trois Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 My boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a year now. I am 19, he is 21. We both have really busy lives. He has a 1 1/2 year old son and is attending college 3x a week that has a 2 hour commute drive... I've recently gotten a job that is teetering on full-time but is exausting. So, me, i'm not that busy. He is though. He never has time. He also works as a server, pretty frequently. So it's either, i see him for an hour and then at very late night, or i only see him at very late night. Since i've gotten a job, it's REALLY hard for me to stay awake... We text and call and email each other, and stay in contact. We've gotten through some rough times already and have seemed to even things out...sort of. We're still not on the 'same track'. I still am on the edge about 'us' but he is 24/7 "baby i love you forever you're the best...you're so beautiful...sexy...etc" ... whereas i have nothing to say, really.. I don't get the same feeling when i look in his eyes or go places with him. I feel like crap! I don't want to be feeling this way at all, but hell, i never get to see him long enough to even THINK about re-igniting the flame. I certainly do not have the courage to tell him the 'flame has gone out', either...His ex-fiance (and mother of his son) ripped his heart to shreds and he is very damaged by her and sensitive... I am a motherly sort of girlfriend and i care more about his feelings than mine, though. I'm not happy though. I'm not. We don't have sex anymore, and i have NO desire to whatsoever (even if i did, he is too big, and after he accidentally hurt me really badly i've had serious trouble getting turned on anyways...) I just want to feel love again. I know that a 'spark' dies out usally and relationships get boring. But do they? Should i still feel warm in my stomach about my significant other? I don't even react anymore, and the guilt is piling up. I love him, and i care about him a lot, but ...something is missing. We've had great times together, but looking at the past to light up the future is NOT how i work. Maybe it works for him, and that's what concerns me. And i don't even feel anything from cuddling. I don't like to kiss him and his natural scent is starting to turn me off. THAT is a no-brainer for me, in my experience, is when their normal scent starts to make me want to physically push them off of me. Even if i was to break up with him, WHEN would i do that? We have no * * * * ing time and when we do get to see each other, it's like he puts emphasis on it being a 'good time' because it's so short... Me? I just lock up all my feelings beause there is literally no time to sit down and talk. Besides, we have 'broken up' three times and each time i go back to him. So i'm wondering if it's even worth it. I don't want to move on ,really, because i still want him around. BUT i don't wanna be HIS. I'd be totally fine with us just being friends even if it took him a while to see me again. But he has said once "I could never just be friends with you." Also i think i might be only attracted to women... Well, let me rephrase that; only romantically attracted to women. i see nothing in men for relationships now. Which is bad. Because i'm in one. I've dated women before and i do miss that "right" feeling. Sorry if this is in the wrong board... Link to comment
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