"Another streetcar will be along in fve more minutes."

[lemsip]

 

I too, loved my ex deeply but, I saw that I had my life ahead of me and would recover.

 

A lot of people in the very early stages can't see this though. Maybe it's because none of us have ever went through it before (this was my first major BU for example). When my fiancee left me a few months ago I thought my life was over. It sounds irrational when you write it down, but that's how I felt. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, but for a few weeks I honestly didn't think I would ever recover.

[lemsip]

Well said!

[Nirvana1986]

I can see why they would compare losing someone close to death with a break up. In 2009, I lost the closest thing I had for a father (My grandfather, he raised me). 2 weeks later, my long term partner of 4.5 years broke up with me. Just thinking back to that year gives me chills, it was the hardest, most painful time I have had in my whole life. I was basically dealing with a double loss, having thoughts I never really had before, and just discovering a whole other side of me. Fast forward 2.5 years later; I still miss and, in some ways, I am still dealing with the loss of my grandfather. Whenever I see something, do something meaningful, or something good happens to me… I think “man, my grandfather would have been proud of me, I wish he was here”. But my ex, my first love, the person I planned to marry, it’s already part of the past. I don’t miss her, I don’t hurt over her anymore, we don’t speak and I don’t really care. I am now dealing with a more recent break up. It’s been six months, I still miss my current ex and it’s still painful. But the difference now is that I am able to be more reasonable about it. Whenever I am having trouble with the break up, I just think back to 2009 and I know if I was able to ride through it back then, I can do it again this time.

 

In retrospect, I think you could definitely feel the same intensity of pain and loss, maybe. But I think the difference can be the length of the stages, perhaps? Maybe for a break up, we are able to feel the same pains, but we are able to overcome it with time. The death of someone significant, that’s it… it leaves a permanent mark and the process it’s a lot slower, imho.

[Nick Lansing]

Well said, Nirvana. And kudos on getting over that horrible time in your life.

[Nirvana1986]

Thanks, Nick! and thanks for sharing the article. It was a very interesting read!

[Hollyj]

Well said. You presented a much better explanation than I did.