Girlfriend keeps hanging up on me....

[Echuks]

I have been dating a girl I consider the love of my life for almost 2 years. In the last 2 years, every major fight we've had has had an element of her hanging up on me. The hang up thing is something that always exercabates the fight and drags it out longer. From the very beginning of the relationship, I've told her that for me, its the ultimate no no. I think it is the ultimate sign of disrespect should never happen unless the other person on the phone is being verbally abusive, cussing you out, is talking over you or yelling at you.

 

A few days ago, I was looking through my old pictures on my phone.. And saw a picture of her from the first time we spent time together - I sent the picture to her over text message, jokingly told her that it was a pic of her when she was still "trying really hard to impress me" and that I wished that she still tried to impress me. She responded, upset that I was being negative and that it was a bad joke. I made it clear to her that I was obviously joking and that it was not her job to impress me and that I was only happily reminiscing about our new love from 2 years ago. Naturally, I was a bit irritated that I had to explain that I was joking. - All of this was over text message.

 

Few minutes later, she called me and I again told her it was a joke and that I was irritated that she didn't see that I was simply joking and expressing my love. Next thing I know.. She tersely stated that next time I have an issue with something she would never address it and... Click.. She hung up! I stood there, speechless. I wasnt talking over her, not being verbally abusive, we werent even having a hot argument. It was simply a conversation where we disagreed with each other.

 

A few hours later, I sent her a text message, simply stating that she has no regard for me, and that over the several times we have discussed my feelings about her hanging up, she refuses to change. Next day, she sent me an email - stating that she apologizes for hanging up but that "she's tired of telling me what to do to curb our conflicts," that I am so stubborn, she's tired of my stubborness and that "I need to focus on developing my conflict resolution skills." I thought the email was extremely condescending and rude. Rather than apologizing, knowing how I felt about her hanging up, she blamed me. I did not respond.

 

Needless to say, I hate it when she hangs up on me, it makes it feel like she just slapped me accross my face, hard. I have expressed this to her. I am beyond irritated, hurt and confused. What do you think I should do. I think the fact that she keeps doing this, despite the fact that we've talked about it many times, simply shows that she doesnt care. Am I way out of line, is it normal that girlfriends hang up on boyfriends like that?? Please help.

[Fudgie]

No, that's not normal. I agree with you, it's VERY disrespectful.

 

If she is upset and can't talk anymore, she needs to do the adult thing and say "I'm sorry but i'm really upset right now and I feel like I can't talk anymore about this without flipping out. I'm going to go take a bit to compose myself and I'll call you back." I've done this in the past with boyfriends that I fought with and it really stopped either of us from saying things that we would regret.

[DylanNotorious]

I think you need to stop running after her like a lost puppy.

 

She knows she can hang up on you - because she's done it a million times before, AND you still chase after her! Ok so the photo joke went down like a bucket of cold spew, and she got angry, but when she hung up, you should have just left it. You should have waited for HER to apologize to you. You had already said you were sorry.

 

Your letting her run circles around you. Stop doing that.

[Mesemene]

She tersely stated that next time I have an issue with something she would never address it and... Click.. She hung up! I stood there, speechless. I wasnt talking over her, not being verbally abusive, we werent even having a hot argument. It was simply a conversation where we disagreed with each other.

 

This doesn't bode well for working through future issues.

 

I can understand walking away from an argument before regrettable things are said. I've done it, said "I'm too angry to discuss this rationally right now, so I'm going to go until I calm down. We'll talk about this later." and then hung up. But just hanging up, or stating you won't discuss issues, is childish. It's like the kid who runs up the stairs "I'm not talking to you anymore!" and slams the door. And you're not children.

 

I agree with the last poster - let her know if she hangs up that you'll take it that she'll let you know when she's ready to talk again, and let her call you.

[Echuks]

Thank you guys. I almost feel as though she's doing it because she knows how she makes me feel. I should say, though, that she called me back that night, but I missed her call but I havent called her back. Maybe I'm wrong for that but I was still pretty pissed off. And then she sent me the email the next day, which just made me even more angry. I have to think this through really well!!

[DN]

Don't talk to her on the phone. Tell her you will only talk by text, e-mail or in person.

[John3572]

Like others have said, it is totally disrespectful for her to hang up on you for any reason. She does it because you allow her to. The first time she did it and you advised her that you did not like it she should have stopped. The next time she did it you should have ended your relationship with you.

 

I had an ex that used to do something similar. If we were having a disagreement she would stop responding via text and if I called her she would not answer the phone. When I told her that that was disrespectful behavior, she continued to do it because she knew it got under my skin. Hanging up on you is no different than spitting in your face. She is conveying to you that she does not respect you. I found that with my ex that there were other similar disrespectful things that she did. Signs of disrespect is a way to get your attention when you are trying to be reasonable.

 

Needless to say, I wound up breaking up her. I found out later the reason she was so disrespectful is because no one respected her as a child, teenager or adult. She would use that abusive behavior toward me. Regardless of how she was treated prior to meeting me it did not give her a license to disrespect me.

[Echuks]

Accidental post. Reposted below.

[Echuks]

.

 

 

I disagree with you on the first paragraph. I'm not quite sure how it is "controlling" to say I dont like it when you hang up on me. Is it controlling to tell your girlfriend/boyfriend that "it is not permissible for you to say I am stupid or to disrespect me?"

 

Your second paragraph, I can somewhat understand... maybe I sounded unfriendly, but not hostile. I was a bit irritated, but that was only because the whole picture thing came from a place of deep love.

 

Your last paragraph.. I definitely agree with.

[Fudgie]

Yeah, I agree. I don't think it's controlling to tell your SO not to hang up on you. It's about the same as you telling them not to cuss you out or call you names. Hanging up on someone is just plain rude and any dating adult knows that.

 

I do agree champing, you're right. OP should just let her be if she hangs up on him. Let her call him back. I would even turn off my phone for a while to have a good break in communication and tell her that if she hangs up again, I will do that. That ought to send the message that this sort of behaviour is not acceptable.

[Stay_home]

I think she hangs up on you to get even with you. She knows that upsets you.

[shatteredimage]

I would agree that there is nothing controlling in what you did. It is good to have boundaries in a relationship and she clearly does not respect yours.

[cursedgirl]

so how does she want you to curb your conflicts? are you truly very stubborn?she is probs doing this to make you pissed,cuz you make her pissed before.

everyone has a unique way to behave when they are pissed.your gf isnt the worst lol when im having argument with my bf, he refuses to talk.whe he's pissed he says he wants to break up.and 3 hours later he would beg me back saying he doesnt mean it he was just too angry. . it's so typical him. it happens everytime when we fight.

[Ariel85]

Itold her that it was a pic of her when she was still "trying really hard to impress me" and that I wished that she still tried to impress me.

 

That's a really nasty passive/aggressive thing to say to her. I would have hung up on you, too.

 

Whenever people insult others and then quickly add, "Oh, I'm just joking!", they're not. You meant it.

 

Honestly, if this is how you talk to her, I can see why she hangs up all the time.