Dating a Chinese guy

[birdname]

So I've had a male friend of mine who is a Chinese immigrant (not a recent one) for a while, who recently asked me out.

I really like him, we've been out a couple of times together and really hit it off.

He's been in the country for over 10 years, but he spent his childhood and early teen years in China, so he has a strong understanding of both cultures.

I am, however, the whitest person I know, for lack of better terms.

I'd really like to impress him and learn more about his culture, other than asking him, which I will do, but I want to learn a few things on my own, I don't know where to start.

Can anyone share any tips about Chinese culture to a hopelessly white girl? Preferably specifically as it refers to dating.

Thanks

[guynextdoor]

I would say respect is a start. Huge points if you can get that nailed down. Try some of the authentic foods, none of that Panda Express junk either. Most importantly be yourself, he will appreciate that the most. GL

[In the Dark]

Best thing you could do is, be open and do your best to understand if/when situations come up which involve his cultural background.

 

It's likely that the ethnic situations won't come up too often since he has been in a Western country for a reasonable amount of time.

 

My Brother lived his childhood and early teen years in Asia but took to the Western culture well.

In fact I don't thin he can speak his native tongue anymore.

[birdname]

Ethnic situations have come up. If anyone has been to Vancouver, you'd know that in some areas of town, people have grown up here and not had to learn English. There is a large enough Chinese population that depending on where someone lives, and what they do for work, there may not be any need to "Westernize" at all.

His mother lives in town, and has for the same amount of time he has, and her english is still very broken.

He's taken me to Chinese restaurants where the menus don't come in English. I'm not worried about "screwing up" because I know he knows my culture well, and knows that any faux-pas I make is due to being a WASP and raised as such.

I still want to make an effort to learn more about his culture, even though I know he's comfortable with mine. Not because I think I NEED to, but because I want to show him I'm interested in his background, and that I WANT to.

[abitbroken]

I think that if he has been here for quite a long time, and speaks fluent english, etc, he has probably embraced American culture and you have to just concern yourself with getting to know him as a person, etc, and what his likes and interests are and many of them won't have anything specifically to do with culture. What about telling him that you would love to learn how to cook his favorite dish, etc, - something that in part that could also involve spending time with him - maybe he can show you or can direct you to someone who can.

[birdname]

Totally not worried about him judging me. I don't think he's holding me to any sort of Chinese standard or anything, but even if I could surprise him by learning some Chinese table manners or something small that I could show off next time we go out, I think that'd be cute.

[RedDress]

Chinese table manners? Stuff from the top of my head:

 

- Never point the teapot spout at a person. Always have it pointing away (not sure why)

- To say thank you when someone pours you some tea, tap three fingers on the table

- You should never pour your own tea (or let someone pour their own). You are supposed to pour it for them.

 

Those are my tea manners.

[Shudder]

So I've had a male friend of mine who is a Chinese immigrant (not a recent one) for a while, who recently asked me out.

I really like him, we've been out a couple of times together and really hit it off.

He's been in the country for over 10 years, but he spent his childhood and early teen years in China, so he has a strong understanding of both cultures.

I am, however, the whitest person I know, for lack of better terms.

I'd really like to impress him and learn more about his culture, other than asking him, which I will do, but I want to learn a few things on my own, I don't know where to start.

Can anyone share any tips about Chinese culture to a hopelessly white girl? Preferably specifically as it refers to dating.

Thanks

 

are you interested in learning the language at all?

[birdname]

are you interested in learning the language at all?

I have been since I moved to Vancouver, actually. It would open up a lot of doors for me here.

I've attempted, but I'm the kind of person that learns well from a teacher, but not well from a book, so online reading has only frustrated me.

[In the Dark]

I think your effort will be really appreciated by him and especially his relatives who do not speak fluent English or p[refer to speak their national language.

 

In your case I believe, the more time you spend in environments where speaking in a different language is easier to socialize than your own, will allow you to pick up his language quicker.

I believe this is most likely the case for many people.

[Generation]

I'm just gonna toss whatever comes in my head...

 

For starters, Chinese people are very superstitious. I'm generalizing, but a lot of them are.

Red is a powerful color, symbolizes luck. Most Chinese weddings, there will be some form of red. If you're invited to go, have some red.

White is a particularly bad color, symbolizes death. They don't like wearing white on their heads, like white hat, white bandana. Avoid wearing it at like a wedding.

Green is a good color too. Symbolizes money, of course. They love wear green. In the west, people love gold. In the east, green.

Shoes off in most Chinese homes when you enter.

Always greet their parents. Show respect.

If you can't eat with chopsticks, that's cool. If you can, they might be impressed. Try and learn, it's actually super easy.

Chinese New Year follows the lunar calendar. Not sure when it is for 2012, I forget.

Be careful what gift you give someone. Like for instance, a clock, symbolizes time of death. It's like a bad omen.

4 is a bad luck number. Sounds like death. Similar to 13 in the west when it comes to bad luck.

 

- To say thank you when someone pours you some tea, tap three fingers on the table

 

Yes. This may seem very rude, but it's true. When someone pours you tea, you tap three fingers on the table. It doesn't mean "hurry up" contrary to popular belief and from what it looks like. Some people do two fingers, just cause it looks anatomically more like a person. It's actually supposed to represent a person bowing.

 

The story behind this goes back to ancient times. It's an old legend, and I'm probably telling some bits of it wrong (there's many interpretations). Anyhow, so the legend goes that one day, the emperor of China was outside of his palace at a restaurant in disguise to observe his subjects, but he didn't want people to know who he was. He decided to pour tea to his table guests, and customarily, they'd bow before him. But that would give away his presence if they were to do that, so they did a "finger bow". Nowadays, it's used more like a silent thank you. Of course, it's easier to say thanks and do that too, for some who may misunderstand. That's my approach.

 

Also, pour tea for others, before yourself. Especially older people. It's all about respect. It's all about face. You'll serve food for them too. So from the communal bowl, before serving yourself, you serve to those around you and whoever you can, before yourself.

 

 

There's actually a lot of stuff I know that's not really connecting with me right now. Ask, and I'll tell you more.

[dobbin]

LOL. I would offer you advice but I am the most white washed spoiled asian girl. I grew up here since kindergarten and I've never dated an asian guy. Maybe I should start. I've gotten so used to being in inter-racial relationships.

 

The only advice I can give is try out some of the authentic dishes. Ask first before eating and be open minded and polite. Asians like manners and respects towards the elders and family members. When you meet his family they will grade you on your skills and potentials to be a good wife. It's always good to learn a few basic ethnic words this will really impress him/his family and they will feel more open in welcoming you.

 

Oh, learn to use chopsticks.

[aprilapple]

People have been mentioning about trying out authentic Chinese food. Find what part of China he was originally from. There are very specific dishes that are characteristic of different regions. Knowing these specific dishes are a lot more impressive.

 

Whenever you are at a restaurant, do not start eating until the eldest person eats first. Always start the meal by picking out food for elders and your boyfriend. It is extremely important that you do this. It gives off the impression of self-sacrifice. There is a famous Chinese tale about a daughter-in-law who sacrifices a slice of her arm in order to feed her mother-in-law's craving for meat. This story is meant to depict the importance of obedience and self-sacrifice. Scary story? I think so too... but the Chinese mind set is very family orientated. Do not underestimate the importance of small actions. Remember to pour tea for everyone else before your own. You always serve yourself last.

 

Learn the language. It's the most important part.

[aprilapple]

accidental double post!

[Shudder]

When you meet his family they will grade you on your skills and potentials to be a good wife.

 

i actually think this is a trait that is true to all cultures and ethnicities.

[Ariel85]

Does he very much identify with his Asian roots? Because if not, then it's moot. lol

 

BUT, Asians value honor, respect, education, and family. They believe strongly in working hard, and having children who take care of the elders.

 

Personally, I think the Asian culture is built on all the right stuff, and I've never known an Asian person who wasn't successful, well-educated, and exceptionally honorable.

[missberlee]

Being Asian, I can tell you that a Chinese guy looks for the nice, sweet type of girl as his girlfriend. we are told to be raised as a housewife, so an Asian guy would appreciate a girlfriend that could cook. Also, it's very common for him to want an intelligent and intellectual girlfriend, that respects his family and doesn't mind trying out new things when it comes to his culture. But overall, you shouldn't worry but about what to please him but more like how you will be able to enjoy the time that you spend with one another. Good luck!

[birdname]

Does he very much identify with his Asian roots? Because if not, then it's moot. lol

 

BUT, Asians value honor, respect, education, and family. They believe strongly in working hard, and having children who take care of the elders.

 

Personally, I think the Asian culture is built on all the right stuff, and I've never known an Asian person who wasn't successful, well-educated, and exceptionally honorable.

He's not a Canadian born Asian. He's still pretty new here. When I say "Chinese" I actually mean it!

[In the Dark]

Sort of hard to gauge now.

You say he is Canadian born, so most likely that's where a lot of his own roots come from unless as you say, there is a part of Canada which is Asian predominant which makes an Asian predominant Community within the Country and he is very much part of it.

 

I'm a New Zealand Born Half Asian and that kind of full on Asian community .

does not exist where I live so it should be most likely very different to feeling where I fit in.

I'm currently getting the attention and flirtations from an New Zealand born full blooded Asian who lives with her parents in a Diary they own just around the corner.

 

She's great service but that's where it ends and is adorable when she stumbles over her words when serving me.

Especially when her Mother is noticing and trying not to laugh.

 

I can't imagine dealing with her Father and crazy, sister.

Her Mother is great though.

[birdname]

I said he is NOT Canadian born. And we do live in the part of Canada that is Asian dominant. In Vancouver they are actually the majority of the population.

One could live here and never have to learn english.

[In the Dark]

My apologies, some how I did not notice the 'not' in the sentence.

 

It is quite interesting to hear the Asian culture is so predominant in your area of Canada.

News to me.

It's been a while since this thread has started, has anything in the way of relationship progressed since then or is sort of on hold?

[birdname]

oh a lot has progressed. keep eyes open for another thread. I have more questions about a semirelated issue.

[jeepman41]

Obviously you like him very much. Just relax and get to know him as a person. I'm sure he can answer any questions you might have. The internet is also a rich source of information about anything you would like to know.