Possible motive for his behavior?

[Mishmon]

My 10 months long relationship ended 2 months ago. It ended because i had depression, fear of intimacy, and we had hard time keeping it together cos i had destructive fears, and i was sabotaging relationship. I had episodes when i was pushing him away, well aware that my fear of intimacy is making me emotionally unavailable from time to time and i was hurting him. More i'd hurt him, farther i'd push him ... and so on, it was very destructive pattern and we both suffered alot. But things were not always bad. On the other side we loved each other, respected each other, and we had really good time together. Even when i'd have bad episodes he'd manage to comfort me, make fears disappear, reassure me and encourage me and hold me tight and worm and protected. He was always present, very caring, and persistent. I made sure that he knows just how great he is, how helping and supporting. I'd always show genuine appreciation for his patience and tender care he gave me when ever i needed it. His empathy was absolute. Despite my fears, we had really good communication, we knew what problems we had and we didnt run from them. He loved me very much, and i had guilt problem because i'd look at him, seeing an angel right by my side fearing that i could never return as much love cos i got hurt before and i was bitter, sabotaging, seeing traps everywhere around us etc. I was torn inside, i'd bring up break up every week or so. We had extremely difficult times struggling to survive. He was persistent, he wouldn't let me go. Until one day........ One day he simply said "fine"

He always used to say if we do not work out, we will try again, and again.... i never ever thought i would lose him completely. So basically, very unique person. I trusted him, i loved him, i still do, i respect him. We were really good friends 2 years prior to relationship.

 

After we broke up he used to contact me every couple of days but i made it clear to him i don't want him talking to me since things he was telling me were hurting. He had that annoyingly positive attitude, always acting like he's doing great. I believed he's just covering up and acting, he loved me very much and whole "macho" attitude simply were fake from my point of view. He didnt seem to be honest, and that was only reason why i didnt want to have contact with him. I was dying to talk to him, i'd wake up 3-4 times at night just to check if he txted, mailed me or anything...... i cried day and night missing him like crazy, and i still do. But when ever he spoke to me he'd tell me something that would hurt me. I was longing to talk in a franker way, and in a way that wouldn't mock my feelings. I literally lost an angel. I'm a wreck, i rapidly lost weight, and tears just stream down my face. I chased him away. No need to say just how much i regret. He is Mr Right.

 

Last 2 months i would avoid going to sleep. I'd feel pretty well when night comes, almost proud how i managed through the day. Tired and exhausted, wasted, spent... i felt good when i felt spent. There was no major emotional movements possible in that state of mind. But going to sleep at night was hardest, it only meant one thing; waking up to start new day with same pain, all over again. Checking e-mails every 15 minutes just to find empty mailbox, no sign from him. Recharged batteries just to start squeezing life out of me again. It was like setting up heartbreak for tomorrow.

 

OK you all got the pretty good image of things, now the confusing part. He would try talking to me every 3-4 days, on msn, never phone, we haven't talked since break up. But what he did was .... he'd say he misses me, or, he did something that reminded him of me .... and then nothing .... He was doing things like that. Oneday he said "a little part of me wants you back" When that happened i finally snapped and told him how i am, and that i'm waiting and wishing he'd talk to me and that i'm drained out tired of waiting for him and that i miss him ..... BBut i asked him once again not to talk to me unless he has something to say, because to be frank he'd just pop up say something, and when i ask "ok so what do you want" he's answer was "nothing" Now i'm asking you guys out there, what is going on here? He's not manipulative selfish pig that doesn't want me to move on, he doesn't want anything from me, yet he pulls the strings all the time. I haven't been able to start healing. I tried to explain just how he is messing with my mind and how i'm hurting. He asked me 4-5 times "do i think we'll be together again" He didn't say that is what he would want to. My mind is full of * * * * !! Guys please, does anybody have any idea what he's doing? He doesn't want me back, but why would he pull those strings on me? And for topping, same week we ended, he got hooked up with new girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So that whole time he was involved with someone. OK he said it was stupid, but they are moving in good direction, love is slowly growing, he is happy at least to a certain point. Now 2 months later, he finally made it clear that he doesn't want me back, i insisted once again that he tells me what he wants. Good for me, i can start moving on and healing. But talking to him hurts me so much, i must stay away from him. He obviously doesn't have much healing left to do, if any, and he wants us to be friends as we once were, we use very close. While we were together, he stopped being really good trusty close friend, he become best friend! I shared each and every one of my fears with him. Now i've lost it all. Keeping in touch with him brings so much pain, i miss him endlessly.

 

My final question to you is do you guys move on and want to keep friendly contact with ex girls that still love you and are literally dying to have you back? If so, why? Or you secretly are trying to keep girls on short leash? Help i'm trying to keep little sanity i have. I have told him everything. I said i want him back, i said i was wrong, if he wanted me he only have to reach out. If he reaches out i want to be there, i want him back and i wouldn't blew my second chance up. If he wants me on short leash for idk what reason i need to protect myself from getting hurt. I lost not just perfect man, i lost best friend, and that's additional burden. There is nobody out there to talk to, friends tell me things like "he is toying with your feelings" i know that isnt his intention, but it gives similar results. "He is not good for you" But yes he is, his love and care are irreplaceable to me. I wouldn't expect so much from from a man, i was blessed, and i blew it.

I'm not pulling strings on him. I never did and i won't, he knows i love him and he can have me back.

Thanks for reading lil longer post. Peace out

[LDRohnos]

My final question to you is do you guys move on and want to keep friendly contact with ex girls that still love you and are literally dying to have you back? If so, why? Or you secretly are trying to keep girls on short leash?

 

You're the fish on his hook at this point. He'll reel you in, then throw you back in the lake again...casting another line and repeat the process. He obviously has no intention of going back to you but it still makes him feel great that you're pinning over him. Stop pinning over him and stop talking to him. Go find other fishies to play with.

[Melting]

He is just messing with your head.

 

You need to forget about him and move on, as painful as that sounds.

[Mesemene]

Now 2 months later, he finally made it clear that he doesn't want me back, i insisted once again that he tells me what he wants. Good for me, i can start moving on and healing. But talking to him hurts me so much, i must stay away from him. He obviously doesn't have much healing left to do, if any, and he wants us to be friends as we once were, we use very close.

 

You're going to have to draw your boundaries, for your own healing.

 

Whether or not he's intentionally tormenting you doesn't make any difference to how it affects you. Intentional or not, it HURTS. Next time he contacts you, be polite but blunt. "I don't feel about you as just a friend, and I can't be just a friend to you while being true to myself and healing from our break up. I hope you can respect this and let me go so I can work past things for myself."