You have a choice

[chickydoodle]

I have been pondering the phases of my break-up the progress made and the ease with which I could slip back into a pitt of pain.

 

1.First- The horror of having been betrayed, lied to deceived, by soul-mate. The debilitating emotional pain, shock and disbelief. In my case I had no choice but to opt out ( the girl he cheated with is now mother of his child)

 

2. Acceptance of the situation with glimmers of hope – helped by enotalone ,that survival is imminent – even tho’ at times I have wanted to die.

 

3. The rawness subsides. I still feel no joy but am getting through the days- helped by enotalone and my tools such as prayer, affirmations, faith there is a reason for it all, trust that it is all for the best.

 

4. Disbelief at ever having considered death as an option.

 

4. Fear of the future and the un-known. Going deep to visualise the kind of relationship if any, that I need in the future. Not knowing what I want, where I am going but at least being aware of what I don’t ever want to experence again.

 

5. Feeling relative comfort at being on the first step of an inbuilt stairway leading out of the pitt of pain.

 

THEN AFTER ALL THIS I RECEIVE A TEXT ' LOVE YOU'

 

In a second, the weeks of progress seem to unravel. That first step becomes slippy.

I start to reminisce on the special connection we had , one that I will never have again with anyone.

 

How to deal with this? I have been struck with the insight this morning that at this stage

 

I HAVE A CHOICE

 

I can choose to think in a way that causes me pain or choose to not do so.

I feel relieved at my choice not to- and have re-visited an old affirmation from Louise Hay’s book you can heal yourself.

 

‘ I choose to release all thoughts that cause my dis-ease’

 

This thought pattern, acknowledging I have a choice does seem to work- for me anyway.

 

I thank enotalone sincerely with all the help I have received( mainly thru' reading other people's stories) in getting to this phase.

Step two is in sight.

[Awoken]

I think your doing a great job so far. You have started to accept and acknowledge the things you need to do to continue building those steps out of the pitt of pain. A text like that is going to kick you back down those steps. But talk to your friends and family and use this site to get some support to help you back out of the pitt again!!

[chickydoodle]

Thank you Awoken. Will 'keep on keeping on '

[chickydoodle]

I am momentarily lapsing and feel SO tempted to respond to that text saying' I dont deserve your kind of Love'

However, from a tactical point of view ( throwing affirmation aside for a while) i think this would rile him and make him think of the negative aspects of me and our 12yr relationship while at the moment he is obviously missing me and I suspect, in pain- . I shall leave it at that . I know it is wrong to hope he is suffering but I guess I am only human. I know i am out 'of the pitt' when I can actually genuinely hope he is happy and find happiness for myself, and look back one day and thank the Universe.

Now - back to my affirmations-