omg!! why even bother!?!?

[loulou37]

Been BU with my BF since the first week in sept. (him over the phone) had LC, initiated by me, then a face to face 3 weeks ago..which didn't change anything. I've been NC since that day...my last words to him were, that i woudn't contact him and let him get on with his life.

 

My story original post:

 

So that brings me to today, the postman arrives with a parcel for me, funny i knew it was from him, i opened it and it was a hairdryer, the little travel one i left at my ex's!!! i'd forgotten all about it, it wasn't of any importance to me!!

 

attached to it was a post-it note...saying:

 

Hope you're ok and the family are doing well, i think you'll have more use for this than me

so i thought i'd return it to you, hope that was the right thing to do.

 

Seeing them words, his words handwritten made me break down in tears did he need to send it back to me, i never asked for it, why didn't he just e-mail or call and ask if i even wanted it? the man that i shared a deep love with n some of my most intimate moments with...can't even communicate with me, a bloody post-it note!

 

I was gonna reply n say thanks..but what's the point.

 

It ruined my day.

 

loulou x

[DN]

It's yours so he sent it back. He was kind of between a rock and a hard place - if he doesn't send it back, he is keeping something that doesn't belong to him and if he does he gets this reaction. That is why he said "I hope this was the right thing to do". Had he contacted you beforehand his motives could have been misconstrued.

[Seraphim]

Just send off an email that says thanks.

[DylanNotorious]

I think he didn't know how else to give it to you. You said that you wouldn't contact him again, so I guess the only thing to do was pop the hairdryer in the post, to avoid that communication.

[loulou37]

Just send off an email that says thanks.

 

I can't contact him, why should i say thanks, he's hurt me too much

[Seraphim]

Because it is polite and this is about how YOU want to be not what he did. He obviously cares.

[loulou37]

Because it is polite and this is about how YOU want to be not what he did. He obviously cares.

 

I just can't break my NC...he knows i didn't need the hairdryer, i was hardly even at is place to use it.

[doubtfulwonder]

You don't have to say anything to him and keep with NC. For whatever reason in his mind, he did what he thought was the 'right thing to do'. It's hard, but try your best not to analyze why he did it, and the way he went about it.

[CatsMeeoow]

I know it hurt you to get the hair dryer in the mail... honestly it probably hurts the most because as trivial as the hair dryer seems to you its very concrete evidence that its over and he isn't expecting you to have any need for it at his place any longer.

 

Personal property needs to be returned to its owner.

 

You would be surprised the number of threads on here by people who hold out this hope because their ex hasn't returned XYZ to them that they must still have some reason to want them directly and they hold out hope it means something.

 

I'm very sorry you found it hurtful... big hugs for that... break ups are awful things and sometimes the littlest thing can set us back. He did the right thing though.

 

HUGS!

[DN]

I agree with Victoria that a simple 'thanks for the hairdryer' is polite and means nothing more than that. Always better to take the high ground and you don't need him to start asking if you got it.

[loulou37]

I know it hurt you to get the hair dryer in the mail... honestly it probably hurts the most because as trivial as the hair dryer seems to you its very concrete evidence that its over and he isn't expecting you to have any need for it at his place any longer.

 

Personal property needs to be returned to its owner.

 

You would be surprised the number of threads on here by people who hold out this hope because their ex hasn't returned XYZ to them that they must still have some reason to want them directly and they hold out hope it means something.

 

I'm very sorry you found it hurtful... big hugs for that... break ups are awful things and sometimes the littlest thing can set us back. He did the right thing though.

 

HUGS!

 

Thanks for the hugs CATS, i still have some things of his, only little things, i haven't sent them back cos he hasn't asked for them, i know if they were things that were important to him he would ask for them. i'm not keeping hold of them so he needs to come back and ask me for them, i know they're not important.

 

I just feel he could've waited a little, if he needed to send it back to me, i'd forgotten about it anyway.

 

loulou x

[DN]

Well, he isn't a mind-reader so there is no way he could know what would be a good time. I think you should send his stuff back with your note of thanks. That would make a clean break and you haven't got reminders of him around.

[loulou37]

Well, he isn't a mind-reader so there is no way he could know what would be a good time. I think you should send his stuff back with your note of thanks. That would make a clean break and you haven't got reminders of him around.

 

his stuff is in the shed, i've not got them around me...he didn't need to read my mind, just be a little sensitive, we didn't break up bad, we were still in love...

[DylanNotorious]

I don't think he was being insensitive. Maybe he thought you'd want the hairdryer. I think getting the hairdryer back makes it final. So maybe you should send his stuff back too.

[DN]

I don't think he was being insensitive either. To be honest I think you are being over-sensitive although I do understand why.

[Seraphim]

The thing is people should not hang onto what belongs to others. They should return it. There are so many threads on here about people SUPER peeved off that they can not get their stuff back and people being sued for their stuff back. He did the right thing even if you do not think so now. And he cares or he would not have payed the postage he just would have dumped your stuff in the trash.

[learning2relax]

If you don't want to contact him and feel that you can't - for your own personal reasons, then don't. You do what you need to do for yourself and getting yourself to a better, more rational and less emotional place. Your reaction to receiving the hair dryer shows that you are still pretty emotional. And you have every reason to be. It is hard. He wanted to do the right thing by returning your property, and while rationally and intelligently, you know that, emotionally, it just feels like he is breaking up with you all over again - returning things which reinforce his decision to no longer be together. Do what you need to do for you. You can't go wrong when you do nothing. If you want to be polite, then simply thank him for returning your item. If you don't it won't hurt anything. Thanking him won't make anything different as far as your relationship status either. You figure out what you are comfortable with.

[toby17]

I see no real reason for sending the hairdryer - personal property or not - and I've been in a position of wanting my stuff back. You saw him couple of weeks ago and said you weren't going to be in contact anymore. This just ignores that. If you wanted a single hairdryer back you would have asked. And the note doesn't say it's yours I'm returning it - it says "I thought you could use this more than me". He could have just as easily given it to goodwill.

 

On the other hand Loulou, I doubt he put that much thought into it. He probably just did what he felt like doing and didn't think about what affect it would have on you.

 

Personally, I wouldn't bother to thank him. It would only encourage him to send you some other silly thing he comes accross.

[DN]

The reason to give it back is that it isn't his. I don't see why the concept of returning someone's property is difficult.

[Daev]

Maybe I am a little cynical, but perhaps he sent these back to you with a hand written note to purposely stir up feelings so that you *would* contact him. That was my initial feeling when I read the post.

[loulou37]

Maybe I am a little cynical, but perhaps he sent these back to you with a hand written note to purposely stir up feelings so that you *would* contact him. That was my initial feeling when I read the post.

 

And that's exactly what i thought, which has made me angry, i felt he sent it so i would thank him for it, so he felt like he had done something good after all the heartache he caused, i won't thank him to make him feel better.

[quirky]

I think he sent it because it belongs to you otherwise he'd throw it away wouldn't he? And he feels he has no right to chuck it.

I do agree with Daev too but there's nothing in the written note indicating 'call me, I miss you'.

I dunno, everything becomes so friggin strange when you breakup.

[loulou37]

I think he sent it because it belongs to you otherwise he'd throw it away wouldn't he? And he feels he has no right to chuck it.

I do agree with Daev too but there's nothing in the written note indicating 'call me, I miss you'.

I dunno, everything becomes so friggin strange when you breakup.

 

haha yea i know what you mean, our heads are all over the place as it is...

 

i'd of rather he'd of chucked it, or used it for when his little girl stays at his house, like we'd spoke about before. I didn't need it n he knew it....

[loulou37]

if you dont need the hair dryer, dump it and the memories it brings in the bin, and do not send a note to say thank you.

 

Just keep going forward, do not look back!

 

Thanks Bung, it's dumped!!

[Daev]

Yeah I feel that even though he didn't write that he misses you, or wants you to get in touch, he knows you well enough to know how you would react, and was maybe hoping for you to contact. Good for you for being strong and not taking the bait. (Obviously in my opinion lol)