Dealing with post college depression? (among other things)

[Nagant]

I graduated college a few months ago in May 2011, but the reality of it didn't hit me at first because I was still living in my college town for 3 months after I graduated with my ex (not an ex at the time). At the end of August I realized I couldn't afford to live where I was and I had to move home. At this point my girlfriend broke up with me for a second time (she'd been thinking about it since May after we got back together in December). It was pretty devastating because it suddenly felt like all ties to my life I had for four years were now completely severed. Losing all my other college friends was already difficult enough. Now I had also lost my college (and first) girlfriend too.

 

So I've been home for two months now and I just feel like crap. I graduated with a history degree and had original though of teaching high school but I changed my mind Junior year. I was going to look into law enforcement after I realized this because I actually felt some passion and a real desire to be an officer. However, my vision is so bad there are no departments that would ever hire me. Even if I had some type of eye surgery I am also a diabetic, so my chances would still not be as good as others. Once I found out about this in July I realized I had no idea what I wanted to do. Most of my passions don't really allow for a future career, so I'm not sure what to do.

 

Also being home is difficult because I have no social circle anymore. The few people I still know around here from my high school era have changed very little in 4 years. People I graduated with still treat me like I was in high school (mainly talking down to me and treating me like a "loser" I suppose). However I've changed so much in the last few years it's hard to take this stuff. I've matured and become a more confident person. I feel like I have changed while everyone else in the area has stayed the exact same! I just feel not as accepted as I was with my group of friends I had in college, who were people I consider much more similar to my personality than almost anyone I knew in my home town. Being that I live in a very small town in a rural area it's difficult to imagine meeting new people or people I want to hang out with. When I do go out (every weekend) I just don't feel the same sense of enjoyment hanging around the people in my home town that I did in college.

 

At first I thought most of these sad lonely feelings were solely the result of my breakup, but now I'm thinking it's a combination of everything hitting me at once, especially the breakup and lack of any social circle that makes me feel accepted and appreciated. I just don't have any motivation to really do anything, though I did have a job interview this week that I feel went well. However it's a double edge sword because I feel getting a job here will only tie me down to this area when all I want to do it leave. However I have to save some more money to start paying back loans in January and in order to have money to move somewhere else. Ugh. I'm just not sure what to do because it's hard to think how happy I was 6 months ago and how crappy I feel now. I just feel like a different, more miserable person.

 

Does anyone have any advice or experience from a similar situation? Thanks everyone.

[RitaTrue]

I know what you mean. I'm in your shoes right now.

 

Most days I feel like I've somehow wasted my college educated and got into $30K debt for nothing. The degree I graduated with, I found out too late, is essentially useless without pursuing a master's degree. Normally I would, except that after I graduated, I realized that it may not be something that I'm supposed to do with my life. Right now, I'm stuck in limbo, much like you are.

 

I also feel really down. I feel like I'm letting myself down and my family down. I feel like I'm supposed to be someone. Right now, I work in customer service. It has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING I went to school for. I want a career that makes the debt worth it.

 

Thanks for posting this, OP.

[Nagant]

I know what you mean. I'm in your shoes right now.

 

Most days I feel like I've somehow wasted my college educated and got into $30K debt for nothing. The degree I graduated with, I found out too late, is essentially useless without pursuing a master's degree. Normally I would, except that after I graduated, I realized that it may not be something that I'm supposed to do with my life. Right now, I'm stuck in limbo, much like you are.

 

I also feel really down. I feel like I'm letting myself down and my family down. I feel like I'm supposed to be someone. Right now, I work in customer service. It has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING I went to school for. I want a career that makes the debt worth it.

 

Thanks for posting this, OP.

 

I do feel that I wasted my college career in terms of my major and what not. I've been thinking about grad school too, but I don't want to just go back to school again with no real idea of what I truly want to get out of it! I feel like that would be even more of a waste than staying here at home. I don't really want to incur more debt ha!

 

I'm sorry to here you're in a similar position, because I really know how much it sucks, as you probably saw in my post. I know things will get better, but it's just pretty hard to cope with so many huge changes at once.

[thekid55]

I graduated in May 2011, but I'm on the other side of the equation.

 

You need to examine the last four years of your life...Did you do the absolute best that could do in school? Did you exhaust every outlet at university to make yourself marketable for future employers? Did you ask the right questions as an undergrad to position yourself? If you answered no to any of these questions, then the egg is on your face. With college, no one is there to hold your hand and show you the way. You have to grab it by the throat and get what you want out of it. Life is too short for excuses.

 

As for the breakup, it's tough and no one should tell you how to feel or handle it. Everyone gets through these things at his or her own pace. The important part is improving upon yourself.Ask yourself 'Have I become a better person since the breakup?' 'What did I do wrong to cause the breakup?'...It's extremely easy to be stubborn and totally blame the other person for the relationship ending. It takes a strong, confident person to analyze the situation and determine what they did wrong.

 

Going forward, exhaust all of your resources and start working. No excuses about friends, money, degrees, whatever. Just get it done.

[FathomFear]

I know what you mean. I'm in your shoes right now.

 

Most days I feel like I've somehow wasted my college educated and got into $30K debt for nothing. The degree I graduated with, I found out too late, is essentially useless without pursuing a master's degree. Normally I would, except that after I graduated, I realized that it may not be something that I'm supposed to do with my life. Right now, I'm stuck in limbo, much like you are.

 

I also feel really down. I feel like I'm letting myself down and my family down. I feel like I'm supposed to be someone. Right now, I work in customer service. It has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING I went to school for. I want a career that makes the debt worth it.

 

Thanks for posting this, OP.

 

Give it time. I graduated in 2002 with a "useless" degree and took a customer service job at a medium sized company. At that time I was drowning in student loan debt (over $50k as my parents did not cover any of my schooling as they couldn't afford it) and very frustrated by it all. But I just focused, moved up the chain at the company, and now manage a large team of people and make decent money.

 

When it comes to a BA or BSc, your choice of degree is pretty much irrelevant. These degrees rarely lead to one specific job or another. A Bachelor's is basically a stamp on your resume that shows that you likely have a decent head on your shoulders and had the work ethic to complete it. That's all it says. Degree choice is more relevant to those who are pursuing a Master's/PhD.

[Nagant]

Glad to see some replies, ha! I can say for sure I didn't do the best job while in school of doing things to make myself "marketable". I didn't do any internships or such (which I do kinda regret). I did put myself into my studies though and graduated with what I consider a pretty good GPA (3.65), so I certainly made an effort to make sure I did well in terms of classes and such. I just didn't think of what I really wanted to do, which I think was my biggest downfall, and one I've been trying to figure out now.

 

As for the breakup, I certainly don't blame my ex solely for what happened. If anything I initially put too much blame on myself, ha! Over the last few weeks I've realized I we both had our faults in the relationship, and there's plenty of things I need to change in myself that I have been working on as much as I can. If anything I think I've handled this pretty well given the circumstances.

 

I appreciate the the blunt reply 'thekid55'!

[Gracelove]

Hey There Nagant!

 

I understand how you are feeling. I think you're experiencing a common transition phase. I'm going through a difficult transition phase as well. It's difficult and isolating.

 

You are thinking of so many things right now. The career you wanted, law enforcement, is unavailable to you right now, so you have to find something else you're interested in. That's really difficult because when you work so hard to get a degree you want a pay off. You want to feel like all of the time, energy, money, effort, and stress was worth something. It's normal that you'd be down about that.

 

Then the girl you love decided to leave, that's always a toughie. Your friends, your support system, is no longer there to provide you with the same support they have over the past few years.

 

It's a lot to deal with at once. It's like one moment your life is kind of figured out, there is a path. The next minute everything seems to have vanished, things are a little more hazy, and not going according to plan.

 

It's a very difficult phase to go through, but it seems like everyone goes through it, many times in life. It sucks. There's really nothing to be done about it, other than to endure it. Sometimes it can be comforting to know that you aren't alone in your experiences.

 

Anywho, I wish you the best.

Stay strong.

[Firiel]

I've totally been there, nagent. When I graduated from college, I got married and moved back to my hometown. Despite the fact that I did well in school, I just couldn't find a decent job... I was working in childcare and janitorial positions for awhile, nowhere near full time. My husband was super busy with school and two jobs because he needed to work to pay the bills. I didn't have any friends, and I got REALLY depressed.

 

Luckily, I had one good friend still in the area, and she got us hooked up with her group of friends... having that social anchor really helped. Is there a way you could join a club or start volunteering as a way to meet people in the area that have similar interests as you? And about my "useless" college degree (in English)... well, I did end up going to grad school, but I got a teaching graduate assistantship, which means they are paying me to go to school and teach a couple of classes per semester. It's nice because I'm not incurring any more debt... I'm sure they have similar programs like that for history, so that's something to look into if you are interested in grad school.

[Nearbot]

Hii! I graduated in May, too, with a somewhat useless degree (BS in biology) but I went to college nearby and lived at home most of the time. When I graduated, I moved to a really cool city and was able to get an OK job as a business assistant. It was fun for a while, but I realized I wasn't happy not working in my field. I worked at a restaurant too part-time and could still barely afford to live. I could have worked my way up at the company, but I loved biology So I ended up moving back with my parents after five months and am now volunteering in a cancer research lab at a university (and am waiting for the public health department to call back so I can volunteer in the epidemiology department!). It was somewhat embarrassing, but I'm hoping it'll pay off so that I'll get into a good graduate school! My sister went straight through college and into a Masters program, and got a job right after making 40k/year with no work experience. But that's accounting

 

Do you love history? I thought maybe I didn't want to do anything with biology either, but after being away from it for a while, I realized that's where I wanted to be. Maybe you could be a professor or go into museum studies? There are more options than you think!