I nearly got him back but now - i've messed up my chance

[LostAngel]

Hi (I appoligise this is long -BUT I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET)

 

 

If youv'e read my 1st post

"I'm not sure what to do -I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM"

 

HERE IS A SAD UPDATE

 

I HAD A CHANCE TO FIX THINGS & BE WITH HIM

----BUT I HAVE RUINED IT ALL...

 

I WANT TO DIE.......I wish I could take back all I've said & done.

BUT IT IS TOO LATE...

 

I had a chance to fix things & he wanted to as well

(A CHANCE MANY MIGHT NOT EVEN GET)--

 

The past week has made me happier than I have been for the last 2 months that we have been broken up. BUT NOW I'M BACK TO WHERE I STARTED & IT IS ALL MY FAULT...

 

We did not get back together but we got to a point where things were getting better. If you recall I spent alot of time with him last weekend----

 

--we got talking again & even got intimate --He even said things about us in the future that I was so happy to hear -He still had hope in us being together. Through out the week things were going fine -I spoke to him during the day but at times he would be a bit hesitent. He would want to speak to me at times but then backed off sometimes...

 

I even spent time with him on Tuesday & it was great...

 

I WAS DOING FINE --I LET HIM BE, I GAVE HIM NO PRESSURE, I DIDN'T BRING UP ANYTHING THAT HAD happened IN OUR RELATIONSHIP IN THE PAST ----EVERYTHING WAS GOING FINE (WE DID NOT FIGHT ONCE)

 

BUT THEN IT ALL CAME CRASHING DOWN ----ON THE WEEKEND...

 

HE DECIDED -HE WAS GOING OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS ON FRIDAY NIGHT & I GOT UPSET WITH HIM. THINKING HE WOULD RATHER SPEND TIME WITH ME...I asked too many questions & he could hear I was upset & I made it obvious that I wanted him to be with me... I EVEN ASKED WHY HE DIDN'T ASK ME TO GO WITH HIM.

 

I REALISE HOW WRONG I WAS...

 

He finally went & I called him later that evening --he couldn't speak & said he would call me the next morning.

 

The next morning --He called me & things were okay but he was a bit irritated about how I was with him the night before. But yet he still made plans to go to a movie with me later that evening.

 

We then met up later in the evening & I just couldn't hold it back anymore ---I BEGAN TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT "US"

 

Asking him -Why he didn't spend time with me & chose to go out with friends instead. Why he wont tell me where I stand with him, Why at one moment he loves me then the next he doesn't. WE THAN STARTED FIGHTING and I just kept going on........

 

WHY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST STOPPED -I kept pushing him....

 

He eventually said --He thinks we SHOULD go our own ways...He can't take us anymore (the way we fight & the way it is fine for a week or so then we start the same cycle----ETC...)-------ALL THE THINGS THAT MADE HIM BREAK UP WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE...

THAT I'M STILL NOT THE PERSON -HE FELL IN LOVE WITH...

 

 

 

He even said he was looking forward to watching a movie together & spending time with me (but I just messed it up)

 

He even said he loved me...

 

I BEGGED & PLEADED FOR HIM TO NOT END THINGS WITH ME --BUT HE JUST DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE.

 

 

I RUINED EVERYTHING (WE HAD A CHANCE) & ALL BECAUSE THINGS WEREN'T GOING THE WAY I WANTED THEM TO)

 

I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM & THOUGHT THAT IT SHOULD BE THE WAY WE WERE WHEN TOGETHER...

 

BUT I REALISE I PUSHED TOO MUCH TOO SOON...

 

 

I eventually left (in an angry & upset state) & DROVE MY CAR REALLY CARELESSLY (He called me & begged me to stop driving the way I did)

He then followed me home --so I would STOP & to see if I got home okay.

 

I REALISE ---I LOST CONTROL...I REALISED THAT I MESSED UP MY CHANCE...I WANTED TO DIE & THAT MOMENT...

 

---------------------

 

The next morning --I sent him messages to his phone --appoligising for everything I had said & done..

 

I RECEIVED NO REPLY..........

 

I then decided to go to his house & speak to him but HE DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME -----HE JUST KEPT SAYING HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME & CAN'T TAKE THE STUFF I DID THE NIGHT BEFORE.

HE WANTED IT ALL TO END---------------

 

I THEN LEFT & TOLD HIM HE WOULD NEVER SEE ME AGAIN...HE JUST SAID THAT IT WAS FINE...THAT HE WOULD RATHER BE ALONE...

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

 

AS YOU CAN SEE ---I HAVE LOST THE CHANCE I HAD......

 

PLEASE CAN ANYONE TELL ME IF THEY THINK THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR ME-----

I REALISE WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG...

 

I THINK THAT WE BOTH HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH TIME TO HEAL FROM THE BREAK UP --IN THE FIRST PLACE & THAT IS WHY ---

THIS HAS happened

 

----I MYSELF -HAVE NOT HAD TIME TO HEAL FROM THIS & STILL WANTED IT TO BE THE WAY IT WAS -WHAEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER...

 

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MOVE FORWARD...I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR ALL I HAVE DONE----I CAN'T FORGIVE MYSELF IF I LOOSE HIM.

 

Can anyone give me advice -

 

WILL NO CONTACT BE MY ONLY WAY TO HEAL FROM THIS

---& TO MAYBE GET HIM BACK ONE DAY...

 

 

I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HIM

 

 

PLEASE HELP ME....

 

 

LostAngel

[Clarabelle]

Don't be so hard on yourself first of all. That is what is driving you to confront him over small stuff rather than simply enjoying what is being offered. YOu don't have to fix everything right away. Things often will take care of themselves. Let some time pass. Do fun things with friends and by yourself. When you find yourself getting anxious, just say to yourself, "I'm getting anxious. But everything is okay". LAter on, when you truly feel motivated by love and strong self-worth, you can take it from there. If he really loves you, he will forgive you and understand that you behaved this way because you were anxious and scared. You will find a way to talk about it. But first of all, you need to address your own anxieties that are causing you to obsess on these things with him. That will help you feel happier about yourself and will help you in your dealings with him.

[LostAngel]

Hi Clarabelle

 

Thanks for trying to help me...

 

It's just so messed up. I think I have really LOST my chance & don't think I will ever get it back. I JUST WANTED US TO BE THE WAY WE WERE WHEN TOGETHER. But I messed it up.

 

I know he loves me alot --But I think I have pushed him more & more away & have pushed him too far this time...

 

Like you said------

"If he really loves you, he will forgive you and understand that you

behaved this way because you were anxious and scared."

 

I JUST HOPE THAT HE WILL FORGIVE ME ---I JUST CAN'T BEAR TO HAVE HIM THINK ---I AM THAT WAY...

 

I have decided to --Leave him alone ---WITH NO CONTACT.

 

I have never been able to do it. (Only for 1/2/3 days).

We have not even had more than a few days with NC (EVEN since WE BROKE UP).

 

So have not had time to heal at all...

 

I JUST HATE THIS--------

 

 

I JUST HOPE NC WILL WORK. DO YOU THINK IT IS MY ONLY HOPE?

 

 

Thanks for your insight

 

LostAngel

[rich46]

LostAngel, you now have no choice but to move on and show your ex that you can live without him. Trust me, guys are scared off by this jealous, clingy behaviour. You already know that though, and what's done is done. All you can do now is revert to No Contact for the foreseeable future - this will let him know that you can move on. Obviously this is a setback in terms of trying to get him back, but don't be so hard on yourself. Let him do his own thing, give him PLENTY of time and space to do his own thing. One day this will have faded from his memory and the good times you've had will be more prominent.

 

The key word is 'time.' Doing anything else will just push him further and further away. Give him lots of time, do not contact him for quite a while. Difficult I know, but you literally don't have any other option. Show him that you are able to live life without him, and that you are not the jealous, clingy person he believes you are right now.

 

You must refrain from contacting him though. You got another chance, and you didn't do things right. So what? If he started coming back to you once, who's to say he won't do it again? Be positive and focus on YOU for a while. This will be attractive to him, but it will also make you stronger for any future reconciliation or other relationships.

 

Good luck!

 

Rich 8)

[GymSweetie]

Dear LostAngel,

 

My BF came back to me after we broke up...but it is a slow process. My BF has alot of stress in his life & hates drama...so I try to soothe his senses.

 

A little jealousy & anger go a really long way. If he tries to make me jealous, it means that he's insecure, looking for my attention, testing my reaction. (I try to act instead of react or over-react) I try to remember that no one can replace me in his life, I'm one of a kind. Then I turn it around when he gets jealous, he's one of a kind & no one can replace him in my life.

 

Clingyness turns him off, so when he starts taking my presense for granted, I back off & stay away for a few days (5 or 6). During that time, I do everything I can to make myself more attractive the next time he sees me. (hair, nails, rest, diet, tan, clean house, clothes shop, movies, make friends, etc...) When I'm sad or depressed, I stay away until I can look & feel pleasant. I want him to be happy without sacrificing my own happiness. I don't want him to think my whole world revolves around him either.

 

Men like to be the aggressors, so why pursue him? You know, we always want what we can't have. If he really loves you, he couldn't possibly be with anybody else. It's not a choice, love doesn't discriminate. If he doesn't love you, do you really want to be with him anyway?

 

Remember, if you love someone, let him go...if he comes back to you, he's yours. If he doesn't, he never was. If it's meant to be, it will be.

 

There are 2 kinds of love...impersonal & personal. If you generate impersonal love to humanity, you will attract your personal lover. Your lover will appear when you are truly ready. I hope this helps.

 

Good Luck,

GymSweetie

[Scout]

hi Lostangel...my heart really goes out to you, because I went through almost exactly what you went through with my ex. You know what I learned from it? That there was no hope of us ever really working out, because he refused to change the problems that led to the break-up to begin with: neglecting me for his friends, choosing to spend much more time with his friends than with me.

 

When we tentatively started seeing each other again, I nearly killed myself trying to be perfect: never questioning him, settling for the little scraps of time he could throw my way. All in the name of "not being clingy". Well - it didn't work. He still took me for granted, still chose to do things more often with his friends (more fun things, too!), and basically I snapped. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much I cared about him, I actually had some self-respect and realized that this was not a healthy relationship, and I wasn't getting ANY of my needs met. Yeah, the ex was a fairly decent guy, but very selfish and my needs and wants just weren't a priority for him.

 

So, I freaked out, and trust me - way worse than you did! We're never talking again as a result and in my heart, I know that's a good thing. Because he never would have changed, and eventually, I would have gotten hurt even worse than I did.

 

Please let yourself off the hook for anything you feel YOU did wrong, and start really examining how things REALLY were with this guy. We tend to put our exes on a pedestal that they don't really deserve most of the time.

[Mun]

Girl you know what you have to do : you have to get a hold of yourself.

 

You are right you must do NC right now. Let you ex bf have some breathing space and some time to get over what has just happened. If he loves you then he will be back, but he won't be back if you call him or go to his house even when he refuses to talk to you.

 

Remember that girl he fell in love with? Where did she go? Get her back! How? Girl you need to get out there and have a life of your own--apart from your bf. Do the things you enjoy doing. Don't give them up. Next time your bf wants to do things with his friends--you go out with your friends. Don't sit at home. This goes for all your future bfs.

 

A girl is alot more attractive to a guy when she has her own life and doesn't need a man to be with her 24/7. So start today.

 

Best of luck

[LostAngel]

Hi

 

Thanks for your reply's

 

IT REALLY HELPS TO HEAR DIFFERENT VIEWS & SOLUTIONS...

 

I'M TRYING TO KEEP NC -IT IS DIFFICULT BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT.

 

I JUST HOPE HE IS NOT GOING TO REMAIN UPSET AT THE WAY I REACTED -I JUST WORRY THAT HE WILL ALWAYS THINK OF ME AS

THE LOSING CONTROL PERSON INSTEAD OF THE PERSON HE FELL

IN LOVE WITH...

 

DO YOU GUYS THINK -HE WILL GET OVER THE WAY I REACTED & OVER

THE WAY WE FOUGHT...

 

 

I JUST HOPE HE DOES...

 

 

LostAngel

[Mr Mister1]

Well this is just my humble opinion but I think the best thing is to leave him alone for a while, not forever though. After you've given him space and you think you can control your emotions just call him and be calm and collected and he'll probably be responsive to you. If you can keep it like that without getting too emotional you'd stand a chance at making him come round.

 

I hope it all works out for you!

[Mun]

He won't always think of you as the "losing control" person if you show him ( by changing the way you react) that you are not that person anymore, but don't do it for him do it for yourself.

 

Try to keep a level head and when you get angry about something--don't argue--just tell him you are really upset and you will talk about it later. You will have better disagreements and more of a chance of working things out when you don't fly off with mean words. I'm doing that with my kids, to set the example that way they learn how it is you should deal with upsetting situations.

 

You have good reason to be upset. Some of this time apart should be good for both of you to, hopefully, calm down and start all over. Don't be around him all the time so that he does learn to appreciate you. If he doesn't, even when you are being easy to live with, then maybe he is not the guy for you.

 

Good luck

[Scout]

Why should she have to do all the work? If he doesn't value her enough to spend at least as much time with her as he does her friends, and especially include her in some things he does with his friends, then this isn't a relationship that is going to grow. I think there is more to this story here, and that this could have been a problem before the break-up.

 

I just don't ascribe to the whole "Rules" theology that women have to play a game of unavailability and independence to "land a man". Yes, everyone should keep the life and the friends they had before the relationship, but part of a healthy relationship is combining some of this to a degree.

[light bulb]

I agree with scout.

 

My ex never took me out with her friends. I hardly even knew any of them by more than a name. It's not right. It's also not right for him to lead you on like that. Why should one little bump in the road cause him to rethink an entire relationship? And BTW; I wouldn't even call it a bump in the road...to me, you did NOTHING wrong relationship wise...yes, in the game of "getting the ex back" you played your cards wrong, but he overreacted big time.

 

I knew I needed to separate myself from my ex b/c she is acting the exact same way your ex is. If I were to say one little thing wrong, she'd blow up and tell me how bad of a person I was for something totally miniscule. She'd even hang up the phone and not call back for days. During the relationship though, it was never like that. I've found that thinking about those good times only sets our healing back...we need to move forward just as our ex's did. Think about the bad...tell yourself he's the worst person alive.

 

You don't need this guy. You sound like a great girl and you definitely shouldn't be so hard on yourself. One day you'll meet 'Mr. right' and you'll never look back (and if you do, you'll be looking back and saying 'thank god he left me'). I really feel for you and this situation but you need to try to let go.

[Zipp]

After a break up things can sometimes get blown out of proportion. Don't think that things are OVER, but be prepared if they are, you will be ok either way. I agree that you are being too hard on yourself. Maybe you over reacted but you are probably stressed out, it happens. Just give him some space and when things have calmed down let him know how much you value him and that maybe you need some extra attention, you deserve it.

[LostAngel]

Hi

 

Thanks to everyone--for your views

 

Oatmeal

About the friends thing ----While we were going out we didn't really go out alone with iether of our friends -we would always be together & go out with each others friends together.

 

THIS IS WHAT GETS ME BECAUSE --HE NEVER USED TO LIKE GOING OUT TOO MUCH -WHILE WITH ME but NOW he is going out & staying out really late, drinking(which he never used to like either), making new friends & ETC...

 

It is only NOW that he is going out with his friends. (BEING SINGLE)

(HE TOLD ME-- IT IS TO GET HIS MIND OFF EVERYTHING THAT HAS happened, THAT HE IS NOT OUT THERE TO MEET ANOTHER GIRL BUT TO JUST RELAX & GET HIS MIND OFF THINGS)

 

I 'M NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK OF IT THOUGH...

 

When he went out on Friday with his friends ----He did not ask me because he said that -we are not back together & that it's his friends

& that he would spend time with me on the Saturday (When we were supposed to go to a movie) -----IT IS LIKE HE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH ME ONLY WHEN IT SUITS HIM...

 

The thing is that he IS SINGLE. He even told me I MUST STOP ruling his life---That if he wants to spend time with them rather than me he CAN------BECAUSE WE AREN'T BACK TOGETHER...

 

I'm THINKING that I was WRONG because I was pushing him & was upset about him choosing that he would rather spend time with them instead of me----AND WE AREN'T BACK TOGETHER...so I really have no say in what he wants to do...

 

 

 

Scout-

I think that there has been too many BUMPS in the road & that has made him decide that he no longer wants this BUT What I don't get is ---HE SAID HE LOVES ME-----& I KNOW HE MEANT IT...

 

HOW CAN HE NOT WANT ME IN HIS LIFE ANYMORE --IF HE LOVES ME!!!

 

Can HE just move on & forget about me & about "US"

----EVEN THOUGH HE STILL LOVES ME

 

I DON'T BELIEVE HE CAN but I am starting to WORRY that maybe he could

But YOU CAN'T JUST STOP LOVING SOMEONE --JUST LIKE THAT...

 

 

I'M SO DOWN today --& it has only been 1 day that I havn't had contact with him...I AM SO WORRIED --HE HAS MADE UP HIS MIND & THAT HE HAS DECIDED TO FORGET ABOUT ME & MOVE ON...

 

I can't take this anymore...I don't want to rule his life --ALL I WANT IS TO BE WITH HIM...I WANT TO DIE...

 

LostAngel

[light bulb]

First of all, it's not your fault. I'm 100% sure your ex was not perfect throughout the relationship. Maybe to him, you are to blame, but this small event was nothing but a catalyst...the straw that broke the camel's back. I was blaming myself for my relationship's demise for a while, but now I realize that she caused tons of problems...what I did was nothing more than the catalyst.

 

Second, about the ex still loving you thing...I believe it's possible, but I don't think they love us on the same level. The old saying "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" holds true in situations like this. It's funny because I was talking just like you not that long ago..."how could [insert ex's name] just stop loving me in one night? Why does 7 years mean nothing to her?" They've simply moved on...the reality is that they probably began moving on months before the breakup, we just never realized it.

 

I really think you need to accept his decision and move on yourself. Wanting nothing more than him is not healthy. There's so much more to life. I hate hearing you say that you want to die...I was just like that in the beginning...I know how awful you feel. Please try to cheer up! Try doing something you and your ex never did...I joined a gym and every time I leave I feel 100x better about myself. That's what you need, to feel good about you!

[auburnslp]

listen to oatmeal...that last post said it all...or almost all...I have one other thing to add...

 

One of your earlier posts in this thread mentioned briefly the roller-coaster nature of your relationship with your ex...great for one week or so, then fighting...listen, I have been there and done that...and it sucks out loud. I got hooked up at one point with a woman I loved more than I was loved in return, which of course caused many problems. When we split, I was devastated...took a while to heal, and yet, with hindsight, I realize 100% that that relationship was not healthy for either of us, and the same might be true for you and your ex...that is just no way to live, or love. As a matter of fact, when the healing begins, you will quickly start to realize this, and to even be glad that you have some stability in that aspect of your life instead of a roller-coaster ride of emotions...

 

When you find the one who you are truly meant to be with, you will love him even more than you loved your ex...and it will be a true love, without the drama and pain...just be strong and allow yourself to hurt and then heal, so you can move on with your life and meet the person you were meant to be with...because I know you will disagree with me right now, but after reading that, and from my personal experience, I can tell you that it sounds very much like your ex is not the person you are supposed to be with. Just my thoughts...

 

Good luck...

[Scout]

Yep, I also second Oatmeal's advice - actually, everyone is offering some insightful comments.

 

Lost Angel, to answer your question...how can he say he still loves you but wants to be single? Well, the answer is tough, and I'm not 100% I'm right, but from experience...my view is that sure, the ex can still love us, but not want to be committed anymore. In short, they don't love us the same way they used to, when they were willing to be committed and make us their first priority.

 

I also know from experience that "dating" my ex (translated still sleeping with him) after we broke up was the WORST thing I could have done. I basically handed him his cake on a silver platter. Really, I don't think people should even stay friends with the ex after a break-up. When we do, several negatives are happening:

 

1) Their guilt for breaking up with us is alleviated because we are basically telling them it's "ok", we are still here (while they're just giving us crumbs of affection). They never get the opportunity to see what they gave up by breaking up with us.

 

2) The safety net of a loving partner is waiting for them, while they can still do what they want, only be around us when they want to, and not when WE need THEM. And guess what - we get to experience the rejection of the break-up over and over again each time they tell us they STILL want to be single and not commit again.

 

3) The path to self-healing is blocked, because we are still focused mostly on our ex, how to win them back, etc. instead of focusing on ourselves and DOING things for ourselves like working out, reconnecting with friends, learning a new skill/sport/hobby.

 

Like everyone else, I strongly urge you give some real thought to moving on. It's very hard, but the alternative will be much harder as you can see from the pain you are currently experiencing.

[k33]

Similar boat, I lost the plot after I found out my grand dad was dying. My husband was there for me for my grandpa, but I also told him everything, my feelings etc, about our relationship. I scared the bejesus out of him. I think.

 

But I don't think he knew the depth of my upset. And you know what, I think that it is good that he knows what he did to me. (I've had to go on meds for the first time in my life) He didn't call all the time I was away for the funeral, but called 2 days after I got back (last night) just to see how I was and tell me he felt for me.

 

I am going to wait a few days to call back, I can't really handle him telling me that he doesn't love me anymore. Or I don't know what he wants or if he just wants to see if I slit my wrists... I was pretty messed up when he saw me....picture, sobbing freaking mess.

 

I'm not sure what to do, or if I even want him back after all this. But I do know I could have used the phone call about 8 days earilier. (It had been 8 days since we talked)

[Mun]

Angel,

Everything you say is about him. What about you? Who is taking care of you? It's ok to love someone but it's not ok to love them and not love yourself. Then it becomes obsessive, like a disease. Love is not supposed to be like that. You know that. You are forgetting yourself in all this.

 

If he told you he loved you, and you think he was truthful, then you must tell yourself that he did love you but that you (both) are not there right now. Right now you are broken up--and remember you were not exactly happy with the situation. Do you really want to go back to the way things were?

 

You must remember that you do have control. Control over yourself--we can't change other people-- we can only change ourselves. Once we show someone that they can no longer play with us like they were used to doing then they either shape up or get out of the way.

 

Right now it's easy for your ex to blame everything on you because he sees how you react. Change the way you react and he will have to own up to his action. Do this and you are no longer out of control-- you are in total control- of yourself. You may even start to see things in a new light--you might decide you don't want to go back.

 

Taking care of yourself and loving yourself are the first steps. Don't forget who YOU are

[LostAngel]

Hi everyone

 

Thankyou kindly for your reply's

 

I have thought of what you guys have said & you ARE right...

 

IT IS TIME FOR ME TO FIND ME & concentrate on other priorities besides him...I think I have come to a point where there is nothing left to do BUT THAT...It is just so hard to let go of something you love...

 

You know I broke contact & spent time with him yesterday ---The reason being that my grandmother is in critical condition in hospital & had to undergo an emergency operation.

 

He offered to be with me -through this time. While with him -I JUST STOPPED ALL THE THINGS I WOULD USUALLY DO --EG: be intimate,clingy, talk about "us", react when he would say something I didn't really want to hear.

 

FOR ONCE I ACTUALLY FORCED MYSELF TO LET HIM GO...while with him.

 

...I think he is beginning to see the change in me----& you know if I ever want to be with him one day. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MUST DO------

Get back the person he fell in love with & STOP him from having POWER over me...

 

AM I THINKING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION???

 

I have been trying to think of ways to get him back ----But have lost sight of me..& THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAS SCARED HIM AWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE...THAT I'M NOT HOW I USED TO BE.

 

 

Please tell me IF I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING...

 

I am just so mixed up with how to feel ---I HAVE DECIDED TO JUST BLOCK HIM OUT WHEN I CAN & IF I SPEAK TO OR SEE HIM ---BLOCK OFF MYSELF & ACT AS ALOOF AS I CAN...

 

-----SO HE THINKS I'M MOVING ON...

 

 

PLEASE HELP...

 

 

 

LostAngel

[Mun]

I hope your grandmother is well soon.

I think it's great that he wanted to be with you at this time.

 

Let me ask you some things : How did you feel this time around without being clingy and all those things, did you feel good? Were you calmer? How did he respond? The answers to those questions will tell you if you are going in the right direction.

 

Whether or not he comes back is not the main issue ( or shouldn't be) it's all about you feeling good about yourself.

 

Best of luck

[LostAngel]

Hi Muneca

 

Thanks, I was really happy to have him there.

 

 

You can't believe how you have just made me "OPEN MY EYES"

 

THANKYOU, THANKYOU

 

You know ---I felt much better -I WAS CALMER----NO PRESSURE---- AND YOU KNOW HE WAS FINE ---and I think he even NOTICED the difference in me.

 

Even though inside I just wanted to know what he is feeling & thinking...

 

Doing the exact opposite is working...I'ts making not only him think --BUT me too ---more & more

 

 

LostAngel

[Mun]

When you feel good about you, then you treat yourself better, when you treat yourself better other people treat you special too and if they don't then you're less likely to put up with crap...

 

...But it all starts with you.

[LostAngel]

Hi Everyone

 

I am really happy that I have somewhere to let out my sorrows & to have people that can give me advice & point of views...THAT ARE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE OUT OF THE SITUATION.

 

THANKYOU TO EVERYONE

 

&

 

Please keep on doing what you have...IT IS A GREAT HELP...

 

 

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT

 

 

LostAngel

[LostAngel]

Hi

 

Here is an UPDATE...

 

I decided that I would "LET GO" leave things as they were & STOP all the

RUNNING AFTER HIM ---

 

 

You see while my gran has been in hospital I HAVE HAD OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND---Besides him...

 

I managed to STOP calling him & all the running after him...& it was working... HE BEGAN TO CALL ME & even came to visit my gran ---but only if he knew I was there... When with him I acted confident & did not react to him as I usually would --I was distant...

 

---HE then sent me a message & the next day & called to ask how my gran was doing---

 

He called me again the following few days too...

 

The one time I called -just to let him know how she was doing.-- He asked if I would be there & came to see her...MAYBE I'M READING INTO THINGS BUT WAS HE MAYBE THERE TO SEE -ME MORE???

 

When I saw him---I then started to be less distant & spoke to him more -Everything went GREAT (We had a good time)--He even stayed longer to spend more time with me....

 

Yesterday (the day after) I then sent him a message --I didn't receive a reply...SO THEN I CALLED HIM...He was distant)---so I spoke a bit then cut the call -by saying I had to go...

 

immediately he has BACKED OFF...He didn't even call me today.

IT'S ALL --BACK TO SQUARE 1...

 

Why is he doing this ---CAN ANYONE TELL ME

 

Why---At one moment he wants to be with me...Then the next --he doesn't even talk to me...

 

 

HE IS DRIVING ME INSANE...

 

I have backed off again --Im not sure what else to do or why he is doing this

 

PLEASE CAN ANYONE HELP ME....

 

 

LostAngel