Do girls usually view a friend as a potential partner?

[Double J]

I've heard many people say that once you've entered the "friend zone" with a girl, it's usually hard to come out of it, because from then on the girl will only see you as a brother type. Then again, particularly on this website, I've seen people say they've hooked up with a friend they've known for many years.

 

In reference to the former case, I personally don't think it's impossible to come out of the friendship zone. I've noticed that you may show interest in a girl, and she doesn't respond but becomes your friend. And then when you start acting more detached, they usually get closer to you and even develop stronger feelings.

 

What do you all think?

[Vert]

From my experiences, I used to be the king of the "friend zone". It was my domain, and I must say that I attempted to break that zone a few times and was beaten back. I would say it is not possible, but there are always exceptions. From what I've seen it only happens in movies

[SomeGuy112]

I really think it depends on how you enter the friend zone and how you stay in it too.

[Francis]

Personally, I won't consider having a relationship with someone unless there is a really good friendship foundation. I have had very good loving relationships in the past and they have finished only due to my insecurity.

 

I had this intense friendship with a guy who unfortunately had been my sister's boyfriend. One year after we developped a really good friendship, I started feeling really attracted to him but I was never capable to overcome the taboo and he decided to end the relationship. I still regret not having a loving relationship with him because we were and still are 100% compatible.

[Cadence308]

Hi, I'm a woman so I'll give some womanly perspective. I've had many guy friends over the course of my existence and I would say that all of them would have loved to get beyond the "friend zone," but I was not interested. I did develop sort of a brotherly love with my close guy friends. I would go to them about my guy problems and they would tell me that I could do better than that (I think they really meant themselves). I have never dated a guy whom I considered a good friend and I think most of my gfs would agree. It is pretty difficult, but not impossible. I would say if you have feelings for a girl and you two have a platonic relationship just accept that the status of that relationship is probably not going to change.

[Cadence308]

Hi, I'm a woman so I'll give some womanly perspective. I've had many guy friends over the course of my existence and I would say that all of them would have loved to get beyond the "friend zone," but I was not interested. I did develop sort of a brotherly love with my close guy friends. I would go to them about my guy problems and they would tell me that I could do better than that (I think they really meant themselves). I have never dated a guy whom I considered a good friend and I think most of my gfs would agree. It is pretty difficult, but not impossible. I would say if you have feelings for a girl and you two have a platonic relationship just accept that the status of that relationship is probably not going to change.

[RayKay]

It really varies I think. You know When Harry Met Sally? Well Harry explained that men and women can never be friends because the sexual tension gets in the way. But, I think as he pointed out - it gets in the way for men. A lot of women link sex more to emotional attachment, and if they don't get emotionally attached, for them the sex does not get in the way and they end up seeing the men as just friends. But for men it does *please note not saying ALWAYS!

 

If, as the friend trying to move out of friend zone, you don't do things that would break you out of her preconceived ideas of you, it is possible you will be stuck being friends. For some, distance might do this, or dating someone else, etc. Oddly enough, I worry about this happening with my ex...that in our friendship it will be I that one day can see him as only a friend and nothing more (which would be sad, even if I was the one not wanting more...don't ask, I am crazy like that - worried about HIM losing HIS chance..lol!).

 

But no, you don't have to get stuck there forever! It most definitely CAN change, and it has for me before, but it can be harder, she may have these set ideas of you already and it can be hard to break out of.

[northernlights]

Adding more female perspective...

 

Like most of the women here said, it's difficult for guys who enter the friends zone to bust out of that. Difficult, but not impossible. For me, if I meet someone and categorize him as a friend, it's because I had no initial attraction to him. Initial attraction is important for me, so falling for someone I wasn't attracted to before is really hard...thus making guys moving out of the friends zone into potential boyfriend zone hard.

Plus, a good deal of what girls talk about with girl friends and guy friends is...boys! So if I've been talking to my guy friend about boys for ages, it would feel weird for me to date him--for one thing, you can't talk about boys with your boyfriend without making him jealous...

 

I believe in your boyfriend should be your best friend theory, and I *am* good friends with my boyfriend...it's just that when I first met him, I placed him in my potential zone early on.

 

So sorry guys, but it's going to be hard to bust out of that friend zone. But here's a story that might make you happy...

 

My friend who has a history of dating all the wrong type of guys and has a dozen guy friends who all wish they were dating her instead...she met a guy who was only her friend. She complained to him about the guys she was dating. She treated him as a total friend. And then one day, she fell for him. And of course he liked her all along.

Right now, they've got the most satisfying relationship she's ever had. So all hope is not lost!

[goodquestion]

Like many other people stated, it boils down to "initial attraction", but another thing that usually SLAMS you into the friend zone is if you become her pin cushion or sounding board. If you have interest in a chick, NEVER let this happen. Then there's the KILLER, you spilling your guts to her, that's the final nail in the coffin ...

 

Remember guys, she has to think you're hot before you even have a chance ... confidence, challenge, yada yada go a long way to helping ...

 

l8r

[Celadon]

I personally don't think it's impossible to come out of the friendship zone. I've noticed that you may show interest in a girl, and she doesn't respond but becomes your friend. And then when you start acting more detached, they usually get closer to you and even develop stronger feelings.

 

Interesting question and thoughts, Double J! Hm, for me personally, I don't know if it's the detached thing that makes me see the guy in a new light. It's when I see a different side of him that I hadn't seen before, and something clicks with me in a new way. That could change my perception of him and his potential.

 

Well, that's only if he's not in the friend zone because there's something he does that's annoying. Like, there's one guy I know who just can't say anything in a short way - he goes on and on and on. He loves the sound of his voice too much. So even if I was impressed by him in a certain other way, the way he talks would drive me nuts.

 

There ARE guys who are in the friend zone because they haven't impressed me one way or another. So, yeah, I think for them, there's potential to move. But I'm with all the other women who posted here who said they wanted the guy to be their friend first. I've gone out with too many men I've been physically attracted to as the main thing, but our personalities didn't work well together. I'm not interested in that anymore.

 

If a guy who I think is somewhat attractive does like me and is patient enough to be my friend, and then I get attracted to his personality, he's got it made as far as I'm concerned.

[Day_Walker]

Personally I dont think that you should give yourself the idea that you can be friends with a girl for a length of time then all of a sudden you can go into relationship mode with her. Look at the situation logically, there is a reason that you two are just friends, whether or not u agree with her just wanting you as a friend. Mutual feelings need to exist in order for there to be a relationship. Liking a person that doesnt reciprocate doesnt make any sense. It is better for you to believe that once you have entered the friend zone there is no getting out of the then you will believe that you can some how get out of this zone. Thus giving yourself false hope. Live your life and dont be concerned with liking a female. Have fun with the situation and live in that moment. You are going to have a finite amount of time with this female so use it to your advantage.

[squarepeg]

I've had guy friends that would never break out of the 'friend' mold (even after they tried and ended up making the friendship flop because of it). But I disagree with alot of the posters taht say most guys want out of that 'mold' themselves, I've had guy friends that have had no interest in me that way and me in them. It was purely platonic. Many of the men I work with I feel a friendship with, but would never ever concider them potential boyfriends. I think it goes the same way for men. I honestly dont think they want to do anything more then be my friend as well.

[ShySoul]

For any relationship to last the couple needs to first and formost be each others friends. Friends are people you can depend on, share interests with, and enjoy being around... all key points in a relationship. So it is possible for people to be friends first and develop into something more. In fact, I believe the best relationships are those that start as a friendship with no intentions of growing into a relationship. Then you get to really know and trust each other. If you go into something looking for a relationship you are likely to be disappointed. Instead just expect to be friends and if feelings develop consider it a bonus. At the least you gain a friend. And if the girl is smart she will see that you care about her and would treat her right and want to see where things could lead.

[katykitten]

Although you may find yourself stuck in the friend zone with some of your girl mates, it completely depends on the girl. I for one have a tendency to fall for guys after they become my friend because I care a lot about them. however some girls do see there guy friends as just that: friends. they prefer to keep potential love interests at a distance.

[just_smile]

i think starting off as friends is a good place to be, it makes good foundations for a relationship because you know alot about that person and what they're like and that way your not set up for great disapointment through too high of an expectation.

 

one of my mates is going out with one of her best friends and they were best friends for 2 years before. they have been going out for 11 months now, so i think it can work and that you can get out of the ''friends zone'' if you really want to.

 

~LJ =;