Do guys like if gals nudge?

[laura-j]

OK. Situation is I met this guy at a volunteer event. We got along famously, spent two evenings hanging out, he was a bit flirty (he was in the event's band and I was on staff) and we just hit it off. It was really fun.

 

Went to go see the band again and he invited me to hang out with them at the studio afterwards. So I went and hung out and it was fun, he was very sweet and when I left he hugged me and you know when you pull back at the end of the hug, well I did that 3 times and he was still hugging me. So I thought... hmmm. He might like me.

 

So I didn't have a phone number for him and the facebook was under the band not his name, so I didn't want to post anything stupid there. But a friend had his phone number. So I texted him. He was stoked! I was stoked! Everyone was stoked! We made tentative plans to go out which he couldn't make. The next night wanted to hang out but I wasn't available. Later that night he called and we talked for two hours. It was great! He was telling me how happy he was to meet me and wanted to get to know me, it was about 10 pm, and he did NOT make the booty call move or anything like that. It was really sweet. He ended it with "I'm so glad we are consistently if not a bit slowly taking it to the next level" (good right?)

 

That was three days ago. I haven't heard back. Am I allowed to call or text to say hey and see when we can get together? In my book if you spend two hours on the phone with someone gushing about how much you like them, it's probably a safe bet that they like you... BUT... Yeah you never know. (Let's put it this way his phone died and he plugged it in and called back to keep talking to me... and there was no sex gonna happen... and it was not dirty talk at all it was really quite cute.) I know he had some stuff going on this weekend, I don't want to seem pathetic, but I'd like to see him and see how it goes.

 

Guys... thoughts?

[LDRohnos]

I think your emotions are about 10 steps ahead of your mind right now...reign it back in a bit. Just let the weekend go and call him next week.

[laura-j]

I meant last weekend he had stuff going on, we talked Friday night. Next week eh? Ah the games we still play as adults. So silly. Thanks for the response

[Rosee]

But then if you look at it as just showing restraint, then it's quite an 'adult' thing to do. He might contact you first anyway.

[Keyman]

Honestly, what's it going to hurt to send him a text asking "Hey! How's it going?"

 

And yes, many guys like it when the girl just doesn't sit back and wait for him to make all the moves.

[laura-j]

Is it me or is this just so ridiculously silly? He and I are grown ups. I'm 41 he's almost 40. I hate these games.... LOL. I might send the "hey, how's it going?" tomorrow... 5 days isn't needy right? (I'm totally laughing and how weird this is.) The man told me he digs me for goodness sakes. In those words. I feel like I'm 12.

 

My friends are split 50/50 never ever call, or of course call. Hence I've turned to y'all!.

[Flyingpiglet]

You'll probabaly end up witht he same 50/50 response from here.... Everybody has a different opinion.

So basically, you will do what you feel in the end anyway

 

I do think you're getting over excited about the prospects of seeing this guy though (understandably) so I would just shoot him a casual 'Hey, how's it going?' text.

 

After 5 days, I don't think that shows being needy, more being interested.

And if for any reason he has changed his mind, though I sincerely hope he hasn't, it would be better to know now before you work yourself into a frenzy!

[Batya33]

I don't think it's about dating rules. I think you came on sufficiently strong if not a bit too strong -a bit! - so the ball is in his court. Maybe he meets people frequently who he's interested in so he is trying to juggle all his various social plans. It's not about whether guys like to be nudged it's just like a new friendship - I can relate to the extent of being in my 40s and trying to meet new people/cultivate new friendships and one thing I do is try not to be nudgy -many of the people I'm meeting already have groups of friends and busy lives so I want our getting to know each other to be fun, not a chore or sense of obligation. I also think it's more respectful of the person's life/time not to be pushy. Also if you feel pushy when you call then you'll probably come accross insecure. I wouldn't text - if you do anything ,then be up front (since you are in your 40s) and call, be direct. I've been in many many situations where interest fizzles quickly especially when it's so gushy right off the bat - that might not be this situation- perhaps he just got busy - but don't be surprised if it is.

[mactownman]

I like it when a girl initiates contact in the beginning. The show of interest is nice and perpetuates the situation. I don't think a guy should be expected to make all the moves.

[Flyingpiglet]

If I understand correctly, he initiated the last contact?

I see no reason why as a woman, you should sit back and wait for the man to confirm or refute his interest.

In my opinion... It's a two way street.

[Gimpyrks]

IMO there is no problem in dropping a "hey whats up?" text go for it xD

[pl3asehelp]

I think it would be most 'adult' if you were just honest with him about your feelings. If that means calling him or texting him now, do it. Anything else is dishonest really.

[laura-j]

OK It's been a week, and I'm feeling confused. I have not heard from the dude.

 

I realized I sounded a bit more gushy than I meant to in the previous posts. I was typing fast and it came out way more wound up than I am. LOL. The real reason I still care is that we both agreed that it was a rare and wonderful thing that we were immediately comfortable together, like an old pair of (and still very attracted to each other) shoes. (So really cute shoes I guess?. HA)

 

Makes zero sense why he would reach out to me and talk to me for 2 hours and then not get back in touch. Do I swallow the pride and call or do I just chalk it up to another one of those things?

 

Sigh.

[Batya33]

Many people feel that way right off the bat. Sometimes off the bat is a 50 year marriage and sometimes it's a one night or one date wonder. Perhaps he met someone else the very next day or heard from an ex or decided that he really didn't feel that way. One thing I used to do - try not to do the 2 hour phone call with someone you just met - keep it to 20 minutes so that if he wants to continue the conversation he has to put in the effort to make a plan to see you. I don't think calling is going to change his interest level. Enjoy the memory and it's great that you can feel that kind of connection so early on!