reboundstudent Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I've been debating on another forum about what exactly constitutes a "date" and constitutes a "hang out with a new friend." My rule of thumb is that if by the third time I've hung out with a guy (alone) and he hasn't made any physical move, I would assume he was not interested and move on. I've been out with two guys, three times each, which I did not count as dates for this reason. (I was initially interested in them and hopeful, but eventually gave up.) I also didn't count them as dates after a while because: -They did not contact me in between, except to set up the next one -They never stated it was a date or said anything along the lines of "I like you" "I am interested in you" etc. -Both of them talked about other girls; one complained about the hot girls never really went for him, and the other complained about women throw themselves at him -Again, no physical contact except a hug at the end of hanging out -Didn't really ask me about myself -We paid for our coffee/movie/dinner (I occasionally paid for both because they'd driven and I thought it was fair.) To me, all of that signals that they're not really interested in dating, but don't mind me as a platonic friend. Other people say that it just means the guy is shy/awkward, and that I am jumping to conclusions. What do you guys think? Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I think you're jumping to conclusions. I've known girls for long periods of time before ever making a move on them, though that usually doesn't end up working for me. The only thing I would find odd is "talking about other women". That could be a sign of insecurity though. I'd personally pay for dates but many people do prefer to split. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 I think you are expecting to be the typical female and not have to make a move for yourself... If you find these guys interesting, want to to know them or "date" them...then how about you make a physical move for more. Why do you feel the need to talk in between, unless the dates are more than a week apart? Dating is getting to know someone, seeing if they like them for who they are and getting to know them more...sometimes that takes more than three dates... Talking about other girls is odd, but not a deal breaker...change the subject If they aren't asking questions...then do it yourself...quit asking them questions and help the conversation flow in your direction by talking about yourself... This is a two way street and while going dutch is the proper thing, I think that other than dating a "shy, awkward" guy, you need to be more proactive and express YOURSELF a little more. Who cares if he doesn't ask you direct questions...talk about stuff you are doing and questions I would assume have to follow eventually. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Agree with blackhawks. My now husband didn't make a move for the first four dates or so the first time around that we dated. He was pretty darn shy at the time. I think your definition,OP is too restrictive. Link to comment
reboundstudent Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 I think you are expecting to be the typical female and not have to make a move for yourself... If you find these guys interesting, want to to know them or "date" them...then how about you make a physical move for more. Why do you feel the need to talk in between, unless the dates are more than a week apart? I won't make a move. I have very few rules, but this is one of them. I will try hard not pursue a man, and I will not make a move on a man. Every time I have tried, it's ended very badly. As to why I feel the need to talk, it's because if they are interested in getting to know me, I'd assume they're interested in getting to know me beyond just the hour a week they sit accross the table from me. I wouldn't want to date someone who showed up once a week, and then disappeared for 6 days. If you guys categorize this stuff as dating, then how in the world do you tell the difference between "romantic interest" and "platonic interest"? Cause from my perspective, the experiences I've had with these guys could easily be the beginnings of a platonic friendship, and I really don't feel like wasting my time with guys who friend-zone me. So how do you figure out which one it is? Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 I think you are having these issues because you have been burned, based on your first response... I think you are a little more reserved, and therefore these men can feel or see that so they aren't taking that step accross...trust me...if we feel is it makes us even more uncomfortable and awkward A guy won't friend zone you...at least that I know of...9/10 guys want a woman. Even the guys that do remain friends...there is deep down suppressed feelings guaranteed. Either make the move, or learn how to flirt better to make the move I.E. calling or texting during the week a few times. Link to comment
reboundstudent Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 I think you are having these issues because you have been burned, based on your first response... I think you are a little more reserved, and therefore these men can feel or see that so they aren't taking that step accross...trust me...if we feel is it makes us even more uncomfortable and awkward A guy won't friend zone you...at least that I know of...9/10 guys want a woman. Even the guys that do remain friends...there is deep down suppressed feelings guaranteed. Either make the move, or learn how to flirt better to make the move I.E. calling or texting during the week a few times. I've been friend-zoned a bunch. Guys generally just don't like me. Isn't texting when the guy hasn't seen as needy? Desperate? Isn't that anti-attraction behavior? Link to comment
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