Me and hubby don't get along well anymore.We are heading for a divorce.

[via]

We are almost 2 years in our marriage.Our first year of marriage was kinda good but it wasn't fantastic either but at least at that time I knew we both were so inlove with each other.But now, upon our constant fights and arguments our relationship became dull and he just told me lately he doesn't have special feelings to me anymore which is I also feel about him.He said he doesn't like my attitude coz i am stubborn woman when he tells me don't do this or don't do that I usually just ignored him coz i feel I am not a child. I have a mind of my own and will just do things my way.I hate when he controls me that way.He wanted me to do things the way he wanted .I'm talking about around the house.I tried to clean the house everyday as what he wanted .I cooked,clean ,do the dishes ,laundry all of the house stuffs but when he sees things like when our daughter messes up our walls ,then he scolded me coz it's my fault I didn't watch her .When our cats destroys the carpet in our spare room then he blames it on me for not noticing it. He scolded me for things I have no control of.I got yelled and scolded oftentimes and I feel dumb about myself.He scolded me when our daughter threw up in the car coz it was my fault why our daughter threw up coz I gave her milk .I even just got off work and he has no considerations about that. There was one time I tried practicing driving for the first time at the street ,he told me "you drive coz it's not traffic tonight" I said."ok" I just got off from work that night which was around 2 am in the morning. I should have just said no coz I'm still learners permit holder .I trusted him being the drivers license holder to assesed me of what I'm doing .Then when we reached our driveway ,I already warned him don't let me drive going down the hill I'm scared.And he said "well, might get used to it." And then I keep hearing his mouth,I got nervous I hit the gas instead of break then we got into accident .Luckily none of us got hurt. I think he emotionally abuse me .Keep telling me if we don't have a baby we would already been broke up which i also agree with it. We don't like each other as a person. But i don't want to say things like that.I'm very conscious about words that can hurt people.And to him ,he doesn't care .Our problem arises more since he got laid off from work. I got a fulltime job, he drops me off and pick me up at work all the time coz I don't know how to drive yet. He said he gets tired of me .He said alot of things that really hurt and offend me . He said I'm ignorant,unaware,sometimes calls me idiot.

 

We are really heading for a divorce.I came from Philippines .My greencard is still conditional for 2 years and if we are gonna get divorce then i'll be send home.But we already have an agreement that he's gonna work with me about that until I can renew my greencard and until the time is right then we will go our separate ways.

He often told me before that he doesn't like my attitude and I said to him my attitude is just fine .He wanted me to change my attitude and i also told him why not change your attitude first?..Before i tried to be affectionate with him,cooking food make sure the dinner is ready when he gets home, massage him ,whatever I can do to make him satisfied.Whenever he wants sex he gets it anytime he wants.But when it's me who asks it then he says no and have lots of excuses.I realize I get tired of doing much while him doesn't. He didn't priortize our relationship .His hobbies,reading books,online games are more important to him than our relationship.Now i get tired of doing those things ,our relationship fails which I anticipate it coz relationship should be base on equal not just one.

I am also not into him anymore.But even that I don't want to cheat on him though it's on my mind but nope I'm not gonna do that coz after our relationship is done ,I'm gonna stand on my own two feet ,with my head held up high ,with dignity and respect on myself.I would rather be alone by myself than being in unhappy marriage. But when i think about daughter ,it keeps me holding back on my decision .I need an advice here.Please give me some idea on what to do.

[Realitynut]

I'm going to give others a chance to respond that are much better than I am on this subject...but he is very emotionally abusive. I wouldn't like him either. What nationality is he? May I ask? I've know some men who want Asian women because they are thought to be more subserviant. I mean, you work, you cook, you massage, and what does HE do??? He complains! Their are a lot of men who would LOVE a beautiful, kind=hearted Fillipino woman who has a mind of her own!!!! That means she can think and stand on her own two feet. It is hard to be taught to drive by an over=bearing husband. Is there someone else who can ride with you. Make other friends for support. How old is your child? Meet other parents for play dates. Get away from him as much as possible.

 

I'd say get a divorce, but I'm not sure about your greencard. I'd hate to have that revoked cuz you weren't married long enough to that Azzzzhole.

[ForumGuy]

....but nope I'm not gonna do that coz after our relationship is done ,I'm gonna stand on my own two feet ,with my head held up high ,with dignity and respect on myself.I would rather be alone by myself than being in unhappy marriage......

Very good for you for realizing this. So many people go out and start something new before the marriage ends. This often times leads to even more heartache. It is a common dilemma you are facing with your child being involved. Keep in mind that it can be worse for a child to witness an unhappy relationship, than to be in a single parent household. Your child is young enough to adapt to a single parent setting relatively easy compared to a child who is older.

[Realitynut]

Yes, but forum Guy, if she gets a divorce she be sent back to the Phillippines

[ForumGuy]

Yes, but forum Guy, if she gets a divorce she be sent back to the Phillippines

Continue with your agreement with him until the time is right, just a matter of a few months right? Doesn't change anything I said above.

 

I once knew a woman who said she was able to stay in this country becasue her child was born here. At least that is what I thought the story was, not real sure though and was a long time ago.

[Realitynut]

Greencard is still conditional for 2 years...whatever that means...I took it she had to be married for 2 more years. or get the boot!

[Lester]

Hi Via,

 

Your marriage is out of balance. If you and you’re husband want to stay married to each other it must be brought back into balance.

He must respect you for this to happen. For him to respect you must respect yourself first.

 

Your spunk, (backbone), is an asset...

So instead of saying " i also told him why not change your attitude first?" ,

Say, “I love you and want this marriage work but you and I must change into a loving couple. I deserve nothing less from you. If you want to remain pig-headed about this you can move out now.”

[via]

He is an American citizen, a pure white guy.We are 17 years age gap.He already knows that I am not that very subserviant and he told me before that he likes that of me ,that I am a tough woman.But now that we are together ,he seems doesn't like it.Although I am filipino ,doesn't mean he can treat me like that.I want an equal relationship.I feel he is undermining me because I'm an Asian girl.I already told him I want an affectionate relationship.When he was still courting me in Philippines we were so inlove and all of the criterias of a good relationship.I thought it would be also like that in reality when we are together which he also thought so.He often told me that I don't listen to him that I just ignores what he tells me and so he gets tired of me .I admit I just ignored what he tells me sometimes coz I get annoyed for always telling me what to do.Before,when he had a job ,of course I also did my duties and responsibilities around the house ,which he had no complain about for only fewl things he can complain about which is to clean the cat box ,always give the cats some fresh water,blah blah.I already told him I'm not gonna clean the cat box unless I would just be alone here .Like right now,he is working in the other state so of course I clean it.No big deal.

When it's not on my attitude that he can complain ,he can complain about my physical telling me that I'm getting fat which I don't know if he is just joking. I am thin ,my weight is 96 lbs and alot of people says that I'm looking good ,pretty whatever compliments I heard from other people.

He told me yeah your a pretty young woman with a very good heart but other than that I don't like your attitude. He told me before don't get fat or esle I'm gonna divorce you.A 24 year old woman should be very sexy which I was shock coz at that time we even got married yet and he already give me a signs of red flag.At first, he was concerned about it and then now on my attitude.

 

Yes I have my fellow filipino friends here that I also confided about my situation and tries to advice me to just hang on on the agreement because they also don't want me to go back to our country especially that our daughter is an american citizen there's no way that she can go with me in Philippines.

My greencard will expire next year so we have to renew that good for 10 years and after that as we always talked about, we can go our separate ways.Our agreement is he is gonna let me stay here in the US in exchange that our daughter will stay with him .She can't go with me in Philippines anyway if I'm gonna go back there so I agreed to that.He is a good father though.A responsible person but his attitude towards our relationship? No I'm not happy about it.He said that I should change my attitude .My attitude is just fine to me I don't think I made such a huge mistake.But what i hate about is he wants me to change which i really don't want to.That's the problem.Me is me.Wether he can accept it or not,he should love me as me ,the real me.That's my principle.And i thought if you can't love me as me then you are not worthy of me .I don't drink,I

[via]

He is an American citizen, a pure white guy.We are 17 years age gap.He already knows that I am not that very subserviant and he told me before that he likes that of me ,that I am a tough woman.But now that we are together ,he seems doesn't like it.Although I am filipino ,doesn't mean he can treat me like that.I want an equal relationship.I feel he is undermining me because I'm an Asian girl.I already told him I want an affectionate relationship.When he was still courting me in Philippines we were so inlove and all of the criterias of a good relationship.I thought it would be also like that in reality when we are together which he also thought so.He often told me that I don't listen to him that I just ignores what he tells me and so he gets tired of me .I admit I just ignored what he tells me sometimes coz I get annoyed for always telling me what to do.Before,when he had a job ,of course I also did my duties and responsibilities around the house ,which he had no complain about for only fewl things he can complain about which is to clean the cat box ,always give the cats some fresh water,blah blah.I already told him I'm not gonna clean the cat box unless I would just be alone here .Like right now,he is working in the other state so of course I clean it.No big deal.

When it's not on my attitude that he can complain ,he can complain about my physical telling me that I'm getting fat which I don't know if he is just joking. I am thin ,my weight is 96 lbs and alot of people says that I'm looking good ,pretty whatever compliments I heard from other people.

He told me yeah your a pretty young woman with a very good heart but other than that I don't like your attitude. He told me before don't get fat or esle I'm gonna divorce you.A 24 year old woman should be very sexy which I was shock coz at that time we even got married yet and he already give me a signs of red flag.At first, he was concerned about it and then now on my attitude.

 

Yes I have my fellow filipino friends here that I also confided about my situation and tries to advice me to just hang on on the agreement because they also don't want me to go back to our country especially that our daughter is an american citizen there's no way that she can go with me in Philippines.

My greencard will expire next year so we have to renew that good for 10 years and after that as we always talked about, we can go our separate ways.Our agreement is he is gonna let me stay here in the US in exchange that our daughter will stay with him .She can't go with me in Philippines anyway if I'm gonna go back there so I agreed to that.He is a good father though.A responsible person but his attitude towards our relationship? No I'm not happy about it.He said that I should change my attitude .My attitude is just fine to me I don't think I made such a huge mistake.But what i hate about is he wants me to change which i really don't want to.That's the problem.Me is me.Wether he can accept it or not,he should love me as me ,the real me.That's my principle.And i thought if you can't love me as me then you are not worthy of me .I don't drink,I don't smoke,I'm not a party girl,I'm a trustworthy woman to me,that's what all matters.But he expects me to be a perfect woman..Perfect for him !!

[via]

I already told him that I'm willing to change .I asked him what really are the traits that you dont like about me ,then he get upset and told me "I'm done talking about that,I'm not gonna talk bout that anymore"..I already suggested him about going to marriage counseling and his response is " marriage counseling is a joke" plus we couldn't afford it ..He was divorced before so been there done that to him ..what are you trying to imply about i should have respect on myself first?coz upon my statement above do you think I don't have respect on myself ? just curious.....

[via]

I already left once, and he also helped me packed my things.Went to sleep overnight with my close friend and decided that i can go back we are still married and i still have the right to go back then he picked me up at my friend's apartment.I miss our daughter ,I'm just gonna wait til the time is right that we are both set up to go our separate ways.After he told me he doesn't have special feelings ,I was really hurt that's why I left.BUt i realize i shouldn't make a quick decision.

[Lester]

He says to you; "I'm done talking about that,I'm not gonna talk bout that anymore"..”

What a rotten, disrespectful to say to a wife! He treats you like a little girl. That’s not respect or marriage.

 

You do seem to have spunk but you also put up with unbelievable insult. That’s weird to me.

 

He should be on the outside, not you.

 

 

PS, If your husband treated you with respect do you think you could love him again?

[agent1607307371]

Have you spoken to an expert about your greencard situation?

[via]

Exactly! he treated me like a child and he told me that.He often disrespect my feelings always belittle me.Always insult me .I don't love him anymore too.From the time he told me he doesn't have special feelings for me anymore? I was calm coz that's what I also feel about him but I didn't have the courage to tell him that coz I don't want to hurt his feelings but to him? it's just so easy for him to say that .I'm still gonna try to put up with that coz if i didn't have the problems about my greencard ,the time that i left, i would never ever go back to him.I'm just doing staying with him for our agreement that he's gonna work with me about my greencard until that thing will renew next year then we can decide ..He told me you disrespect me you dont love me blah blah,,why would i love the person that always hurts my feelings ,insult me in anyway ..he thinks i'm disrespecting him by ignoring what he tells me and that i don't listen to him ..I'm his wife he should not treat me like a child.He should treat me like a wife and also listen on my side. He said to me when we practice driving and yelled at me and i replied "stop yelling at me "..and his response "I don't care about what you think, I dont care about your opinions,what you feel blah blah just listen to me and do as I ask you to do!"....I hate it! makes me want to smack his face everytime I hear him being mouthy. he said "I don't want to hear your lip" while he is the one who is being very mouthy and everytime i try to reason out that's what he told me "I don't care about what you think, I dont care about your opinions,what you feel blah blah just listen to me and do as I ask you to do!"....I'm just tired of listening to it. I hate him I just hate him...And then sometimes he try to act like he wants amendment or to reconcile with me that's when I knew he wants sex from me and still he can get sex from me..He treated me like a * * * * ! I don't love him anymore!

[via]

I already researched about it.My greencard is good for 2 years only so that will expire next year .That's why i try to put up with him because if we're gonna get a divorce before my greencards renew then i'll be deported .I asked him just let me stay in the US for our daughter coz she can't go with me if I'm gonna send back to my country.She is already american citizen so that means she'll be staying with her dad if that happens and I don't want that to happen.Nothing I can do but to put up with this man's crap.