gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I started seeing this girl, we hit it off really well as we were both very physically attracted to each other. We started going out a lot in two weeks, and i thought we were hitting it off on many levels as she was introducing me to her friends and talking about me to her family. On our sixth date we had sex, it had been a while since i had any intimacy so I didn't last that long, just a few minutes. She literally looked at me and said "are you serious?!" , got up and left for the restroom. Came back in a robe and was covering her self like I was some stranger. She wouldnt talk to me or look at me at all. I was so in shock and at first a bit annoyed and angry at that sort of reaction from her. I tried to find out from her what happened? What did i do? She kept saying this whole thing is awkward and wouldnt say anything else. I asked if i should leave, she said yes. I then left, texted/called her twice since and haven't heard back. How can someone be THAT cold? just cause the intimacy was up to par you comepletly dismiss the person like they don't exsit? This has taken a psychological toll on me, i dont want to view women as conniving and as ugly as this, but i cant help but to be ina position where its harder for me to trust the next one Its apparent I had more invested in this than she did, and i know the more i chase her right now the more she will run and think im a creeper. I know she is no good for me but somehow still yearn for her attn. Ive texted her twice, one phone call, and one short fb msg. I'm not going to contact her anymore. Its probably a done deal. Im just venting. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 It sounds like you really dodged a bullet. Would you really want to be with someone so self centered and lacking in compassion? I would consider myself lucky and move on, immediately. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 She acted like a jerk. Sometimes when people have sex so soon after meeting they aren't willing to or aren't comfortable communicating about what they want -and there's not a strong foundation/relationship or bond to make it worth it to communicate so they simply move on. But how she did it was jerky -you did dodge a bullet. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I actually know and realize i dodged a bullet. Everyone ive told this to has said the same thing. However my shallowness cant help but to miss her beauty and the fantasy that i had created of her in my mind. I am moving on, now. I just cant help but to be hurt by this whole thing. Im still trying to hold that most of humanity isn't this cold, but i'm surprised to have experienced this. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 She acted like a jerk. Sometimes when people have sex so soon after meeting they aren't willing to or aren't comfortable communicating about what they want -and there's not a strong foundation/relationship or bond to make it worth it to communicate so they simply move on. But how she did it was jerky -you did dodge a bullet. that makes sense. I think we both felt it was too early and verbalized it. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 She sounds pretty shallow.. you dont wanna be with a girl like that anyway... future refrence maybe rub one out before your date.. some girls do judge how u perform in bed.. they want magic and u gotta give it to them right.. lesson learned and move on to the next one.. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I would not have sex with someone until you thought that the relationship could survive awkward sex. The first time with anyone WILL BE awkward. After 2-3 weeks, you just don't know someone well enough, IMHO. And next time, wait for quite awhile and wait until you and a new lady have fully had a chance to talk about sex. (ie, protection, expectations - is she waiting for marriage or waiting to be in a full swing relationship, or do you both just want to get off.) And just a tip - if you haven't done it in awhile, practice personal maintenance in the days before hand. Yeah, sex probably ruined it and not in what happened but in being too soon and because you had sex it makes it harder for you to let go. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 She sounds pretty shallow.. you dont wanna be with a girl like that anyway... future refrence maybe rub one out before your date.. some girls do judge how u perform in bed.. they want magic and u gotta give it to them right.. lesson learned and move on to the next one.. I do usually use that trick, but didn't this time. I guess i got too excited about it. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I would not have sex with someone until you thought that the relationship could survive awkward sex. The first time with anyone WILL BE awkward. After 2-3 weeks, you just don't know someone well enough, IMHO. And next time, wait for quite awhile and wait until you and a new lady have fully had a chance to talk about sex. (ie, protection, expectations - is she waiting for marriage or waiting to be in a full swing relationship, or do you both just want to get off.) And just a tip - if you haven't done it in awhile, practice personal maintenance in the days before hand. Yeah, sex probably ruined it and not in what happened but in being too soon and because you had sex it makes it harder for you to let go. This is really good advice, thanks. I would think that it would have made it harder for her to let go, especially as a woman, but guess im the more emotional one in this short lived relationship. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I guess i just feel so easily dismissed like I've been in situations where the sex from the girl wasn't that great but like i understood it can take time to understand each others bodies. I just thought this would be a turn off but not a deal breaking never talk to him again kind of thing. Never experienced that before. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I guess i just feel so easily dismissed like I've been in situations where the sex from the girl wasn't that great but like i understood it can take time to understand each others bodies. I just thought this would be a turn off but not a deal breaking never talk to him again kind of thing. Never experienced that before. men are logical and women run off of emotions... either way she is shallow, so its not a loss to u.. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 men are logical and women run off of emotions... either way she is shallow, so its not a loss to u.. You are right, i recognized the shallow signs early on. I was just so physically attracted to her that i ignored those signs. Typical man behavior. The other thing is the pool of women is not that big after i apply the filters of same religion, education and physical attraction, its really hard for me to find someone fitting those categories so i let her get away with shallow behavior blinded by lust. mistake on my part. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 so i let her get away with shallow behavior blinded by lust. mistake on my part. we all have been there its okay, part of growing and learning.. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 She's cold and shallow. I guess she expected mind blowing sex the first time. I think people read to many fantasy novels, and expect a guy to be a monster in the sack right off the bad. And if he's not, they think he should be looked down upon for it. Link to comment
Betweenthebars Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 This made me chuckle a bit. I feel awful for you, but sometimes I have an orgasm in under 5 minutes, then I can't do anything but lay there relaxed and be awful in bed while my husband still tries to get off. Bit of a reverse situation. What she did was wrong, but if that happens again, apologize and say it's been awhile, you feel bad about it but you would love to make it up to her by pleasuring her. Oral/whatever. But like everyone else said, two weeks isn't enough time, really. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 This made me chuckle a bit. I feel awful for you, but sometimes I have an orgasm in under 5 minutes, then I can't do anything but lay there relaxed and be awful in bed while my husband still tries to get off. Bit of a reverse situation. What she did was wrong, but if that happens again, apologize and say it's been awhile, you feel bad about it but you would love to make it up to her by pleasuring her. Oral/whatever. But like everyone else said, two weeks isn't enough time, really. I did say that except the making it up to her part. Anyway she hasn't responded to any of my communication attempts. I dont want to beg or anything pathetic like that, i have to maintain some dignity. Looks like its a wrap. =| Link to comment
Betweenthebars Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Good for you you don't need someone that shallow, no matter how hot she is! Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 she was pretty freaking hot though lol. ill miss that. I just feel a lot of anxiety, but i know my self, i get over things quickly in terms of time probably by the end of this week ill be over it. but the time spent recovering I really suffer, it really gets to me. So i'm def having a hard time focusing on work its silly because i know i haven't lost that much, i do miss parts of her but its probably mostly the ego that is injured. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I don't think you should say your sorry about finishing quick. You should just tell her that her vag was so good that it was hard to hold back. LOL It's messed up when women insult guys like that. They probably think that men won't think any thing of it because they don't think we have feelings. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I don't think you should say your sorry about finishing quick. You should just tell her that her vag was so good that it was hard to hold back. LOL It's messed up when women insult guys like that. They probably think that men won't think any thing of it because they don't think we have feelings. LOL, i did frame it in that way actually, not using those words exactly. yeh it was pretty hurtful, not even what happened in that moment, but her lack of ANY communication after the fact (and up to this point) even just saying "hey lets just be friends". like nothing. straight up no communication. I feel like i was treated like a one night stand or some * * * * even though i spent many many hours with the girl over the phone and over several dates. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 update: so she finally got in touch with me, apparently she states she was upset because of breaking of trust, she had asked not to move too fast earlier in the night. Her excuse sounds mad fishy, im not straight buying it because it takes two to make this decision and her reaction regardless of anything was cold. Since we have mutual friends, we kept it cordial but her angle was still like i was in the wrong (as well as her)... * * * . We concluded that we can see where things will go if we hit to off well in group hangouts. I don't intend to pursue bu i am still recovering from the whole situation Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Maybe she was just upset at herself for having sex with you too soon. Just read your last post, lol, I think I was right. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Maybe she was just upset at herself for having sex with you too soon. Just read your last post, lol, I think I was right. yes you might be right, but doesn't make her reaction to it right. besides when she called me she was in between errands like literally grocery shopping, it made me feel like it was just a chore phonecall. whatever. im moving on. Link to comment
gvision Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 still feeling so * * * * ty about this Even when she called me she was going to the grocery store to do her errands, i felt even her phone call was just a chore she had to do. As much as she mistreats me, i still kind of miss her and am going through waves of being okay, then angry and then depressed. I shouldn't let it affect me the way it is but i cant help it Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 She was upset at the lack luster performance and stated that she was upset. I think that her reaction was perfectly normal. It seems that the expected reaction was for her not to get upset and say everything was okay. I think that she was expecting a great performance and didnt get that so she was upset. Sex is obviously important to her and she didnt get what she wanted. That incompatibility alone should be enough not to pursue things further. Link to comment
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