Any tips on Anger and Rage Management?

[Lil Boi]

Okay, first of all my anger towards my ex at this point is quite justified, in fact, it's a tad bit constructive considering that I'm coming from an unhealthy and abusive relationship... Been cheated on, lied to, manipulated, physically, emotionally, psychologically abused, totally left me broke, ostracized me, publicly humiliated me... Disrespected my family, friends, me and everything I stood up for... For the longer version, look for the post titled: Can't get over my narcissistic Ex, HELP!!!

 

The thing is, considering what I've been through, I am determined to walk away from her albeit, there are days wherein I am reminded of everything she did to me and whenever I see the ghost of her, I feel like I'm going to flip. I've been trying to workout, hang with my friends and family... so far life has been better if not great without her, but sometimes I just wake up feeling like crap, or getting bouts of rage with no way to release it. I end up bawling, imagining how a conversation with her would go, or my thoughts will be filled of all the painful memories she's put me through.

 

Anyway, I'd like to know how you guys were able to cope with the anger phase and did it help to confront your ex? (Mind you, mine is a narcissist with confusing attention issues, one time she hates my guts and then another time she's throwing weird signals of missing me or something).

 

Thanks!

[butterflyburn]

Join welcome to Oz shall not regret it but a good series of books and time shall do u well

[BlueRose66]

Keep writing about it to get it all out. Allow the feelings to surface and embrace them. The energy attatched to them needs to be released via some type of physical release. Roll up a towel, and use some type of tie to make it into a bat, them bang it on your bed. Use a role play in a journal to vent all the things you want to say to her. Realize you are probably angry at yourself too, for sticking it out. That is Ok and normal. Make a pact with yourself that you will do everything in your power to learn to recongize unhealthy partners, and patterns, red flags and all that. And then you will NEVER knowingly enter into another relationship with someone messed up, no matter how lonely. You will never abandon yourself again in that way.

 

This is a safe place to get it all out. This could be your anger thread. Just dump it all out till its gone. I found under my anger was pain and sadness so be prepared for that.

 

Read up on personality disorders. There are forums out there for people who have been emotionally abused by personality disordered individuals.

 

Several years ago, I travelled throughout India for months only to come home to realize that I had been with a narcissist. If you need help finding a forum please pm me.

 

Get the anger out in a healthy way so you dont end up in a road rage incident or some other type of thing. It could easily happen.

 

Take care.

[In the Dark]

This sounds exactly like a relationship I was in.

Depending on the amount of time it has been since last contact since the break up, you are going to feel what you currently feel.

 

It will tqake it's time to subside.

I remember when I had this anger and hatred, I couldn't believe what I felt.

I never knew I could feel this way towards somsone who at first seemed to love me so much.

[KYRiverGrl]

I have alot of rage and anger stemming from my breakup too (ex dumped me for a mutual friend). I also find myself in a state of disbelief that I have held such seething hate and raging anger at both him and her. I don't like feeling that way; sometimes I wish they would both fall off of a very high cliff

 

Last night I had a total breakdown in my apt, starting throwing my shoes around and banged them on the walls, etc! Hahaha, a neighbor who lives directly under me knocked on my door telling me that he was trying to sleep! I sheepishly apologized.

 

These feelings are normal. Reading "Radical Forgiveness" by Colin Tipping has been a help. It's good to find ways to let the emotions run their course and they take their own time to do it. The techniques stated in the other posts are good ones. I would not recommend making alot of noise in your apt though! lol

[northpickle]

Right there with you Lil Boi

 

I'm *just* entering the anger stage, and not sure how to deal with it because a) anger is an emotion I rarely feel and I'm not used to coping with it and b) it is confusing to be so full of anger towards somebody who you do actually love. I wasn't in an abusive or particularly unhealthy relationship either, so maybe that's why it's taken over two months to get to this stage (as well as false hope due to LC). I look forward to reading advice on managing it here Best of luck to you.