Pick Up Artist As A Girl?

[reboundstudent]

A lot of people on these forums have probably heard of the "Pick Up Artist" (PUA) approach to dating. From what I've read, it's a series of seduction techniques based around the idea of female psychology, crafted for guys who have a lack of "game" or feel they don't bring a lot to the table in terms of things they deem women find desirable (money and looks, apparently.)

 

I've seen a lot of female opinions (blogs, articles, posts around forums) that consider this approach to dating at best laughable and at worse deeply offensive and objectifying. However, the PUA community seems to have a HUGE following, and a lot of testimony from men who say it got them what they wanted (sex relationships.)

 

Here's something I'm wondering... is there such a thing as a female Pick Up Artist? (Heterosexual female to heterosexual male.)

 

More accurately, can women have "game"? If yes, what does it look like? If no, then what can a woman who doesn't attract men do to change it? Yeah, she can wear make-up, wear different clothes, and get a better body, but outside of those options, what can she do? Is there any way for a girl to "up her game"?

[imsuperman]

Be a good conversationalist. Then she just gives the guy her number.

 

Bam.

[EmmaB78]

Ha ha - Imsuperman. I don't think that's all there is to it. I've had great conversations with certain guys for HOURS, and at the end of the night, phone numbers were exchanged - his and my hot but shy, kind of mean, friend's. Anything else?

[FathomFear]

Here's something I'm wondering... is there such a thing as a female Pick Up Artist? (Heterosexual female to heterosexual male.)

 

The thing is that straight women don't need much "artistry" 99% of the time. Walking up to most straight guys and saying "Hey, do you want to go back to my place for some fun?" will usually do the trick.

[EmmaB78]

FF, that's just for sex. Sure, I could go out and get laid right now (don't even have to go out - could find someone online in 1/2 an hour). But finding someone who wants to stick around and who I want to stick around - much more difficult. I think most girls, including the OP, know how to get sex if they want it. It's getting more that we want "game" for. lol.

[Vincent Ruiz]

I laugh when women say they are horrified by the techniques. Ask almost any guy who follows the pua technique and then ask a guy who followed some woman's advice and we'll see which one more successful. I don't see what the big deal about pua tactics. It's only teaching you how to become your best self, and how to talk to women. What's wrong with trying to fix something that is wrong with you? It's just men who want to learn how to talk to girls and have female companionship in their lives. Its like anything else though, people abuse the power they get but that is the minority. The rest of the honest folk who want to improve their lives shouldn't be scoffed at.

[Shudder]

that's just for sex.

 

but thats the aim of the pick up artist

[capuccino83]

No, there is no such thing as a female pick up artist. Pick-up artistry is basically coercing someone to do something but it's next to impossible to maintain this long term in a real relationship. That's why PUA's try to close within a few hours of meeting a girl. Since most girl want relationships, and not sex within three hours of meeting a guy.. how are you going to be maintain a long term relationship if you have to "pick up" the guy the entire time?

[capuccino83]

I laugh when women say they are horrified by the techniques. Ask almost any guy who follows the pua technique and then ask a guy who followed some woman's advice and we'll see which one more successful. I don't see what the big deal about pua tactics. It's only teaching you how to become your best self, and how to talk to women. What's wrong with trying to fix something that is wrong with you? It's just men who want to learn how to talk to girls and have female companionship in their lives. Its like anything else though, people abuse the power they get but that is the minority. The rest of the honest folk who want to improve their lives shouldn't be scoffed at.

 

Sorry, but I've been very turned off by every guy that's come up to me and told me that he only has a minute to talk to me but he wants to ask my opinion on what he should about the waitress that added him on facebook even though she has boyfriend and he met her when he was with his sister. But hey, I'm just a woman, obviously I don't know what I want in a man

 

I don't think that there is anything wrong with improving your dating and social skills. I'm all for it. But every "PUA" that I've met has been a guy with some inherent awkwardness that learned these techniques to try to date really hot girls, but end up coming out looking awkward AND like a tool. Why not just become the best person you are and figure out what type of situation and person is appropriate for you. But sorry, after the TV show and the books and the publicity and after seeing Mystery in those stupid hats, I'm gonna think that any PUA guy is a tool and not date them just because of that, even if otherwise I would have.

[agatha]

the female version of a PUA is the 'flirt' - that girl that flirts with anything with pants - she never makes the move, it's just that every move she does is intended to entice, elicit and seduce. her game is played through her eyes, her mouth and body language. in a sweater, she can convince a guy she's sexy.

 

just like an rpg.

[FathomFear]

FF, that's just for sex. Sure, I could go out and get laid right now (don't even have to go out - could find someone online in 1/2 an hour). But finding someone who wants to stick around and who I want to stick around - much more difficult. I think most girls, including the OP, know how to get sex if they want it. It's getting more that we want "game" for. lol.

 

I understand, but sex is usually the goal of a PUA. That's the "pick up" part of it. It's the game of picking someone up, getting sex, and moving on to the next one.

 

If it's something more serious you're after, I would say once again that straight women don't really have many issues here. I think straight women on online dating sites getting 100 messages to every 1 message straight guys receive, heh, so it's not like there's a shortage of selection.

[reboundstudent]

All right so for a girl looking for a long term relationship, being a Pick Up Artist isn't gonna work.

 

So, then, how can a girl who lacks in areas men consider important (physical attractiveness) attract men? What can she do (besides getting prettier) to increase her chances of finding guys?

[FathomFear]

All right so for a girl looking for a long term relationship, being a Pick Up Artist isn't gonna work.

 

So, then, how can a girl who lacks in areas men consider important (physical attractiveness) attract men? What can she do (besides getting prettier) to increase her chances of finding guys?

 

I don't think that's a gender specific question. If you see yourself as weak in certain areas (looks, personality) which are hurting your chances of find a partner, then you work on those areas to the best of your ability. That's all any of us can do.

[vacation]

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. There's so much of bad advice on here by people who have no idea what they're talking about because they've never experienced anything. I'll answer your (the OP's) question before I comment

 

To the OP Yes. It's also important for females to have game.

 

1. The way you dress is the initial one that will attract men. The type of men you attract is dependent on how you dress. Find other women you see that are successful with men and see how they dress.

 

That's the obvious part that I know about female game. I'm actually working with a few close girlfriends of mine to explore this some more to see how different men react to different situations. I can only comment on what I know.

 

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The thing is that straight women don't need much "artistry" 99% of the time. Walking up to most straight guys and saying "Hey, do you want to go back to my place for some fun?" will usually do the trick.

 

Seriously? You think any man will stick around with a woman who he's never seen before that ASKED him for sex?

 

but thats (sex) the aim of the pick up artist

 

No it's not. Do you think the aim of the body builder is to attract as many girls as possible? No. Body builders workout to constantly improve and challenge themselves. PUA do the same and although some want to experience a lifestyle of abundant sex, many, actually are in it to improve themselves and skillset so when that girl comes along they'll be ready.

 

No, there is no such thing as a female pick up artist. Pick-up artistry is basically coercing someone to do something but it's next to impossible to maintain this long term in a real relationship. That's why PUA's try to close within a few hours of meeting a girl. Since most girl want relationships, and not sex within three hours of meeting a guy.. how are you going to be maintain a long term relationship if you have to "pick up" the guy the entire time?

 

There's soo many things wrong with this post that I don't even know where to begin. Every sentence you have written is a false premise. You are speaking from absolutely 0 experience on a topic you think you're an expert of because you read some articles or posts.

 

No, there is no such thing as a female pick up artist.

Why not?

 

Pick-up artistry is basically coercing someone to do something but it's next to impossible to maintain this long term in a real relationship.

"Pick up artistry is basically coercing someone to do something" ?? seriously....that's not pick up artistry. That's called rape.

 

I don't even know what you're talking about with regards to LTR and pua. This is ridiculous.

 

Since most girl want relationships

More GUYS want a relationship than girls. Fact.

 

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Giving advice and commenting on threads and topics you have no experience of is beyond me.

 

Picking Up is not about sleeping with as many women or men as possible. It's about improving your "game". Sleeping with women is a by product of those skills and mindset that you acquire and some choose to use it to sleep with as many women as possible while others exercise some self control and look to explore women they are interested in. Picking up teaches you how to express your emotions better, becoming more assertive, and becoming receptive to people's body language and communicating effectively - all skills that are important to help the opposite sex experience emotions and feelings.

 

I don't agree with some of the techniques and openers PUAs use because it's not genuine but I understand why they are there in the first place - to help guys who are scared of women and don't know what to say a script. Some guys are just really technical and can't think on their feet. A canned opener is a crutch to help him until he can feel comfortable enough to be on his own.

[vacation]

You're missing the point.

 

The awkwardness is not in them using "techniques" they're using but the lack of confidence from approaching beautiful women such as yourself. They are doing something that they have never done before. Do you have any idea what it's like to go out of your comfort zone? Have you ever been AMAZING at something you've done for the very first time?

 

 

 

That's so vague. How do you become the best person you are until you realize what your worst self is like? How do you succeed without failing first? How can you be happy if you don't know what sadness is? You're basically saying the same factory bs that every naive woman tells guys.

 

Guys that decide to learn how to get better with women because they've been living a life of lies and are finally so fed up about their morose state that they finally decide to go out of their comfort zone and improve. This means facing rejections, going through embarrassing moments, and constantly putting yourself out there. Before pick up their lives were filled with women constantly telling them that they want a "nice guy" or that "the right girl will come along" while watching these very women go for the jerks and @$$holes that cheated on them.

 

Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of douchy guys out there but those guys aren't the PUAs. They're the wannabe's who think they know it all because they've spent a few hours reading the theories and think that's how its done. The only thing remotely PUA about them is the effeminate glitter filled sparkling shirts they wear.

[C_Unknown2005]

Guys that decide to learn how to get better with women because they've been living a life of lies and are finally so fed up about their morose state that they finally decide to go out of their comfort zone and improve. This means facing rejections, going through embarrassing moments, and constantly putting yourself out there. Before pick up their lives were filled with women constantly telling them that they want a "nice guy" or that "the right girl will come along" while watching these very women go for the jerks and @$$holes that cheated on them.

 

You sir are the winner. I agree with you on this I am having my fare share of this bs right now. So I can relate to you.

[FathomFear]

Seriously? You think any man will stick around with a woman who he's never seen before that ASKED him for sex?

 

No he won't, but luckily that's not the intention of the overwhelming majority of people who aiming primarily just to "pick up". Have you ever been to a college campus, for example? It's a pick-up extravaganza with a relatively small ratio of relationships coming out of it. The OP was asking how the female equivalent of a PUA would work, not how to best go about finding and forming long term relationships.

 

No it's not. Do you think the aim of the body builder is to attract as many girls as possible? No. Body builders workout to constantly improve and challenge themselves. PUA do the same and although some want to experience a lifestyle of abundant sex, many, actually are in it to improve themselves and skillset so when that girl comes along they'll be ready.

 

I would say that a very small minority of guys who actively research PUA techniques do so for reasons other than trying to get women into bed. You only need to visit some prominent PUA forums and read the threads. I'd say it's a bit naive to try to paint it as some sort of self-improvement exercise done for its own sake. The vast majority of guys come accross as sexually frustrated and are deserperate for any tips/tricks on how to improve their chances with women. You can try all you want to paint it with a more positive brush, but it seems rather clear to me what's at the heart of it.

[timlondon]

the female version of a PUA is the 'flirt' - that girl that flirts with anything with pants - she never makes the move, it's just that every move she does is intended to entice, elicit and seduce. her game is played through her eyes, her mouth and body language. in a sweater, she can convince a guy she's sexy.

 

just like an rpg.

 

I really like this post and it's spot on.

 

Also: dating advice from women is pretty uniformly terrible. Dating advice from men is a little better but usually still terrible. Some "pickup" stuff contains probably the best advice - it takes the fear out of interacting with women that a lot of guys have - but also contains an incredible amount of retarded objectifying drivel that's actually harmful to relating properly to women, i.e. as another normal human being (albeit one you would like to have sex with)

[Blue Spiral]

FF, that's just for sex. Sure, I could go out and get laid right now (don't even have to go out - could find someone online in 1/2 an hour).

 

Thank you for admitting it--far too many women try to deny this.

 

I personally think that most PUAs are shady, Maxim-reading, hair-gelled fratboy types. Some of us just want sex, but we aren't going to dress up like refugees from the Sopranos to get it.

[reboundstudent]

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. There's so much of bad advice on here by people who have no idea what they're talking about because they've never experienced anything. I'll answer your (the OP's) question before I comment

 

To the OP Yes. It's also important for females to have game.

 

1. The way you dress is the initial one that will attract men. The type of men you attract is dependent on how you dress. Find other women you see that are successful with men and see how they dress.

 

That's the obvious part that I know about female game. I'm actually working with a few close girlfriends of mine to explore this some more to see how different men react to different situations. I can only comment on what I know.

 

So are physical attributes the only things girls can change to improve their "game"? What if you're just not attractive physically?

[Stay_home]

To me (and I'm a guy) all that pickup artist stuff you read about is absolute horse-crap. Almost like those late night television advertisements for advanced cash. Junk.

[bulletproof]

So are physical attributes the only things girls can change to improve their "game"? What if you're just not attractive physically?

 

And it circles back to this. You have been told on many threads that your looks are fine. Have you ever been diagnosed with even a slight tinge of BDD? Also, how you dress isn't a physical attribute. It's also a way of expressing yourself and being showing a little personality.

[agatha]

thanks, tim. that's the advice from a girl who's got game xp

 

I really like this post and it's spot on.

 

Also: dating advice from women is pretty uniformly terrible. Dating advice from men is a little better but usually still terrible. Some "pickup" stuff contains probably the best advice - it takes the fear out of interacting with women that a lot of guys have - but also contains an incredible amount of retarded objectifying drivel that's actually harmful to relating properly to women, i.e. as another normal human being (albeit one you would like to have sex with)

[Unknown1607307972]

And it circles back to this. You have been told on many threads that your looks are fine. Have you ever been diagnosed with even a slight tinge of BDD? Also, how you dress isn't a physical attribute. It's also a way of expressing yourself and being showing a little personality.

 

But it is a fair point though when we don't use the OP as a specific example, what about "girl X" who is generally seen as unattractive? Is there anything she can do to up her odds conversation/personality wise?

 

As for "pickup" stuff, I believe there is some truth to it. Some of it is a good way to break the ice with a girl, such as how to break the ice with a girl, how to present yourself as more confident, etc. Some of it is not very helpful, one example I think it's called "negging", yeah the guy who (apparently) did that to me basically just put me in a bad mood and didn't get anywhere! I can take a joke but strangers making weird comments about how I look rubs me the wrong way.