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Why men say:" They dont want a relationship" but they continue seeing you?

tygerwolf

By tygerwolf
in Relationship Advice

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tygerwolf Contributor

tygerwolf

Posted
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Why do men say: "I dont want a relationship with anyone right now"?

 

BUT, they continue seeing you and taking you out? I didn't even ask for a relationship. It was brought up out of the blue after we had gone out a few times. I immediately took it as "I dont want a relationship with YOU." And told him I guess we should go our separate ways then...

 

Well then he suddenly back-peddles, telling me how he wants to continue seeing me and talking to me. As it is. He says what we have is great and why ruin it with all of the superficial things? Says he really likes me.

 

If you got this from someone, how would YOU take it?

 

Im taking it as: "Hey I like you and I want to keep seeing you but I dont want things to get too serious..." I guess that could be for various reasons.

 

Thoughts?

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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This is how people end up in Friends with Benefits situations. One person makes it clear they don't want a relationship...then they keep seeing you hoping that it will lead to sex...once it leads to sex they are pleased because they get sex without having to commit to a relationship. In the meantime, the other person assumes the other person is very interested but over time this leads to frustration because lots of time is spent together but there is no committed relationship. Stay away from this guy because you will end up getting hurt.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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It means they just want to go out on dates and have fun -whether sex is involved or not. Nothing to do with "friends with benefits" since that is a euphemism for when close friends decide they will have sex when they feel horny. This particular man just doesn't want to lead you to believe he wants a relationship with you so this way he cleared the air and you two can go do fun activities together as long as you're cool with that.

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HeartGoesOn Grand Master

HeartGoesOn

Posted
Posted
Why do men say: "I dont want a relationship with anyone right now"?

 

He's simply making it clear to you that he doesn't want a relationship, and having said that, you have the option to take it or leave it. Adding to that, many people think that having sex will make them have a change of heart, but this rarely happens.

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tygerwolf Contributor

tygerwolf

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Hmm, I agree with a lot of what you guys have said.

 

Hes in town infrequently. He goes to college out of state which is probably a lot of why we cannot have a relationship to begin with. I think ill just take it for what it is and enjoy his company when hes in town. I really do enjoy spending time with him. But if a great "available for a relationship" man comes my way, I wont pass him up.

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EmmaB78 Enthusiast

EmmaB78

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I agree with what everyone else is saying - he wants the benefits of a relationship but without the commitment. I would just monitor your own feelings - if you're ok with casual, that's fine, but if you like him more than that and even a teeny tiny part of you is hoping for more, get out now. Otherwise, this will lead to heartbreak.

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hopelesssucks Apprentice

hopelesssucks

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it means exactly what it sounds like. take it at face value. but YOUR behavior when you are with him will need to be adjusted; now that there is less investment on his part, you are not putting him first anymore; you can go out and enjoy each other's company, but you don't do "committed" type things, like sex, being his rebound, taking care of his needs, etc.

You are putting him further down your list, but not completely off, as much as he has pulled away but not completely withdrawn from the "relationship." Be nice, no games. It's your honest adjustment to the status he has given the friendship.

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  • 2 months later...
Madara87 Contributor

Madara87

Posted
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This is how people end up in Friends with Benefits situations. One person makes it clear they don't want a relationship...then they keep seeing you hoping that it will lead to sex...once it leads to sex they are pleased because they get sex without having to commit to a relationship. In the meantime, the other person assumes the other person is very interested but over time this leads to frustration because lots of time is spent together but there is no committed relationship. Stay away from this guy because you will end up getting hurt.

 

I agree.. Ex gf and i been dating for awhile and out of the blue moon she says she doesn't want a serious relationship my heart was broken for all the things i have done for her and her son he is now 3 and she is 23... All i can do is move on to me i think of her as a immature person, her parents spoil her still paying for her son daycare...

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  • 2 years later...
doverf5ve Enthusiast

doverf5ve

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I got this. After 6th date and no physical action what so ever I told him at the end " so I think this is more of a friends getting to know each other process". He told me that after his last relationship he doesn't think he can get into a one again but that he really enjoys spending time with me and wants to keep seeing me. Makes me think this could be the truth or he's not strongly attracted to me enough to want to change his mindset.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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I would assume -without taking it as something personal about you -that this is his gentle way of letting you down as far as things ever progressing but if you want to hang out and socialize with him he's available. I wouldn't waste precious free time (or date nights) on him unless you're 100% ok with casual dating and ok with hearing about when he meets someone he wants to get serious with.

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