Very intresting last 48hrs...

[OrangeMoon]

How do you feel about being a potential stepfather to her children? About being involved in a situation where their father (fathers?) abused the mother? Open/honest/multiple orgasms -all good - but there's a lot more to real life which I think you're sensing already....

 

Oops..i am going to put money on the fact that the other date sounds alot interesting now..LOL ;-)

[CMS]

No problem man. Worth considering though. Sometimes tough love can be hard to take when you're right in the middle of it and can't see that someone's just trying to help. If what I said was compeltely off the mark, I doubt it would've caused quite such a response.

 

Either way, if I were you I'd definitely put more stock in the advice you get here from women though instead of other ex-PUA's. A player is by his nature pretty emotionally shallow and/or inept, based on the ones I've known well, otherwise they wouldn't behave that way or need tricks to get women to fall for them, so female advice here would certainly be preferable I'd say.

 

That I will agree with you, as an exPUA, I understand how attraction works down to a dot, I know exactly what to say or to do make almost any girl attracted to me, but I have not much clue how to keep a relationship healthy over long term, so if thats the end game you are looking for then you have to learn those, and they are completely different battles than the battle that is fought in the initial attraction stage.

 

BTW, that girl you have described, she is a playette (female player), I would recommend do NOT think too far ahead and just let things develop, sleep with her, get to know her, enjoy her company, play the same game as you would with other girls and reevaluate things a bit further down the road.

[22n32]

I think it's easy to be open and honest with a near stranger you lust after. So I agree with you that you have to wait and see whether you have enough in common for a long term relationship. Sounds also like you're turned on by being her hero/protector given all of her baggage. How do you feel about being a potential stepfather to her children? About being involved in a situation where their father (fathers?) abused the mother? Open/honest/multiple orgasms -all good - but there's a lot more to real life which I think you're sensing already....

 

Biggest thing for me that drew me in wasn't lust or being a savior. I don't wanna be a savior that's too much pressure on me..

 

What did was how kind, caring, thoughtful and sweet she was.. she kept holding and kissing me all night while in bed, she was so gentle and sweet. It was very powerfull.. I could really feel love which is crazy thing to say because how could there be love after 48hrs.. I guess more human compasion love..

 

But that's what drew me in too her and her honesty and sincerity. Wasn't lust or savior for me..

 

And this is what I lacked with my ex at times.. so I don't know if its a reaction from the ex or her its why I'm taking it slow and wanna get to know her..

 

Kid thing I'm unsure ;(

[22n32]

No problem man. Worth considering though. Sometimes tough love can be hard to take when you're right in the middle of it and can't see that someone's just trying to help. If what I said was compeltely off the mark, I doubt it would've caused quite such a response. Doesn't really matter either way, as either I'm wrong or you refuse to accept my advice, which leaves no wiggle room either way

 

If I were you I'd definitely put more stock in the advice you get here from women though instead of other ex-PUA's. A player is by his nature pretty emotionally shallow, insecure and/or inept, based on the ones I've known well, otherwise they wouldn't behave that way or need tricks to get women to fall for them, so female advice here would certainly be preferable I'd say.

 

Totally agree. And I read everyones very carefully..

 

But see that's were I'm confused.. I never had to manipulate or trick women to be with me when I was a player. They always came on their own.. I never lied or gave false promises..

 

But fact I liked them and wanted to get to know them.. a lot of women rushed me hoping to lock me down or whatever.. but I was always honest, real and I wasn't shallow.. I've dated girl with a lot inside and very little outside...

[Batya33]

Biggest thing for me that drew me in wasn't lust or being a savior. I don't wanna be a savior that's too much pressure on me..

 

What did was how kind, caring, thoughtful and sweet she was.. she kept holding and kissing me all night while in bed, she was so gentle and sweet. It was very powerfull.. I could really feel love which is crazy thing to say because how could there be love after 48hrs.. I guess more human compasion love..

 

But that's what drew me in too her and her honesty and sincerity. Wasn't lust or savior for me..

 

And this is what I lacked with my ex at times.. so I don't know if its a reaction from the ex or her its why I'm taking it slow and wanna get to know her..

 

Kid thing I'm unsure ;(

 

Yes, that is why I wrote that it's easy to have the kind, caring, thoughtful and sweet impression of someone in 48 hours especially when it involves sex. You have to see whether you still have that impression over time (meaning the better part of a year) even when she has to cancel because of her kids, is stressed because of work/kids, is dealing with their father, is too tired to have sex with you, and is honest and open about the stresses in her life, again. Look -she could handle this all with grace, maturity and integrity and continue to be as sweet, caring, thoughtful and kind as she was in the past 48 hours of hanging out and hooking up but you have no experience with her in real life other than you know that her life is very complicated.

 

And as far as the "kid thing" I wouldn't go into this with "unsure" -she deserves someone who knows she's a package deal and finds her kind, caring, thoughtful and sweet because of her children and in spite of them.

[GreenCupcake]

Oddly enough, something tells me that you are going to end up being played somehow 22n32. The fact that the girl acted sweet and loving when she barely knows you is a bit scary if you ask me. I'm just being honest here. You need to go on a journey of self-love because you're looking in all the wrong places.

[OrangeMoon]

Biggest thing for me that drew me in wasn't lust or being a savior. I don't wanna be a savior that's too much pressure on me..

 

What did was how kind, caring, thoughtful and sweet she was.. she kept holding and kissing me all night while in bed, she was so gentle and sweet. It was very powerfull.. I could really feel love which is crazy thing to say because how could there be love after 48hrs.. I guess more human compasion love..

 

But that's what drew me in too her and her honesty and sincerity. Wasn't lust or savior for me..

 

And this is what I lacked with my ex at times.. so I don't know if its a reaction from the ex or her its why I'm taking it slow and wanna get to know her..

 

Kid thing I'm unsure ;(

 

Have you never been with a woman that did that??..many are this touchy and caring..

 

By the way..i do have to agree with one of the others that said she is a mini player..the whole song and dance..about not having done that before..made me chuckle a bit ;-)..

 

if you already know that you dont want to get involved in her son's life..let the single mom go...

[22n32]

Oops..i am going to put money on the fact that the other date sounds alot interesting now..LOL ;-)

 

Yes. This is a very big obstacle.. and I really don't know ;(

[johnnyp]

For what it's worth, I'd be very wary of a girl like this. There's red flags all over the place from both of you and it has 'co-dependant relationship' written all over it, so definitely take it slow and steady. And without wanting to keep coming accross like an a-hole, maybe try hard to figure out why you seem to keep attracting women that have been abused and/or are playette's as dude above called them. It goes back to my original post about trying to see what you're projecting that attracts these girls. As cliche as it sounds, a lot of what we put out is what we get back. That goes for me as much as you!

[22n32]

Yeah I agree, I know this is the easy part.. its why I wanna think about it and give it some time..

[22n32]

For what it's worth, I'd be very wary of a girl like this. There's red flags all over the place from both of you and it has 'co-dependant relationship' written all over it, so definitely take it slow and steady. And without wanting to keep coming accross like an a-hole, maybe try hard to figure out why you seem to keep attracting women that have been abused and/or are playette's as dude above called them. It goes back to my original post about trying to see what you're projecting that attracts these girls. As cliche as it sounds, a lot of what we put out is what we get back.

 

Agree.. but u know what I've noticed. It doesn't matter, if there single, no kids, good family, high education.. maybe a little older..

 

Almost everyone has issues. Even the really good ones that were messed over by exes.. or good ladys that were married young still carry baggage..

 

It's almost rare to nil chance of finding a girl/guys that fits all the heathly guidlines we all talk about on ENA..

[johnnyp]

It's almost rare to nil chance of finding a girl/guys that fits all the heathly guidlines we all talk about on ENA..

 

Absolutely right! Good luck and tread carefully with this girl. All I meant in all my posts was that you seem like a good guy with a good heart and maybe the women you've been attracting lately might not be the right fit and could just be more drama while you're still hurting slightly from your ex. You seem to know what you're doing though...just try to hold back on using words like 'love' in any context about a woman after just one night together.

[CMS]

proceed slowly, enjoy the moment and gauge your relationship in a few weeks and see objectively where it leads

[22n32]

Absolutely right! Good luck and tread carefully with this girl. All I meant in all my posts was that you seem like a good guy with a good heart and maybe the women you've been attracting lately might not be the right fit and could just be more drama while you're still hurting slightly from your ex. You seem to know what you're doing though...just try to hold back on using words like 'love' in any context about a woman after just one night together.

 

Thanks man.. I'm a lot more carefull with women like this.. I no longer love unconditanly after they might do me wrong.. and not hesstiant to just leave...

[22n32]

proceed slowly, enjoy the moment and gauge your relationship in a few weeks and see objectively where it leads

 

Thanks. Exactly what I was thinking, few weeks..

[OrangeMoon]

Agree.. but u know what I've noticed. It doesn't matter, if there single, no kids, good family, high education.. maybe a little older..

 

Almost everyone has issues. Even the really good ones that were messed over by exes.. or good ladys that were married young still carry baggage..

 

It's almost rare to nil chance of finding a girl/guys that fits all the heathly guidlines we all talk about on ENA..

 

 

LOL..this one made me laugh..welcome to real life Josh ;-)

 

nobody is perfect..It all comes down to what you are able to handle and willing to grow towards. You are not perfect, the women aren't perfect..

 

and a healty person to me would be someone with some life experience behind their belt you know. Personal growth has to come from some place..we are all on this earth to look in that mirror and learn something before we pass this earth..

 

You are most definitely going to come accross the woman that is right for you..because you will feel it in an instant and will have the patience to deal with the imperfections..its called unconditional love. You can just take them for who they are..because you love the wholeness inside of you. So you can just focus on giving what you want instead of just focusing on what or how you are receiving..

 

every bad breakups..are mirrors..what do you see

 

I do believe you want to connect..but it feels to me that you are more eager to forget than to connect..otherwise..her having a kid etc..wouldnt feel so fearful. You want to be a dad someday right?..

 

But in this case..she is not the one..its just a feeling i have..

 

I feel some friendzoning coming on...oh the wonders of dating life..;-)

[22n32]

Haha. I agree. It really is what were willing to put up with and what we get in return..

 

She prob isn't the one for me.. I don't really know about the kids.. I've only dated one girl with kids..

 

Be nice to connect. Not so worried about forgetting..

 

I had unconditnal love for my ex and that turned out well..

[OrangeMoon]

loving unconditionally isnt the same as loving wholeheartedly..

 

One is about taking them the way they are and still see the beauty in them...and the other is about loving them so much that you are forgetting about yourself and not staying grounded enough...

 

I have a feeling that you did the latter with your ex..and that didnt turn out well. That usually happens..because the only person you can ultimately trust with your whole heart..is YOU..

 

Dont believe the movies or the songs..your all goes to yourself..alot goes to your loved ones..but never ALL..

[Batya33]

Yeah I agree, I know this is the easy part.. its why I wanna think about it and give it some time..

 

Good! and of course everyone has issues -but the only relevant "issue" is the particular issues the other person has and whether your neuroses mesh well ;-).

[oldenoughtoknow]

Do you know what you want in terms of a relationship? It appears that you've met two abuse victims that walked away from their past in polar opposite directions. What your ex was willing to give didn't wind up working for you. But this new girl...

 

When people go through an abusive relationship, there are differing reasons the union came to be. Likewise, there are differing residues that people walk away with. Some, like your ex, walk away and promise themselves to never let that happen again. They become very avoidant and vow to remain detached in their future relationships. This can run so deep, that if things ever get too happy and involved, they flee. They cannot allow themselves to be that vulnerable again. Others, like your new girl, are looking for a deep level of attachment, and are easy prey for abusive partners. When they finally muster the courage to leave, they usually retain the desire for a deep level of attachment.

 

Just realize you're going from one extreme to the other here. If you've never been in a relationship with someone leaning towards a high level of attachment (think of it as clingy-lite), it takes some getting used to. Is that what you think you want or need in a relationship?

[22n32]

OLTK.. good points..

 

I'm looking for the real women and qualitys that goes with a real lady..

 

I understand its life and a journey along the way I meet all sorts of women..

 

She does seem clingy and just wants to be loved.. and she has been a little clingy today..

 

My ex was the oppisite, id like to think she is growing and learning and get to were she needs too.. who knows prob never. Doesn't really matter to me..

 

I like the love and caring.. but not sure if I'm Totaly ready for a clingy girl..

[Ariel85]

What did was how kind, caring, thoughtful and sweet she was.. she kept holding and kissing me all night while in bed, she was so gentle and sweet. It was very powerfull.. I could really feel love which is crazy thing to say because how could there be love after 48hrs.. I guess more human compasion love..

 

But that's what drew me in too her and her honesty and sincerity. Wasn't lust or savior for me...

 

Yeah, but this right here is your pattern repeating. You meet these girls, don't know them at all, yet you convince yourself that they are sainted angels with hearts of gold. You make these value judgements about their personalities, when you have known them for a day or two.

 

I think this is why things keep blowing up, 22. You are so looking for something, that you try to ascribe those qualities to women that don't deserve them. Then, after you've known them for a few days, or a week, you realize the reality of who they are is quite different than your fantasy.

 

Thing is, you don't know this girl, and you have no idea what is sincere and honest coming from her mouth. From where I'm sitting, she's a chick who was very attracted to you, and wanted to get laid. A good player, such as herself, is very adept at giving a guy what he needs - like she did with you. She knew you wanted to feel loved, be touched in a tender way, ego stroking, etc., and she did just that.

[22n32]

Ariel85..

 

I think ur misunderstanding me.. no where did u prejudge or assume.. this was a saint or angel...

 

I described how she treated me.. and it lines up with what she wants...

 

We have been hanging out everyday and night. And she still treats me and wants to be treated. In a sweet, caring, loving, affection way.. so far she is still like that..

 

So its really not me that puts this on them or her.. she came at me and told me its how she is and what she wants.. and her actions have matched her words..

 

It's still early and weeks to come she might change and I will be aware of that.. I dont have all my emotions in one person.. so far so good.. but I do have a date tonight too..

[quirky]

Maybe you're each other's rebound.

Maybe the connection lies in that need for love after being disillusioned and heartbroken. I had gone for 3 dates with a guy that had recently gone through a break up and the intimacy was quite easy too because I felt he wouldn't hurt me.

[22n32]

Maybe you're each other's rebound.

Maybe the connection lies in that need for love after being disillusioned and heartbroken. I had gone for 3 dates with a guy that had recently gone through a break up and the intimacy was quite easy too because I felt he wouldn't hurt me.

 

Nice.. this is exactly what I was thinking...