and how you can help. definitely tell him how it is making you feel, that you are trying to help him but you are getting frustrated with his anger. He may react badly, but you obviously love him and want things to get better. So just be honest with him and hope (fingers crossed) he actually opens up to you. KEEP trying without getting too emotional about things, cause that would be no good for either of you. Good luck my friend.

[Tuffly]

I think if you take a step back and stop trying to offer solutions, you might not feel as frustrated. It's his problem to fix. He's probably thought of everything you suggest. Just listen to him, and like Awoken says, ask what he thinks, and let him vent a little. Offer encouragement that you're also looking forward to the day that he switches jobs. If he still complains too much, you'll have to be honest with him and tell him that there's only so much complaining you can listen to. And be kind about it. It's incredibly stressful to hate your job.

[Lester]

Millions of marriages are destroyed each year by money/work related dumping. Not taking action will lead to incredible stress on you.

My advice is to be proactive. His mental processing of his surrounding can quickly get stuck in a rut. In time he will only believe his own manure and you will have no hope of reaching him.

 

Good place to start;

“Sorry honey but am not your whipping girl. When you come through that door you can continue the happy home life you left this morning or you can stay at work and sleep on your desk. Take your pick.

Oh, by the way… I don’t feel sorry for you.”

 

PS, Work dumping can also be a manifestation of intimacy issues.