Question-Re-establishing NCand falling into the freind trap?

[RayF]

Welli'malong wayoff fromready to try and be friendswith her but i'mreading these stratagies on how to get your ex back and i'mjust not truly getting it.

 

I understand the difference from needing somene and wanting someone but if you want to re-establish contact with your ex as a friend in hopes of getting them to come back to you,it seems to me that the likleyhoodof them just being comfertable as friends is far greater. especally girls. girls love the friend trap.

 

I think of it as your ex having away to have their cake and eat it too. They got the breakup but they still have you in their life.

 

Personally i don't ever want to be friends with my ex. I can garntee you it will never be easy for me to see her with someone else or have her inmy life because i will always long for her. Those feelings for her were just way to strong before and after and during our relationship to EVER have her back as a friend. We were friends for three years BEFORE we got together and it was such hell for me because i wanted her so much i said it's either more than friends or nothing. Now it will be even worse.

 

I mean really,how likley is it that your ex will fall madly in love with you agian?

[Gunther]

I would not mind having an ex as a friend, but I make it a point never to get back together with an ex. Exes seem to make the best of friends, as having an argument and getting along again is the best way to strengthen a friendship {as long as both parties apologize afterwords lol} That is just my view. To bad it doesnt work that way in relationship

[RayF]

I've managed to remain friends with other exs that ment less to me so yeah i know it's possible.

 

but this woman is different.

 

There has never been any single human being in my life that was like her.

 

It sounds clice' but from the first time i ever met her i felt this increadible connection. I was only slightly attracted to her at first but as time went on and we becoame greater feinds i was more and more. One day i realized that she was the only person i ever felt like i wanted to give everything ihad to.I wanted her desperatly in secret for about a year andit was hell seeing her darte other guys or tell me about guys she was interested in. I couldn't take it anymore,itold her how ifelt andshe said it would be toohard togofrom friend to boyfiend.Isaid icouldn't be a friend anymore,sogood luck andgoodbye.

 

The next day she turned around saying she wanted to give it a try.

 

We fell deeply inlove with one another, we were young only 18 to 20 but it was truly the most amazing thing.We went through so much together, a long surgery, a trip to a forign country, family crisis, graduating highschool and starting college. Crutial life changing stuff. She then told me she always knew we would be together and was just afraid of getting hurt but kew now what a special thing we had and always had.

 

We told eachother how lucky we were up until the day we broke up and we both felt like we were still in love.

 

I know the difference, i've loved exgirlfrinds due to the time i spent with them but this was different, this was more than that. this was being "in love"vs. love.

 

unfortunately outside stresses with work and school caused us to argue allot we loved eachother but not ourselves enough. had we both been more stable i know it would have worked out better, maybe lasted a lifetime.

 

I've met other girls since the breakup, but there always was and always will be only one kristen. people say it will get bettercbut i fear that i'll just end up settiling for someone i'm not as happy with.

 

so i know friendship is out of the question. i want to try and get her back someday but how if i can't reestablish friendship?

[detox5]

alot of true words there my friend, alogn the lines of the love i have for my ex, im scared of how much love i have for her, I am not in control of myself yet, I mean that i cant control emotions and would proberly jump to her.

I havent spoke to mine in like 2 montsh but she did message me abuot 3 weeks ago or so. im soo deteremined NOT to message or call her, i have been very strong on this and NC is doing well, i try to not come online cause i see her there sometimes, she is very stuborn and thinks i will message her. anyways enough of me, I just wanted to say that, I looked for other woman and just cant find anyone attractive, not cause im thinkin of ex its just i dont like them, and my thought on this is that....

Im not meant to have a GF at this time, im not meant to love or be attracted at this point in time, i am to work on myself, i relised this.

I feel stronger all the time, the only reason for this is that i was soo fed up with not being in control of my emotions.

In a way i just think its fate, we are meant to take a year out, to be strong and secure and love ourselfs, just so that when that time coems when we get back together or talk, i am ready for her we can continute our life together, i hope you can relate to this.

[tuffguy247]

How do you guys do it? I would love to start thinkin that way. Like I have told Ray before and now you, detox5, I am in the same position. I just dont know how to move on ..its been a month and I dont want to do NC because i feel like this is a time in our lives that we need people to talk too ( We both started our working careers) So im soo confused cause my girl is also stubborn and has called me twice but I feel like its my turn to call just to see how she is. She to let her know that im here for her no matter what. God why is this so hard guys? Help

[HCI]

How do you guys do it? I would love to start thinkin that way. Like I have told Ray before and now you, detox5, I am in the same position. I just dont know how to move on ..its been a month and I dont want to do NC because i feel like this is a time in our lives that we need people to talk too ( We both started our working careers) So im soo confused cause my girl is also stubborn and has called me twice but I feel like its my turn to call just to see how she is. She to let her know that im here for her no matter what. God why is this so hard guys? Help

 

How is you contacting her going to affect you? If it sets you back in your healing process, don´t do it. Wait! You will be in a much better position to have any kind of contact with her when you are healed to the point where you won´t be emotionally affected. Since I decided to not have any contact at all with the girl that dumped me I have healed much more in one week than in almost two months. The fact that I know that I won´t be calling her and the fact that I changed my numbers temporarily does that I feel much more calm. I can´t call her and she can´t call me(I also don´t have to live my life waiting for her to call me and thinking "what if it is her" everytime the phone rings.).

[otrebla]

Hi, In my case I'm moving on at speed of light just because my ex gf killed my hopes, she asked me to see her and then in my face she made clear it's over forever. Maybe I'll be crying for her like a baby in a few days but, if you have any hope it's nearly impossible to move on, it's like being inside a house on fire, if you can escape, you'll try it with all your strenght, you wouldn't give up life, but if you realize you can't escape, you just resign and wait for the fire to burn your body.

It's quite a weird comparison, but I see it that way.

[Clarabelle]

What HCI said is great - "if it sets you back in your healing process, don't do it." You have to be honest with yourself and truly committed to that process to be able to evaluate your actions.

[chai714]

You will always be at least somewhat emotionally affected by your ex - unless you let years pass with no contact. As far as getting him/her back strategically, it's important that you heal as much as possible. The bottom line is, you'll never be the same. You could do what many do and take the friendship strategy. The downside with any strategy in trying to win your ex back is that there are no guarantees. No matter how good the strategy is, no matter how much "inside information" you may have - no strategy is foolproof or perfect.

 

I mean really,how likley is it that your ex will fall madly in love with you agian?

 

Nobody knows this answer - not even your ex! A common thought is that when people are ready to fall in love again, they look for people within reach. This could be where the timing of your friendship kicks in - but are you willing to wait till he/she is ready? You could be in for a long ride if you want to take the friendship route - but just remember to try your best to NOT let your ex know how you really feel (if you're strategy is to become her friend, and get in that way)- it could scare him/her away.