Does counseling Work? Can it save a relationship? Can you recommend one?

[Jordan5571]

Hello. I have been in what appeared to be an amazing relationship for almost 2 years now. I was planning on marrying this girl. We had an issue, a big one, and although we both stated we want to fix this and that this is worth fighting for, it appears that I am the only one putting in real effort and that she is just trying to keep status quo. I am rather crushed. She mentioned in the beginning that she contemplated couples therapy.

 

Do you have any experience or opinons in this?

 

If so, and if positive, do you have any recommendations on how to pick on? I am in Los Angles.

 

Thanks for everything.

[Moontiger]

I go to therapy once a week and its the best thing I have every done.

 

I found my therapist through this website: link removed

[Snny]

I'm going to be honest here and it is based on personal observation.

 

I think relationship counseling should be reserved for married couples. For these reasons:

1. There is no guarantee they work.

2. They are costly.

3. Married couples work harder to keep a commitment going than unmarried couples.

 

I have known several people, including my aunt, who have gone to marriage counseling before getting married. They married... year later they all divorced. All of them and they all advised me and other people this: if you cannot work past your differences on YOUR OWN with your partner before marriage, then why go through the trouble by sticking with them? You're either compatible with that person based on temperament, interests, attitude, and personal beliefs... or you're not.

[Mesemene]

I think a lot depends on the attitude both go into couples therapy WITH.

 

If one is only going to placate the other, but honestly feels it's over and a waste of time, odds are, it won't help - because one partner is only going through the motions. Without really being involved and interested, it's not nearly as effective.

 

And it kind of relates to what the above poster said in that - couples therapy is discovering ways to work together that might not be apparent. But if one person isn't really interested in the working together part to begin with, it's pretty much a losing proposition - all the information and revelations in the world won't help someone who isn't interested in taking it to heart and actually using that information.

[lukeb]

Ask yourself if you want to marry her the way things are now. If the answer is no then you have your answer.