Can you be BORN pessimistic?

[Dougie_D]

Is it possible to be NEVER be happy? I have been depressed, pessimistic as far as I can remember. Even doctors told my parents "negative" things when I was born.

 

Maybe medical technology was not as advanced, but doctors seem to think there was something wrong with me when I was born. I don't know what "tests" they go through, but they told my parents "I would never be able to go to a public school ever". I only know this because my parents said this to me. Well, apparently the doctors were wrong because I went to a public school, but I've grown to think something is wrong with me and know one knows what is the matter with me. My parents have always treated me like I'm some delicate human being. It makes me feel like I'm worthless.

 

I think I really need help. Can I be helped? My parents tried to "trick" me by talking to a therapist. That was just funny to me. I don't even know if a therapist would help me. I tell my life story to everyone. It's not something like I'm "opening up" for the first time.

 

I just want the facts. If you ASSUME it may work, I don't have time for that crap. I want to know how to FIX it. Not how you THINK I will be fixed. Therapist don't care about people anyways. If they really wanted to help you, they wouldn't ask for money. Also, they try to help but NOT help in the same way to get more money for you.

 

Please tell me that I'm wrong.

[TheVP]

George Will said the nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

[lavenderdove]

The first thing you need to do at 30 is recognize your parents aren't and shouldn't be the center or your world, nor should you let their attitudes determine your life at this point. Parents can be positive forces, but they can also be negative ones so if your parents are dragging you down, time for a long 'vacation' from their influence and to start taking responsibility for living your own life and finding your own happiness.

 

Also, a therapists goal is to help you live the life you want to live for yourself. That is their job, and there is nothing wrong with them charging for it when they are providing a service just like anyone else. They've spent a long time learning how to help people get 'unstuck' and help you learn new skills to confront life and deal with whatever comes your way in a way that finds happiness for their clients. Their purpose is not to 'care' about you in the way friends or family cares about you, they are intended to help you get unstuck and learn mental skills so that you can live a happier life.

 

So yes, you are wrong in that context of assuming that a therapist's goal is to 'care' about you since they are professionals and not your friends/family. They can be very empathetic and understanding and do care about their patients wellbeing in a professional context, but they are not substitute friends nor meant to be. They will help you precisely because they have spent many years getting educated to learn how to help people who are unhappy or stuck in life break free of their own mental bonds that are holding them back.

 

So a therapist is about freeing you from mental constructs that hold you back and make you unhappy. And most therapists don't 'need' your money nor maintain the desire to keep you around for your money. Good therapists have more than enough clients so to say a therapist's purpose is to not help you to keep you coming for more money is wrong too. Most good therapists know they will treat you for a limited time, and their goal is to treat you and once you are feeling right, you're on your way and they're happy about that.

[luminousone]

A book that I found to be very very helpful is "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. He was completely depressed and hopeless in life and somehow found a way through it all.

 

As far as therapy, I have been to counselors from time to time in my life. Some are good, some are not so good, and some are really great and helpful! And yes, they do charge money sometimes - they are people with families and school loans and need a way to support themselves too.

 

However, you CAN find counseling for free or a very low price - you just have to shop around. And sometimes you can have a certain number of sessions through your own health insurance.

 

Do not go to a counselor that your parents choose. Find one on your own - interview them, find out their rates, find out their treatment philosophy, figure out if your approach and their approach are compatible. You are in the driver's seat for your life!

 

Since you really need help, then please take the steps to get it! You are NOT worthless - you are worth so much!

 

Also, I have found that when I am depressed and feeling pessimistic then it helps to stop and be thankful for little things in my life. When you are feeling grateful then it is hard to be pessimistic.

 

Good luck to you

[Alezia]

While I do believe that genetics may have some part to play on your outlook on life, I see you making this a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You seem to hold on to negative ideas purposely, and I think you value yourself based on the opinions of others too much - parents, girls you try to date etc...

 

Sometimes, you just need to take a step back. If you were to restart your life over without your current relationships, what would you be doing? and how would you be doing it?

[Jetta]

Yes you can be pessimisstic by nature but most work to overcome this trait because it is so limiting. You've believed and listened to every negative thing that others have said about you rather than working to overcome them or being your own person and taking the positive things to heart like many do. I scored a perfect 10 on the apgar chart however my mom noticed my foot was defective and the doctor hadn't noticed it, needless to say regardless of the repairs made to it I have a weaker foot, smaller foot, and still have a defective foot by all technicalities but I work around it. It's not really defective it walks, runs, jumps, but it's not perfect either. It's all in how I view that foot, it doesn't prevent me from doing anything I want to do because I don't let it. And yes there are things I simply have never been able to do (run fast, wear stellettos). But I can roller skate, jog, wear short heels, etc. It's all a matter of finding ways to overcome your imperfections and turning a positive view towards the world. Few are aware of my foot just as few should be aware of your pessimistic attitude.

[Dougie_D]

So a therapist is about freeing you from mental constructs that hold you back and make you unhappy

 

I'm not sure if it's a MENTAL thing that actually is making me unhappy. Yes, I hear and think NEGATIVE thoughts, BUT I never created this thoughts on my own.

 

There is always some PHYSICAL aspect of it. People don't say "You are a MENTAL case". They say "You are unattractive"...which means they are targeting the outside of my body. Not the mental part. It's more like I would be happy if people just left me alone and not point out PHYSICAL FLAWS all the time.

 

Also, I would be HAPPY if I was in a relationship or even getting my first kiss. That's what's making me depressed. I'm PHYSICALLY not in a relationship. Will the therapist tell me to make up an imaginary girlfriend?

 

When you are feeling grateful then it is hard to be pessimistic.

 

I'm always grateful that my parents help me financially but I am still pessimistic. What else am I suppose to be grateful for?

 

If you were to restart your life over without your current relationships, what would you be doing? and how would you be doing it?

 

What are my current relationships? Are you talking about my family? I barely talk to them. They basically just cut me a check every month. I basically did start my life over by moving to LA. That was an extremely good thing for me. I wasn't "happy" but I sure was motivated. I was able to do things that my parents had no control of. I came out to LA w/out anything. I only knew 2 people. I stayed with them maybe 2 weeks top and I had NO host. I got a place, a "job without my parents knowing or trying to butt in. They couldn't "butt in" because they didn't know anything about LA. I'm currently doing what I want to, I'm just not getting paid enough.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'd be depressed if people always told me I look like hell too. Wouldn't we all, seriously? I'm sorry people are so damned cruel to you. I'm surprised you haven't beaten the crap out of someone yet. Are you serious though, that people are STILL doing this after high school even to this day??????

[Dougie_D]

It's not that people are cruel about it. They just state my flaws. They state the obvious. It's more annoying and I just feel trapped for me to not be myself. If I decide to wear mismatched clothing or whatever, you don't have to point it out and make fun of me for it. And it doesn't mean that I don't love myself or take care of myself. I just don't care about what I'm SUPPOSE to look like. It points out the obvious that people are so damn concerned about looks and never personality.

[Miss Firecracker]

Dougie, people are not taking you seriously. I hate to give you bad news but clothing says a LOT about a guy. If you dress childlike, that gives other men the ok to treat you as such. It's not fair but then what is?

 

 

You will need to cultivate a stronger look. Maybe Tony Soprano style?