The Next Step........

[zingzoom81]

Hey Guys,

 

For previous background on my situation you can read my thread in the Trust and Relationships section (I would post the link but keep getting error message about not being able to post URL's)

 

(link added by moderator)

 

Anyhow, its pretty much come to divorce but I am clueless on the steps I need to protect myself at this point. My wife and I luckily do not have children so no lives other than our own are at stake.

 

We had a discussion about assets last night and my wife is intent on keeping the house because she cannot leave her job here- I cannot leave mine currently as well but have the flexibility to move back to my home state with a transfer. My wife wants the house and wants me to pay some of the mortgage to help "build my equity". Her main issue is that her parents used a lot of their retirement money (60,000) to help with our down payment. My wife and I put together 30,000 into the down payment. We also have appliances and house improvements that we bought together (~8000). I am more than willing to give her the house but not walk out with nothing in my pockets. Her parents have already offered to let me live rent free at their home back where we are from because they see me as a son and always will.

 

Another issue is one of our cars- specifically hers. My car was paid off about 2 years into our relationship. We got her car 2 1/2 years ago and been paying it together. Once again, I told her she could have that car but she said that we should pay it off together which I think is unfair because its not going to be driven by me and there is still over 3 years of payments left.

 

These two issues about got us into a pretty heated debate. My goal is not to mess with her financial well-being. I know if she gets this house there is no way at all she will be able to afford all the bills. She wants to see me financially ok as well but I know deep down she is looking out for herself just as I am.

 

We are going to be living together for now as our home is large and has two master bedrooms and we can live in each.

 

Advice, guidance, words of wisdom and hope. My wife was my world and I know I need to move on- I hate the uncertainty of it all and what the future will hold.

[DN]

Time for a lawyer. Ideally s/he and your wife's lawyer will find a mediator who will try to negotiate a settlement you can both accept. Protracted court time will mean you both lose a lot of money.

[abitbroken]

I want to preface this, by I AM NOT A LAWYER.

 

Why would you have to move back to your home state if you don't get the house? If you disagree about property, you need to see a lawyer and/or mediator. What will probably happen to the house is that it will be sold and you will both split the equity. If it sells at a $10,000 profit, you will each get $5,000. It doesn't matter how much you put into it, but what its worth now. If you are upside down on it, you both get nothing. her parents money could be viewed as a gift if there was nothing else in writing about paying it back. If her parents aren't on the deed or mortgage it could be that they are just out of luck. No judge would make you pay on a house you don't live in or own. The home improvements you won't get back - it all comes down to what the house is worth now.

 

As far as the cars, if your car is in your name alone, its yours. If her car is in both your names, then you share equal responsibility for the debt. The judge will make you split it down the middle most likely. A car is not an asset until its paid off.

But you could just decide to sell it and then she gets the money to buy a car with the profit after the loan is paid. You don't want any future debt with her and either you both splitting the profit or going into a car for her might be the way to do it.

 

Also, if HER parents are allowing you to live in their home rent free - don't do it. I think that they are telling you that so their daughter will get the house. If you want to remain friendly or civil with them, that's fine, but don't get entangled. Use your profit from the house to get a condo or an apartment or if there is nothing from the house, rent an apartment based on your income. You don't want to move to another state to live with her folks and hear about her all the time. You want to move on. If you had 3 kids and you had custody, being with the grandparents might be okay, but you want to move forward. Don't let your love for her cloud you into cutting yourself short.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Yeah, you need to get a good idea of how much your house is worth and how much you owe. With the current housing market, lots of people are upside down, or at least have seen their equity plummet over the past few years. Who contributed what only matters if there is equity to be divided - in that event, her parents contribution will probably be a sticky issue, depending on how it was co-mingled. I would not co-own the house and help pay the mortgage to build equity. Really bad idea. You don't hold hands after a divorce. Don't worry about the car and remaining payments. There will probably be spousal support involved, and asset division (like the cars), and corresponding payments will be factored into that amount. I'm really sorry to hear about this.