Why is revenge so sweet? *bitter sweet*

[Notagoodninja]

My counselor told me that too...she said don't say he's gonna get a GIRLFRIEND. She said he's gonna get his next VICTIM.

NOT a girlfriend.

I know you and her are trying to help me get the right perspective and I appreciate it. It still hurts. I can't handle him holding hands and kissing on some other girl when he should have been mine. SO tragic. He was not just a boyfriend, he was my HUSBAND, he had my ring, my oaths, we were married. Blech it's awful to think of

Anyway you're right I am hoping he will care that I am texting that guy to make him mad but you're right he could care less the truth hurts...................

 

YES I am HAPPY I didn't end up in a morgue also! Many times he would tell me I deserve to be dead!

[Notagoodninja]

Yeah, that was a typo sorry. It's 4 30am and I shouldn't be up still

 

I meant that she should not feel ashamed to reach out for help because of what he did to her, I apologize.

 

And you're right, there's zero justification in what he did to her. I've made huge mistakes in the past and hurt someone badly and have learned better, and even apologized for what I did. Some people do, some don't. I'm just saying that he may one day realize that he is unhappy and very much in the wrong, and by then it would be far too late anyway, and that there is no point hoping he may come to his senses if she just endures his abuse for just a bit longer.

 

Thank you for your response, it's nice that you changed and apologized. I am not sure my DH would ever do that because he rly is a sociopath. I do not say that lightly. The guy wanted 0 sex, just control. He was borderline pedaphile...he had ODD fettishes that most people have never heard of. He was obsessed with Stalin, hitler, and creepy cult books. He was always saying he would make a great world leader and get a huge following. He was obsessed with horror movies, RPG like Dungeons and Dragons. He said a womans place was at home- just at home- never could go out- no friends- no family. He would say how much he HATED his mother.....how he HATED women. He PROUDLY said he hated women. He treated women like objects. He ws never sorry for what he did. He constantly abused me. He destroyed everything.

[Notagoodninja]

Hey I am really glad to hear you left this guy. That was one of my concerns also. He NEVER was allowed to be alone with my child. Because I've known too many people molested and am overly paranoid. but anyway he always checked out teen girls and would only look at porn where the girls were 18 but they looked 16. he would NEVER look at porn where the girl had curves or anything bigger than an A cup breast. and the girls had to be wearing my little pony underwear, carebears, rainbow bright etc. he was not into womanly lingerie, stockings- anything remotely adult. He was not into sex toys. the only RP he loved was a couple fettishes i wont go into, and the daddy/daughter one. But he was overboard about it so I ws concerned that he might molest one day. He was molested several times as a child. Seems like he got stuck in his mind mentally at a young age. He would throw huge rages and temper tantrums and always had to have his way

WOW were you kinda happy when he did in 88 or did you feel sorry for him? What did he die from? How long were you guys married? did he have contact with your kid when she was of age? How long did it take you to get over him>

[Notagoodninja]

Cheater #1 I left, Cheater #2 I forgave and regretted it, then decided to end it because I couldn't trust him - and Cheater #3 well that's a messy story but lets just sat it's done, I am now very happy with my fiance and I I did not resort to revenge. Remember that in revenge as in life every action has an equal reaction and sooner or later the guilty will fall. Don't underestimate the power of guilt - which the cheater will sooner of later feel if they have any kind of human decency.

 

I also wanted to add, I am sorry about the abuse from your parents and your partner, but please don't turn to revenge as a means to an end. It really wont help you in the long run.

 

You are probably right. Honestly I hope he doesn't even come to me apologizing one day. I already know how horrible he is. He doesn't have to remind me. It would just be a huge reminder of his abuse and cheating ways. It would break my heart to bits again I can't even hear it. It kills me inside I can't believe he did this to me.

[superfox]

What you are doing is not revenge, it's trying to make him jealous at someone else's expense. What if your ex goes after this other guy? The best revenge is to heal yourself, how much would it piss him off for you to be a strong indepenant woman who won't ask 'how high' when he says 'jump'. He didn't love you, he owned you.

 

I've also been in an emotionally abusive, controlling relationship, I'm so pleased and proud of you that you got out. Now use that to move forward and no looking back x

[annie24]

My counselor told me that too...she said don't say he's gonna get a GIRLFRIEND. She said he's gonna get his next VICTIM.

NOT a girlfriend.

I know you and her are trying to help me get the right perspective and I appreciate it. It still hurts. I can't handle him holding hands and kissing on some other girl when he should have been mine. SO tragic. He was not just a boyfriend, he was my HUSBAND, he had my ring, my oaths, we were married. Blech it's awful to think of

Anyway you're right I am hoping he will care that I am texting that guy to make him mad but you're right he could care less the truth hurts...................

 

YES I am HAPPY I didn't end up in a morgue also! Many times he would tell me I deserve to be dead!

 

He told you you deserve to be dead?? you realize that this man might have killed you? Thank your lucky stars he hasn't done anything about your text messages to another man. Please don't do anything like that again to anger him. Just get the hell away. The faster he forgets about you, the better. I understand that this man was your husband and there were deep feelings there, but he's also potentially your future murderer. Do you get that?

[tinybob]

sorry you were married to such a jerk! nobody deservest to be treated so badly.

i understand completely what you did and what you are feeling.

 

have fun with your date, but don't do anything just to get even. do things fo ryou so you feel better!

 

the best revenge is just moving on and being happy. you are lucky to be done with him, so don't let him control your actions!!

[Notagoodninja]

Thanks guys. tinybob I am only gonna go out cause I don't know, that seems like what peeps should do. But honestly I am too broken hearted to be going out, I have ZERO desire to date. Not only that it's pointless. I'm like Kim Kardashian two down! haha...no more marriages for me!

[Notagoodninja]

He told you you deserve to be dead?? you realize that this man might have killed you? Thank your lucky stars he hasn't done anything about your text messages to another man. Please don't do anything like that again to anger him. Just get the hell away. The faster he forgets about you, the better. I understand that this man was your husband and there were deep feelings there, but he's also potentially your future murderer. Do you get that?

 

I don't think he would of killed me on purpose but my counselor says he would have. I am not sure though. I don't think he would get the balls to do it, he's a wife beater and anyone can pick on a GIRL...

HOWEVER when he strangled me a year ago he did that just quickly out of nowhere and he didn't even realize and neither did I because I was so furious and trying to kick him in the balls- how badly he did until he took away his hands and I had strangulation marks and blood around my neck!

[Notagoodninja]

What you are doing is not revenge, it's trying to make him jealous at someone else's expense. What if your ex goes after this other guy? The best revenge is to heal yourself, how much would it piss him off for you to be a strong indepenant woman who won't ask 'how high' when he says 'jump'. He didn't love you, he owned you.

 

I've also been in an emotionally abusive, controlling relationship, I'm so pleased and proud of you that you got out. Now use that to move forward and no looking back x

Well this is what's sad, I feel like I am using this guy tonight. The reason why I said yeah I'll go out and the reason why i texted him on that number is cuz if you go to link removed and type in that number you can find this guys facebook. I don't like this guy AT ALL but he's gigantic, he's a body builder and in the military. And there's all these pics of him with huge guns haha (ak's etc) so I thought maybe my ex would get intimidated and think I had a big guy protecting me

[tinybob]

Thanks guys. tinybob I am only gonna go out cause I don't know, that seems like what peeps should do. But honestly I am too broken hearted to be going out, I have ZERO desire to date. Not only that it's pointless. I'm like Kim Kardashian two down! haha...no more marriages for me!

 

 

I'm so sorry, broken!!! i can feel how sad you are in your posts!! don't go out if you are not ready. eventually you will of course need to go out and move on, but why rush it? go out with friends instead! so sorry!

[Notagoodninja]

I agree. I went downtown two weeks ago with one girlfriend, we just went to a bar had a couple drinks and some awesome appetizers and listened to a crappy live band hehe. I am going out with another gf this week to dinner, and I am hooping I can find some girls who enjoy dancing cause I love dancing but none of my friends love to dance...

[ParisPaulette]

Dear brokenhearted,

 

Um I actually do understand why you did it even if I do think the best revenge is actually about going out and getting your life back and not needing them--and being able to not answer the phone or respond to them if and when they try to crawl back. I've been there though in that moment of crying and screaming when it finally hits you that the person you thought was your one and only is a lying, cheating ***&&(@ and you've been had. And oh the rage and grief are all-consuming at the time and all you want to do is have them hurt as much as you do. That said I would say you might want to watch out for the ex in case he becomes physically abusive over the idea that you might actually be moving on. You mention he put you in the hospital and that worries me, so do plan a way to protect yourself if this backfires. And don't let him use it as a way to weasel back into your heart in case he sees this and thinks, "Ooops, better go turn on the charm again 'cause my backup plan maybe is already over me." Since you were divorced by the time you did this fortunately he can't hold it against you in court and it sounds like there weren't kids or property involved which probably helps. But prepared to send those divorce papers to him if he raises a stink about it.

 

That said, your form of revenge is actually pretty mild (I do not ever advocate damaging personal property or endangering anyone as a means of revenge or any revenge in general BTW) and is actually less harmful to your ex than it is to the potential new guy. Although if he's gorgeous and sane then maybe something could come of it, just don't make him a rebound guy to get back at your ex. No one deserves that - well except maybe my ex.(Kidding, kidding here) And for words of comfort I will tell you here and now that your ex will likely dig his own grave and Karma will bite him the butt sooner or later. It may look like he's having a great time, but that's because he feels like he has to go turn on the charm again to sucker someone else and boost his ego. My ex looked like he was doing great, and I suppose maybe he was, until the day he answered a job ad for a personal assistant and made the mistake of cashing the new boss's check and getting his account cleaned out by the "new boss's scam" and nearly put up on money laundering charges. I found all this out through a friend and I confess I grinned the entire day. It was far worse than any revenge I could ever have concocted against him. Also apparently he can't find a job since he no longer has me around to help him with resumes and job searching, which I used to help him with. LOL

 

So go live your life, be thankful you're free of the abusive ex and in time your heart will catch up with what your head already knows. That ship is burned and sinking to the bottom of the ocean and you got off just in time. LOL

[agent1607307371]

HOWEVER when he strangled me a year ago he did that just quickly out of nowhere and he didn't even realize and neither did I because I was so furious and trying to kick him in the balls- how badly he did until he took away his hands and I had strangulation marks and blood around my neck!

 

Reading this, yes. He would have killed you eventually.

 

There is a saying that the best revenge is living well, but in this case I think it's just living.

[annie24]

I don't think he would of killed me on purpose but my counselor says he would have. I am not sure though. I don't think he would get the balls to do it, he's a wife beater and anyone can pick on a GIRL...

HOWEVER when he strangled me a year ago he did that just quickly out of nowhere and he didn't even realize and neither did I because I was so furious and trying to kick him in the balls- how badly he did until he took away his hands and I had strangulation marks and blood around my neck!

 

I wish I could give you a big hug right now. And I really wish you could see this - I don't think it's quite "clicked" in your head, you very much talk like a battered wife (which you were!) In one sentence, you say that he wouldn't kill you, but then you say that he strangled you previously!! And left marks and blood so obviously, it was quite a serious incident. You were probably just a few minutes away from death right there. i hope you see that, i hope that finally gets through your head and you get away from him for good. please take some time with your counselor before you get into another relationship.

[Mellie]

I can't believe your friend would take you over to spy on him. For what, exactly? You're divorced already. Nothing good was going to come out of that.

 

You need to start going about your own business, leave him to get on with his.

[Notagoodninja]

I can't believe your friend would take you over to spy on him. For what, exactly? You're divorced already. Nothing good was going to come out of that.

 

You need to start going about your own business, leave him to get on with his.

 

Our divorce wasn't supposed to go through so early, I didn't know we were divorced that night and neither did he. It wasn't supposed to go for another week, and he was out that night prob with women...and married still...

[Mellie]

Yeah, married on paper, but to all intents and purposes not a couple anymore. Why go looking for trouble? What's the best thing you were going to see? Nothing. What's the worst thing you were going to see? Could have been a lot worse than him coming back from a night out.

[Notagoodninja]

He couldn't bring girls home yet, because when i left he had already broken the computer. his ipad, his phone, my clothes, my sons stuff, he had slashed our leather couches and ottomans with a butcher knife, he had thrown glass all over the place, knocked down the bookshelves and torn apart books, dvds, cds..........you get the picture..there is no way he'd bring a girl home so I wasn't looking for a girl

I wanted to see if he had stayed home, cuz the whole marriage he always claimed he "never went out" if we were broken up. I wanted to see if he was telling the truth, and he wasn't....

we had broken up and gotten back together a couple times thru-out the divorce

I was going to call the divorce off at one point until i suspected him of cheating......and then when he put me in the hospital...

[Notagoodninja]

You're very sweet thanks so much for this kind post and for your understanding and not judging me.

[Deciduous]

I can't believe your friend would take you over to spy on him. For what, exactly? You're divorced already. Nothing good was going to come out of that.

You need to start going about your own business, leave him to get on with his.

 

Mellie,

 

Advising the OP on past events, and berating her on what she should or shouldn't have done - seems a very disadvantageous (and pointless) exercise.

 

The past is the past. Telling us how you would have handled it much more aptly, is all very reassuring, but besides the point and does not equate to helpful advice.

 

Deci

[marshallmog]

brokenhearted... i lived with my ex husband for six years.. and every three months or so he would beat me to within an inch of my life.... I didnt tell my parents as i was ashamed and also we lived in a different county to them.. I married him with the belief that marriage was for life.. i wanted to try to heal him make him not want to beat me.... On the other side was this wonderful kind attentive man who told me he loved me every second of every day.. who actually would have died to protect me from danger... All these people on here who have the gaul to say.. "you must of liked being abused" are living in cuckoo land... unless you have lived it dont judge it.... And now.. i am in a different relationship.. vowing to never ever let anyone hit me again (and trust me i would never of allowed that).. but yet i allow him to mentally abuse me... Did i deserve this.. Did i attract this... I dont think so.. If i did i cant for the life of me understand how... Like my ex husband.. my new guy treated me like i was actually the only woman on the face of this earth who he could ever love... but if you read my posts you will read otherwise.. but by that time he had sucked me in and i had grown to love him... So yes i can understande revenge.... not physical but almost anything you may know would annoy the * * * * out of em or make them feel small like they have done to you so many times... There is nothing wrong with you honey ... dont let anyone tell you otherwise..x x x

[Carus]

BHF*

 

I have just read through your thread...I am very sorry to hear what you have been through..

 

However...:

 

It is great you are now at a point in your life that you will learn some great things, about yourself and about relationships. This will serve you well in the future*

 

You sound happy with your counsellor which is great....Stick with it if you can. Real change takes time. With counselling, it always pays to shop around, but if you relate to the one you have then good...You will go on a journey into yourself...It is long, hard and paiinful, but the rewards are many*

 

Secondly, I just want to say that as a male, there are some of us out here that would never strike a woman...Just in case you started doubting it

 

Keep walking BHF* ~ You really are doing well....*

 

Much Love

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[Notagoodninja]

Thank you I know all men are not bad...I just was the unlucky one lol...

anyway your post was sweet thank you

[Notagoodninja]

Hey marshallmog...............Wow yeah I did not tell my family either! I was too humiliated because I was supposed to be the girl that had her you know what together. Yeah it's so strange how these men are snakes and they change...good and bad. I will post a poem on here soon that he wrote me and some letters (minus the names) that way maybe people can see what abusive men do...they are charming and loving and all apologetic...if you read his letters and poems you'd think he was the greatest thing out there that's how these men reel you in...And gosh I am SO FREAKING SORRY you got ANOTHER abuser...ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!