Kjv1611ad Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Last night I met my bf of three years at a bar. Brought my gf. He was with his brother. They start to play golden tee. Cool. I sit with my friend for two hours with no communication from my bf. I leave. Tell him I'm leaving. Everything cool. I get a text to meet a friend somewhere else. I go. Text the bf that I'm there. He sends back "thanks for the invite" I reply with sorry, you were playing your game, etc. No response. Never heard back. And all day today. I call and text a few times. 4:00 rolls around. He calls. He ignored me all day because he was mad. He says he's "going to ryans" I say ok.....he knows I would want to go. I say "thanks for the invite" he says...it goes both ways. Really?? I disnt intentionally do anything last night. He is intentionally doing this to get back at me. I'm mad. Who is wrong here? I think he is acting like a child. I Tell him that he needs to talk to me before he gets mad. Ask him what his plans are. Link to comment
DN Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I think you are both to blame. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Ok, I'm listening. What should I have done? I feel bad if I didn't do something I should have... Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 I do feel if he felt I did something to upset him, he should tell me, and we can talk about it, instead of this. Two wrongs dont make a right. And I'm still not sure what I could of done differently. But I'm open to suggestions. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I think you are both to blame. Can you elaborate as to what the OP did wrong? She clearly says she told her boyfriend she was leaving, and everything was cool. She got invited somewhere else (while he was out doing something else) hence she called to let him know where she was at. He got mad. The only thing I see she did wrong was texting him "thanks for the invite" which obviously is retaliatory and just to mess with him about him saying the same thing last night. Not seeing anything else she did wrong...? OP, I don't think you did anything wrong unless you're leaving out anything. You got invited somewhere, you went, you even let him know where you were. What more did he want? For him to "get back at you" was a bit immature. Although you shouldn't have really said the same thing he said to you last night as that was obvious you said it for that reason... That just gave him more ammo. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Maybe, just maybe, the outcome would have been different if the OP had texted him something like: "I've had an invite to (wherever) from (whoever). I'd like to go - would you like to join me?" after she'd left the bar the previous night. And even if he didn't, and persisted in his immature behaviour anyway, when he said he was going to Ryan's, the OP could have said that she'd like to join him, and gone along anyway. If someone is behaving in a very childlike way, it's so, so important to resist the 'game hooks'. If you remain pleasant, cheerful and reasonable throughout all this stuff you will emerge still feeling pleasant and cheerful. He may respond by being a total jerk, but that's not yours to carry. He will either escalate his behaviour to the point that you realise you really don't want to be in a relationship like this, and it will be very easy to leave; or he will realise that his attempts to wind you up are really not working and look to connect with you in a more positive way. Neither of these is a possibility whilst you're still buying into the game. Reading between the lines, I'm guessing that you were feeling slightly hurt and ignored by your boyfriend last night. He then went on to feel hurt and ignored when you texted him from somewhere else after you'd left. Who's 'right' in this situation is immaterial, really, as it won't make you feel any better. However, maintaining your poise and dignity, and 'being the bigger person' - really WILL make you feel better if you ever face this kind of scenario in the future. Link to comment
DN Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I think you were annoyed that your boyfriend palyed his game for two hours with 'no communication' and took off. Yes, you told him you were going but didn't invite him along to the next thing you go to - why did you text him about it but not invite him? This is why I think you are as bad as each other. You got annoyed, you then set him up to fail and got more annoyed when he did. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Last night I met my bf of three years at a bar. Brought my gf. He was with his brother. They start to play golden tee. Cool. I sit with my friend for two hours with no communication from my bf. I leave. Tell him I'm leaving. Everything cool. Everything is not cool. There's nothing cool about meeting up with your bf of 3 years and you guys can't even talk. He's playing on his stupid game ignoring you and then you didn't even stop him and say, "hey, what's going on here?" You leave and go somewhere else, don't invite, still don't talk and solve the issue and it just continues to snowball from there. So nothing is cool here at all. You guys need to talk and get things squared away. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Nothing ever gets squared away. This will be my fault Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 The point is, I should have maybe handled the text differently. Did it warrant him ignoring me all day and excluding me of his entire Friday night? I did leave because I was feeling ignored, but I didn't make an issue, and honestly last minute decided to go to the other bar. He punishes me constantly will stuff like this. I don't know what to do. This has happened every time he hangs out with this guy, and every little thing I do wrong is an excuse. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 He punishes me constantly will stuff like this. I don't know what to do. This has happened every time he hangs out with this guy, and every little thing I do wrong is an excuse. If someone is behaving like this, don't get drawn into it. If you remain pleasant, cheerful and reasonable throughout all this stuff you will emerge still feeling pleasant and cheerful. He may respond by being a total jerk, but that's not yours to carry. He will either escalate his behaviour to the point that you realise you really don't want to be in a relationship like this, and it will be very easy to leave; or he will realise that his attempts to wind you up are really not working and look to connect with you in a more positive way. Yes, it sounds as though he's punishing you - but he probably wouldn't call it that. Any more than you would describe going somewhere else and then texting him without inviting him, 'punishing' him. I bet, for him, it felt like being punished for spending the two hours with his friend and not communicating with you. Sure, it's passive aggressive on his part. But so was your behaviour. And, like him, you're not taking any responsibility for it and making out that it was 'all cool', and that you didn't make an issue of it. By texting him from the other bar, you DID make an issue of it, no matter how last minute your decision was. If he's constantly punishing you with this kind of behaviour, why are you still with him? I recall an old friend of mine, sadly no longer with us, telling me that when I started a new relationship "At the first sign of jealousy or sulking - GET OUT. Because it isn't going to work". You can't do anything about him. But you can change your own response to his behaviour. Link to comment
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