When you go alone?

[Dougie_D]

Ok... This is just my personality, so I have hard time trying to change it. I'm an over analyzer. It's always been my downfall but anyways...I have to ask this question.

 

I ALWAYS go to places ALONE. Lunch, Dinner, Movies, Bars, Clubs, etc... Places where most people are in some sort of couple or group.

 

I always sometimes sit at the bar and just look at my cell phone.

 

My question is: Should I look for bars that have a pool table and play someone? Or is it still cool to just sit at the bar. Honestly I would love to be in a situation where I can talk or mingle with a girl. It seems really hard to be obviously a "loner" type to create conversation with a group of people.

 

I don't know if I make any sense..

[birdname]

I never go alone. I'd rather not go than to spend money on entertainment if not purely for social reasons.

I often ask my friends to go out with me if I'm feeling shut in. With facebook I never have any trouble finding someone with free time who wouldn't mind shooting some pool.

When I'm out I enjoy it when people that we don't know join us. I'm not the cliquey type, anyone who wants in on the fun is welcome.

I'm not sure what you mean by "is it cool to just sit at the bar?"

If you mean, is it ok, then sure it is! As long as that's what you want to do. Nobody is judging you.

Dr Phil once said "You wouldn't care so much about what other people thought of you if you knew how little they did"

 

If you want to talk to people, then go ahead, some people aren't going to want to talk, but that's fine, just move on to someone who does. If you want in on a pool game, go play!

Have fun, do what you want to do.

[RedDress]

Not trying to be rude or anything... but how is sitting at the bar looking at your cell phone better than staying home? No one will approach you if you look busy (and girls don't regularly approach). Do you not talk to people while you are there? I'm just trying to visualize this...

 

I think you are better to go with a dance club, to be honest. Then get your butt on the dance floor. It's perfectly normal for a guy to be dancing on his own, dancing up to a group of girls, etc. Guys don't normally dance together anyways. From there it's an easy transition... when you dance up to a girl and she starts dancing back, after a while ask if you can buy her a drink. TaDa! You have a girl, a drink and you are standing at the bar...

 

Otherwise you need a wingman and/or friends.

 

If you want to meet people outside the bar scene - how about a meetup group or something? Online dating?

 

Just a few suggestions...

[MasterPo]

I go to bars alone but then I've always done that. It's not so much that I enjoy the solitude but I like the adventure of bar hopping alone, it's like a Walmart sale you never know what you'll find. I met some great guys and gals, some in the same boat, new in town or introverted to some degree. We make a point of taking care of each other, as in coming over to make a public hello, everybody likes some attention kind of thing.

 

Next time you go trolling for company, bring along a big dictionary. Just the biggest, brightest thing you can find and drop on the stool next to you. I'm not gonna say girls are like cats and curiosity but you would be surprised at the amount of attention. I'll leave at that.

 

Have fun.

[Dougie_D]

Hey guys! Thanks for the feedback. I go out with people whenever I can. Most of the people I know don't have the money, time, or whatever. They give me some lame excuse not to hang. That's why I always go out by myself. Being locked in my room doesn't feel right. I always get the feeling I'm going to miss something exciting. I have to get out and explore.

 

Dancing is not good for me. I know a celebrity dancer and he said I "should never" dance again. Basically he said most likely a girl will laugh at my moves. Yeah, I can try and dance, but it's going to be like a bad hair day for a girl.

 

Honestly, I'm part of a meetup group but I don't think it's really a setting where to meet girls and such. It's a board game meet-up and it's mostly with guys or already married people. Actually that reminds me... maybe I should look into a "new to the area" type meet-up. Maybe that will help me???

[GhostRocket]

I was about to ask why you prefer to go to all of these places alone. If everyone is too busy I suppose I could understand. We're all busy. Personally some places I definitely don't go to alone are clubs. That's just too much of a social atomposhere where you're practically forced to interact with others, if not, then it's pretty much pointless to be there. I love dancing. Unfortunately my girlfriend doesn't as much so I don't go as much as I'd like. The good news is that I save some money.

 

As for bars, I don't mind going with others, but I usually go alone. Really I just like to try different beers and broaden my palette. Or if I've had a hard day and just want a drink while listening to music other than at home. I've been going to the same bar for a while and the bartenders recognize me and now I'm friends with some of the regulars there. Really I don't feel weird going to a place like that alone since I have an agenda that doesn't require social support. A club would be different.

 

I'm starting to think about going to movies alone. Just because I'm a big movie fan and I like to get there early. And I really don't like depending on others and meeting up hoping they'll get there one time. So I'll probably just catch early shows from now on during a weekday, which are cheaper and there aren't that many people watching the movie so I don't feel like an outcast.

[SometimesShy]

I go everywhere by myself and never think twice about it, but then I'm going for myself and not with the ulterior motive of meeting new people. If it happens great, if it doesn't then that's good too.

 

Sometimes when I go to the movies, single women ( usually in pairs ) will come and sit beside me. Often I can tell they are checking me out during the movie, and occasionally they will start grooming themselves or start playing with their hair. Now I am shy and uncomfortable making the first move in these situations, so I might check them out, but I don't try to spark up a conversation.

 

Last night I went to the opening of "Crazy, Stupid, Love" ( I like the cast, and was in the mood for fluff ), when two women ( late 20's ) sit down beside me, and the woman on my left is eating a bratwurst on a bun ( very messy thing to bring to a movie ) and she drops a piece of it on my leg, which bounced and landed on the floor. I felt to see if there was a mess on my leg ( nothing there ), she then leans over and stares me in the eyes and apologizes. I kept wondering if she had done this on purpose, but who knows. I still enjoyed the movie and was glad I went.

[londonbridge]

It's fine to go do things alone! I have friends who are scared to death of doing anything alone, because they think only losers do things alone, those friends are also people who never try anything new and stick to "safe" routines. Lame.

 

I go out alone a lot of times, mostly to see music shows at bars or festivals. I eat lunch or go to a cafe alone or go see film alone because I love trying different new restaurants and seeing interesting indie films. It's hard dragging people out with me, most of them are working, are homebodies, have social anxiety, or just not interested in doing the things I like to do or don't want to drive because of gas. If I were to solely rely on waiting around for people to get out of their comfort zone and want to do something, I'd never experience anything new or fun, ha.

 

I'm a "nice" "safe" looking girl though, so it's a little easier to draw attention when I'm out alone. At the bar, usually to see a band, girls and guys approach me and start conversations with me all the time. Then again, I go to a bar that's full of nice laidback friendly people, so there's that.

[so confused 2]

I have a friend of mine who was in the exact same situation. Moved to a new city, in his mid 20's, didn't know anyone, wasn't going to school, didn't really play sports, worked a graveyard shift type of job and was having a lot of trouble meeting girls....or friends for that matter. So what he ended up doing was going on an online dating site and using that as a way to meet girls in his area. It may seem off, but he had a lot of great experiences from it (also some bad ones, but that's part of life), and expanded his circle of friends. Not saying that you should go and do this, but it is an option, because it is really hard to meet people and sites like there are catered and made specifically for this purpose.

[SilverFactory]

I like this suggestion.

 

Just last weekend I went to a dance club and honestly felt very lost. I just kept approaching women and asked them if I could buy them a drink. I approached around 5 women and all 5 turned me down

[dashda]

I don't know why the * * * * people buy drinks to girls?? Well to be honest I do know, it's cos in movies it looks cool, gentlemanly and the most importantly it works in getting the girl's interested. But in real life it's stupid to do that and I can't believe so many people still do that.

 

Redwood shores you probably got rejected cos they were nice girls and didn't want to be pressured to feel they'd have to make up that drink to you somehow. Next time try a hi and start a conversation, probably will get you a lot further.

 

And if girls do take you up on that offer they're usually not so nice girls and will get your drink and talk to your for a minute and then excuse themselves. Also when a girl asks for a drink it's better to just say I don't buy drinks to girls or something like that, it will make them a lot more interested in you than to a guy who buys them that drink, you know challenge and whatnot.

[testcase]

Yea I know many girls who are used to getting drinks bought for them. They will take that drink with their man standing right there... and he doesn't care cause that's one less drink he's buying. Hmmm, maybe I have shady friends.

 

Either way I agree with all this advice. Don't buy anyone drinks just try to get in solid quick conversation. Maybe find some good ice breakers just to crack open the convo and get it rolling.

[magnoliatree]

Not trying to be rude or anything... but how is sitting at the bar looking at your cell phone better than staying home? No one will approach you if you look busy (and girls don't regularly approach). Do you not talk to people while you are there? I'm just trying to visualize this...

 

This. I always do stuff alone and have no trouble meeting new people. Being focused on your phone instead of being engaged in your surroundings sends a message to other people that you DON'T want to talk to anyone.